Official Zoklet History MMORPG

[Captain Falcon]

I am the game master. The rules are simple. I will place you all in a historical scenario and you will be forced to make choices, your responses to which I will rank. For them to be successful, you will have to roll a higher number, and I will do the rolling via a virtual roller at

http://www.wizards.com/dnd/dice/dice.htm

with no modifiers and the 20 sided die. Everyone will play, and for the first 5 phases, meaning scenarios, there will be no player killing.

Scenario:

You have woken up in a dungeon. Your chain has rusted away at the end attached to the wall, and is quite heavy, so is attached to you at the wrist and about 6 feet long. You are emaciated. Inside your cell lies an earthenware pitcher full of water, a large number of large rotten strawberries in an earthenware plate and your bedding, made of hay. You can hear a guard's footsteps outside your door. There are no windows in your cell, or on the door, your only source of air being the small gap between the door and the stone floor.

[Reefer]

Go play dungeons and dragons ya little bitch.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I'll wait until I hear that the guard is far enough away, and then I'll try to use the chain to smash the rusted part of the chain off of the wall.

[Former_Member]

firstly, how is there any light then? a light source would be a great way boil some water to make sure it is safe to drink.
_____

Use my heel to break away the rusted chain. If that takes days, use the acidity of the rotten strawberries to assist.

Break the plate in such a way you have a few sharp pieces. Tear some cloth from your clothing, and wrap around a large shard in order to make a shank. Use a small amount of excrement to make the shank highly infectious. This is in case you find yourself unable to kill immediately, but want to assure death comes later.

Once you are free and armed, demand the attention of the guard. When the door opens, throw the pitcher of water at him. As he goes to catch it, stab him in the neck with the excrement covered shank. Wrap the chain around his neck, and garrotte him.

If the encounter was noisy enough that you think others are coming, bite his fingers off (keep them, eat on the fly), take any weapons/keys he has and escape as best you can in the evolving situation.

If you think it went unnoticed, appropriate his clothes, eat some of his flesh, take any weapons or items he has and attempt to escape.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Wait, are we allowed to do that much in one turn?

I thought you had to roll the dice for pretty much everything.

[Former_Member]

Wait, are we allowed to do that much in one turn?

I thought you had to roll the dice for pretty much everything.

idk, I only do computer role playing.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I've never played DnD, but this could occupy some of my time before I have to go to the courthouse.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Use my heel to break away the rusted chain.

you break your foot and you cry for days.

the guard hears you crying and throws rats at you.

a light source would be a great way boil some water to make sure it is safe to drink.

Yeahhhhhhhh....good luck with that......

[Former_Member]

I can't even imagine how hard it would be to break your heel by stomping on something.

[ObscuredByClouds]

i'll spend my turn lying on the floor whispering to the guard "psssst, hey buddy... Why the fuck am i in here? What year is it? What country/city/village we in?"

[Om Namah Shivaya]

i'll spend my turn lying on the floor whispering to the guard "psssst, hey buddy... Why the fuck am i in here? What year is it? What country/city/village we in?"

QUiET, KHAJIIT. MANGY HOUSE CAT!

[Former_Member]

i'll spend my turn lying on the floor whispering to the guard "psssst, hey buddy... Why the fuck am i in here? What year is it? What country/city/village we in?"

Yeah, I sort of wish I'd done that first too.

[Captain Falcon]

Wait, are we allowed to do that much in one turn?

I thought you had to roll the dice for pretty much everything.

Yes, you can. I'll roll on every major action. If an action fails, and it interrupts subsequent actions, the rest of the response will fail. If not, it will fail but I'll continue with the rest. Remember, if the roll is really shitty, you can negatively affect yourself.

firstly, how is there any light then? a light source would be a great way boil some water to make sure it is safe to drink.
_____

Use my heel to break away the rusted chain. If that takes days, use the acidity of the rotten strawberries to assist.

Break the plate in such a way you have a few sharp pieces. Tear some cloth from your clothing, and wrap around a large shard in order to make a shank. Use a small amount of excrement to make the shank highly infectious. This is in case you find yourself unable to kill immediately, but want to assure death comes later.

Once you are free and armed, demand the attention of the guard. When the door opens, throw the pitcher of water at him. As he goes to catch it, stab him in the neck with the excrement covered shank. Wrap the chain around his neck, and garrotte him.

If the encounter was noisy enough that you think others are coming, bite his fingers off (keep them, eat on the fly), take any weapons/keys he has and escape as best you can in the evolving situation.

If you think it went unnoticed, appropriate his clothes, eat some of his flesh, take any weapons or items he has and attempt to escape.

Your rank is 14. Your chain is already broken, btw, it has "rusted away" on the other end.

(Roll 2) Your cell is dark and thus you cannot discern whether the pieces are appropriate visually, so you prick your finger and begin bleeding.

(Roll 6) You shit. However, you touch the excrement with your bleeding finger, so you have may have been infected,

(Roll 13) The guard simply thumps your door and walks away laughing.

(end turn)

i'll spend my turn lying on the floor whispering to the guard "psssst, hey buddy... Why the fuck am i in here? What year is it? What country/city/village we in?"

Your rank is 8

"Why the fuck am I in here" (Roll 10) "Speak with respect, treasonous filth!"

"What year is it?" (Roll 7) "You've been here for 3 years, now, so do the math"

"What is my location?" (Roll 19) "You are in the Bastille. Have you already forgotten? 3 years is a long time, it seems. Perhaps you need a drink." The Guard enters, places a bottle of wine and leaves safely.


lol

so I'm guessing you skipped my turn because my chain was already broken?

In that case, I'll spend my turn talking to the guard.

"what am I locked up for? what village is this?"

Your ranking is 8

(Roll 14)"Only the Bastille can contain worms such as yourself, who dare plot against the king."

[Om Namah Shivaya]

lol

so I'm guessing you skipped my turn because my chain was already broken?

In that case, I'll spend my turn talking to the guard.

"what am I locked up for? what village is this?"

[Former_Member]

commit suicide with the shards.
save yourself from dying slowly in a dark cell with no food or clean water.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

commit suicide with the shards.
save yourself from dying slowly in a dark cell with no food or clean water.

Fail. At least try to kill the guard and escape you puss.

[ObscuredByClouds]

also depending how hungry i am, i may also feast upon the strawberries while i'm waiting for the guard to come by and talk to me..

[Om Namah Shivaya]

also depending how hungry i am, i may also feast upon the strawberries while i'm waiting for the guard to come by and talk to me..

I wouldn't do that if I were you :o


Also, first person to make it out of their cell, you'd better fucking get the keys and release all the smart people >:I

[Captain Falcon]

All your posts were compiled into my previous one. Ryan, your turn is already used up. You can do it after the next scenario.

EDIT: Yeah, you're all in the Bastille, and in the same cell block.

Second EDIT: I put a painfully obvious solution in your cells, dumbshits.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Your ranking is 8

(Roll 14)"Only the Bastille can contain worms such as yourself, who dare plot against the king."


hold up, let me think on this.

[ObscuredByClouds]

fuck yea, i take a sip of the wine and swirl it around in my mouth to work my pallet, and then say fuck it and just down the whole bottle... Then i start singing french revolution songs loudly and boisterously

[Vox Ducis]

I can deliver Roquefort and Dom Pérignon if you give me gold coins.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Is the solution really that obvious?

the only thing I can think of to do next, is to drink the water and when I have to take a piss, I'll piss through the crack of the door.

When the guard comes and opens the door, I'll knock him out unconscious with the chain.


and for the first 5 phases, meaning scenarios, there will be no player killing.


Oh man, someone gonna get fucked up lol

[Captain Falcon]

Aight, this current game will take place only with Ryan, OBC and ONS. You all should have escaped in the first phase. Fuck, you guys are dumb as shit :facepalm:

Scenario 2: The Guard Continues to patrol the Halls.

Ryan (Select your Character's name [1 word])

You are now bleeding and sitting with a broken plate and rotten strawberries litter the floor. your water jug stands in the corner, and your chain is still attached to you.

OBC

You now have a bottle of red wine in your cell (due to your high roll and the large difference between your roll and you rank).

ONS

Your situation remains unchanged.

Yeah, And PKing isn't recommended. My story would be much easier if all three of you are alive. Your move.

[ObscuredByClouds]

Okay so i stand behind the door and hold the wine bottle in my hand, ready to attack.. I yell for the guard to come bring me more food, as i am suffering from an illness and will most likely die if i dont get some fresh food pronto.. If he believes the lie, i'll smash that fucker on the head when he walks in

[The Methematician]

does this game involve characters like big bubba and big bob ???

[Captain Falcon]

Okay so i stand behind the door and hold the wine bottle in my hand, ready to attack.. I yell for the guard to come bring me more food, as i am suffering from an illness and will most likely die if i dont get some fresh food pronto.. If he believes the lie, i'll smash that fucker on the head when he walks in

Your rank is 14 for being offensive.

(Roll 10)
"You are sentenced to imprisonment for life! Be grateful, for if you die, your sentence to the horrors of the Bastille is lightened."

Ok, uhhh, shit.......this is hard as fuck.

I'll take a shit and smear it through the crack in the door.

if the guard opens the door, I'll knock him unconscious with the chain.





I'm running out of ideas here, man.

for being retarded, your ranking is Neutral, 10

(Roll 4) You fail to shit.

I guess none of you've played Metal Gear Solid. I've practically handed OBC the solution and you all started literally one step away from the thing that I GAVE to you to make it even more obvious...

Also remember that I'm the GM, not the enemy. I'm neutral in this game, and if you lose, then the story I plotted out is over and I'm fucked, too. I'm not just making you guys lose.

Ok Ryan is taking a while and I wanna get this moving. If you don't mind could I go for him?

My nam is Ryan. I pick up a piece of broken plate that I didn't shit on and cut myself pretty bad in a non lethal place, hoping to get the guard to come in and inspect it, where I then strangle him with the broken chain so he can't yell. Then take his keys. I use the keys to unlock the other inmates.

Ranking 19, because hoping the guard comes in has about the same chance as working if you never say you call out to him.

"Hoping to get the guard in" (roll 8) You pretty bad cut starts bleeding pretty bad. Your hope has failed.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Ok, uhhh, shit.......this is hard as fuck.

I'll take a shit and smear it through the crack in the door.

if the guard opens the door, I'll knock him unconscious with the chain.





I'm running out of ideas here, man.

[ObscuredByClouds]

so wait, did the guard end up coming in?

[Vox Ducis]

To make the guard open the door, you could draw his attention shouting : "death to the King, let's ass-rape the Queen with a bottle of Cabernet."

[Om Namah Shivaya]

PSSSSTTTTT. OBS, offer the guard some fucking wine you buffoon!!!




OH GOD, I FUCKING HAVE THE SOLUTION!! I think lol





I'll use the strawberries to make what water I have left into what looks like wine, and offer it to the guard :O

if he comes in, knock that bitch the fuck out with my heavy chain.

[ObscuredByClouds]

okay i politely apologize for my previous statements, surely the guard will understand i am suffering from amnesia and its very stressful.. I'll offer him some wine to try and smooth things over with him

[Captain Falcon]

so wait, did the guard end up coming in?

No.

Also, ONS, close, but no cigar. You've also got to wait for the next phase before you try anything.

Also, If nobody gets it right, I'm going to bust you out myself with some GM intervention :facepalm:

Also, the guard is the one who gave you the wine, you dumb fuck.

We're waiting on Ryan to make a move.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I think we're all going to die in this wretched prison.

even if me and OBS escape, ryan is going to die of infection lol

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Also, the guard is the one who gave you the wine, you dumb fuck.


the fuck, you're right....godamnit....


This is an awesome social experiment though. Great thread.

[ObscuredByClouds]

Okay so i drink the wine as fast as i can.. Then i eat the rotten strawberries and hopefully become violently ill.. I'll be sure to make the puking noises very loud and painful to listen to, so that the guard will think im dying and he'll come in to see whats up.. Then i take the empty wine bottle and smash that fucker in the head

[Captain Falcon]

No, I'll make sure Ryan's alright..... By placing the ranking at 1 for chances of his survival. So the chances of him dying are 5%

Wait your turn, bitch. And after Ryan moves, I'm going to bust you out, so don't worry.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Okay so i drink the wine as fast as i can.. Then i eat the rotten strawberries and hopefully become violently ill.. I'll be sure to make the puking noises very loud and painful to listen to, so that the guard will think im dying and he'll come in to see whats up.. Then i take the empty wine bottle and smash that fucker in the head

lol

save that for the next turn....we have to wait for ryan to make his move before we can do anything else.


chances are that faggot is masturbating to pokemon porn though, leaving us to rot in our cells.


On second thought, I'll just speak for ryan lol

ryan1711: I lay there like a little bitch crying on the floor.

[Thetakishi]

Ok Ryan is taking a while and I wanna get this moving. If you don't mind could I go for him?

My nam is Ryan. I pick up a piece of broken plate that I didn't shit on and cut myself pretty bad in a non lethal place, hoping to get the guard to come in and inspect it, where I then strangle him with the broken chain so he can't yell. Then take his keys. I use the keys to unlock the other inmates.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I highly doubt the guard gives a fuck about your cut though lol

[Thetakishi]

I highly doubt the guard gives a fuck about your cut though lol

Are we alone in each cell? If so then I could stage it as a stab and have the guard come in to hopefully kill the other man.

Hopefully the rules allow me to switch up the answer if we know the answer to that.

[The Methematician]

Ok Ryan is taking a while and I wanna get this moving. If you don't mind could I go for him?

My nam is Ryan. I pick up a piece of broken plate that I didn't shit on and cut myself pretty bad in a non lethal place, hoping to get the guard to come in and inspect it, where I then strangle him with the broken chain so he can't yell. Then take his keys. I use the keys to unlock the other inmates.

the guards are sticking their dicks thru the holes in the door and demanded their glory holes be served.

[1] serve.

[2] refuse to serve

[Captain Falcon]

Fine, fuck Ryan. Your name isn't Ryan, but CHOOSE A WARRIOR NAME. thetakishi is taking his place till he comes back and proves he isn't a retard.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Oh, since we're choosing warrior names, I'll be named Njiqahdda (pronounced NEE - GEE - KAA - DAA )

Listen, I gotta leave here in about 40 minutes. But I'll be back around 12 - 12:30 (it's ~10:20 right now)

[Captain Falcon]

Alright, Scenario 3:

TT's pretty bad cut starts bleeding pretty badly.

ONS remains unchanged.

OBC is holding his wine bottle close to the door. TT's cry of pain shocks him (I hope you're a dude) and drops to the floor. The thick red wine trickles out under the door, looking like blood. You hear his keys clinking near your door.

Sigh -_-

[ObscuredByClouds]

you have to call me night hawk

[Om Namah Shivaya]

OBC, make your move. The guard thinks there's blood coming from your cell.

If I was that guard, I wouldn't fall for that shit lol. I'd be like "WTF? BLOOD?? Oh, it smells like straight up alcohol *touches with finger and smells finger* yeah, wtf....."

[Thetakishi]

Okay my name will be Witt and man the wine coming through was the same point as the cut and blood. Haha

Edit: Not saying this post was my turn. Just clarifying and giving the name. Yeah I'm a dude.

[Captain Falcon]

Oh, since we're choosing warrior names, I'll be named Njiqahdda (pronounced NEE - GEE - KAA - DAA )

Listen, I gotta leave here in about 40 minutes. But I'll be back around 12 - 12:30 (it's ~10:20 right now)

Pick something easier to type, fag

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Pick something easier to type, fag

fine, just call me Nji for short?

[Captain Falcon]

fine, just call me Nji for short?

Kay, and I was talking about Night Hawk here. I'd prefer you to have a NAME name, not a title like Night Hawk, though.

[Thetakishi]

I was waiting on captain falcon to respond to either of our posts. or are we waiting on obscured? Neither of which are viewing the thread. =/

[Om Namah Shivaya]

alright, I'm not going to use my turn because there's no point in doing anything at this point.

I'll just fucking wait for OBC to make his move.

[Thetakishi]

Well I was hoping this would go a bit quicker once I replaced Ryan

[ObscuredByClouds]

alright so theres "blood" from under the door, and surprisingly the retarded guard thinks its blood and hes opening it up.. Im waiting behind the door with the sharp piece of the bottle, ready to stab this motherfucker the moment he gets inside. After i kill him, i use the water to wash away the real blood, and i hide his body in the hay. Then i put the strawberries in his mouth for the lulz, and grab the keys to rescue the other prisoners

[Captain Falcon]

We're waiting on OBC's move. The solution was for you to squeeze the strawberries into the water and use that, so I just straigt up handed her/him wine.

EDIT: Okay, everyone else move, too. DO NOT account for OBC's actions yet, I will roll for him/her on a little while.

[Thetakishi]

Ok well my plan was the exact same except now I'm at risk for infection so..I peek through the crack and see the fake blood(which I obviously don't know is fake) and I start screaming like a madman to exaggerate the seriousness of the other prisoners blood along with my blood coming out through the door. If the guard does open my door I'll strangle him with my chain and muffle his voice then free the other prisoners. Just like Obscured. Realizing Om is not going to wake up, I propose we steal his chain to use as a weapon, even though it means breaking his wrist, stuff some hay in our pockets in case we need a fire later, and take his water. Then I would introduce myself and decide we should make a plan quick before the other guards shifts start.

Off topic: An opiate buzz and switching between this and sniping mobs on falloutNV is providing a pretty awesome morning.

[Thetakishi]

We have to go on without whatever his name is, he left for two hours remember?

Edit: Om Namah Shivaya

Editing my last post because of this.

[Killermite]

Well I would take my time. I doubt I'm going anywhere anytime soon.

First I would memorize how long it seemed to be between the times the guards patrolled the hallways. When a guard has to come to my cell door, I will find out if there is a key on him, and how easy it might be to grab it. If easy, I'd go for it, if it's tied to a rope or something I wouldn't bother.

If it was tied to a rope, I would break the pitcher and between guard times, I would sharpen a side to be a shank. Before this however, I would workout. A lot. Then I would stop eating, and let the food tray, or piles, build up and make sure that every time the guard came in I was laying in the same position. Eventually, after about probably a day, he will assume I'm dead. I hide the shank. When the guard come to check my body, I would attempt to stab him in the trachea, as to stop him from screaming if I stab him. I would then drag him over to the side of the hay not facing the door and let blood drain into that while I remove his armor and uniform. And then I would put the clothes I had on me onto him, making him look like a prisoner at first glance. I would then try to avoid any contact, mainly with guards that patrolled my corridor, and went into my cell to give me food. I doubt anyone but them would recognize you as a prisoner. From there get outside and figure out if I am in a town or not. If not, and there is no town near me, I would go back and attempt to find if anyone had to go into town anytime soon. I would ask if I could go with them, because I was not good with directions, and I had misplaced a map I had back to it. If they ask why I needed to go, say that I was running an errand for a friend, and that it's my time off my shift, so now would be the best time.

If he agrees to leave with me then I have a way to town, and he is a guard that won't be around if the dead body is found, so he will be suspected of helping smuggle a prisoner, and would most likely killed on sight if seen when going back to the area. Or tortured.

So now if he somehow found out I was a prisoner late in the journey, I would simply make him aware of this fact. If he decides to try and kill me and use my corpse as evidence of his innocence, I will simply out run him (since we would most likely be on horseback) or try to kill him with the sword I would have taken from the (now dead) guard earlier. Probably would have gotten the information to the town out of him at this point, so I could find my own way.

[Thetakishi]

Well I would take my time. I doubt I'm going anywhere anytime soon. etc.

Damn you're pretty crafty. Hopefully the first shitty roll doesn't fuck up your whole plan.

Also just a little history on the Bastille,located in Paris, that "my character" knows - most of the prisoners there were small time, swindlers, forgers, embezzlers, and religious prosecution. So I would say I'm a petty thief.

I would cheat and use wikipedia to know what they stored there and stuff but that would be no fun.

Woo captain is back, but not looking. :(

[Killermite]

Damn you're pretty crafty. Hopefully the first shitty roll doesn't fuck up your whole plan.

I don't really care if it does, I kinda just wanted to make a good plan for myself just to see if I could think of a good escape plan for something like this.

[Captain Falcon]

Killermite, I'll write you into the story later. Waiting for Nij's move. Post hypotheticals for what you'll do if you are freed.

[ObscuredByClouds]

alright are we escaping anytime soon? Im going to bed for 6 hours in like 15 mins

[Captain Falcon]

Waiting for Om to nut up

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I keep quiet as to not alert any other guards and wait patiently for night hawk to succeed in murder.

[Captain Falcon]

Okay, just to get the story moving along FINALLY, so I don't have to waste another turn on you douchefags, there's no rolling, everyhting succeeds to this:

Scenario 3: Night Hawk opens Nij's cell. Then She/He proceeds to open Witt's door's hearing his screaming and seeing his blood seeping under the door. As Night Hawk enters, Witt proceeds to attempt to strangle him/her with his chain, as per his plan.

[Rude Louis]

Captain Falcon if you thought that water/strawberries bullshit was obvious then you're fucking retarded. Mixing rotten strawberries and water would not look like blood, and it would take all of two seconds for a guard to see it and go "That's not blood."

[Captain Falcon]

Captain Falcon if you thought that water/strawberries bullshit was obvious then you're fucking retarded. Mixing rotten strawberries and water would not look like blood, and it would take all of two seconds for a guard to see it and go "That's not blood."

Fuck off, dickhole. I said rotten strawberries. If you use the right amount of water and pulp up the strawberries, it looks EXACTLY like blood. By rotten, I ensure they're darker than nice pink strawberries.

[Thetakishi]

Okay, just to get the story moving along FINALLY, so I don't have to waste another turn on you douchefags, there's no rolling, everyhting succeeds to this:

Scenario 3: Night Hawk opens Nij's cell. Then She/He proceeds to open Witt's door's hearing his screaming and seeing his blood seeping under the door. As Night Hawk enters, Witt proceeds to attempt to strangle him/her with his chain, as per his plan.

Damn the plan was to kill the guard, not the prisoner. And after hearing a fight, and someone not in a guard outfit opening my door and saying come on, I think I would know he was freeing me.

Also I already said, Om posted way at the beginning he would be gone until 12:30ish, and it was 10:30 his time

Edit for stupidity: He just posted. My bad. I'll leave my stupidity public in case anyone wants to ridicule me.

[Rude Louis]

Fuck off, dickhole. I said rotten strawberries. If you use the right amount of water and pulp up the strawberries, it looks EXACTLY like blood. By rotten, I ensure they're darker than nice pink strawberries.

Rotten strawberries are black Einstein.

[Captain Falcon]

Rotten strawberries are black Einstein.

Not exactly. Very very dark red. Keeping the correct amount of water and strawberries, you'd a decent replica of blood. Try it.

[Thetakishi]

Rotten strawberries are black Einstein.

Okay well this is a hypothetical situation anyways, lets just pretend they look EXACTLY like blood so we can stop bitching and get on with the story.

Just ignore him, lets continue Falcon.

[Captain Falcon]

Damn the plan was to kill the guard, not the prisoner. And after hearing a fight, and someone not in a guard outfit opening my door and saying come on, I think I would know he was freeing me.

Also I already said, Om posted way at the beginning he would be gone until 12:30ish, and it was 10:30 his time

Edit for stupidity: He just posted. My bad. I'll leave my stupidity public in case anyone wants to ridicule me.

You're screaming. Make your move, there's no player killing till 5th phase, so she/he'll survive ;)

If someone isn't replying, we'll keep him passive yet active in the story. Ryan, too. I'll just keep them at the back and tailor scenarios to suit two players. Witt/Takishi, you're your own character right now.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

ok well my plan was the exact same except now i'm at risk for infection so..i peek through the crack and see the fake blood(which i obviously don't know is fake) and i start screaming like a madman to exaggerate the seriousness of the other prisoners blood along with my blood coming out through the door.


thanks for alerting the other guards ass hole

[Thetakishi]

Fuck, well I was worried he would have just not cared and let you "bleed out" and pretended to not notice.

Well now that we have a decent supply of chains and shanks as weapons, and they dont have guns, I think we should sprint out and just try to disarm/knockout any guards along the way. Just focus all 3 of us on one at a time. Once we get outside we should fine some kind of cloth and make some makeshift clothes so they hopefully won't recognize us.

[Captain Falcon]

You, move time. Let me re-port the scenario.

Scenario 3: Night Hawk opens Nij's cell. Then She/He proceeds to open Witt's door's hearing his screaming and seeing his blood seeping under the door. As Night Hawk enters, Witt proceeds to attempt to strangle him/her with his chain, as per his plan.

[Agent 008]

I have wait for the guard to have the shits and run to the toilet, and have Otacon deliver me ketchup.

I then pour ketchup on the ground and lie in there face down.

The guard comes in, opens the door, I knock him out.

I then collect my items and escape.

***FISSION MAILED***

[panthrax]

Suddenly I burst into the "dungeon" which turns out to be Captain Falcon's Mom's basement. I look around in disgust at all these faggots dressed in cardboard box suits and throwing dice and a horribly drawn "map".

I facepalm so hard and call everyone a fucking faggot and leave.

[Captain Falcon]

Since I am just a petty thief and had never been in a fight in my life, Night Hawk easily overpowers me and calms me down. We then proceed to create a quick plan of escape as we hear the sound of guards running down the stairs.

NO, GODDAMNIT.

you play by saying do YOU. FUCK, man. You're not narrating the story, you're in the fucking thing. Restate your move.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

You, move time. Let me re-port the scenario.

Scenario 3: Night Hawk opens Nij's cell. Then She/He proceeds to open Witt's door's hearing his screaming and seeing his blood seeping under the door. As Night Hawk enters, Witt proceeds to attempt to strangle him/her with his chain, as per his plan.

I'm not playing unless you roll the dice and see if the screams alert the other guards.

If they alert the other guards, they have swords, we have 1 sword, a dead guy, and maybe a suit of armour if we're mother fucking not STARVED TO DEATH FOR 3 YEARS.

I'm not making my move until I'm in a position not to get FUCKED.

So I'm not sure wether to fucking pick up the sword and fight some guards, or fucking just play this stupid game where the Bastille has 1 guard gaurding 3 and WHO THE FUCK KNOWS ELSE

People should just jump into the game like this....

"I Hear a fucking bloody scream and woke up, my name is " warrior name ""

do it. lol

[Thetakishi]

NO, GODDAMNIT.

you play by saying do YOU. FUCK, man. You're not narrating the story, you're in the fucking thing. Restate your move.

Oh my bad, okay I attempt to strangle him to subdue him without killing him. I then try to explain to Nij that I thought he was the guard.

Off-topic: Man you have a short temper, you've been angry since like your second post. The situation you presented was kind of vague so we don't know the details that well.

[Captain Falcon]

I'm not playing unless you roll the dice and see if the screams alert the other guards.

If they alert the other guards, they have swords, we have 1 sword, a dead guy, and maybe a suit of armour if we're mother fucking not STARVED TO DEATH FOR 3 YEARS.

I'm not making my move until I'm in a position not to get FUCKED.

So I'm not sure wether to fucking pick up the sword and fight some guards, or fucking just play this stupid game where the Bastille has 1 guard gaurding 3 and WHO THE FUCK KNOWS ELSE

People should just jump into the game like this....

"I Hear a fucking bloody scream and woke up, my name is " warrior name ""

do it. lol

I've written the story so you don't get fucked. You're basically invulnerable for the first chapter :P

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I've written the story so you don't get fucked. You're basically invulnerable for the first chapter.

Well I guess that's fair.

It's litterally impossible to get out of the bastille unless you fuck up like ryan and slit your fucking wrists.


Epic.

Thank you ryan for slitting your wrists. If you want to take the other dudes spots I'd be cool with that, but you should still play maybe with a new character lol you just saved our lives with the real blood to cover up the obvious FAIL of a fucking way to use rotten berries without everyone else doing it on their first turn or something, damn.....why didn't we discuss it in the forums without making a move.

Thank god I tried to get the damn leash and piss all over the fucking floor so the guard would have to fucking clean that shit up and open the door to give me a beating. And that is when I would have destroyed him with the chain of swinging death but no, I waited 3 years. great.

Now I'm starving and can't wield a weapon I guess.




So I will make my move.

I talk to the other fucking prisoners. "What are you in for NIGHT HAWK?!"


oh, and since we have a warrior named night hawk and some kind of thief, can I be the mage? :)

[Agent 008]

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I put on my robe and wizard hat.

NO seriously, I mean, are we going to at least roll for damage and shit? or is it gonna be based on the all mighty Gods grace, er I mean, DM.

Because different weapons do differen't damage, right? and what would magic fall under? or would this be like, just weapons, only warriors, THIEFS ARE TOO CRAFTY, can't use em, too smart for game lol

but not as smart as the wizards in training.

But if not, I can settle for thief class >:{

[Masuvius]

I use my first turn to masterbate into the hay while thinking about chicks making out, then I piss in a corner, and attempt to take a nap carefully avoiding the wet spot.


This will also be my 2nd and 3rd turns as well.

[Captain Falcon]

...Okay, you're a fucking mage.

Lets move along you babies even more:

Scenario 4

Night Hawk has disentangled himself from Witt's chain and all three chain wielding warriors with one sword, one shield, and a suit of armour in their inventory now stand in the passageway. They hear a loud crash and sizable commotion from outside. As they draw up their chains in defense, citizens rush through the passageway, celebrating their defeat of the Bastille's guards. A man shouts, with great joy, in French, "14 July, 1789! A day to be remembered, as flowers will grow where the Bastille once stood!"

the party realizes that, had they waited a few minutes, their acts of murder and self-wounding would have been unnecessary.

moving forward, the party comes to face three guards standing, blocking their exit, in a secluded passageway.

[Thetakishi]

Thank you ryan for slitting your wrists. If you want to take the other dudes spots I'd be cool with that, but you should still play maybe with a new character lol you just saved our lives with the real blood to cover up the obvious FAIL of a fucking way to use rotten berries without everyone else doing it on their first turn or something, damn.....why didn't we discuss it in the forums without making a move.

Now I'm starving and can't wield a weapon I guess.




So I will make my move.

I talk to the other fucking prisoners. "What are you in for NIGHT HAWK?!"


oh, and since we have a warrior named night hawk and some kind of thief, can I be the mage? :)

Hah I guess I can make my own character now right? (even though I said I cut myself badly but nonlethally, I dont think ryan is coming back so we'll assume I fucked up and died. Can we rename him Ryan so I can still be Witt and retain my theif character?) And can you not wield a weapon because you have been starved and are too weak?

Also lol at the crowd, sucks that ryan might die instead of having waited a few minutes, but why did the citizens dislike the authorities? For being the narrator, you're being pretty vague. Let's get the background story and characters sorted out before we continue so that the rest of this can go smoothly.

And sorry for making all of this confusing but it started out kind of sloppy with people leaving and simultaneous responses.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Woah woah woah, these chains are heavy as FUCK right? you said this before I think. Yes, we are starving, and there are heavy iron chains attached to our wrists.

Your chain has rusted away at the end attached to the wall, and is quite heavy, so is attached to you at the wrist and about 6 feet long. You are emaciated.




Answer this before I make my move.

Why am I carrying all of these heavy ass supplies when I've been starving in a dungeon for all these years for "treason against the king?"

At this point I don't care who my allies are, the king is the enemy :mad::mad::mad:






OH and I'm not the fucking DM guys.

Don't make your own character and assume that it's official.

you need an OK first. sorry.

[Masuvius]

the party realizes that, had they waited a few minutes, their acts of murder and self-wounding would have been unnecessary.


So using my turns to masterbate was a WIN. I knew it would pay off! I use my next turn to flag down a member of the crowd to set me free.

my rolls btw :
Roll(1d20)+0:
14,+0
Total:14

Roll(1d20)+0:
8,+0
Total:8

Roll(1d20)+0:
19,+0
Total:19
Make of them what you will...

[Thetakishi]

Woah woah woah, these chains are heavy as FUCK right? you said this before I think. Yes, we are starving, and there are heavy iron chains attached to our wrists.


Answer this before I make my move.

Why am I carrying all of these heavy ass supplies when I've been starving in a dungeon for all these years for "treason against the king?"

At this point I don't care who my allies are, the king is the enemy :mad::mad::mad:


OH and I'm not the fucking DM guys.

Don't make your own character and assume that it's official.

you need an OK first. sorry.

Yeah that's why I was asking, and trying to get the situation and background story straight. I figured the chains were just heavy enough for us to not be able to break free but not so heavy they completely disabled the arm they were attached to.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I use my first turn to masterbate into the hay while thinking about chicks making out, then I piss in a corner, and attempt to take a nap carefully avoiding the wet spot.


This will also be my 2nd and 3rd turns as well.

No one ever thinks to piss and shit in the hallway in the doorway where the only air is coming out of where the guards will have to clean it up eventually, unless they enjoy opening the door to it every fucking single time, getting it in the hallway and shit.


I can't get over how fake blood is the way out.

Tip of advice kids, if you're ever in the Bastille, fake blood ain't going to save you. It's getting the fucking guards to open the door eventually, and getting the chain off so the next time he does, you win. And figuring out the guard rotation.

For all we know, there's 3 gur- holy shit there is isn't there fuckkkk

AND WE HAVE ALL THIS HEAVY EQuIPMENT HOW WITH A CHAIN?

[Captain Falcon]

Your chain is heavy enough to restrain you, but now enough to stop you swinging it around. To answer your question about the public, read about the storming of the Bastille. This was a real thing. Also, yes, you're still Witt. I meant that the events you did up to the point where you cut your shit up become null for your character.

[Thetakishi]

Your chain is heavy enough to restrain you, but now enough to stop you swinging it around. To answer your question about the public, read about the storming of the Bastille. This was a real thing. Also, yes, you're still Witt. I meant that the events you did up to the point where you cut your shit up become null for your character.

Okay cool thanks for clearing that up, should we restart the thread so new people can join in without reading through all of our clarifying bullshit and just say what has already happened in the OP?

And yeah I saw that, but I forgot this was the actual history forum so I didn't bother reading it. I'll check it out now.

Edit: Haha I just read it, that's pretty funny. We could have just waited and been set free by the civilians. Now I'm bleeding hardcore and almost killed a fellow prisoner. Which I'm very sorry about btw.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

You know what we should have done. Signed up characters first.

Without making turns and shit.

We should have had names from the beginning so it was official, although I don't see why we couldn't use our abbreviations :p isn't this a Zoklet rpg?

MMO LOL



Anywase, I converse with the cell mates, and I convince them to follow me. We've been starving and we don't have the strength to use weapons and fight three, well fed, heavily trained, armoured guards with swords used for killing other soldiers.


So as the liberators dispatch of the guards, I find the fucking keys and take this godamn chain off my mother fucking arm and then equipt the sword only, for now. Too weak for armour, not enough strength...food....foooooooddddd

even a mage gotta eat boy

I conjure up 3 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 of the most finest hinds from...a deer or something? sure, mages can do that.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I think we're waiting on night hawk (xD) now.

oh and just so it's fair, give me a high roll on the conjuring since I'm a mage : O

to be fair, I can't do that much magic since I'm still training, no fireballs of flesh melting yet.

[Thetakishi]

alright are we escaping anytime soon? Im going to bed for 6 hours in like 15 mins

Can't wait for him. Unless you want to break for a while.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Unless you want to break for a while.

....I'm fine with that.

[Thetakishi]

....I'm fine with that.

Alright cool. See ya

[Om Namah Shivaya]

(In case rolling starts up--) While you attempt to catch me I sprint away and blend in with the crowd, coming back around to sneak some money into your pocket as thanks for saving me, despite trying to screw me over again.

We need a god damn narrator/roller who knows what they are doing.

Wait that doesn't make sense because I never did that, you can't go twice in a turn so my second post was just a joke anyway.

It would be advised to rethink your turn before the madness of the dungeon takes over your mind and you go off babbling something about gold coins and fish markets.

now, do you want some of this food or not :O

mages can conjure up gold, there is no need for you to give me these worthless trinkets. You can keep your pathetic replacement for discipline and success, but you can come with me. I think there is much I could teach you. Me and Night Hawk got in trouble because the king doesn't like anyone who disagrees with their policies, and by they, I mean the whole royal family. Actually I've never talked to Night Hawk but I read his mind with my magic and it would seem that he shares the same discontent with the king as do I.

but your mind is troubled with thoughts of disrespect for the kind. I can't go back in that realm of madness. So for now, I will have to take you along in my journeys so I can better understand your motives.

[Thetakishi]

Fixed. lol

Reserved for later post. Have stuff to do.

[Rude Louis]

Everyone should have looked in the corner. I'm sure Captain Falcon forgot to mention the bottle of ketchup, corn syrup, red food coloring, and Hollywood special effects book on "how to make fake blood".

That's why it was so obvious.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I liked how the chain was conveniently not even attached to the wall from the beginning. That was my biggest fear, getting the chain off without the guards hearing/seeing.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Wait why do we have swords and armour I thought we have guns and shit....

[Agent 008]

You know what we should have done. Signed up characters first.

Without making turns and shit.

We should have had names from the beginning so it was official, although I don't see why we couldn't use our abbreviations :p isn't this a Zoklet rpg?

Where the fuck is 13579, he has been working on an RPG for years now.

[ObscuredByClouds]

alright so after we use the keys to free us from the chain, i put on the armour and shield and sword, and walk around pretending i'm one of the guards.. And i respond to the other prisoners:

"don't read my mind mage, where i come from we don't take too kindly to people poking around in others heads.. Just a friendly reminder, else i'll stab you in the fucking throat.. But what you say is true, from what i remember i was part of a secret underground force that wanted to kill the king and bring freedom and happiness to this land. It sounds like there is an invasion taking place, we are safe brothers! I suggest we find the leader of this army and ask where we might be of use. After three years of being locked up in that shit hole, i'd do anything to taste battle once again"

[Masuvius]

alright so after we use the keys to free us from the chain, i put on the armour and shield and sword, and walk around pretending i'm one of the guards.. And i respond to the other prisoners:

For my next turn I intend to watch you get killed by the crowd that assumes you are one of the guards as they storm the fortress, as I ensure my own safety by telling the makeshift army that I know where the gunpowder is, as I saw it during my intake and I'll provide the directions freely as I make my way to the kitchen and get some real food, when I pass by some insane prisoner chanting and waving his arms around like a moron (thinking him a perfect candidate for a trial for witchcraft)

Only as I sit down to eat some of the pilfered guards' food do I even begin to wonder why the guards here are wearing armor and swords instead of carrying muskets...but I put that out of my mind for now as I eat something filling for the first time in days.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

For my next turn I intend to watch you get killed by the crowd that assumes you are one of the guards as they storm the fortress, as I ensure my own safety by telling the makeshift army that I know where the gunpowder is, as I saw it during my intake and I'll provide the directions freely as I make my way to the kitchen and get some real food


yeah what were you thinking night hawk?


when I pass by some insane prisoner chanting and waving his arms around like a moron (thinking him a perfect candidate for a trial for witchcraft)

hey, he hasn't rolled for my conjuring yet. So we'll see who is the moron in a second lol.


Only as I sit down to eat some of the pilfered guards' food do I even begin to wonder why the guards here are wearing armor and swords instead of carrying muskets...but I put that out of my mind for now as I eat something filling for the first time in days.

Yes, very odd to be carrying armour and a shield. I mean, he said sword, it could be a military sabre or something. But a shield and armour, I mean, how missleading is that? we could have easily got shot by muskets.

also can I get a roll on whether Masuvius gets food poisoning from undercooked meat or not? He insulted my wizardry and he should have waited for me to finish my incantations before passing judgement lol

[ObscuredByClouds]

alright so before the angry mob goes to skewer me, i take off the armour and go "hey guys jk its just me i was a prisoner and killed one of the guards dont kill me lol im on your side" and hope for the best

[Om Namah Shivaya]

alright so before the angry mob goes to skewer me, i take off the armour and go "hey guys jk its just me i was a prisoner and killed one of the guards dont kill me lol im on your side" and hope for the best

I guess we just have to get a roll to see if you survive, but I don't know if 2 posts counts maybe edit your original lol.



I still don't know how we managed to get out of that prison. It was all like something out of a dream. Spill the rotten strawberry water on the floor for increased chance of choking a guard out with a chain while you hardly have any strength in you from the torturing.

I say we all go home/closest docter and let the soldiers fight while we regain our strength and determing how much longer we're going to live. We need to get all of our wounds and diseases, that acquired in a completely unsanitary environment for years, checked out and attended to.

I don't know how long I was in that cell, but I guess I forgot everything.

uhhh oh yeah, I'm a mage. :cool:

*casts level 1 healing with an area effect on us*

[Vizier]

I want to be a fucking boss that rapes your entire party a la Culex and his crystals.

[Masuvius]

I still don't know how we managed to get out of that prison. It was all like something out of a dream. Spill the rotten strawberry water on the floor for increased chance of choking a guard out with a chain while you hardly have any strength in you from the torturing.


Yeah not sure what went on there with you guys... I got out by masterbating several times and getting released by the makeshift army storming the fortress, I'm pretty sure I gave up on staying with the party around the time you folks started trying to kill one another, stealing from the rebels, and waving your arms around chanting trying to summon magic powers to your aid. I'm pretty sure my chances of surviving this ordeal are much better if I'm no where near any of you.

[ObscuredByClouds]

okay so after being healed by the mages rejuvinating spell, i realize that im actually a very strong and mighty warrior. The memories flash before me like never before. I witnessed my birth, all over again. The very dungeon that kept me prisoner for all these years was now what had set me free.

With newfound strength i take up the sword and shield once again, as now i am fully ready to face the demons that lay waiting within every shadow and behind every whisper

[Om Namah Shivaya]

okay so after being healed by the mages rejuvinating spell, i realize that im actually a very strong and mighty warrior. The memories flash before me like never before. I witnessed my birth, all over again. The very dungeon that kept me prisoner for all these years was now what had set me free.

With newfound strength i take up the sword and shield once again, as now i am fully ready to face the demons that lay waiting within every shadow and behind every whisper

Good, my mind control spell is working perfectly.

[ObscuredByClouds]

so im unaware that i am being controled by the mage, i should roll every few turns to see if i break from the spell and realize the truth of who i am

[Captain Falcon]

Anywase, I converse with the cell mates, and I convince them to follow me. We've been starving and we don't have the strength to use weapons and fight three, well fed, heavily trained, armoured guards with swords used for killing other soldiers.

So as the liberators dispatch of the guards, I find the fucking keys and take this godamn chain off my mother fucking arm and then equipt the sword only, for now. Too weak for armour, not enough strength...food....foooooooddddd

even a mage gotta eat boy

I conjure up 3 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 of the most finest hinds from...a deer or something? sure, mages can do that.

Your Ranking is 16

(Roll 15) Your food is conjured, but you slightly miscast, so your 3 Loaves are undercooked, your wine is vinegar (The only difference, in chemistry, is ethanoic acid vs ethanol. Very tiny difference) and your hinds are from some dwarves, uncooked.


alright so after we use the keys to free us from the chain, i put on the armour and shield and sword, and walk around pretending i'm one of the guards.. And i respond to the other prisoners:

"don't read my mind mage, where i come from we don't take too kindly to people poking around in others heads.. Just a friendly reminder, else i'll stab you in the fucking throat.. But what you say is true, from what i remember i was part of a secret underground force that wanted to kill the king and bring freedom and happiness to this land. It sounds like there is an invasion taking place, we are safe brothers! I suggest we find the leader of this army and ask where we might be of use. After three years of being locked up in that shit hole, i'd do anything to taste battle once again"

Since you did nothing to require rolling, I'm going to take this as your move

alright so before the angry mob goes to skewer me, i take off the armour and go "hey guys jk its just me i was a prisoner and killed one of the guards dont kill me lol im on your side" and hope for the best

Your rank is 10 for diplomacy

(Roll 17)

The mob accepts your explanation and hands you food and 3 muskets along with 30 (thirty) rounds of ammunition. You can now wield and use battering weapons such as chairs and clubs, and your aim is now steady. You can equip armour.

Witt (Theif) gains +1 modifier for Acrobatics and +1 modifier for stealth tasks.
Nij (Mage) gains +1 modifier for offensive and restorative magics.
Night Hawk (Warrior) gains +1 modifier for attack, defense and strength tasks.

Takishi, move.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Well I'll definitely be throwing that conjured piece of shit away lol

oh yeah, do we have to go in order? or can I make my turn now?

[Captain Falcon]

Either fucking Takishi makes a move, or I don't present the next scenario.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Alright well, this is zoklet so we might have to wait a little while for that.

[Captain Falcon]

Bump. 1 more day, or I kick this bastard and we continue.

[Thetakishi]

Sorry. Internet was down yesterday. I'll be on consistently again.

With the raiding party storming the Bastille, I search for the kitchen to scrummage for a decent meal(properly made and not poorly conjured.), a sharper blade, and some civilian clothes because, I assume, still looking like a prisoner wearing guard armor, the civilians wouldn't automatically like me just because I'm a prisoner. I did commit crimes against THEM after all. Luckily the mob accepted the warrior's explanation of why he was in guard armor and with us so I guess that solves that problem. I use my old prisoner clothes to bandage my wound, wrap my feet to silence my walking, and sheath another knife for backup, leaving the musket against the wall, but keeping the ammo.

I then run back off to the crowd.

[Masuvius]

Your Ranking is 16

(Roll 15) Your food is conjured, but you slightly miscast, so your 3 Loaves are undercooked, your wine is vinegar (The only difference, in chemistry, is ethanoic acid vs ethanol. Very tiny difference) and your hinds are from some dwarves, uncooked.

So I come out of the kitchen after stuffing myself, with a 3 loaves of bread I took out of the oven a bottle of what looks like wine, and some hunks of meat when I pass by the guy waving his arms around chanting who proclaims "Success!" and takes them away from me... Just being freshly escaped from my cell I shrug it off walking past the guy and attempt to make my way through the narrow halls when I puke because I ate too much solid food in the kitchen after my starvation when I hear the same guy shout "YES! Success again!" from behind me....

[Om Namah Shivaya]

assuming I go next....

I ask the liberators what their next plan of action is, and if they could use a madman-er, I mean, mage, like myself. Then I ask for medicinal supplies and clothes. If they don't have them, then......

Then I'll equip my musket and carry the sword + musket rounds for now, and leave the shield and armor on the floor somewhere. I then spend a few seconds thinking why the guards had this shit on in the first place.

I put my conjured food away in the kitchen in case anyone is dumb enough to try and eat something that has magical defects in it. (oh well, practice makes perfect!) :muahaha::muahaha::muahaha:

after carefully avoiding any guards that may still be patrolling this wretched fortress, I find some proper clothes so I don't look so much like I've been rotting away in a cell for 3 years. I then look for any medicine/disinfectant/gauze that could be useful to steal.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

So I come out of the kitchen after stuffing myself, with a 3 loaves of bread I took out of the oven a bottle of what looks like wine, and some hunks of meat when I pass by the guy waving his arms around chanting who proclaims "Success!" and takes them away from me... Just being freshly escaped from my cell I shrug it off walking past the guy and attempt to make my way through the narrow halls when I puke because I ate too much solid food in the kitchen after my starvation when I hear the same guy shout "YES! Success again!" from behind me....

What is the second "Success" supposed to indicate?

Also you puked because dwarf meat is mildly poisonous. Also it was uncooked you idiot :muahaha::muahaha::muahaha:

just a little heads up for future use.

[ObscuredByClouds]

fuck we're taking so long doing our makeup and picking out pretty dresses, when we really should be balls deep in corpses and warm blood by now.. Lets fucking load our muskets and kill our way out. We'll destroy everything in our path, and then decide what to do after we meet up with the npc who will give us the next quest

[Thetakishi]

Yeah and Captain Falcon isnt here to roll/narrate so we should just do it ourselves for a while/forever/whatever. Let me smoke this cig, and I'll finish this post.

Once I get back to the crowd, I look for the familiar faces of the prisoners I was with and ask if I can rejoin them.

[Captain Falcon]

Shut the fuck up Takishi, you're the one who's NOT EVEN RESPONDING OR PLAYING FUCKING CORRECTLY, YOU ASSHOLE.

You don't make the fucking scenarios, you respond to mine, dipshit.

[Captain Falcon]

Next scenario, and TheTakishi's move is disregarded because he's not making any valid fucking actions. Last chance, bitch.

Scenario 5:

With their new stat boosts and equipment, and slightly incorrect conjured food, the party leaves the Bastille and finds a platform glowing bright blue. The stormers of the Bastille seem completely ignorant to it's existence. The party sees a battalion of armed guards charging in with spears towards them. They must act within one phase.

[Thetakishi]

Next scenario, and TheTakishi's move is disregarded because he's not making any valid fucking actions. Last chance, bitch.

Scenario 5:

With their new stat boosts and equipment, and slightly incorrect conjured food, the party leaves the Bastille and finds a platform glowing bright blue. The stormers of the Bastille seem completely ignorant to it's existence. The party sees a battalion of armed guards charging in with spears towards them. They must act within one phase.

Lol, you get mad too easy. Without everyone being on at the same time and paying attention it's hard to keep it going, which is all I was trying to do. And I'm pretty sure asking the group if I can join them again is a fairly valid thing to do after I've already accidentally tried to choke one of them out, pissed them off by stealing from civilians, and left them to get my own supplies.

I pull a blade from it's sheath, attempt to dodge a spear thrust and take a stab at a guards eye.

[Captain Falcon]

Because you're not playing correctly, you dumb fuck.

[Captain Falcon]

I pull a blade from it's sheath, attempt to dodge a spear thrust and take a stab at a guards eye.

The battalion will not approach your location for another phase. The platform continues to glow.

[Thetakishi]

Oh damnit, sorry, I meant to include "then charge a guard" after pulling out the blade.

[Captain Falcon]

(Baleeted for double post)

[Captain Falcon]

Oh damnit, sorry, I meant to include "then charge a guard" after pulling out the blade.

For fuck's sake. Your ranking is 18, because there's a battalion of guards spear charging you.

(roll 12) You get impaled, hard. The battalion pauses(+1 phase till contact) and lays you down. You are not dead, but wounded. The platform continues to glow.

[sss3d]

I raid the food supply, and don my Yellow Robe. I pull out my fucken wand.

I see the catapults coming in the distance.

[Captain Falcon]

I raid the food supply, and don my Yellow Robe. I pull out my fucken wand.

I see the catapults coming in the distance.

invalid. You're not playing yet (you're coming in a while) and that's not the appropriate way to play anyway. Takishi, please copypasta.

[Thetakishi]

HERE IS HOW THE GAME WORKS - Caps to attract attention, not flaming you.

To make a correct move, write responses to the scenario, don't present your own scenario. So, for example, if there's a cannon at the end of a narrow hallway, you should be writing "we turn around and run and round a corner." or "I shoot an arrow, aiming for the fuse on the cannon", not "I shoot at the cannon and then turn around and run. We enter the kitchen and find some bread, which I attach to tip of my arrow and shoot at the cannon's mouth. It hits and plugs up the cannon's mouth."

the line that divides valid and invalid is thin, so only respond to the details you have been given by the GM, whose judgement is law, because he isn't your enemy, he's the person who has the story, and drives it along. The Bastille doesn't have a kitchen, unless expressly stated by the GM. The GM's entire job is to include all the necessary details in his scenarios. The players job is to interpret the details and find out what the solution is. It doesn't necessarily have to be what the GM has in mind, but it has to use the given details.

[Captain Falcon]

Thank you, but I really only wanted you to copypasta the last 2 paras. Mind editing?

[Captain Falcon]

we're waiting for the others to move

[Masuvius]

The Bastille doesn't have a kitchen, unless expressly stated by the GM. The GM's entire job is to include all the necessary details in his scenarios.

See this is where proper understanding of a situation comes in handy.. there is a kitchen as well as a food store. This is implied by it being ... well... A FUCKING FORTRESS! You mean to try to say that because he did not expressly indicate that there was indeed a kitchen that there was no kitchen? How in the hell would a fortress have anything BUT the materials to maintain itself during a fucking siege? How are they feeding the prisoners, guards, and visiting military commanders? Have some fucking common sense honestly. you tell us we are in a prison, prisons will house inmates, to house an inmate (even if they are STARVING) you need to keep them alive, to keep a person alive they will need food and water. Seeing as how the siege had just begun I see no reason why those materials would not be present.

That being the current situation then I use my turn to pile up some nearby tables/boxes/rubble and climb out of the prison because I don't recall there ever being a ROOF to this prison so I'm going to assume there is none.

Or better yet I'm a fucking Dragon Rider so I cast "Summon Dragon Familiar" and ask it to politely burn the fucking place to the ground..then I mount up to take my flight to freedom.

ITT: fuck common sense

[Masuvius]

Shut the fuck up Takishi, you're the one who's NOT EVEN RESPONDING OR PLAYING FUCKING CORRECTLY, YOU ASSHOLE.

You are not responding to my vague scenarios exactly how I want you to do so, dipshit.

Fixed

[ObscuredByClouds]

I run straight for the glowing blue disc in hopes that its a teleporter of some kind

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Ok so I catch up to my party members after getting lost and finding essential lightweight supplies like bandages, healing herbs(if we get sick), and a dagger, or maybe a pistol if I get a high roll :O. Hopefully no one will need disinfectant for heavy wounds, or I'll have to try using my magic again :o

I watch as night hawk screams like a madman without saying anything at all to the rest of us and attempts to leave our third party member to die.

I then notice our third party member is bleeding on the ground with enemy soldiers standing all around him.

I sit there for a second and think "wow, we're going to fucking die."

I join night hawk in the portal.

(oh also, if I do get the items, can I drop the heavier counterpart? for instance, if I get a pistol, can I drop the musket, and drop the sword if I get the dagger. unless I can hold everything, then that's cool too)

[Captain Falcon]

I run straight for the glowing blue disc in hopes that its a teleporter of some kind

It is a teleporter. You get dropped into an intermediate blue plane, waiting for your comrades.


I watch as night hawk screams like a madman without saying anything at all to the rest of us and attempts to leave our third party member to die.

I then notice our third party member is bleeding on the ground with enemy soldiers standing all around him.

I sit there for a second and think "wow, we're going to fucking die."

I join night hawk in the portal.

(oh also, if I do get the items, can I drop the heavier counterpart? for instance, if I get a pistol, can I drop the musket, and drop the sword if I get the dagger. unless I can hold everything, then that's cool too)

No, you don't just "find" lightweight supplies.

You join him in the portal.

You can hold everything, or choose to merge items and power them up. This action will have to be rolled for, and takes away all resale value.

END PHASE.

[Captain Falcon]

Scenario 6 (Player kills are no ALLOWED, but still not recommended):

Witt is about to be finished, when a sudden volley of musket fire finishes the guards, the last resisters of the attack on the Bastille. Civilians administer basic medical care, but recognize that your wound has gone septic. You need more advanced medical care

Night Hawk and Nij wait in the intermediate plane. Before them, stands a large monolith with three idols sitting in carved niches. One is of a man wearing an eyepatch and a peg leg. His left hand seems to be missing, with a hole in the stump. The second is of a large, bulky man wearing heavy armour with numerous spikes and wielding a flail, and his left hand is also missing. The third is of a bulky soldier wielding a gatling gun, also missing a left hand.

The wait for Witt. Continues. A red platform glows behind them.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

What do you think we should do OBC? LETS FIND SOME GEMS TO PLACE INTO THE HAND SOCKETS OF THE STATUES. IT'S BOUND TO DO SOMETHING.

[Bin "Fuck Towers" Laden]

A cyborg descends on the red platform and brings you in his time machine to the year 3030.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

*realizes that I am the cyborg and I've been traveling time for thousands of years*

:O

[ObscuredByClouds]

yea ONS, it looks to me like we should be putting something in that place.. Based on your knowledge of all things magical, what do you think we need to find, and what is the meaning of this monolith?

Is there anything else on this plane that we can see around us, or is it just the monolith

[Om Namah Shivaya]

In all my years of studying the arcane, I have never seen anything like this! WHAT IS THIS STRANGE WEAPON THAT STATUE IS HOLDING?! It looks like some kind of rotating musket!

Maybe there's some severed statue hands back at the castle. I say we look around here, maybe inspect the holes in the hands, and make sure there's nothing else we missed before going back (in time?) to look for the hands/rare gems.

lol we have to wait on Witt. He's bleeding out on the floor somewhere in time.

[ObscuredByClouds]

why do we have to wait for that guy? I sure as hell dont know him, and he didnt seem to do anything to aid our escape except stab himself and lay on the floor..

Youre very convincing though, and i suppose the more help we can get the better.. I mean we just went through a fucking teleporter! Who knows what else could be waiting around the next corner? I still have no recollection of what happened back there in the dungeon, it was all a mess of guards, enchanting, yelling, bleeding, and to be honest i think we were pushed along by a higher level being.. I have a feeling whatever god or deity helped us along back there, he probably made the portal for us as well.. Maybe this is a test for our skills, and we need to prove to this silent and everwatching aid that we are capable of saving the world or something..

Christ ive been in the cell for so long with no one to talk to or communicate with, i think as soon as we get out of this place we find a brothel and spend a night with alcohol and fornication

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Ok, I think we're going in turns, and in order. Apparently we're waiting on Witt to go first and then we can make a move. It's probably better that way. Gives us some time to think about these cursed statues.

I'll probably spend my turn inspecting the statues for good measure. The GM must give us more details.




This is obviously some kind of time traveling device or something. Why would there be 3 different "warriors". 1 is from the pirate age lol 1 is from the knight age? and the other is modern I suppose.

And there are 3 of us. maybe witt is the pirate, you're the knight, and I'm the gattling gun demon :o

or maybe they are difficulty levels. And if we activate one of them we get sent to that era of time.

What do you think?

[ObscuredByClouds]

im going to spend my turn using my strength to try and lift the statues

[Om Namah Shivaya]

im going to spend my turn using my strength to try and lift the statues

LOL


what strength. We've been starving to death in a cell.

you should spend your turn running as far away as you can in this plane of existence. See where it takes you :o

[ObscuredByClouds]

You know what thats a good idea.. Youre more intelligent and probably have more experience with magical relics anyways. While you're looking at the monolith and taking in its every detail, i sprint off in the opposite direction

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I discover time travel and find a loophole and achieve immortallity.

Witt bleeds out and dies.

And Night Hawk gets lost in the nether realm.




GM, roll this.

[Thetakishi]

Damnit I posted earlier, but I guess it didnt go.

Regardless all I had said was to ask a civilian to take me to the hospital.

But it was an immediate response so you wouldnt have been waiting.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I guess I'll have to spend my turn going back through the red portal and then casting a healing spell on Witt. That fool.

[Thetakishi]

We need Falcon Puncher here to roll on the healing spell already, so we can start the next wave of events. Hopefully you don't fail and make it worse/kill me.

[Captain Falcon]

I guess I'll have to spend my turn going back through the red portal and then casting a healing spell on Witt. That fool.

Rank 5, because you people need babysitting

(roll 16) YOU ARE WINRAR! Witt becomes Healthy as a horse again, even regaining all his lost muscle mass during his years in prison.

im going to spend my turn using my strength to try and lift the statues

You're in the right direction, but WHICH statue. (HINT: all three of you are supposed to be lifting these statues, the ones you want.)

Takishi's move is once more leading into a scenario, so I'm just going to take it to be "accompany Nij into the portal"

[Captain Falcon]

Scenario 7:

The party stands in the void, warrior, mage and thief together, before the towering structure. As far as the eye can see, the void is limitless and empty. An enormous spirit erupts from the cavity in the center of the black monolith and booms "Choose, warriors!"

He has a british accent and looks like ToothlessJoe

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Ok which one do you guys want to choose?

[Thetakishi]

So there's a pirate statue, a warrior with spiky armor statue, and a warrior with a minigun statue. Hm. I would guess the pirate is closest to thief, warrior with armor closest to our warrior, and the minigun the only ranged attacker like the mage.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

So there's a pirate statue, a warrior with spiky armor statue, and a warrior with a minigun statue. Hm. I would guess the pirate is closest to thief, warrior with armor closest to our warrior, and the minigun the only ranged attacker like the mage.

That's what I thought. Maybe we should assign ourselves statues. You go with pirate, OBC takes the spiky armor, and I'll take the minigun?

Or maybe we should all lift the same statue?

[ObscuredByClouds]

I guess I'll take the statue with the spiky armour and flail

[Om Namah Shivaya]

can I watch to see what his does first lol

Then I guess I'll try to lift the modern warrior gattling gun statue.

[Thetakishi]

Yep and I'll take the pirate.

My computer died today so I'm posting from a friends. If I can't get it fixed you guys can decide on what I do if you end up waiting on me.

I'll try to keep my iPhone charged so I can post though.

[Captain Falcon]

The party lift their chosen idols. They adhere only to their left hands, and as they are lifted, instantly replace their left hands with the weapon that the idol of their choice possessed.

Night Hawk receives a ball and chain that fires out of his left hand. Crushingly powerful and destructive, yet slow and revealing.

Witt receives a nice cannon that can shoot anything that fits within it. It is moderately powerful, depending on the ammo, but takes some times between shots, does not leave the user vulnerable and has a parabolic trajectory. Witt also receives 3 cannonballs, 1 explosive, 1 solid and 1 labeled "???"

Nij receives an infinite ammo Gatling gun on his left hand. It is not very powerful, but extremely rapid fire, and excellent for suppression.

The party may summon these weapons at any time, and stow them away again, but both these actions require (relatively low) rolls.

[Captain Falcon]

Scenario 8:

The spirit of the monolith explodes the party into December 1939. The party sees the Eiffel Tower in the distance. A Panzer tank rounds the corner and fires a shot at Night Hawk!

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I take cover from the tank and order Witt to use his explosive round on the tank.

[Thetakishi]

I hide behind a pile of rubble and shoot an explosive cannonball at the tank.

[Rude Louis]

I'm guessing that (to Captain Falcon) it was obvious that the statues were missing hands and would replace the player's hands.

Whereas in reality everyone was trying to figure out what to stick in the statues hand sockets.

This DM sucks.

[ObscuredByClouds]

Okay so can I dodge this attack?

[Om Namah Shivaya]

Okay so can I dodge this attack?

No you are dead game over.

a fucking panzer

[ObscuredByClouds]

No you are dead game over.

a fucking panzer

Well, shit. GG

[Captain Falcon]

I'm guessing that (to Captain Falcon) it was obvious that the statues were missing hands and would replace the player's hands.

Whereas in reality everyone was trying to figure out what to stick in the statues hand sockets.

This DM sucks.

Your mom sucks. My cock.

[Captain Falcon]

Okay so can I dodge this attack?

Rank 10

(Roll 20)

Night Hawk nimbly rolls out of the way. (High roll, meaning critical) The missed shot zips past and destroys another Panzer that the party had failed to notice. Hostiles in the destroyed tanks are dead, but the equipment within is relatively unharmed, including 3 cannon shells for the the tank.

I take cover from the tank and order Witt to use his explosive round on the tank.
Rank 6

(Roll 6)

Action successful. Barely ;)

I hide behind a pile of rubble and shoot an explosive cannonball at the tank.

Summon cannon: Rank 8

(Roll 4) The cannon does not summon.

[Captain Falcon]

Scenario 9:

Night Hawk stands in the middle of the road, while Witt and Nij are hiding behind piles of rubble on the left and right. The tank continues to advance, and German soldiers begin to trickle into the road from the far end. French forces are retreating, and the party can see the Luftwaffe closing in from the sky. Attacking the opposition seems like certain death.

[ObscuredByClouds]

Scenario 9:

Night Hawk stands in the middle of the road, while Witt and Nij are hiding behind piles of rubble on the left and right. The tank continues to advance, and German soldiers begin to trickle into the road from the far end. French forces are retreating, and the party can see the Luftwaffe closing in from the sky. Attacking the opposition seems like certain death.

Can we get a battle map drawn out? So we know our locations relative to the enemy, and also so we can see where is the best place to hide/flank/etc

[Captain Falcon]

You've gotta tear ass towards Dunkirk. You can't fight them (yet).

[ObscuredByClouds]

"What's a Dunkirk?"

Keeping in mind that this is an rpg, I think i should point out a few things here:

I just escaped from a dungeon cell that I was held captive in for three years. I am from the time of the french revolution in 1789, and we were randomly rescued and thrown through a portal into another dimensional plane. My LEFT FUCKING ARM is now forever turned into a spiky ball, and now it's what, World War 2?

Any of this technology, geography, politics, weaponry, food, language, architecture, society, etc that we find ourselves in front of is definitely not recognizable.

My character should be having a nervous breakdown right about now man. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where we are, why we are being chased by giant metal monsters, why they are shooting invisible fireballs at us, and why there are fucking PORTALS taking us through time to random locations and specific historical moments.

I spend my turn running away from the evil men with their metal horses

[Captain Falcon]

"What's a Dunkirk?"

Keeping in mind that this is an rpg, I think i should point out a few things here:

I just escaped from a dungeon cell that I was held captive in for three years. I am from the time of the french revolution in 1789, and we were randomly rescued and thrown through a portal into another dimensional plane. My LEFT FUCKING ARM is now forever turned into a spiky ball, and now it's what, World War 2?

Any of this technology, geography, politics, weaponry, food, language, architecture, society, etc that we find ourselves in front of is definitely not recognizable.

My character should be having a nervous breakdown right about now man. I have NO FUCKING CLUE where we are, why we are being chased by giant metal monsters, why they are shooting invisible fireballs at us, and why there are fucking PORTALS taking us through time to random locations and specific historical moments.

I spend my turn running away from the evil men with their metal horses

No, you are from the 21st century, you just woke up in a scenario. Also, your hand is not permanently replaced. Read again. You can summon it at will, but you'll have to roll for it. Your hand's normal right now.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

I spend my turn saying "This is all a dream, this is all a dream. This is just a bad dream. Gotta wake myself up, gotta wake myself up"

I then put my musket to my head and shoot myself.



JK JK JK JK JK

I haul ass for dunkirk, making sure to stay behind cover when possible from enemy fire.

[Thetakishi]

I run through the city using backroads and buildings towards dunkirk as fast as my acrobatic self is able.

[Rude Louis]

Your mom sucks. My cock.

Your cock is a level one halfing with +2 virginity with the addition of two pubic crabs in it's party.

You roll 15. You contract a venereal disease for trying to fuck a goat.

[rjf]

Yo CF is this shit dead or are you gonna finish this story. If so I want in. My character is a nigger named Jace, the Mindsculptor.

[ObscuredByClouds]

okay so i peace to dunkirk

[Captain Falcon]

(continuation of scenario) At Dunkirk, you find German forces advancing, with very few boats to evacuate the 300 thousand British soldiers who are attempting to retreat. The evacuation will take 24 hours, and Hitler's artillery is approaching! If the party fail to stop the attack, the world is lost! (This turn is for decision making, and I recommend you use the interwebs to find out what went wrong at Dunkirk and be the "reason")

[Shrike]

Why the dick is this in History?

[Thetakishi]

The scenarios are following certain events in history that actually happened. Ie Dunkirk and the Bastille.

By be "the reason" you mean the reason they will be unsuccessful in this rpg right? Not aid the Germans in taking Dunkirk.

[Thetakishi]

I proceed to scout the rest of the lines to assess the situation and bring back to the commander of the British later. I ask the Mage to escort me to the German lines and provide cover fire while I attempt to sneak close enough to the newly arrived German heavy artillery, and use my remaining two cannon balls to disable two artillery guns,one regular cannonball on a standalone artillery and the ??? Cannonball on the most heavily surrounded artillery or two guns close together.

If that was too much at once just do the scouting first.

[Om Namah Shivaya]

who wants to take my place? this game is boring

[Thetakishi]

I'll cover for you until someone else joins, or if no one joins we can kill you off. You could go out in a hail of gun fire against the nazis!

[ObscuredByClouds]

We don't really have much options here, we don't really get to do whatever we want.. seems like the GM is just railroading us along the story.. And there isn't even much of a story