Another piece of my work

[whimsi]

Hi pals, I just wanted to share with you a new piece of work I have been working on.

It was a first place prize for the winners of a contest on dA.

http://fc91.deviantart.com/fs43/f/2009/078/5/4/Tattered___First_Place_Prize_by_whimsi.png

[Atlas]

did you post it to get compliments or for constructive critique? I'm usually giving out constructive crits and this is what i'll do now, but whether you use what i say or not is entirely up to you. I hope you can derive something of value from the rape:

(by the way, i won't e-lick your pussy to make you feel better about your artwork, so if you can't take crits, skip this post.)

the winners of a contest on dA.

winning anything on dA means fuck-all.

regarding your piece, what i like most about it is the dress. A little detail that needs fixing is the part where the corset is meeting the skirt. The lower edge of the corset is red, but the immediate skirt fabric is blackened, the lighting doesn't match. And the titties don't fit in right. The way they're painted there, the nipples would be way too close to the upper edge for a self-conscious goth girl to be comfortable. They'd pop out at the slightest move. I do not want them to pop out. I like them secured into place. Personally, i like those tops with a little oval cut out in the upper boob area, they show a bit of cleavage where it counts, and hide the big masses so as to let your imagination play with the possibilities.

her torso is too vertical. With her hand raised, the pectoral girdle is at a slight angle, which makes her spine and rib cage tilt a little bit backwards if she's natural and genuinely interested by the firefly. If she's a stuck up bitch, she won't use her whole body to express her action. I know she's restrained by the corset, but that doesn't keep 100% of her lumbar region of the spine locked.

The face is cute. [nitpicking asshole]A subtle shade in the cheekbone area may make it look flat from this angle. If you stare a lot at it, you'll see that the jaw kinda comes out more than the cheekbone does, and that's a tragedy. She could use some more slender, sharper fingers.[/nitpicking asshole]

the background is a cheap shot and you know it. And in my opinion, it's completely unnecessary and you would be better off without it. I say she's pale enough for you to bathe her in darkness. Actually, go Caravaggio on her ass.

overall, it's nice eye-candy. Goth chicks are hot and i love it when they go the whole nine yards to look good. I like the firefly too.

if you have any questions about what i said, please ask and i'll try to answer.

Hope you found something of value, and i'm looking forward to seeing your next pieces! :)

[whimsi]

Right-o. Sorry it took so long to respond, I was at work when I read your comment, and wanted to be able to make a good and honest response to your long and thoughtful critique. I wish I could +rep you.

First off, I want to thank you for actually posting criticism rather than a pat on the ass or an e-lick if you prefer. As stated, I posted this piece of work on deviantart and can go back there if I want an asspat ;) It's unfortunate that that it is always a person's first instinct when someone posts work, that they just want their artcock sucked. Sad, unfortunate, but usually true.

In response to your comment about dA contests being shit... they aren't anything super special. You win prizes that others donate. I am not sure if you are responding, confused and think that I made this as an entry for a contest or merely stating your belief with the understanding that this was made as a prize for the contest, so I just thought I'd explain for the sake of clarity. It was a prize for the first place winner.

Though the piece has already been delivered and will not be altered any longer, I still appreciate the criticism. The points you mention are things I will be considering in future works. That is the main reason I posted here. I figure there is a large chance for "Your shit is SHIT BITCH" but if I want harsh but true criticism, this is also a fine place to find it.

Now that I look at it, her torso does look a bit stiff, corset or not. I would have liked to have her leaning forward more, like she was standing on tippy-toes with something fragile in her hand. I also wish her face was a bit more expressive.

As for the background, I did not want the commissions to take too long to complete, so I offered them with simple or solid backgrounds. I tried this one out on various colors of solid backgrounds and found that it didn't really look right on anything, so I decided on going with a simple, quick and dirty background that would (hopefully) compliment the subject. This is in no way a defense argument, rather an explanation for WHY the background is that way (as you said 'and (i) know it' and I do :))

Her hand does look a little thick, clumsy and hrm... a bit big, I think and the lighting on the top of her dress is off. Grr lighting D: Also, you are so totally right about the lighting on her cheek/jaw.

Also, I guess this lady doesn't have any nipples then... O_o That will definitely be something to keep in mind too... I did use a photo ref for the corset boobies, but sometimes things do not translate well into paintings... for starters, the photo I used has pretty much the same problem... "Lady, where are you storing your nipples!?"

I do appreciate the critique. It gets really hard to pick out what is wrong in your own piece when you've stared at them for 5-10 hours, so it's always nice to have other feedback.

I will definitely post more in this forum if you continue to rip my stuff apart :D
I hope to post (when I have pieces I will be devoting more time to) several Work In Progress stages for critique as well, so it won't just be a case of "ok, too late, will consider for next time" :)

[Atlas]

In response to your comment about dA contests being shit... they aren't anything super special. You win prizes that others donate. I am not sure if you are responding, confused and think that I made this as an entry for a contest or merely stating your belief with the understanding that this was made as a prize for the contest, so I just thought I'd explain for the sake of clarity. It was a prize for the first place winner.

yeah, i got what you said the first time, i just wanted to say that dA contests mean fuck-all. The truth. :rolleyes:

I do appreciate the critique. It gets really hard to pick out what is wrong in your own piece when you've stared at them for 5-10 hours, so it's always nice to have other feedback.

i know what that's like. You should always take a lot of breaks, and if you can afford to drop the thing for a day, do it.

I will definitely post more in this forum if you continue to rip my stuff apart :D

will do. :thumbsup:

edit: by the way, it's really cool that you're not a defensive bitch like the majority of "artists" is. NEVER EVER get defensive when getting a critique, i've learned this the really hard way by making a fucking fool of myself in front of the most important person in my artistic life.

[Genesis93]

well since you dont want a pat on the ass you wont get it