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View Full Version : ways to beat your girlfriend/wife without leaving a mark?


BITCH TITZ
02-24-2012, 08:47 AM
what are your favorite methods?

Nachismo
02-24-2012, 08:57 AM
Street Fighter 2

The Pat-Man
02-24-2012, 08:58 AM
haha what a silly thread title who would do such a thing




bag of oranges.

naltehs
02-24-2012, 09:05 AM
cockslap

BITCH TITZ
02-24-2012, 09:07 AM
haha what a silly thread title who would do such a thing




bag of oranges.

I find it hard to believe beating a bitch with a bag of oranges won't leave bruises

is all mememememe with me
02-24-2012, 09:25 AM
haha what a silly thread title who would do such a thing




bag of oranges.

this is what i was going to say. its a tried and tested method from the old days. i think iirc it was used in the grifters with john cusack. the mob guy beat his mom with oranges when he caught her fleecing him.

Keith Lemon
02-24-2012, 09:37 AM
What's a girlfriend?

BITCH TITZ
02-24-2012, 09:44 AM
What's a girlfriend?

u gay dude

Mantikore
02-24-2012, 10:09 AM
Life Support Dr Rudi Domestic Violence - YouTube

funkatron54
02-24-2012, 10:19 AM
I haven't found a sure fire method yet. I like to get her drunk and then knock her around. She doesn't remember how she got those marks that way. Then it's just a matter of telling a believable story!

fuckbiscuit
02-24-2012, 10:39 AM
I was going to say sock with an orange in but pat-man beat me to it.

Also this thread made me lol.

Vox Ducis
02-24-2012, 10:48 AM
Ask your local mosque.

Lucid
02-24-2012, 11:34 AM
phone book, tried and true.

mr.stealyourgirl
02-24-2012, 05:42 PM
"Beat'em with a sack of sweet Valencia oranges. They won't leave a bruise and it'll let'em know who's boss, there's nooo doubt about the it"

ShadyLady
02-24-2012, 08:56 PM
:rofl: I find it hilarious you faggots can't control your woman without resorting to beating her. I keep my house immaculately clean, always have the laundry done (I even iron pillowcases), do the grocery shopping & other errands, do all the yardwork, am an amazing cook (I make all of our meals from scratch) & wait on my husband hand & foot. I'm happy to do all that & do it with a smile on my face. Big shocker here- my husband isn't cruel to me. That being said, it's pretty obvious all of your replies were meant for shock value. 2/10.

TheBlackDalia
02-24-2012, 09:03 PM
Ask your local mosque.

:rolleyes:

Hit her in the stomach/ kick her (make sure to wear socks.) It's not like she's going to go around topless all of the time unless she's a model of course but than again you should really beat the crap outta her lol.

Oh and :facepalm: to this entire thread.

Transit_Masturbator
02-24-2012, 09:06 PM
:rofl: woman bullshit.

Bitch Stfu before I grab a bag of oranges.

Motherfucking_Toast
02-24-2012, 09:06 PM
this is what i was going to say. its a tried and tested method from the old days. i think iirc it was used in the grifters with john cusack. the mob guy beat his mom with oranges when he caught her fleecing him.

Sweet Valencia Oranges - YouTube

I've always wondered if the old trick of punching someone through a phone book works too... Seems to me like it'd somehow hurt less : /

arleybob
02-24-2012, 09:13 PM
:rofl: I find it hilarious you faggots can't control your woman without resorting to beating her. I keep my house immaculately clean, always have the laundry done (I even iron pillowcases), do the grocery shopping & other errands, do all the yardwork, am an amazing cook (I make all of our meals from scratch) & wait on my husband hand & foot. I'm happy to do all that & do it with a smile on my face. Big shocker here- my husband isn't cruel to me. That being said, it's pretty obvious all of your replies were meant for shock value. 2/10.

You just do this because you know he'd smack the shit outta you if you stepped out of line even once.

Anyway, my favorite method is psychologically. It definitely leaves its marks, but they're invisible unless manifested externally by her own subconscious cries for help, in which case divorce is warranted and then profit.

mizled
02-24-2012, 09:21 PM
Ask your local mosque.

QFT.

TheBlackDalia
02-24-2012, 09:24 PM
QFT.

What's QFT?

Motherfucking_Toast
02-24-2012, 09:27 PM
What's QFT?
Quoted For Truth

L33tz
02-24-2012, 09:28 PM
Sean Connery discusses women slapping - YouTube

ShadyLady
02-24-2012, 09:36 PM
Bitch Stfu before I grab a bag of oranges.

:rofl:

You just do this because you know he'd smack the shit outta you if you stepped out of line even once.

I like doing those things, though. :s

Anyway, my favorite method is psychologically. It definitely leaves its marks, but they're invisible unless manifested externally by her own subconscious cries for help, in which case divorce is warranted and then profit.

True.

BITCH TITZ
02-24-2012, 10:05 PM
:rofl: I find it hilarious you faggots can't control your woman without resorting to beating her. I keep my house immaculately clean, always have the laundry done (I even iron pillowcases), do the grocery shopping & other errands, do all the yardwork, am an amazing cook (I make all of our meals from scratch) & wait on my husband hand & foot. I'm happy to do all that & do it with a smile on my face. Big shocker here- my husband isn't cruel to me. That being said, it's pretty obvious all of your replies were meant for shock value. 2/10.

I beat her for fun when I'm drunk, not for control you pathetic fat bitch

Zanick
02-24-2012, 10:10 PM
Don't be so cowardly, just beat the whore out of her and don't give a fuck. She'll make excuses for the sake her marriage, just make sure you've sufficiently terrorized her. It helps to be generally unreasonable as a human being and you should have her crawling back to you every time she's been smacked, not to mention telling the neighbors about how she fell that morning and got a black eye from the doorknob.

Lady Julily
02-24-2012, 10:42 PM
None of you are very funny.

arleybob
02-24-2012, 10:43 PM
Lady Julily?

More like... Lady, You Silly! :hrmph:

Transit_Masturbator
02-24-2012, 10:48 PM
None of you are very funny.

http://i.imgur.com/SSNRq.jpg
There now shut the fuck up and leave zoklet forever dumb bitch.

Overeaters Anonymous
02-25-2012, 12:50 AM
I usually resort to waterboarding when my wife forgets to order my subway with extra cheese.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 01:30 AM
I like doing those things, though. :s

For the same reason any swamp donkey keeps a neat house, cooks great food, and bends to every whim...because fat chicks are grateful that any man would slang them some half decent dong.

TheBlackDalia
02-25-2012, 02:11 AM
For the same reason any swamp donkey keeps a neat house, cooks great food, and bends to every whim...because fat chicks are grateful that any man would slang them some half decent dong.

You're a better man than most because I couldn't see myself with a fat chick. I think they're utterly lol disgusting.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 06:58 AM
You're a better man than most because I couldn't see myself with a fat chick. I think they're utterly lol disgusting.

Occasionally, a girl with a little bit of chub on her isn't bad, but I've never been with one on a regular basis. I'm a big dude that prefers to have at least 80-90 pounds on a woman that's attractive and interesting enough to be with.

Still though, I wouldn't fuck Shady with a stolen koala's dick and you pushing.

Painzstake
02-25-2012, 08:00 AM
Sean Connery discusses women slapping - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oo0d1zTAFKA)

beat me to it haha

Painzstake
02-25-2012, 08:09 AM
This
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7mi42_american-dad-under-pressure_shortfilms

Nero
02-25-2012, 08:48 AM
You can only really be safe by punching her in the stomach, painfully twisting her arm behind her back or pulling her hair. Maybe a slap.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 01:13 PM
lies of an internet stalker

Why do you stalk me around this site? Practice before you stalk & rape women in real life? It pleases me that I have gotten under your skin enough for you to form this unhealthy obsession with me. Thanks for giving me the attention I crave.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 02:04 PM
General stupidity.

Because I post in BI from time to time totally = stalking.

Apparently, it's been a while since you've had some sweet valencia oranges.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 02:08 PM
still a stalker

I love how you go out of your way to mention me in your posts & to reply to my posts. I adore the attention.

shopping cart for brains
02-25-2012, 02:23 PM
:rofl: I find it hilarious you faggots can't control your woman without resorting to beating her. I keep my house immaculately clean, always have the laundry done (I even iron pillowcases), do the grocery shopping & other errands, do all the yardwork, am an amazing cook (I make all of our meals from scratch) & wait on my husband hand & foot. I'm happy to do all that & do it with a smile on my face. Big shocker here- my husband isn't cruel to me. That being said, it's pretty obvious all of your replies were meant for shock value. 2/10.

no we just want to beat the shit out of women with socks and oranges.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 02:45 PM
no we just want to beat the shit out of women with socks and oranges.

...and phone books.

shopping cart for brains
02-25-2012, 02:48 PM
...and phone books.

i bet if you tied one to a rope you could make a pretty nasty phone book flail, that'll teach a bitch :grinblunt:

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 02:52 PM
I love how you go out of your way to mention me in your posts & to reply to my posts. I adore the attention.

That's exactly right SortofLady. I'm stalking and trolling you because I have nothing better to do.

Besides :doarape: Talk to your hubby. See if he's down with some three way zoklet action.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 02:54 PM
i bet if you tied one to a rope you could make a pretty nasty phone book flail, that'll teach a bitch :grinblunt:

You're doing it wrong.

You slap them bitches across the face with it. Never bruises.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 02:59 PM
Oh my goodness, I almost can't handle all this attention.

Just kidding, I :<3: it.
You know you looked. :muahaha:

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 03:03 PM
That's exactly right SortofLady. I'm stalking and trolling you because I have nothing better to do.

At least you're not creating more autistic children. : ]

Once again :<3: the attention.

brotherinarms
02-25-2012, 03:11 PM
Yeah its pretty funny how weak op must be.

Transit_Masturbator
02-25-2012, 03:12 PM
At least you're not creating more autistic children. : ]

Once again :<3: the attention.

I'd hit it don't even know what you look like but but if u fuck like you shoplift I'm game.

Snoopy
02-25-2012, 03:18 PM
http://bash.org/?714660

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 04:21 PM
http://bash.org/?714660

Probably bullshit, but I lol'd.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 04:21 PM
Oh my goodness, I almost can't handle all this attention.

Just kidding, I :<3: it.
You know you looked. :muahaha:

:facepalm:

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 05:26 PM
I'd hit it don't even know what you look like but but if u fuck like you shoplift I'm game.

:<3:

:facepalm:

It's obvious you're infatuated with me. :)

Actor
02-25-2012, 05:28 PM
Just say she did it to herself to get some kind of payback on you.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 06:04 PM
It's obvious you're infatuated with me. :)

You'd like that wouldn't you? :o :o

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 07:30 PM
You'd like that wouldn't you? :o :o

I'd be lying if I didn't say yes. :redface2:

Tachosomoza
02-25-2012, 07:47 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if the "men" in this thread end up like that guy who got his dick cut off and thrown down the garbage disposal. There's no reason for a male to use oppressive violence in a relationship. Women aren't going for that shit this century.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 07:54 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if the "men" in this thread end up like that guy who got his dick cut off and thrown down the garbage disposal. There's no reason for a male to use oppressive violence in a relationship. Women aren't going for that shit this century.

I agree but...

http://www.lady-natalya.info/images/Boxxy_Troll_Thread.PNG

Xlite
02-25-2012, 07:54 PM
Nobody said electrocution?

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 07:56 PM
Nobody said electrocution?

Wouldn't that leave singe marks?

Xlite
02-25-2012, 07:59 PM
Wouldn't that leave singe marks?

Not a soft current.
Can be painfull as hell and easely provoke the same reactions as a beating.

Transit_Masturbator
02-25-2012, 08:14 PM
I wouldn't be surprised if the "men" in this thread end up like that guy who got his dick cut off and thrown down the garbage disposal. There's no reason for a male to use oppressive violence in a relationship. Women aren't going for that shit this century.

Wait didn't you cut off a dogs leg because he wouldn't knot in you?

arleybob
02-25-2012, 08:17 PM
Not a soft current.
Can be painfull as hell and easely provoke the same reactions as a beating.

you mean like submission, compliance, and respect?

Tachosomoza
02-25-2012, 08:21 PM
Wait didn't you cut off a dogs leg because he wouldn't knot in you?

Dogs should suffer and have trouble always.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 08:23 PM
Wait didn't you cut off a dogs leg because he wouldn't knot in you?

That disgusting.

Dogs should suffer and have trouble always.

I agree. I hate dogs.

Transit_Masturbator
02-25-2012, 08:42 PM
Dogs should suffer and have trouble always.

No, I can look past you being colored and kind of douchey but one has to be truly fucked in the head to abuse animals like that.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 08:44 PM
No, I can look past you being colored and kind of douchey but one has to be truly fucked in the head to abuse animals like that.

Would you judge an animal abuser more than you would judge a woman abuser?

a334jv2df
02-25-2012, 08:46 PM
Abuse her sexually

Transit_Masturbator
02-25-2012, 08:50 PM
Would you judge an animal abuser more than you would judge a woman abuser?

Tbh yes because and animal for the most part can't defend itselfor call the cops on you women have a voice and can report or retaliate,animals for the most part are helpless, and animals give unconditional love unless your a bad owner who raised the pet to be bad.

Gun Lover
02-25-2012, 09:06 PM
Put her clit in a vice :angry:

ZappaFan
02-25-2012, 10:27 PM
Buy a First-Aid Medical Kit and smash her face in with it.

TheBlackDalia
02-25-2012, 11:20 PM
I agree. I hate dogs.

:thumbsup:

They're quite vile animals.

ShadyLady
02-25-2012, 11:22 PM
Buy a First-Aid Medical Kit and smash her face in with it.

Apparently, you missed the last part of the thread title.

HampTheToker
02-25-2012, 11:27 PM
Apparently, you missed the last part of the thread title.

Assbergers has that effect.

ZappaFan
02-26-2012, 01:26 AM
Apparently, you missed the last part of the thread title.

No I didn't. I chose to ignore it.

BITCH TITZ
02-29-2012, 01:26 AM
Not a soft current.
Can be painfull as hell and easely provoke the same reactions as a beating.

that's a really good idea

ace
02-29-2012, 10:01 PM
hook up with a masochist, end of story.

The Pat-Man
03-03-2012, 10:57 AM
no we just want to beat the shit out of women with socks and oranges.

women will never understand the lighter side of violence will they?

TheBlackDalia
03-03-2012, 02:01 PM
women will never understand the lighter side of violence will they?

Hell no they won't. To fucking sensitive.

101 carrotcake
02-10-2013, 01:09 AM
I haven't found a sure fire method yet. I like to get her drunk and then knock her around. She doesn't remember how she got those marks that way. Then it's just a matter of telling a believable story!
I tell you what I would like to have a little talk with your wife. I would give her a bottle of liqueur to get u drunk then a bags of oranges so she could knock the living shit of you!!!!!!

106kissmyass
02-10-2013, 01:16 AM
You deserve an asskicking, funkatron54. And where did you get that name? Dumbo.

101 carrotcake
02-10-2013, 01:17 AM
Love this and they call the females sensitive....

106kissmyass
02-10-2013, 01:19 AM
Hell no they won't. To fucking sensitive.

I wasn't aware there was a lighter side of violence. Women are too sensitive, because they prefer not to have their face punched in by an ass like yourself?

106kissmyass
02-10-2013, 01:21 AM
Love this and they call the females sensitive....

Nothing like a bunch of women beaters getting together online thinking people can't see what they write. They also have downright terrible grammar.

101 carrotcake
02-10-2013, 01:33 AM
Angry much

101 carrotcake
02-10-2013, 01:39 AM
I will now discard my mans manhood thanks 4 motivation

JohnValsamis
02-10-2013, 01:42 AM
No need to hit your bitch. Play nice. Take her on a cruise. Suite with a balcony. Get her legless drunk and toss her overboard.

arleybob
02-10-2013, 02:57 AM
is it just me or does it seem like all the above posters are alts of each other

legendaryninjacutter
02-10-2013, 04:22 AM
its called a SLAP.


used by real men from the 20' tilll a litte bit after blacks started complaining about 'rights' (btw am black) (also am not exactly sure about that time period...oh well)


Google 'golden age of women beating'



This technique is also popular with pimps.

This is why we slap our women. all older adults slapped there women. They just didn't want you asshole fly-by night punk tough guys slapping their daughters.

so they made up some mindless rule:

blah blah blah...you don't hit girls.

sure...

Xlite
02-10-2013, 04:03 PM
What troll bumped this thread?

salyummz
02-10-2013, 04:26 PM
tell u what...i rarely drink so that wouldnt work now would it...and the last bloke that hit me with anything...ended up with 17 stitches in his head...I`M THE BITCH THE HITS BACK!!!!!!

salyummz
02-10-2013, 04:29 PM
haha love it...GO GIRL!!

salyummz
02-10-2013, 04:30 PM
I will now discard my mans manhood thanks 4 motivation
Go for it...lol..GO GIRL!!!
; D

Seawitz
02-11-2013, 07:00 AM
What's QFT?

I was gonna say Quite Fucking True.

BITCH TITZ
02-11-2013, 07:03 AM
attack of the mud farmers

'Ed Rush
02-11-2013, 07:26 AM
Who cares about bruises as long as she knows that she "fell down some stairs".

MC Homicidal Rapist
02-11-2013, 07:42 AM
I would never hurt a girl that was actually willing to date me. All the other women on the other hand...... they're fair game.

ZappaFan
02-13-2013, 04:09 PM
Smash her skull in and put a towel over her head.

salyummz
02-16-2013, 04:00 PM
what are your favorite methods?

Hmm lemme see..my favourite way would be to grab what ever you would be hitting me with...exchange it with a baseball bat..and beat the crap outta you..good eh?...any ladies with me on that one?
:smug:

Retard Synrdome
02-17-2013, 10:58 AM
With a soft, fluffy pillow.

SBTlauien
02-18-2013, 05:51 AM
I use to have a friend that would say, "Don't hit your girlfriend, just shake her. Shake her really hard."

soso0
02-20-2013, 01:27 AM
During sex, as you're hitting it bring your arm back and punch the hell out of her pussy. Just say oops sorry.

Xlite
02-23-2013, 04:42 PM
My girl said wrap her up in bubble plastic, and then beat her.

TOMMYJOHN69
03-04-2013, 10:21 PM
i like to use a towel and tie her to the dining room table and waterboard the shit out of her

troyfan
03-04-2013, 10:45 PM
give her a bear hug and a kiss.Then learn these instruments:harp::band::rock_band::DJ::bass::jazz_ band:

TOMMYJOHN69
03-04-2013, 10:51 PM
give her a bear hug and a kiss.Then learn these instruments:harp::band::rock_band::DJ::bass::jazz_ band:
dude I can already play drums bass guitar and piano so if your talking to me don't patronize me.

Retard Synrdome
03-04-2013, 11:00 PM
Tazer.