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View Full Version : Uncle Jack's Hints On 'Scoring'/ Getting Laid


jackketch
01-21-2009, 12:37 PM
We getting some protips/pua threads again so I thought I'd post a few thoughts of my own. You see you don't need the right 'lines', you don't need 'game', you don't need cool clothes or a car and most of all you don't even need confidence to score.

What you need are soap and water and the right attitude, that's all.

1.Wash

This is vital and you'd be surprised how many boys forget it. Brushing your teeth tends to be a good idea too. However don't shower just before you
go out and for the love of Christ don't cover yourself in deo. Give yourself a fighting chance. Subconsciously she'll decide whether you are 'mate-able' material, breeding material, within seconds of meeting you and how you smell is vital. Nothing fucks up her nasal passages like a cloud of cheap canned deo. If you must use
"smellies" then use a little high class aftershave/ eau de toilette...preferably one of the old fashion sort with a musk note and not the modern 'sport' ones cos they just smell like rotten cucumber to her.

If i was going out in the evening then I'd bath in the afternoon, give my natural scent time to come back.

1a. (cos I forgot) Clothes. Unless you're going somewhere with a dress code, be it formal or informal, then a comfortable open shirt and CLEAN jeans are all you need...although shoes kinda help too. Avoid track suits-you aren't black. Avoid designer fashionable clothes.Burberry never got anyone laid. Yes women are primevally attracted to bright feathers, to signs that a male is wealthy but that's all it is , ie attracted. Wearing designer gear won't get her in your bed. If you do come from money then go as understated as possible with just a clue to wealth- cheap clothes and a stainless steelrolex are a winner.

Find out what colours work for you. Ask a sister/mother/sales girl. For example, I know that a light blue shirt just makes my myopic, watery, psycho-killer ice blue eyes just WORK. More than one girl has confessed in the morning that what she really noticed about me were my eyes. Find out what works for you.

2.Fix Any Fixable Obvious Faults.

Again first impressions count. Change those coke-bottle glasses for contacts, have those buck teeth fixed. You need to fix anything that implies genetic weakness. Of course if you're ginger then there's no point, just accept the fact you'll die a virgin.

You don't need to go all american and have perfect teeth nor does a 6 pack matter much.

3.Go where Girls Are. Bit of a no brainer really. But inorder to get laid you need to meet girls. Simples.

4.Don't Go Out Looking To Get Laid. Nothing puts off girls faster than that sad air of desperation, especially if you're trying to be something you aren't. You're not a rapper, not a 'gansta' and you sure as fuck don't have 'game'. Just be you. Nothing wrong with being a spotty white middle class kid. Go out with attitude "I'm going out to have some fun, meet some cool interesting people and have a laugh"

5.Learn To Talk. If you read nothing else of this post then read this. Talk, not just to girls but everyone, all the time. Learn how to converse, how to hold a conversation. Remember that everyone's favourite topic is THEMSELVES and girls are no exception. The ability to communicate is central to life, it will not only get you laid almost anytime or anyplace but also get you good jobs and social respect. Unless you're going for some specialised job where knowledge is the single and only factor then most employers would rather have someone with slightly less qualifications but who can communicate, who can work in a team.

I'm forty, flabby, balding and have teeth that look like a shit covered Stonehenge. I am a walking fashion disaster-jeans/t-shirt/para boots. Yet you could drop me naked at midnight in anyeuropean city and within 24 hours I'd have clothes, money and a girl. No boast btw, I've done that kind of shit.

Simply because I took the time and learnt how to talk TO women and not AT them. You will know when you've got it right. You'll listen to some girl rabbit on all fucking evening,not getting a word in edgeways and then next day you'll hear she's told everyone that you're a 'brilliant conversationalist" how she could really open up to you.

Be interested in what anyone has to say to you. Don't feign it. Find something about what they are saying that does interest you. Classic example, you meet a bloke at a party and you ask him (as men always do) what he does for a living. He tells you he's 'in sheds', that his company makes garden sheds. You interested by sheds, do garden sheds get you excited? Probably not, even among totseans it's not a fetish. But what about if he then goes on to say "You know we make about $200 a shed and we cleared $4,000,000 last year"? Not hard to get at least mildly interested about sheds now is it?

Same goes with talking to girls, get interested in what's she's saying. Contrary to appearances most women do have opinions worth hearing.

6.Remember Its A Numbers Game. Only about a third of the women you talk to will be even vaguely interested in sleeping with you and only a third of that third will. If there's no spark then you've probably made a great new friend. NEXT.

7. Confidence. Yes it helps, it helps a lot. But you'll only get confidence with women when you've managed to lose your virginity. So either pay a tart or go with what you've got. Nothing wrong with being scared shitless. Infact seeming a little vulnerable , being a little tongue tied, making a dork of yourself can all be attractive to women. ..much more so than the gold medallion wearing uber-confident brigade.

Euda
01-21-2009, 12:42 PM
And never flick the lights off and on really fast. :mad:

Be passionate, communicate, and treat yourself well.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 12:44 PM
And never flick the lights off and on really fast. :mad:

unless she's epileptic cos that can be amusing and a shared fit bonds.

unstableasatable
01-21-2009, 12:44 PM
a*


:applaud:

Venatio Vos
01-21-2009, 12:50 PM
None of that really maters Jack. I've seen the ugliest fattest smelliest guys score chicks. Best advice is to not obsess about it and just go out with friends often. Things have a way of happening on their own.

Other then that.


Uncle Venatio's Surefire way to 'Scoring'/ Getting Laid.

1. Brothels are legal and discreet.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 12:52 PM
None of that really maters Jack. I've seen the ugliest fattest smelliest guys score chicks. Best advice is to not obsess about it and just go out with friends often. Things have a way of happening on their own.

Other then that.


Uncle Venatio's Surefire way to 'Scoring'/ Getting Laid.

1. Brothels are legal and discreet.

QFMFT.

Agent 008
01-21-2009, 01:02 PM
Wait, that means you actually have to go out and talk to people?

jackketch
01-21-2009, 01:03 PM
Wait, that means you actually have to go out and talk to people?

Nah online works too, if their parents don't censor their internet usage.

Blunderfail
01-21-2009, 01:05 PM
thanks but i doubt it will work for me. i can't see myself with a girlfriend who isn't fat/ugly... thanks though. i'll keep tryin.

Venatio Vos
01-21-2009, 01:10 PM
Nah online works too, if their parents don't censor their internet usage.

Myspace: Enabling pedophiles since 2003.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 01:29 PM
Myspace: Enabling pedophiles since 2003.

http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2007/01/2001878703063990209_rs.jpg

parkus
01-21-2009, 02:18 PM
Myspace: Enabling pedophiles since 2003.

No waay, it's a place for friends :bluewink:

Obelisk
01-21-2009, 04:21 PM
#5 and #7 are the big ones. If you've got those two down it will make everything else easier. Practice, practice, practice.

Nitronick
01-21-2009, 04:45 PM
thanks but i doubt it will work for me. i can't see myself with a girlfriend who isn't fat/ugly... thanks though. i'll keep tryin.

Go for fat/cute.

Nefret
01-21-2009, 05:06 PM
6.Remember Its A Numbers Game. Only about a third of the women you talk to will be even vaguely interested in sleeping with you and only a third of that third will. If there's no spark then you've probably made a great new friend. NEXT.


This certainly isn't the most important one but I'm reiterating for multiple reasons. If you act like you don't give a shit about her afterwards she'll probably tell her friends and then you won't have a chance to fuck them either. If you keep her as a friend not only will she probably try to hook you up with her friends but she might also help you pick up girls and it is testament to your admirable personality.
My current boyfriend mentioned something like this after we'd been dating for a fair while. He assumed if he didn't get me at least he'd gotten an awesome new drinking buddy and a good wingman.

wires
01-21-2009, 05:12 PM
1.Wash

Brush teeth 2/3 x a day
Wash face 2x a day
If you have acne, use a gentle acne product, followed by scentless moisturiser (such as E45 - this applies to all skin types)
Wash your hair with shampoo
Make sure your ears are clean
Wash your hands WITH SOAP, keep your fingernails clean

Shower once a day at least. Seriously, girls LOVE a guy with great hygiene. Try all this every day religiously and see how much of a difference it makes.

Ps - don't use Lynx/Axe. It's rank. Sure for men is good and smells inoffensive, also comes in fragrance free. The smell of 'clean boy' is yummy.

Agent 008
01-21-2009, 05:15 PM
Try all this every day religiously and see how much of a difference it makes.

None if you never talk to people, apparently.

Nefret
01-21-2009, 05:22 PM
Wash your hands WITH SOAP, keep your fingernails clean

And please for the love of god. Cut your fucking fingernails.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 05:25 PM
And please for the love of god. Cut your fucking fingernails.

I've mentioned this one in my infamous 'taking her virginity' thread. You scratch her inside and it infects then you can forget about ever having sex with her again.

But even at the first meeting stage, clean tidy nails are a plus.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 05:27 PM
Wash your hair with shampoo

Or just do what I do, simply don't bother having hair and save yourself the work.

The smell of 'clean boy' is yummy.

I think every woman I have ever know, biblically or not, has said the same.

xilikeeggs0
01-21-2009, 05:54 PM
You don't need to go all american and have perfect teeth

I lol'ed.

Nefret
01-21-2009, 05:58 PM
I think every woman I have ever know, biblically or not, has said the same.

Yep, the only time I want to smell you sweaty and gross is when I've been fucking you for ages and the smell becomes a turn on.

Venatio Vos
01-21-2009, 06:16 PM
Yep, the only time I want to smell you sweaty and gross is when I've been fucking you for ages and the smell becomes a turn on.

I'd still prefer she wear an anti-perspirant.

Nefret
01-21-2009, 06:18 PM
I'd still prefer she wear an anti-perspirant.

I was talking about men, I'm not particularly a fan of female body oder.

Venatio Vos
01-21-2009, 06:24 PM
Would really surprise me if it was worse the a big sweaty man's.

Nitronick
01-21-2009, 06:25 PM
Would really surprise me if it was worse the a big sweaty man's.

You expect a big sweaty man to have BO. You will not be expecting it from a woman.

Euda
01-21-2009, 06:26 PM
Every so often women comment on my clipped nails and it's disturbing for me. Why are you even looking at my nails? :mad:

Enjoy what you do. Don't be a miserable son of a bitch. If you're not enjoying it, find something, or someone, new.

Nefret
01-21-2009, 06:27 PM
It can happen, I knew a girl way back from high school who thought if she didn't wear deodorant her natural body smell would regulate itself. Lets just say that even before she tried this novel experiment her scent was up there with the worst information my olfactory has ever received.

Psychotic_Rave
01-21-2009, 06:28 PM
6.Remember Its A Numbers Game. Only about a third of the women you talk to will be even vaguely interested in sleeping with you and only a third of that third will. If there's no spark then you've probably made a great new friend. NEXT.
honestly i dont relaly like this idea
you have nailed some things like being a good conversationalist and keeping clean but you can have faults because sure as hell no mater how hot a girl is she will have faults to. Also confidence is very important and for the love of god man you can score with more than a third of a third of chicks. Most girls with boyfriends .. even husbands are willing to fuck you if you can efficiently attract them. Although i must give you props if you have went around naked and scored cloths and a chick.

Silverfuck
01-21-2009, 06:57 PM
This should be archived or stickied or something so it can be linked frequently.

Jakketch never disappoints.

Euda
01-21-2009, 07:08 PM
Jakketch never disappoints.

You just made him spit out his coffee laughing. He's a :wacko: with some life experience. One of the ways that you get experience by making mistakes and by learning from the mistakes of others. You put yourself out there and you go for it.

Disappointment isn't always the worst thing in the world.

Venatio Vos
01-21-2009, 07:24 PM
I'm sure she was talking in a lighthearted way Captain Serious.

Silverfuck
01-21-2009, 07:43 PM
I'm sure she was talking in a lighthearted way Captain Serious.

Euda is such a pretentious prick, and I'm not sorry.

Warped Mindless
01-21-2009, 07:47 PM
6.Remember Its A Numbers Game. Only about a third of the women you talk to will be even vaguely interested in sleeping with you and only a third of that third will. If there's no spark then you've probably made a great new friend. NEXT.

Good advice Jack, except #6. I get with more than a third of the chicks I approach and I'm only average looking. Anyone can, you just need the right stragety. I have one friend, Brenton, who can get 80% of every girl he approaches to at least makeout with him. I think he gets around 60% of them to fuck him and hes getting even better. I have seen his success with my own eyes. And yes, they are hott chicks.

Euda
01-21-2009, 07:50 PM
Euda is such a pretentious prick, and I'm not sorry.

You should never be sorry for what you have to say; you should realize that you're ignorant, but there's no reason to be sorry.

Most of jack's strength lays in the mistakes, and bad situations, he has made throughout his life. It's simply a fact, not a criticism or a weakness.

Atlas
01-21-2009, 08:02 PM
valuable information as always, thank you sir!

stupid1
01-21-2009, 08:03 PM
Thanks for the info, very useful.
Jack, what advice can you give me for fucking pregnant teens?

Silverfuck
01-21-2009, 08:14 PM
You should never be sorry for what you have to say; you should realize that you're ignorant, but there's no reason to be sorry.

Most of jack's strength lays in the mistakes, and bad situations, he has made throughout his life. It's simply a fact, not a criticism or a weakness.

It's not ignorant that I think you're pretentious.

Ooh look at me, I'm Euda, I always have the answer for everything and I'm always way more level-headed and sensible than everyone else. Even though I constantly have girls literally hanging off of me because I'm so damned well-adjusted.

aliveupboy
01-21-2009, 08:16 PM
^You guys should start your own thread. Your arguing/flaming is humorous.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 08:18 PM
Ooh look at me, I'm Euda.....I'm always way more level-headed and sensible than everyone else.

LOL you really don't know Euda.

jackketch
01-21-2009, 08:19 PM
You should never be sorry for what you have to say; you should realize that you're ignorant, but there's no reason to be sorry. She isn't.

Most of jack's strength lays in the mistakes, and bad situations, he has made throughout his life. It's simply a fact, not a criticism or a weakness. QFMFT

Euda
01-21-2009, 08:29 PM
LOL you really don't know Euda.

It makes me smile.

I've heard this pretentious thing before and it always comes from people that don't know me from Adam. After talking to me once, they laugh about it.

QFMFT

Sometimes learning the hard way is the best way.

ergoat
01-21-2009, 09:27 PM
Thanks Jack, one of the "advice" threads I can actually agree with.

Except this "hygiene" bizzo... You mean to say that looking like you live on the street isn't attractive? Hmm...

Thought Riot
01-21-2009, 09:28 PM
6.Remember Its A Numbers Game[/B]. Only about a third of the women you talk to will be even vaguely interested in sleeping with you and only a third of that third will. If there's no spark then you've probably made a great new friend. NEXT.


women are like baseball. If you succeed 1/3 of the time, you're a fucking Hall of Famer. If you succeed 1/4 of the time, you're still in the game.

EDIT: the female for clothing advice is solid.

refugee
01-21-2009, 11:11 PM
And please for the love of god. Cut your fucking fingernails.

i have my left index and thumb nails grown out a little bit, but they are my roach clip and sniffs, is this ok?!

Nefret
01-22-2009, 12:00 AM
As long as they don't go anywhere near my vagina then sure. Fine.

Mankonaut X
01-22-2009, 12:24 AM
You should never be sorry for what you have to say; you should realize that you're ignorant, but there's no reason to be sorry.

Most of jack's strength lays in the mistakes, and bad situations, he has made throughout his life. It's simply a fact, not a criticism or a weakness.

...hey, shutup.

Ps - don't use Lynx/Axe. It's rank. Sure for men is good and smells inoffensive, also comes in fragrance free. The smell of 'clean boy' is yummy.
Chicks don't like guys that smell like chocolate!? At the very least I'd be attracting fat chicks, wouldn't I?

As long as they don't go anywhere near my vagina then sure. Fine.

If I had a nickel for every time I'd heard that *sigh*

blankooie
01-22-2009, 01:00 AM
Shower once a day at least. Seriously, girls LOVE a guy with great hygiene. Try all this every day religiously and see how much of a difference it makes.

Ps - don't use Lynx/Axe. It's rank. Sure for men is good and smells inoffensive, also comes in fragrance free. The smell of 'clean boy' is yummy.

Smelling nice is half the battle. I get complimented on my scent more than most people. Tip to all of you: don't ever over do it. Women have better noses then men, and they use it.

aliveupboy
01-22-2009, 01:11 AM
Everyone talking bout smell n such, wtf is a good cologne/deodorant?? What brand gets the ladies wet?

Silverfuck
01-22-2009, 01:14 AM
I don't have very refined taste in men's colognes. I like Old Spice deodorant, or Swiss Army cologne (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/Hathery/Xswissarmy.jpg).

Rykoshet
01-22-2009, 01:20 AM
I don't have very refined taste in men's colognes. I like Old Spice deodorant, or Swiss Army cologne (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/Hathery/Xswissarmy.jpg).

http://i285.photobucket.com/albums/ll47/amysweetmanphoto/freud.jpg

He's on to you.

Venatio Vos
01-22-2009, 01:22 AM
I don't have very refined taste in men's colognes. I like Old Spice deodorant, or Swiss Army cologne (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v295/Hathery/Xswissarmy.jpg).

Someone has Daddy issues.

aliveupboy
01-22-2009, 01:30 AM
Someone has Daddy issues.

Ya. You. RAPE TIME!!

redhead
01-22-2009, 04:19 AM
Everyone talking bout smell n such, wtf is a good cologne/deodorant?? What brand gets the ladies wet?

Just use a good soap when showering and antiperspirant, not body spray. Natural, clean smelling guys are better than smelling like lynx chocolate (it doesn't smell good, just tastes it, not attractive).

Obelisk
01-22-2009, 04:28 AM
wtf is a good cologne/deodorant?? What brand gets the ladies wet?

I've gotten numerous compliments just from wearing Old Spice. There was this one short chick I used to work with and some days when I came in she would run up and stick her nose in my armpit. Besides that generic compliments on it though.

aliveupboy
01-22-2009, 04:32 AM
^K both you and silverfuck are saying old spice. I'll buy some next time im in a store. thanks

some choad
01-22-2009, 04:41 AM
omg i scored this hot girl once, i was at bingo with my granny and she was just like date? i was like yes!

Mankonaut X
01-22-2009, 12:05 PM
Just use a good soap when showering and antiperspirant, not body spray. Natural, clean smelling guys are better than smelling like lynx chocolate (it doesn't smell good, just tastes it, not attractive).

Lynx Chocolate or women? Shit...

WAN
01-22-2009, 01:19 PM
It's not ignorant that I think you're pretentious.

Ooh look at me, I'm Euda, I always have the answer for everything and I'm always way more level-headed and sensible than everyone else. Even though I constantly have girls literally hanging off of me because I'm so damned well-adjusted.

lol silver

as for pretentious...I don't know if that's true or not, but Euda does strike me as aloof

Mankonaut X
01-22-2009, 01:20 PM
lol silver

as for pretentious...I don't know if that's true or not, but Euda does strike me as aloof

Mitch Hedburg was aloof, and look what happened to him.

refugee
01-29-2009, 07:37 AM
As long as they don't go anywhere near my vagina then sure. Fine.

well thats why i have two hands babe

*ivy
01-29-2009, 04:52 PM
I think every woman I have ever know, biblically or not, has said the same.

I don't. I dislike the smell of soap. I prefer the smell of not-had-a-shower-for-a-day boy.