Aspergers who refuses help.

[Nameraca]

Hi. I have a problem with a dumb friend who has aspergers. He's 23

When he was a kid his parents didn't push him. He's some kind of basement dweller now. He rarely goes out. He lives with me half a month, one week at m place and one at his parents, alternating.

But now we have a problem. Since he let school, he stopped doing anything. Sports. Going out. We have to drag him out to get him to see a movie, and only if a blockbuster is out, he won't see random stuff for fun.

Apart from that, he's got chores to do, and he doesn't do them.
He still gets his parents to drive him to my pad even thought he got a small bag, a laptop bag and a sleeping bag. He doesn't buy himself clothes and takes a shower twice per week. His sheets at my pad were YELLOW after 14 days of him sleeping here, and I had to watch them TWICE in BLEACH to get the fish smell off, and the yellow off.

He got services offered, but turns them down. He got a small job trough services building computers, but quit after two weeks and lied that that was over, even tough it wasn't. He doesn't make any effort. I call him a dog sometimes and say that people who grovel and beg and get lived by others (welfare, well, is called Bien Etre Social, or social help, in Canada), and fuck, I'm stopping paying taxes. He has the capacity, I know. He's highly intelligent and understand everything said to him. With a little help and work he could at least get his hygiene working, and be autonomous and do his chores.

Now, why won't he use of his capacity (he has help and support and books available) and what can I do to kick him up the ass and get him to do shit?

Also I know others aspies, very autonomous, all of them, no problem for bus, maybe a little shy sometimes, but all into the actio and doing businness.
So why does that fucking idiot don't do shit? Or rather, refuse help to have him/help him do shit?

[M. Samuel Chevalier]

lol ass burgers

[Generic Box Of Cookies]

Do him a favor; kill him.

[driveby]

Does he have a burger in his ass?

Anyway, what the fuck is this?

[Young Meth]

Aspergers people are so annoying.

Do him a favor; kill him.

[Nameraca]

Someone told me that today ^ : I'll think about it.

[driveby]

How many of these people exist that most of you encounter many of them more then once?

I've never heard of anyone who was smart, but stayed inside all day, and was dirty.

[JoePedo]

Also I know others aspies, very autonomous, all of them, no problem for bus, maybe a little shy sometimes, but all into the actio and doing businness.So why does that fucking idiot don't do shit?

It might have something to do with the fact that all the symptoms you listed involve agoraphobia and extreme clinical depression instead of assburgers.

Wake me when he's highly social (socially inept, but social) and successful dividing his time between building particle accelerators and collecting science fiction action figures. And gets the hell out of the basement.

[Young Meth]

How many of these people exist that most of you encounter many of them more then once?

I've never heard of anyone who was smart, but stayed inside all day, and was dirty.

i know a bitch with aspergers, my mom's friends daughter. she's not smart she just says shit like "THAT'S NOT TRUE!!!!" whenever a sarcastic joke is said, and other annoying shit like that.

She also has this strange tendency of assuming people give a fuck about her, even though she pushes em away.

When I went to jail for ONE night for a DUI she somehow got my # and was frantically txting me like "I heard what happened OMG!!!!! WE HAVE GOT TO TALK" when all she's ever done with me around is either awkwardly stand around saying nothing or say the most juvenile insults to insult everyones intelligence.

i never txted her back, but i told her i would talk to her later (i think i was on opiates and wanted to spare her feelings) she still txts me like bi-weekly sayin something like "u lied" or "when r u gonna call me?!"

Aspergers in a phrase: "Cant take a hint"

[driveby]

OK, that's weird.

[Young Meth]

OK, that's weird.

Fasho. avoid at all costs.

[Nameraca]

It might have something to do with the fact that all the symptoms you listed involve agoraphobia and extreme clinical depression instead of assburgers.


He doesn't have agoraphobia. However, he isolates himself and refuses to talk, and has some schizoid vision of the world (defense mechanism).
Like, he believes he has powers. Like psychic powers. And that eventually the world will need him. That makes him stop doing shit because he may see it as useless, as he believes in 2012 and may believe effort has been done for nothing.

So, yeah, and he may have depression. How to convince / force him to get help?

Is there a way I can make him legally harmful/dangerous to himself or other people so I can force him into psychiatry?

[PROJECT PAT]

lol ass burgers

that's not even remotely funny.

also I usually shower about twice a week. if he exerts himself as little as you say theres no way that he would "turn the sheets yellow" because of that.

[slm33d]

I can haz assburburgers ?.

[slm33d]

I have aspergers but fuck me every other person with it seems fucked?.

[Syphilis]

Fuck helping them.

Let natural selection do its thing.

[Syphilis]

And with a little sugarcoating: you can't help him, he has to want to help himself, which he doesn't. If he really, REALLY wanted to, he would.

[JoePedo]

He doesn't have agoraphobia.

...then why isn't he wearing mismatched clothes outside?

Like, he believes he has powers. Like psychic powers. And that eventually the world will need him. That makes him stop doing shit because he may see it as useless, as he believes in 2012 and may believe effort has been done for nothing.

That's... psychotic megalomaniacal delusion. Which is not assburgers.

Is there a way I can make him legally harmful/dangerous to himself or other people so I can force him into psychiatry?

Unfortunately, this would make you a danger to self or others. Well, mostly, others.

Does he prep his own food, or does he make other people do it?

[nutsack]

I have aspergers but fuck me every other person with it seems fucked?.

I guess it can be more or less severe

[skyclaw441]

As a very high-functioning Aspie myself diagnosed at the age of nine, I'd say he may have a lower-functioning form (or even borderline full-blown Autism). I mean, I'm up and around, I love meeting new people, and I love going out in public and doing things. I'd definitely say he may have another issue rather than just Asperger's. I'd take him to a psychiatrist of some sort to get a possible diagnosis. I don't know what else to tell you, but that does not sound like normal Asperger's to me.

[Dream of the iris]

He doesn't have agoraphobia. However, he isolates himself and refuses to talk, and has some schizoid vision of the world (defense mechanism).
Like, he believes he has powers. Like psychic powers. And that eventually the world will need him. That makes him stop doing shit because he may see it as useless, as he believes in 2012 and may believe effort has been done for nothing.

So, yeah, and he may have depression. How to convince / force him to get help?

Is there a way I can make him legally harmful/dangerous to himself or other people so I can force him into psychiatry?


Holy shit! I know a guy kinda like this. He says he just wants to chill out until the aliens come in 2012!

I'm serious. I wonder what else your friend does... does he believe in aliens?

[M. Samuel Chevalier]

that's not even remotely funny.

:rant: im always funny :rant:

[Nameraca]

...then why isn't he wearing mismatched clothes outside?

He wears matched, but very old clothes. He wears them since 5 years.
One sleeve of his T-shirt is ripped. He has two pairs of jeans, one per week. Maybe 2-3 shirts, one is good for 3-4 days.


That's... psychotic megalomaniacal delusion. Which is not assburgers.

Also he may have depression. Due to Assburgers.

I looked up your psychotic Megal- delusion. It links to pathological/malignant Narcissism, which he clearly doesn't have. I think he may however have schizoid defense mechanism, such as being unable to live in reality, so he makes a make believe world.

characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, and emotional coldness


# Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
# Indifference to social norms and conventions.
# Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.


He doesn't have the introspection. But his inner life isn't rich, unlike schizoids.
So if he doesn't have assburgers, what does he have?... All the high functioning autists I've seen at school are much more retarded than he is. He doesn't have NVLD either, I have it.

What could he have? Anything I could look up?

I'm pretty sure it's within the spectrum of Pervasive developmental disorder tough.



Unfortunately, this would make you a danger to self or others. Well, mostly, others.


How come? Because I want his well being by sending him into psychiatry to get help?


Does he prep his own food, or does he make other people do it?

His parents. Or me. But when it's meat, he cooks his own. Now his parents are gone and he's alone, so he'll prolly eat microwaved stuff his mom left him, or just bad, frozen foods.

Tuesday I got a meeting dealing with this. I'll try to have the help I got make a plan and make him do it.

First deal with depression. Change nutrition, sleep schedules, etc...
Then force into action. He'll have to do things and answer. Be on time... etc..
Third, break isolation. Force to go out.

As a very high-functioning Aspie myself diagnosed at the age of nine, I'd say he may have a lower-functioning form (or even borderline full-blown Autism). I mean, I'm up and around, I love meeting new people, and I love going out in public and doing things. I'd definitely say he may have another issue rather than just Asperger's. I'd take him to a psychiatrist of some sort to get a possible diagnosis. I don't know what else to tell you, but that does not sound like normal Asperger's to me.

Sadly, he doesn't want to go see one. Is the reason I need to make him dangerous to himself or others.

I'm serious. I wonder what else your friend does... does he believe in aliens?
All is written in my first post. He believes in Aliens. In God, too, but more as a higher being more than a catholic/christian/religious freak.

All the high functioning autists I've seen at school are much more retarded than he is. He doesn't have NVLD either, I have it.

What could he have? Anything I could look up?

I'm pretty sure it's within the spectrum of Pervasive developmental disorder tough.

[Snoopy]

Assburgers?

Oh shi-

That's the secret word!

[Nameraca]

Is it possible to for him to have Multiple-complex Developmental Disorder?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multiple-complex_Developmental_Disorder

Out of the traits he has... to quote a few

Depressive symptoms such as consistent depressed mood, feelings of sadness or emptiness, thoughts of death, little interest or pleasure in activities, chronic fatigue, feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
Manic symptoms such as racing thoughts, irritability distractibility, psychomotor agitation, impulsivity, sleep disturbances, feelings of grandiosity or extreme self worth, risky behavior.
Severely impaired regulation of feelings with significant and wide emotional variability.

Nearly all of the below, but he will share interests if interests are his, as an autist.

1. Marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors such as eye-to-eye gaze, facial expression, body posture, and gestures to regulate social interaction
2. Failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level
3. A lack of spontaneous seeking to share enjoyment, interests, or achievements with other people
4. Lack of social or emotional reciprocity

1. Delusions, including fantasies of personal omnipotence, thought insertion, paranoid preoccupations, overengagement with fantasy figures, grandiose fantasies of special powers, referential ideation, and confusion between fantasy and real life.

He's got a few more on different levels. What do you think?

[Young Meth]

He sounds like a real bad schizoid/aspies guy to me

[Nameraca]

Which he is most likely not. Definitly not schizoid, and from (and he is most likely right) what JoePedo said, not asperger either.

[JustAnotherAsshole]

Drive his anti-social, unhygienic, retarded ass out of your abode.

[fallinghouse]

You people need to shift your approach from trying to find a box inside of which you can place him (ie. aspergers, schizoid, agoraphobic...) to finding a way to deal with the practical realities of this situation.

Here's what I suggest. First, you need to make an arbitrary distinction between aspects of his personality that are simply unusual (such as not wanting to go out), and aspects of his personality that are significantly disrupting the lives of others such as yourself (like not doing chores, or paying his share of rent/utilities). Then, assuming he's rational, present to him a simple if-then statement of if you don't change this stuff, then I will kick you out. I suggest that you make this demand in a written note rather than approaching him in person.

If he chooses to leave, well that's probably his right. But if he chooses to stay then unless you get him into some kind of therapy, he's just going to slowly drift back into his old ways, so make a requirement for him to stay that he gets some sort of significant and regular mental help, and be very clear that you will follow through on your threat if things get bad again. He won't like this at all, and it may be a deal-breaker, but this is a requirement that can't be avoided.

[Nameraca]

Great post, fallinghouse.

It's true that it's more important to attack the problems than finding what he has; however, his disorder must be known to know the way to approach him. But I (rather me and the help) will tackle the problem and I'll try to use your method of exposing the problem, with the if-then thing. Also I'll clearly state what comportments are unimportant (yeah, who cares about not going out lol) and those who disturbs others (like not doing chores and hygiene).

Thank you.

[stumbleonblind]

tell him he'll get more pussy if he goes out. also, tell him the aliens don't give a fuck about him. tell him the aliens are cock-blocking him. you can tell him i said that.

also tell him he is shrinking and if he doesn't wash the dishes one day a big black scary monster is going to eat him.

[Scoot]

Maybe he just has low self-esteem and has developed the beliefs/delusions because he has been constantly been surrounded by conspicary theories on tv or other people, fucked up documentaries, or god knows what else. I know a person can actually shift their delusions on people around them that are susceptible to it. I think its induced psychosis or something, I'd have to look it up. Even if he has no friends in RL he is bound to use some kind of chat application if like you said he has a laptop and an internet connection to communicate in some way or another with people.

When people don't feel very good about themselves it can be hard for them to interact with others because they think they are just going to tell them to fuck off, let alone keep themselves clean. It's almost like "nobody else gives a fuck about me so why should I?".

I wouldn't do what most people advise and force him to sink or swim so to speak, but ask him if he wants to change and find him a pyschologist, if he doesn't then start being more assertive with him to find him some help. He might not understand that he has something wrong with him. If he is that detached from reality it wouldn't be very good forcing him to change at once.

Remember you always take thing in baby steps.

If he left school and is like that then he probably should find a hobby or something to entertain himself with (lol, dildo).

But seriously I hope all works out with your friend and he finds the help he needs.

EDIT: I just reread the op's post again. If he doesn't want to find help then tell him if he doesn't see a counsellor or a pyschologist tell him that you're not going to have anything to do with him. Talk to his parents about this and see what they say about the whole therapy shit and get them to help you if you can.


He got services offered

What exactly did they offer him?

[Nameraca]

I'm leaving in like 20 mins to go deal that out.

For your question Scoot, he got a Psychiatrist (he's in Canada, so it's mostly free).

He got a help from a Center that gives him an assigned educator, that serves as a link to his parents, and find him services, little jobs, can help finding an appartment. He could get an unpaid training job, he could get weekly support to monitor his progress, he could be taken out to get clothes, he could be teached autonomy, and many things which he'd (he'll) all refuse.

Also thank you for saving me the pain to re-rexplain he refuses.

Now, I decided to go with fallinghouse's idea.

I threw tall the problems on paper and narrowed them all to a if-then model contract. I will explain the problems, then demand he signs the contract. Also, put a bad consequence if the contract fails.

I'll write the results when I come back.

[Nameraca]

So, it has gone okay, but we'll have another meeting once the true educator's back. We had someone assigned as the real one was sick.

For now, we wrote on paper the disturbing comportments. Then, she spoke with him alone and let him know that if he didn't decide follow up the work on ONE of the three ''departments" he needed to work in, with the help of the mental disorder readaptation center (whatever it give him an educator) trough the learn I would take a Decision.

The 3 "departments" were

Hygiene (Learning to fear less water, shower more often, wash hands when necessary)
Responsabilities (Taking the bus on time, doing chores, don't blame others)
Social (lying about hygiene to people, finding bad excuses like my cats in the way)

So he chose the latter: My decision.

It was that: Ties will be cut. I will not enter in contact with you. I still will see you, if you call me and demand. You have to be clean to come to my home, meaning you have to wash your hair and take a full shower at least before you go to bed a day before.

Now I have a reason to keep seeing him, and it's a practical one, but I'd rather not say it. It's about some investments in the appartment. However, I will slowly drift away. I mostly do that to reduce the shock made to him.

When the true educator is back, we gonna have a meeting again. I'm gonna put down all my cards on the table (today she (the educ) didn't wanted to deal with supposed different mental disorder he may have and more personal shit, she wanted to deal with the urgent problems) about his supposed MCDD disorder, and everything I couldn't do say today, parents, past, etc... Future, long term consequences to his actions, his delusions, etc...

I have a trump card. Someone stated he may have a clear idea of where he is going (I fear his delusions) so I'll say that when he lives with others (in a house / appartment) he has to answer for his actions. So, justify what you want, or below is the result.

Then if he still refuses, I will keep drifting away like I did, to eventually cut all ties. He's not someone who'll drag me down, and I'll be aware if he'll try to anyway and avoid it, so I just take my time to drift away for the practical reasons above.
However, I'll demand to either speak with his parents, or have a full report by the educ done to them, so that they know the issues we deal with longterm, the danger of his inaction toward their personal and intimate lives, the toll he will put upon them long term, (they're in the late 40s early mid 50s, they can't take care of their kid all the time, plus they gotta take care of him all the time) and then take my leave.

[33% God]

Why don't you stop shoehorning him into the shit you do and see why he doesn't want to do this shit to begin with? Get to the source of the problem.

[Nameraca]

Delusions, most likely.

End of the world, awakening psychic powers, "I'm the chosen hero that will save the world" and "I'm half sayain (but a 9 years old could kick my ass)"

[Schplew]

aVOID AT ALL COSTS

[tomjonesa22]

Run his legs over with a tank