Something Eclectic (maybe)

[Dionysus]

Opiate fixations dominate my diminished brain
Focus my imagination on the pursuit of that ancient paradise

I like that girl
I miss her

Hours become days, and days become hours; each minute forgotten forever
Live in the night and sleep when everyone else is awake

How could she treat me this way?
It can’t be hate

Mild mannered maniacs fighting for the cheese at the end of the suburban maze
Minds so wonderful destroyed by an undeserved guilt

I knew she saw it
I never asked her

Sobriety countered by a constant jealous denial
An unenhanced life is far from normal

I have places to be
Can’t be late

[RosettaStoned]

Wow, Caesar, this is great. The best poem I've seen by you as of yet. My only problem with this: your punctuation :angry:. C'mon guy, you can do better then that. Ha-ha. But anyways, here's some things I liked. I enjoyed the way you separated the kind of "conversational" pieces (like the: "I like that girl / I miss her" part) from the "narrative" parts. I loved the line "Hours become days, and days become hours;" Perfect example of how opiates can affect your life. I also enjoyed the line, "Mild mannered maniacs fighting for the cheese at the end of the suburban maze". It just rolls off the tongue, flows so fucking well. I loved it.

The language you use isn't so, how do I put this, ermmm, complex that it makes you go grab a dictionary or two, but yet the combination of words you use (even with "weak words") makes it very powerful. I'm not going to lie Caesar, I loved this. Perhaps it is because I can relate? And if I can, or anyone else who has experienced these things can, then you obviously did this right. Fucking fantastic job mate. :D


EDIT: Oh, and just to not get your hopes up and make it so you get lazy with your writing. "This is awful. Made me want to tear my eyes out with rusted and blunt needles, hoping to god for an infection afterwords so I can be out of this godawful, downward spiral of misery your horrid word choice has put me in." Harsh, I know, but someone's gotta do it. Ha, ha!