Girlfriend and weed (help)

[NamelessNom4d]

Okay, my girlfriend is the most straight edge person I know. She's otherwise great, and (thankfully) has sex with me regularly enough. Seriously, she's wonderfully easy to get along with, and we can do basically anything together. She's amazing.

The only problem is, she has a serious problem with me smoking weed, and doesn't like the idea of me getting drunk or doing much else (like trying DXM or shrooms or something). I've tried to explain to her the facts, and I've tried to be as convincing as possible that weed is not bad for you, (only the smoke is, but even then, it's not really bad if you only smoke occasionally) but she will not budge. I'm a bit of a lazy person, but when shit needs to get done I get it done. I'm pretty chill and laid back, and I enjoy smoking weed with friends occasionally. It's not a huge part of my life but it's one of the things I like to do.

Anyway, after a few scattered arguments about the subject she finally revealed to me why she doesn't like me smoking weed. The facts make sense to her and everything, but it's a psychological thing. I'm sure she would be fine with me explaining this since it's anonymous, which is why I love Totse/Zoklet. Anyway, she has a stepdad, her biological father was pretty fucked up. He would be about 70 right now I guess if he was alive, but he died in jail a few years ago according to her. Her biological father was put in jail twice for child molestation. He molested her twice (at ages 3 and 8?), and thankfully went to jail twice. Anyway, as you can imagine, she really hates her father and those memories haunt her. She has been trying to cut anything out of her life that reminds her of him, and even changed her last name.

What does this have to do with me smoking weed you may ask? Apparently her birth father quite enjoyed marijuana, and wasted a lot of money on it and smoked a few times a week. She associates weed with him, and therefore, it makes her sick whenever I tell her or she hears about me smoking weed. This really sucks, because I personally see nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't really affect me that much (I smoke occasionally, rarely even, but I still like the option to smoke), however, it really pisses me off and she has been trying to get me to stop. Since I'm naturally stubborn, I don't want to stop, and find it hard to try to.

What should I do? This seriously sucks. I love her, and want to stop for her, yet smoking is a wonderful part of my life, and I really enjoy doing it with my friends, and I don't want to be a buzz kill whenever they want to smoke with me.

I don't know what to do. I could just stop smoking weed, but then it feels like she is straining on our relationship. If I continue to smoke weed, it would feel to her like I am straining on our relationship. We honestly get along about nearly everything else, this is the only thing we ever have a serious fight about, and it sucks.

Hopefully that wasn't too hard to follow... :green_sad:

help?

tl;dr

My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking weed because of some psychological problems she has, but I don't want to stop because it is a big part of my social life and generally see nothing wrong with it.

[aliveupboy]

Her dad also probably used toilet paper. Should she stop using that? I don't really know what to say. I'm a logical person. Logic don't work so well on abused women.

E: Maybe explain to her that weed had nothing to do with why her dad did what he did. There was something wrong with his brain or he had serious mental/emotional problems, and the fact that he smoked weed is completely irrelevant to anything. He also drank water, shaved, ate food, etc etc, it doesn't mean she has to boycott all the things he did because of what he did to her. Explain that by avoiding these things she is still technically forming her life based on what he did to her. He still has a hold on her actions and that's not right. Other then that, you could just secretly smoke without her knowing, or just drug her (hash brownie) and hope she feels different after shes experienced it. Maybe try and convince her to try it once and at least experience it before she completely excludes it out of her life.

[Silverfuck]

If she realizes that it's a part of your social life and isn't a problem except for the association it has to her father, is there any way you can agree on a don't-ask-don't-tell policy? As in you get high now and then with your friends, but don't mention it to her unless she specifically asks, and don't get high around her? Stuff like this really requires compromise; you might have to limit how often you get high and where you do it, but she needs to realize that she can't ask you to give things up entirely.

[Marijuanasaurus]

Her dad also probably used toilet paper. Should she stop using that? I don't really know what to say. I'm a logical person. Logic don't work so well on abused women.

this.
just be more secretive about it and dont bother her with it anymore.
eventually the subject will come up again and she would have had more time to think about.

but seriously:fap:

[NamelessNom4d]

If she realizes that it's a part of your social life and isn't a problem except for the association it has to her father, is there any way you can agree on a don't-ask-don't-tell policy? As in you get high now and then with your friends, but don't mention it to her unless she specifically asks, and don't get high around her? Stuff like this really requires compromise; you might have to limit how often you get high and where you do it, but she needs to realize that she can't ask you to give things up entirely.

That's actually exactly what I was thinking, and kind of was doing for a while, but she got pretty annoyed at me when I told her all the times I smoked weed and didn't tell her before. It's a huge dilemma. I'm gonna see if I can get this compromise worked out, it seems to be the only way of solving this problem. We're both very stubborn people unfortunately...

[SlowBurn]

Lie. Be sneaky.

[NamelessNom4d]

E: Maybe explain to her that weed had nothing to do with why her dad did what he did. There was something wrong with his brain or he had serious mental/emotional problems, and the fact that he smoked weed is completely irrelevant to anything. He also drank water, shaved, ate food, etc etc, it doesn't mean she has to boycott all the things he did because of what he did to her. Explain that by avoiding these things she is still technically forming her life based on what he did to her. He still has a hold on her actions and that's not right. Other then that, you could just secretly smoke without her knowing, or just drug her (hash brownie) and hope she feels different after shes experienced it. Maybe try and convince her to try it once and at least experience it before she completely excludes it out of her life.

Apparently we think the same way... I already tried to use this argument and she just got mad. I guess she needs time to think... Come to think of it when we had that argument she was also on her period... hormones tend to interfere with rational thought... If this cools down I might feed her a hash brownie or two and see if she changes her mind... hehehe ;)

[SlowBurn]

Yes, drug her. Good idea.

[Psionicist]

The best i can offer would be something along these lines - Tell her you're willing to compromise somewhat, but ultimately it is your choice, and she's going to have to take the good with the bad.

Offer to not smoke when she's going to be around, make sure you don't smell like it around her, but be clear that you aren't going to stop altogether, because you don't feel like it would be the right thing to do.

More or less, just try to be honest with her, and position it like you're willing to give a little.

[NamelessNom4d]

The best i can offer would be something along these lines - Tell her you're willing to compromise somewhat, but ultimately it is your choice, and she's going to have to take the good with the bad.

Offer to not smoke when she's going to be around, make sure you don't smell like it around her, but be clear that you aren't going to stop altogether, because you don't feel like it would be the right thing to do.

More or less, just try to be honest with her, and position it like you're willing to give a little.

That's more or less how I ended the argument. I told her I was willing to try to stop, but most likely wouldn't completely and she needs to accept that. Realistically though I don't quite know what "trying" to stop is. I mean, what the fuck man, that could mean anything. I already don't smoke that much.

I guess I'll just have to wait until the shit hits the fan. FUCK

[jackketch]

Easy, give up smoking weed.

You're a junky, of course she doesn't want you doing that crap. Same if you were doing any other narcotic.

[rustyshackleford420]

You'll probably end up breaking up with her. Straight edged women are no fun... I was in your same situation. (kinda - my girl didn't have a real reason for it)

[aliveupboy]

You're a junky

Yeah, occasionally smoking weed makes you a junky...:rolleyes:

[jackketch]

Yeah, occasionally smoking weed makes you a junky...:rolleyes:

Yeah because there is nothing holy or cool about weed. it's a drug like any other, better than some and worse than others. If he can't simply give it up then he's an addict (junky).

[Silverfuck]

It's not really about the weed and you know it. It's about her asking him to change himself to meet her needs and him being a human and feeling apprehensive about doing that. It's a power struggle, and the form it comes in has little to nothing to do with it.

edit: totally called it

[NamelessNom4d]

Easy, give up smoking weed.

You're a junky, of course she doesn't want you doing that crap. Same if you were doing any other narcotic.

If it comes down to it, yes I would stop smoking weed. However, that would put a lot of strain on our relationship and I'm afraid it would eventually fall apart because of it.

I don't want to get into a debate of whether or not weed is bad for you. It's about personal freedom. To me it's as if she wanted me to stop playing videogames or stop listening to a certain kind of music because her father did it. I know it's from psychological damage too and that's the problem, I want to make her happy but it's also something I do. It's really part of who I am. I don't see myself smoking weed forever, I know I'll just not want to anymore eventually, but not yet.

It's a very complicated battle inside my head and that's why I made this thread, it might help me sort things out a bit.

EDIT: It's not really about the weed and you know it. It's about her asking him to change himself to meet her needs and him being a human and feeling apprehensive about doing that. It's a power struggle, and the form it comes in has little to nothing to do with it.

THISSSS!!!!!!! She hit the nail right on the head. I'm glad someone understands me!

[aliveupboy]

Yeah because there is nothing holy or cool about weed. it's a drug like any other, better than some and worse than others. If he can't simply give it up then he's an addict (junky).

If I recall correctly, he didn't say that he COULDN'T give up weed. Could you give up bread? Ya probably. Would you give it up for no logical reason?

Or in you're case lets use tobacco.

I take it you accept that you are a junky by your definition? (and a hypocrite too I might add)

[ergoat]

Get high and molest her?

I mean her whole excuse sort of sounds like bullshit to me, it really sounds like she's just trying to manipulate you into not smoking anymore. Now I know what you're going to say "No she isn't like that she wouldn't do that!" well, maybe I'm wrong, but do you know for a fact she was molested? Did she ever bring it up before the weed issue?

You say she "finally revealed" the reason she doesn't like you doing it. If you were faced with an issue where you really had no right or logical reason to infringe on someone else's freedom, what better thing to do than to make an emotional play.

That's how it comes off to me, but maybe I'm just paranoid from all the weed smoking...

[Drefetr]

If she can't accept you for who you are then why are you bothering with her in the first place?

[jackketch]

If I recall correctly, he didn't say that he COULDN'T give up weed. This sounded like the typical junky whinings Realistically though I don't quite know what "trying" to stop is. I mean, what the fuck man, that could mean anything. I already don't smoke that much.

Could you give up bread? Ya probably. Would you give it up for no logical reason? Yes actually I would and I did give up alot of things because the girl I loved asked me to.

Or in you're case lets use tobacco. Why leave it at tobacco? I'm a opiate painkiller junky and have been for 20 years. I'm also an 'alcohol junky' (and have been since age 8 or so) although us big boys and girls call that 'alcoholism.

[NamelessNom4d]

but do you know for a fact she was molested? Did she ever bring it up before the weed issue?

That's how it comes off to me, but maybe I'm just paranoid from all the weed smoking...

Yes, I knew about it before the weed smoking, she just never gave me any of the details/I never made the connection. She used to be afraid to touch my cock because of the molestation, it was that bad (I drastically changed that though lol).

lol@weed paranoia :D

[jackketch]

That's how it comes off to me, but maybe I'm just paranoid from all the weed smoking...

Very likely. If he was saying 'she wants me to give up drinking' you'd probably not find it that strange-not saying you'd think he should but all this talk of 'not changing people' and 'manipulation' is a heap of dingos kidneys.

[jackketch]

lol@weed paranoia :D

Nothing funny about the paranoia that can come from smoking weed. Been there, done that.

[hooloovoo]

Yeah because there is nothing holy or cool about weed. it's a drug like any other, better than some and worse than others. If he can't simply give it up then he's an addict (junky).

You guys can't just throw away this statement. Weed affects a tangible component of your brain chemistry. That's the point of smoking it, right? It alters your ability to think and interact with others- which defines who you are as a person.

Now if that's what you want to do, to each his own- but comparing it to using toilet paper, playing video games or eating pie is just inane. Making a decision to alter your brain chemistry (however temporary it may be) goes beyond a simple relationship power struggle.

[jackketch]

You guys can't just throw away this statement. Weed affects a tangible component of your brain chemistry. That's the point of smoking it, right? It alters your ability to think and interact with others- which defines who you are as a person.

Now if that's what you want to do, to each his own- but comparing it to using toilet paper, playing video games or eating pie is just inane. Making a decision to alter your brain chemistry (however temporary it may be) goes beyond a simple relationship power struggle.

have some mod rep for talking sense and making more than sense than I probably do (next to gingers and ameritards, 'its not a drug' stoners are my least favourite people).

[NamelessNom4d]

If we honestly could not come up with a compromise for this and it came to "quit smoking weed or I will break up with you" I would quit smoking weed. I'm not sure where that would end up, but I don't think it would be worth the risk. She cannot give me any logical reason as to why I should stop, it has not been harmful to me, it's not making me a shitty person, it's just all in good fun.

It personally seems like a rather pointless reason to put strain on a relationship, unless there is absolutely no other way we can work this out. I'm naturally stubborn, I really hate the idea of doing things just because people tell me to, even if it's from a girl I love.

The only real way she will ever get over this is if she comes to grips with that part of her past. Even if I quit it will still haunt her forever. I don't know how the fuck to get her to accept that I smoke weed, or if it is even possible.

Which is easier, me quitting smoking weed (and possibly endangering our relationship), or her accepting that I smoke weed?

[jackketch]

If we honestly could not come up with a compromise for this and it came to "quit smoking weed or I will break up with you" I would quit smoking weed. I'm not sure where that would end up, but I don't think it would be worth the risk. She cannot give me any logical reason as to why I should stop, it has not been harmful to me, it's not making me a shitty person, it's just all in good fun.

It personally seems like a rather pointless reason to put strain on a relationship, unless there is absolutely no other way we can work this out. I'm naturally stubborn, I really hate the idea of doing things just because people tell me to, even if it's from a girl I love.

The only real way she will ever get over this is if she comes to grips with that part of her past. Even if I quit it will still haunt her forever. I don't know how the fuck to get her to accept that I smoke weed, or if it is even possible.

Which is easier, me quitting smoking weed (and possibly endangering our relationship), or her accepting that I smoke weed?

She'll never accept you smoking weed. Don't get me wrong , I do sympathise with you. My wife never accepted my smoking tobacco nor my drinking. But she loved me so much that she never made me choose between her and the drugs (chances are she would have lost that choice). Didn't stop her going on about it though....an on...and on...and on

She sees the damage you are doing to yourself and the damage your addiction is doing to your relationship. Thats my guess, not knowing how much you really smoke but the fact you're even asking about here about it tells me you're an addict Forget all the crap about her father.Stop kidding yourself that weed isn't doing you any harm. At least be honest with yourself and with her.

[Cliche Guevara]

I think people mean its not a drug in that its non toxic to the brain and you can smoke it every day for years and you dont end up frail and broken and sucking crack for dick. But it does make you lazy (a fact), you just have to fight through it.

You're just going to have to choose between mary jane or your girlfriend, but I would chose the girl, because MJ will always be there for you. (realistically, that relationship isn't going to last forever and its always good to take nice long breaks especially if you are a stupid stoner like me)

Also thats such a stupid reason, "I don't like weed because my abusive ex con dead dad used to smoke and it makes me sick", I think whats going on is that she can't handle the superb herb and she feels left out because when you smoke weed you get to join the club(people who smoke weed in general are so completely different than people who dont, to the point where i can't even relate anymore i meet a straightedge person and they just seem so bland and uninteresting, but then again like 80% of Canadians of at least tried it) and she feels left out. It just seems to me she's projecting her dislike of weed into something that you can't really fuck around with because she can't really argue with the facts (whether or not its true or not, what kind of person actually says that) (abusive ex con dead dad, you cant fuck with that),

[Th0r]

She has a problem with it, granted her reasoning may be a bit dumb but make your decision.

If you truly care about her than quit the Weed.

[NamelessNom4d]

She'll never accept you smoking weed. Don't get me wrong , I do sympathise with you. My wife never accepted my smoking tobacco nor my drinking. But she loved me so much that she never made me choose between her and the drugs (chances are she would havee lost that choice). Didn't stop her going on about it though.

She sees the damage you are doing to yourself and the damage your addiction is doing to your relationship. Thats my guess, not knowing how much you really smoke but the fact you're even asking about here about it tells me you're an addcit. Forget all the crap about her father.Stop kidding yourself that weed isn't doing you any harm. At least be honest with yourself and with her.

*sigh* Okay, I guess you could say I'm addicted. I really don't smoke that much at all, especially compared to a lot of people here and people I know, I limit myself. I do enjoy it enough though that it would be rather difficult for me to quit. I'm glad you can give me an experienced opinion. I'm not sure if it is damaging me or our relationship in any way. Anyway, she isn't making me choose between weed and her. Not yet anyway. She simply told me that she doesn't like it and would really like if I would stop, and used her father as a reason.

Hopefully, she won't make me choose. I guess the fact that I don't know if I'll truly be able to never smoke makes me addicted? This is all very confusing :(

EDIT: I actually would be able to quit easily if it wasn't for all my friends wanting to smoke all the time. That's actually mostly the reason why I do in the first place, because it's fun and it's what they like to do. FUCK I am still so confused :(

[jackketch]

I think people mean its not a drug in that its non toxic to the brain as far I know (and I admit I don't follow the arguments closely) the unbiased research is still out on exactly what it does to the brain. Personal experience and having watched people I know smoke dope for over 20 years leads me to think it fucks you up seven ways to sunday and back.

[anechka]

Well, that's a pretty difficult situation. A big part of me wants to say, keep smoking-it's your own right, and she needs to realize that she really shouldn't be associating marijuana with her abusive father. However-thinking how fucking horrible it must be to be in her position, you can't really do that and for good reason. However-try to cut the other drugs out of your life maybe. It might not just be the fact that you remind her of her father-but she also wants someone she can depend on, someone sober. She wants to be with the real you, not the guy that's laying there, pissed out of his mind. I have nothing against marijuana, so I feel for you in that department-but try laying off the DXM/shrooms (wasn't sure if you do them or not, wasn't clear in your post).

[NamelessNom4d]

as far I know (and I admit I don't follow the arguments closely) the unbiased research is still out on exactly what it does to the brain. Personal experience and having watched people I know smoke dope for over 20 years leads me to think it fucks you up seven ways to sunday and back.

I think it affects everyone differently. Some people become extremely fucked up and lazy, and other people are fine with it and still productive and normal. The valedictorian at my school two years ago was well known as the biggest stoner in the school. He was fucking brilliant and he smoked weed every day. Other people I know smoked weed and thought it was awesome so smoked every day and then dropped out. I'm sure if I smoked weed every day I would eventually burn out and fuck up, which is why I limit myself to occasionally.

I try to give myself recovery time, so I can function normally for a while. I would honestly hate to be high all the time, I enjoy being able to work with a clear head. Sometimes though it's nice to smoke a bowl with your friends.

She wants to be with the real you, not the guy that's laying there, pissed out of his mind. I have nothing against marijuana, so I feel for you in that department-but try laying off the DXM/shrooms (wasn't sure if you do them or not, wasn't clear in your post).

I've never done DXM or shrooms. I am probably going to try DXM in the near future, will probably not try shrooms but am curious. I KNOW she wants someone she can depend on. She pushed me to stop being a lazy ass, and got me do my homework at home instead of cramming it before class for the most part (I was lazy like this before I started smoking weed). Her pushing me has more or less worked. It's hard habit to break, I guess it's the senioritis that's kickin in. The weird thing is she wants me to stop smoking MORE than she wants me to stop being lazy and do my homework. Somehow that seems wrong to me. I have no problem with doing my work even though I smoke weed, just of course, I'm a lazy senior like everyone else in my classes, and sometimes don't do it. I could be stoned out of my mind and still do work, and still focus on responsibilities. One time I got high as shit and went home and mowed the lawn and did chores. They were more fun that way because normally they're boring as fuck... :p

That's pretty off topic but yeah. She really just doesn't like me smoking teh ganja.

[Cliche Guevara]

“We believe … that the continued prohibition of cannabis jeopardizes the health and well-being of Canadians much more than does the substance itself or the regulated marketing of the substance. In addition, we believe that the continued criminalization of cannabis undermines the fundamental values set out in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms and confirmed in the history of a country based on diversity and tolerance."
SENATE SPECIAL COMMITTEE ON ILLEGAL DRUGS (meaning this is a government)

http://cannabislink.ca/gov/senatesumm.htm

The Committee has distinguished between use,at-risk use and excessive use. Quantities used,psychosocial characteristics of the users and factors related to use contexts and quality of the substance all come into play to explain the passage from one category to the other. On at-risk use,the Committee observed that:

* Most users are not at-risk users insofar as their use is regulated,irregular and temporary,rarely beyond 30 years of age;
* For users above 16,at-risk use is defined as using between 0.1 to 1 gram per day; and
* Available epidemiological data suggests that approximately 100,000 Canadians might be at-risk users.
* The Committee feels that,because of its potential effects on the endogenous cannabinoid system and cognitive and psychosocial functions,any use in those under age 16 is at-risk use. With respect to excessive use we observed that:
* More than one gram per day over a long period of time is heavy use,which can have certain negative consequences on the physical,psychological and social well-being of the user. According to the epidemiological data available,there is reason to believe that approximately 80,000 Canadians above age 16 could be excessive users;
* For those between the ages of 16 and 18,heavy use is not necessarily daily use but use in the morning,alone or during school activities;
* Heavy use can have negative consequences for physical health,in particular for the respiratory system (chronic bronchitis,cancer of the upper respiratory tract);
* Heavy use of cannabis can result in negative psychological consequences for users,in particular impaired concentration and learning and,in rare cases and with people already predisposed,psychotic and schizophrenic episodes;
* Heavy use of cannabis can result in consequences for a user's social well-being,in particular their occupational and social situation and their ability to perform tasks; and
* Heavy use of cannabis can result in dependence requiring treatment; however, dependence caused by cannabis is less severe and less frequent than dependence on other psychotropic substances,including alcohol and tobacco.

Its a fairly potent drug (with THC levels as high as 20%, and believe me if you smoke grams a day, you can't say u don't feel the effects, but if you smoked grams of any other drug, you wouldn't be able to be say "gee, I used to partake in quite a lot of drug use", you be shaking in a corner asking if it was Christmas yet in June ), and heavy use is actually quite a lot of marijuana, and if it were really such a bad thing, people would be keeling over left and right (or at least 100,000 of us stoner liberal ass Canadians). As long as you are over 18, don't smoke in the morning or during school or alone all the time, and not more than 0.1 - 1 gram a day (thats 1-7 grams a week which is actually alot), and don't continue these bad habits when your over 30. Blaze away.

[NamelessNom4d]

Heh that's quite interesting. My weed smoking habits are as follows:

I first tried weed when I was 16, between 10th and 11th grade.
I didn't smoke for 5th months and then smoked up again with some buddies (older, very much stoners)
My close friends began to smoke weed, and I would smoke with them pretty irregularly, sometimes every week, sometimes once a month, just depended on our priorities.
I never smoke if something important needs to be done first (such as a research paper or homework worth a lot of points)
So if I was studying for an important test, and my friend calls me and asks to smoke up, I would be like "fuck no dude are you an idiot? I have a damn test tomorrow!"
I'm 17 now, turning 18 soon, and am a senior in high school (12 grade)

I met my girlfriend April 2008, and went out with her the day after 4/20, and that day I got high as SHIT, because it was raining on 4/20. She didn't have a major problem with it then, it seems like this is a new development. I guess she didn't want to scare me off back then. I always knew she was against drugs but I didn't know it was THIS bad just for weed.

[Cliche Guevara]

Haha I've been smoking every day since I was 14, (I took the summer off in '05 and a few months '06) and I'm in the midst of another long break, (I'm actually burnt out permanently, although I still run a blunt occasionally)

In the end, I ended up sacking my way through high school, somehow managed to get into a fairly decent college program that offers co-op (guarenteed job) with a awesome university transfer option (5 years = college diploma, coop experience, commerce degree at ryerson)

But on the downside, I have trouble relating to people who are normal clean cut civilians leading the normal sheeple school-go bowling- watch a movie -weekend-graduate-job life, it also lead me to other drugs (several addictions later here I am, on zoklet, staying home trying to get my parents to cosign a goddamn loan with good behaviour), I have GAD. (which sucks because benzos are fucking shit)

You seem to be in a situation where quitting wouldn't be totally cramping your style, I'd say you give it ago, who knows maybe you'll like it, and im sure you'll be able to hold off for at least a week or two, after that let her know if you can continue, or if shes going to have to suck it up and think about her ex convict abusive dead dad every time you blaze (srsly thats fucked up, her that is)

[darkeasterbunny]

have some mod rep for talking sense and making more than sense than I probably do (next to gingers and ameritards, 'its not a drug' stoners are my least favourite people).

i for once seriously disagree with you. Sure he's a different person when he uses drugs, but it's the person he was when she met him, the person she fell for.
And i'm quite sure he could stop, he just doesn't want to. It's very hard to stop doing anything you like without reall motivation.

And if you don't like stoners you gotta hate me, worked in a coffeeshop, smoke every day and my most recent ex is a ginger :D


Nothing funny about the paranoia that can come from smoking weed. Been there, done that.

gotta agree here. Nothing to fuck around with, in the wrong mindset weed can bring you places you'd never wanted to go



And Slice_760, unless you know a way to get into her head that the guy being a horrible person and that he smoked weed are not related and he would have been just as nasty, maybe nastier without it, i think you should indeed stop smoking. Sure you might feel rebelious now, but you'll hate yourself for ages if it ends because of this.
I myself still regret not quitting for the love of my life. She didn't even ask me to stop, but she didn't appreciate it, and it might have made the difference, for a while anyways and any extra day would have been worth.....anything and everything. I realise this now, but sure as hell didn't then, cause i was young and rebellious and thought i would survive easily without her. Sadly i did

[NamelessNom4d]

And Slice_760, unless you know a way to get into her head that the guy being a horrible person and that he smoked weed are not related and he would have been just as nasty, maybe nastier without it, i think you should indeed stop smoking. Sure you might feel rebelious now, but you'll hate yourself for ages if it ends because of this.
I myself still regret not quitting for the love of my life. She didn't even ask me to stop, but she didn't appreciate it, and it might have made the difference, for a while anyways and any extra day would have been worth.....anything and everything. I realise this now, but sure as hell didn't then, cause i was young and rebellious and thought i would survive easily without her. Sadly i did

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I think I might genuinely try to not smoke weed anymore, and see how it goes. I know I already need to get off my ass a bit, the weed certainly isn't helping me there. I promised myself I would start going to the gym again, and I really should be doing my homework more often. I do well on tests so the homework has always seemed optional in my mindset... lol. Next time this comes up (I dread the day), I will try and convince her that smoking weed is not related to her dead ex-convict father, but if I can't, I will certainly try to stop.

Who knows... If someone offers to smoke up again, I might just not find the idea appealing.

[ergoat]

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind. I think I might genuinely try to not smoke weed anymore, and see how it goes. I know I already need to get off my ass a bit, the weed certainly isn't helping me there. I promised myself I would start going to the gym again, and I really should be doing my homework more often. I do well on tests so the homework has always seemed optional in my mindset... lol. Next time this comes up (I dread the day), I will try and convince her that smoking weed is not related to her dead ex-convict father, but if I can't, I will certainly try to stop.

Who knows... If someone offers to smoke up again, I might just not find the idea appealing.
It's not that hard to stop. All you have to do is actually do things. That's the point at which I stop smoking for a while, when getting stoned is getting in the way of actually doing real activities and you're going nowhere as a person.

Whoever said smoking weed every day won't fuck you up is fucking dumb.

[NamelessNom4d]

It's not that hard to stop. All you have to do is actually do things. That's the point at which I stop smoking for a while, when getting stoned is getting in the way of actually doing real activities and you're going nowhere as a person.

Whoever said smoking weed every day won't fuck you up is fucking dumb.

I could probably stop if I started lifting, got a job? (lol too lazy), and I could DEFINITELY stop if I got to fuck my girlfriend more often. It's hard to organize that though because neither of us can legally drive yet and I have to somehow get my way over to her house when her parents aren't home.

But yeah I know what you mean. When I start actually doing stuff I never have time to smoke weed anymore. I smoke weed because my friends and I get bored often, not much else to do around here during the winter when there's no snow.

[jackketch]

And if you don't like stoners you gotta hate me, No I said I hate those idiots who try and tell me (and themselves) that it isn't a drug, isn't harmful.

Most of all I can't stand the 'holy weed' crowd who tell me it opens the their whatever fucking chakra.


worked in a coffeeshop, smoke every day

Time was when I'd go to Holland just to go into coffeeshop. Many years ago mind.

I used to smoke on occasions. Like I said I don't have anything against hash as such, just I treat it for what it is, namely a drug.



and my most recent ex is a ginger :D

You're sick, seek proffessional help.




[/QUOTE]

[ergoat]

I could probably stop if I started lifting, got a job? (lol too lazy), and I could DEFINITELY stop if I got to fuck my girlfriend more often. It's hard to organize that though because neither of us can legally drive yet and I have to somehow get my way over to her house when her parents aren't home.

But yeah I know what you mean. When I start actually doing stuff I never have time to smoke weed anymore. I smoke weed because my friends and I get bored often, not much else to do around here during the winter when there's no snow.
Yeah, that's basically why I started smoking weed as well. But fun doesn't just come and take you up the arse (well, occasionally). You have to go out and get it. Seriously, if you think about all the time you spent high/just fucking around, and you traded it for time you spent pursuing something you're interested in, you'd probably be a way better person. Now I know you're not a fulltime stoner, so it might apply a bit less.

Having sex with your girlfriend more actually might not help you quit. On the link Agent 008 posted in another thread, there was an atricle about how sex and drug use are linked because of the way orgasm influences your brain. Something to think about, because ultimately you might be worse off from fucking all the time than you would be from smoking once a month.

[NamelessNom4d]

Yeah, that's basically why I started smoking weed as well. But fun doesn't just come and take you up the arse (well, occasionally). You have to go out and get it. Seriously, if you think about all the time you spent high/just fucking around, and you traded it for time you spent pursuing something you're interested in, you'd probably be a way better person. Now I know you're not a fulltime stoner, so it might apply a bit less.

Having sex with your girlfriend more actually might not help you quit. On the link Agent 008 posted in another thread, there was an atricle about how sex and drug use are linked because of the way orgasm influences your brain. Something to think about, because ultimately you might be worse off from fucking all the time than you would be from smoking once a month.

LOL... well it would be something to keep my mind off weed for a while until I got used to it. Plus it would remind me why I'm not smoking weed. But yeah, I have hobbies, actual productive hobbies not involving weed smoking. I'm a tech geek, I like building stuff. I haven't really gotten around to working on anything recently but maybe I could come up with a few projects that would keep me interested. There's no way I could build anything while high... lol.

But yeah, I have spent a lot of time high/just fucking around recently though, more than in the past, which is probably what got my girlfriend all worked up in the first place.

[darkeasterbunny]

Whoever said smoking weed every day won't fuck you up is fucking dumb.

in 2 months i'll celebrate ten years of weed smoking and my since then continiously improved life

Not sayin it doesn't fuck you up, but for some people it works

[NamelessNom4d]

in 2 months i'll celebrate ten years of weed smoking and my since then continiously improved life

Not sayin it doesn't fuck you up, but for some people it works

I said this earlier, it affects everyone differently. Sure it fucks you up, but for some people it might also help them at the same time. I've always been one to think of drugs as a tool. Easily abused, but very effective when actually used. This is why I want to try DXM. I've been reading a lot of trip reports on Erowid and it seems like it is a good easily acquirable hallucinogen. I was intending to use it for insight, not entirely to get fucked up. I've always thought mind warping things were interesting, either from meditation or from drugs. You gotta be careful with drugs though.

My girlfriend obviously doesn't share the same thoughts as I do, and I respect that. I just want her to respect my point of view as well. Oh well, I'm honestly not as worried about things as I was at the beginning of this thread. I think things will work out. I guess I just needed to get over myself. I've been trying to picture things without weed, but what I should have been doing was picturing things with something instead of weed, something more productive.

[ThunderDownUnder]

Get her hella high while she is asleep. Or drug her while she is awake, then make it look like she started smoking while she was zoinked out. Make her feel like a guilty hypocrite then share weed with her.

[blankooie]

The answer has already been stated. Stop smoking you dumbfuck.

[MartialShot]

My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking weed because of some psychological problems she has, but I don't want to stop because it is a big part of my social life and generally see nothing wrong with it.

Well there is your problem.

[ThunderDownUnder]

Make her hate herself for hating weed ffs. Even if she tries to get you to stop after feeling those emotions, she will stop herself from stopping you and get angry at not just you but herself then you will be her emotional support and she will be so dependent upon you that she will be yours for the rest of your lives and you don't have to worry about what you do.

You know why I say all that? Because if you wanna just think about yourself, you might as well turn into a completely manipulative fuck to the point where she feels bad for having wants and needs.

[NamelessNom4d]

ecause if you wanna just think about yourself, you might as well turn into a completely manipulative fuck to the point where she feels bad for having wants and needs.

Shit man that's harsh... :(

I pretty much decided from this thread that I should genuinely stop, or at least make an honest attempt.

[LuKaZz420]

One of my friends had the same dilemma a few years ago, his girlfriend used to hate the fact that he smoked weed and dropped E all the time, she even asked me to stop giving him pills when were going clubbing.

Anyway he made the right decision, told her that if she couldn't accept him for what he was it would be better to go their separate ways.

The good thing is that he met a great girl at a rave a few weeks later and she's better looking than his older girlfriend, way cooler to hang out with and has a taste for pills and powders.

There's still together to this day, anyway moral of the story, move on and never ever let a woman make you who you are, don't let her change you.

BTW I agree with jacktech on weed, I hate that sort of people too, I haven't smoked in years and I feel great, it's totally not true that it's harmless or that it is better than other things, I find that mdma and acid improved my life greatly, I can't say the same for weed, actually it made me waste my life quite a bit.

[darkeasterbunny]

You're sick, seek proffessional help.


[/QUOTE]

I know :( i always thought, jack and his bitchin bout gingers......but not a mistake i'll easily make again

[cronic5]

I am with Jackketch on this one.

If you can't give up one thing that you say isn't a big part of your life, and feel without it your relationship will fall apart, then you want weed more than your girlfriend.

Stop smoking weed, it isn't hard to do. Nearly ALL my friends smoke weed. I hang out with them all the time, even when they are smoking. When they pass the joint/bong/whatever to me I just say "no thanks" and it isn't a big deal. If you can't resist temptation or your friends don't understand, then you need to grow the fuck up and get better friends.

[darkeasterbunny]

^^

good friends will not only accept you not taking it, but in my experience stop asking after a few times. The time i stopped smokin for a year i never stopped hanging with my still rolling friends, i didn't have to

[molotov in the mornin]

you should get high and molest her.

jokes aside, just be like K babe there's no correlation between weed and molesting and what yo daddy did to you was wrong, you gotta let that shit go cuz Im here to protect you blah blah blah and ends in her suckin yer dick

post a pic and I'll give her a molestability rating from 1-500

[NamelessNom4d]

Yeah I think I'm done. It's not worth it. It's really fun, but I'm not sure I'm going to risk a relationship because of something so fucking stupid. I'm gonna tell her my final decision today or tomorrow. I can't guarantee that I won't smoke weed once I go off to college, but I guess that will depend on what my mindset is by then. I guess I'm still thinking about it... but this seems like the right decision. It has affected me, I just haven't noticed. I've gotten progressively worse and worse at resisting the temptation to smoke, come to think of it. A few months ago if a friend passed the bowl to me and I didn't want to smoke I would have said no easily, now I probably would say, "aw fuck it," and change my mind.

So yeah, I think I'm gonna quit and see where it goes.

[Made in England]

Dont quit over a bird. Quit because you want too. Thats what will put strain on your relationship. Trust me i have been there.

[NamelessNom4d]

Dont quit over a bird. Quit because you want too. Thats what will put strain on your relationship. Trust me i have been there.

Yeah I sort of convinced myself that I want to quit, and it would make her feel a lot better in the process. Of course if for some reason it makes me miserable I'm gonna start again, but I figure it's worth a shot. I should at least try to take a break, try to stay clean for a while- voluntarily.

[Psionicist]

Well, if you're gonna quit you might as well just hand over your balls as well, they'll look nice above her mantle.

In all seriousness though, would you really be quitting if it weren't for this? It's fine to make that sacrifice for your relationship, just make sure you stay true to yourself.

[THIS IS IMPORTANT GODDAMNIT]

I hate the fact that you have some sort of exterior motivation to stop smoking.


Bastard :mad:

[NamelessNom4d]

I just don't know what else to do! I figure I might as well go for it, I won't lose anything from it, except pot, which isn't such a bad thing to lose anyway. Like some people on here said, it shouldn't be that hard to stop if it's not such an important part of my life, which it's not, its just currently a FUN part of my life. If for some reason not smoking makes me miserable, I'll just tell her that and start smoking weed again. If she's not okay with that then it's her problem, and it sucks, but yeah... if she want's me then she'll just have to deal with it.

It's a bit of an experiment to me, I don't think this will ever not be an issue, but I figure this is worth a shot.

[THIS IS IMPORTANT GODDAMNIT]

Welcome to the reality of knowing you can't stop something

[stripped]

I didn't read the thread so sorry if this has already been mentioned...but perhaps you should express to your girlfriend that she's gonna miss out on a lot of things in life if she knocks it before she tries it. and not only that, by smoking herb she'll be overcoming her fear of it/one less daddy issue. win/win.


Edit: Or just keep it on the down low.

[InNeR_ChAoS]

Either tell her where to go and ask her if it has actually affected the relationship between you two as people.If not quit, or do it on the sly if you need it that badly. :p

[NamelessNom4d]

I didn't read the thread so sorry if this has already been mentioned...but perhaps you should express to your girlfriend that she's gonna miss out on a lot of things in life if she knocks it before she tries it. and not only that, by smoking herb she'll be overcoming her fear of it/one less daddy issue. win/win.


Edit: Or just keep it on the down low.

Yeah she's kinda stubborn. I don't think she'd go for that, but ideally that would be great. I think I'm gonna see how staying clean goes for me first though, I might as well give it a go. (I've said this like five times already lol)

[Nitronick]

Okay, my girlfriend is the most straight edge person I know. She's otherwise great, and (thankfully) has sex with me regularly enough. Seriously, she's wonderfully easy to get along with, and we can do basically anything together. She's amazing.

The only problem is, she has a serious problem with me smoking weed, and doesn't like the idea of me getting drunk or doing much else (like trying DXM or shrooms or something). I've tried to explain to her the facts, and I've tried to be as convincing as possible that weed is not bad for you, (only the smoke is, but even then, it's not really bad if you only smoke occasionally) but she will not budge. I'm a bit of a lazy person, but when shit needs to get done I get it done. I'm pretty chill and laid back, and I enjoy smoking weed with friends occasionally. It's not a huge part of my life but it's one of the things I like to do.

Anyway, after a few scattered arguments about the subject she finally revealed to me why she doesn't like me smoking weed. The facts make sense to her and everything, but it's a psychological thing. I'm sure she would be fine with me explaining this since it's anonymous, which is why I love Totse/Zoklet. Anyway, she has a stepdad, her biological father was pretty fucked up. He would be about 70 right now I guess if he was alive, but he died in jail a few years ago according to her. Her biological father was put in jail twice for child molestation. He molested her twice (at ages 3 and 8?), and thankfully went to jail twice. Anyway, as you can imagine, she really hates her father and those memories haunt her. She has been trying to cut anything out of her life that reminds her of him, and even changed her last name.

What does this have to do with me smoking weed you may ask? Apparently her birth father quite enjoyed marijuana, and wasted a lot of money on it and smoked a few times a week. She associates weed with him, and therefore, it makes her sick whenever I tell her or she hears about me smoking weed. This really sucks, because I personally see nothing wrong with it, and it doesn't really affect me that much (I smoke occasionally, rarely even, but I still like the option to smoke), however, it really pisses me off and she has been trying to get me to stop. Since I'm naturally stubborn, I don't want to stop, and find it hard to try to.

What should I do? This seriously sucks. I love her, and want to stop for her, yet smoking is a wonderful part of my life, and I really enjoy doing it with my friends, and I don't want to be a buzz kill whenever they want to smoke with me.

I don't know what to do. I could just stop smoking weed, but then it feels like she is straining on our relationship. If I continue to smoke weed, it would feel to her like I am straining on our relationship. We honestly get along about nearly everything else, this is the only thing we ever have a serious fight about, and it sucks.

Hopefully that wasn't too hard to follow... :green_sad:

help?

tl;dr

My girlfriend wants me to stop smoking weed because of some psychological problems she has, but I don't want to stop because it is a big part of my social life and generally see nothing wrong with it.

Weed IS bad for you. Just stop doing it tard.

[Ophelia]

The question is.

do you love your chick, more than dope?

The reason why she's so afraid of you smoking it, is because you are the safe thing for her. she trusts you, you are the one that keeps her safe, the pot contridicts that and scares her, because the one thing she loves, is the one she is associating with her father.

it doesn't seem to be a big thing to anyone, but if you were abused/molested you'd understand how a smell, or taste even a song, book ect can bring back those memories. Its purely pyschological and cant be helped.

anyway. Good luck :p:p

[Ambient]

This is the one of the only things where i have trouble showing compassion to people: the drug bigots ASTOUND me.

My sincere advice: Theres nothing you can do for her.

Edit: She is inferring causation through co-relation.

Why is she not doing this for other things like video gaming or drinking water?

Because she is a drug bigot. Dont believe the hype.

[The_Wizard]

Stop trifling.Straighten up or get the fuck out.

[Bad_Intentions]

Be thankful she doesn't tell you to stop smoking weed and then snorts a line of god knows what in the toilets half an hour later. Fun times.

[NiggerBabyRocketLauncher]

Start smoking hash. Problem solved.

[Bender]

Start huffing butt hash. Problem solved.

Fixed.

[NiggerBabyRocketLauncher]

Fixed.

Shut up, shut up right now or I'll come over there and murder you.

[Mr.Happy]

She'll never accept you smoking weed. Don't get me wrong , I do sympathise with you. My wife never accepted my smoking tobacco nor my drinking. But she loved me so much that she never made me choose between her and the drugs (chances are she would have lost that choice). Didn't stop her going on about it though....an on...and on...and on

I agree. With the nature of her problem with weed, you won't talk her out of it and she won't compromise. You can't undo her association between weed and her abusive upbringing without being a trained therapist or something. If she's dead-set against it you'll have to give up one or the other.

She sees the damage you are doing to yourself and the damage your addiction is doing to your relationship. Thats my guess, not knowing how much you really smoke but the fact you're even asking about here about it tells me you're an addict Forget all the crap about her father.Stop kidding yourself that weed isn't doing you any harm. At least be honest with yourself and with her.

I disagree. It's obvious that her problem is with her associations between weed and all the shit that happened when she was younger. Her problem seems internal more than anything else.

Weed's a drug, and it's a harmful drug, but it's also one of the least harmful drugs when compared to pretty much any other substance. Caffeine carries a higher health risk than marijuana. It'll fuck you up if you hammer it every day for 10 years, but so will everything. Occasional social smoking is as harmless as occasional social drinking, and it's not a physically addictive drug. I and many people I know have had no problems in giving it up for a few months at a time with no problems or cravings whatsoever, and I wouldn't call the OP an addict. Just someone who happens to enjoy the drug.