View Full Version : Should I continue writing this novel?
Cliche Guevara
09-05-2009, 04:15 AM
“Wait! Wait!” I yell while running, trying desperately to make the bus that would get me to work on time. The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all. The bus, seemingly anticipating my desperate need to get on board, stops to let me on.
“You in a hurry?” The bus driver says rather harshly.
“You have no idea.” I reply as I search through my satchel for my wallet. A few dozen seconds later I realize I spent all my change buying a Philly to smoke my marijuana in.
“I have to stall for three more stops” I think, dreading the moment when this large African American spooky looking fuck realizes I’m trying to con him. I’m not a racist or anything, but naturally big unfriendly looking black people scare me. I spend a few more seconds “looking” for my fare and I can see big black over here is getting more and more agitated.
“You have fare or not” he says as he opens to the door to let me out.
“I guess not, but come on you got to let me stay for two more stops, I’m really late for work” I plead.
“Sorry” he says and I walk off the bus. I was once crushed once again by the bureaucracy not even thinking that this was my fault. Everything is everyone else’s fault.
“I don’t even need a fucking job anyways” I say out loud.
"Right on" this bum replies, apparently cheering me on.
Me not needing a job, of course is a total lie, I needed to pay rent for once and stop living off the graciousness of my friends. Maggie would not be pleased at all, but I knew she would understand. I start walking back to our apartment slightly ashamed at myself for not even trying to negotiate and get my job back. My manager said he would fire me if I was late one more time, and I didn’t have reason to doubt him. In an ideal world, I guess I should have fought for my job, but what can you do. I eventually get back to my place amidst feelings of inadequacy and self loathing. (This happens fairly frequently; every so often you fuck up and you just feel the entire brunt of the farce that is your life. You’re a shithead, you’re a loser, you do nothing productive etc etc.) I try to push these negative thoughts out of my head and head toward the front steps to unlock my single speed bike from the railing. I hop on and I start cruising through the streets of downtown Toronto and I start to feel better. Its a jungle out here and its just teeming with life, with all sorts of people. Businessmen, hipsters, douchebags, students, old Jewish women, some crazy guy in a santa hat who does thousands of pushups for show. I look around and see all these people and feel better knowing that my life is better than probably around 30-50 percent them, maybe even more if I counted the crackheads and homeless.
“Not too bad” I think, cheering myself up.
I ride a few blocks north and a few more blocks east to meet up with a friend, well not really a friend, he’s my drug dealer first and my friend second. Its actually a very strange and fickle relationship. So anyways, I call up my ‘friend’ and he buzzes me up to his apartment. I tell him I need an eighth (an eighth of an ounce, or 3.5 grams)
__________________________________________________ ______
This is the first page.
Advice, continue?, ditch it, give up writing? I plan to write in this fashion for a while (while having minor plot developments) then introduce aliens or something.
Femme Fatale
09-05-2009, 04:23 AM
Hmm, aliens would be interesting lol...
I really liked it, I enjoyed it a lot, probably mostly because I've been reading too many serious articles and books lately, I've thirsted for a light-hearted novel :D
Good job!
BlackopsNinja
09-05-2009, 04:27 AM
Maybe if I make a witty post, cliche guevara will give me a thanks as well.
Cliche Guevara
09-05-2009, 04:30 AM
I was going to thank the first three posts to you know stimulate and shit.
0omnidirectional
09-05-2009, 05:36 PM
Think about your rhetoric (purpose, audience, genre, stance) a bit more. It's good so far, but with more thought you could make what I just read better and you'll likely expand beyond page one.
This is a good beginning and I do think you should stick with it.
Also, I'll be far more likely to read all of this when you are done if there are aliens.
Joe Camel
09-05-2009, 11:24 PM
Yeah. I want to know what happens next.
I would never read a novel written in that fashion. Even when that type of narration is well-done it can be annoying (ie. Chuck Palahniuk's Survivor), and here, quite honestly, I think it's poorly done.
As for whether you should continue...well, I would delete it, along with your word processor if I were you. :) More precisely: the writing isn't interesting or engaging, nothing interesting happens, and the main character's thought processes sound like the thoughts of a 16 year old, weed-smoking cliche.
$.02
Genesis93
09-05-2009, 11:53 PM
i would say poorly written, the idea of the weed thing isn't that good, and as pizza nazi said it does sound liek the thoughts of a 16 year old weed smoking cliche, but i wont rip on you to much because im writing something myself. i think if you read over it and tweeked it it could be ok.
The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all.
like that sentance looks like something an 8 maybe 10 year old would do it would read better something like
"relief floods as the bus slows down, maybe i can hold onto my job one day longer" :/
:D
----
after writing the first few paragraphs of the novel i'm tryign to write i saw that loads of souded really gay that needs changing, i think you need to do that
The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all.
like that sentance looks like something an 8 maybe 10 year old would do it would read better something like
"relief floods as the bus slows down, maybe i can hold onto my job one day longer" :/
:D
As a general rule of thumb, good writing tends to show things, instead of just telling the reader with an adjective.
No one is going to remember or even care about the idea of the character being happy that he's catching the bus when it's presented in such a plain fashion, and IMO, that's probably the biggest limitation with using a 1st-person style. The idea of him trying to stall is actually somewhat amusing, but you've presented it in a very ineffective way.
Write it in third person. Show him standing there at the bus stop, the look on his face, how he reacts physically when the bus pulls up. Show him fumbling in his bag and how it appears that he's trying to stall. That's how you get interesting, engaging writing. You COULD do this in 1st person for the most part, but...I'd say the character would have to be a lot more interesting for that to work.
Cliche Guevara
09-06-2009, 12:08 AM
I would never read a novel written in that fashion. Even when that type of narration is well-done it can be annoying (ie. Chuck Palahniuk's Survivor), and here, quite honestly, I think it's poorly done.
As for whether you should continue...well, I would delete it, along with your word processor if I were you. :) More precisely: the writing isn't interesting or engaging, nothing interesting happens, and the main character's thought processes sound like the thoughts of a 16 year old, weed-smoking cliche.
$.02
Wow such valuable insight. Poorly done narrative style like chuck palahnuik. So helpful. Im just going to not take any of your advice, because
A) I don't think its anything like Survivor by Chuck Palahnuik (http://books.google.ca/books?id=-pmNSO6b2j8C&dq=palahniuk+survivor&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=NNchwQHTbG&sig=t5i3Qy2h7PJPC_wgXESVwSHUsdk&hl=en&ei=d_yiSrjbHcyg8QaxpKXfDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false) if there was influence, i'd like to think it was more saul bellow, than palanuik (who I don't particularly even like)
B) I wasn't trying to make the first 250 words full of "interesting, engaging events" but attempting to introduce my character. As poor an attempt it may be.
C) You know nothing of the 16 year old weed smoking cliche.
D) I like it in first person, as the novel is supposed to be mostly chain of thought and spontaneous prose with dialogue and it might not work as well in third person.
i would say poorly written, the idea of the weed thing isn't that good, and as pizza nazi said it does sound liek the thoughts of a 16 year old weed smoking cliche, but i wont rip on you to much because im writing something myself. i think if you read over it and tweeked it it could be ok.
The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all.
like that sentance looks like something an 8 maybe 10 year old would do it would read better something like
"relief floods as the bus slows down, maybe i can hold onto my job one day longer" :/
:D
----
after writing the first few paragraphs of the novel i'm tryign to write i saw that loads of souded really gay that needs changing, i think you need to do that
Yeah obviously this is the first draft, a very rough copy I already made some changes.
And I actually kind of like my first sentence better, I don't know many 8 year old who uses the word ecstatic, and in any case the character is a 16 year old girl not hamlet.
Daily
09-06-2009, 12:10 AM
Sounds like an interesting insight to the character. Carry on!
Wow such valuable insight. Poorly done narrative style like chuck palahnuik. So helpful. Im just going to not take any of your advice, because
A) I don't think its anything like Survivor by Chuck Palahnuik (http://books.google.ca/books?id=-pmNSO6b2j8C&dq=palahniuk+survivor&printsec=frontcover&source=bl&ots=NNchwQHTbG&sig=t5i3Qy2h7PJPC_wgXESVwSHUsdk&hl=en&ei=d_yiSrjbHcyg8QaxpKXfDw&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false) if there was influence, i'd like to think it was more saul bellow, than palanuik (who I don't particularly even like)
B) I wasn't trying to make the first 250 words full of "interesting, engaging events" but attempting to introduce my character. As poor an attempt it may be.
C) You know nothing of the 16 year old weed smoking cliche.
D) I like it in first person, as the novel is supposed to be mostly chain of thought and spontaneous prose with dialogue and it might not work as well in third person.
My first reply was admittedly not very helpful, so please check out the post I made after that, where I give some specific advice.
But either way, as of now, I would still say that you should start over. Even if we take this as just an introduction to the main character, it doesn't compel me to read further. The idea of her waiting for the bus and trying to stall is DEFINITELY interesting enough, but the presentation of it, the writing of it, is lifeless. You can present it interestingly in first person, but you're going to have to work on it more.
Speaking of 1st person though: Scrap the character's musings on life. That might have a place in your book later on, but for now, they don't help define the character as a unique, real person at all, AND it's quite a bit to throw at the reader when they've just been introduced to the character. Simply put, "We just met her."
pygar
09-06-2009, 04:14 AM
What you posted has a danger of just turning into a diary with nothing happening.
There are slight grammer errors;
spend a few more seconds “looking” for my fare and I can see big black over here is getting more and more agitated.
and uncommon phrases that destroy the flow of the story:
A few dozen seconds
Don't take this as criticism for criticisms sake, take it as a new opinion.
good rules to follow when writing:
1. Never use a metaphor, simile or other figure of speech which you are used to seeing in print.
2. Never use a long word where a short one will do.
3. If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.
4. Never use the passive where you can use the active.
5. Never use a foreign phrase, a scientific word or a jargon word if you can think of an everyday English equivalent.
In regards to first person vs. third person...This is really a matter of choice...but first person makes it a lot easier on the lazy writer as it tends to be more one-dimensional; in that you can't express what is happening around the main character without the character himself realising.
Third person offers a richer writing medium as you can express the thoughts of the bus driver and the surroudings more deeply and build a multi-layered setting.
Genesis93
09-06-2009, 04:54 PM
B) I wasn't trying to make the first 250 words full of "interesting, engaging events" but attempting to introduce my character. As poor an attempt it may be.
.
well if you dont want to make it interesting and engaging im afraid that your nove lhas already failed.
and all the 8 year olds i know, know what ecstatic means, it not that complex a word
i poop in your cereal
09-08-2009, 12:01 PM
You're a pretty bad writer.
That wasn't immersive or engaging at all... Too 'matter-of-fact'-ish...
nshanin
09-08-2009, 12:10 PM
You're Writing A Novel?
To repeat what has been said, it does sound matter-of-factish and certain parts don't get enough attention. At this rate you'll have written about your (I assume) mildly-entertaining life in a few weeks. Tell me more about the bum. Were your hands sweating when you were talking to the bus driver? MOAR detail. I know it's the first page but that bus encounter could be much more interesting and you don't necessarily have to skip immediately to drugs to catch excitement. Also you refer to drugs VERY matter-of-factly and that will confuse most readers who aren't used to facts being associated with drug use. Make that more risque.
Maybe try third-person?
i poop in your cereal
09-08-2009, 01:22 PM
“Wait! Wait!” I yell while running, almost tripping over my own legs as I skillfully manage to evade a pool of muddy rainwater and gasoline that's been collecting in a dangerously deep pothole for days - shitty weather in a shitty part of town - trying desperately to make the bus that would get me to work on time. The bus slows down and relief washes over me in an awesome wave, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all. The bus, seemingly anticipating my desperate need to get on board, stops to let me on.
“You in a hurry?” The bus driver says rather harshly and with a heavy accent that I've never heard before, rough sounding but with a tint of the exotic.
“You have no idea.” I reply as I search through my satchel for my wallet. A few dozen seconds later I realize I spent all my change buying a Philly to smoke my marijuana in.
A cold, metallic, anxious sensation fills my chest and I am suddenly aware of every throbbing thump of my heart.
I shake it off.
“I have to stall for three more stops” I think, dreading the moment when this large African American spooky looking fuck realizes I’m trying to con him. I’m not a racist or anything, but naturally big unfriendly looking black people scare me. I spend a few more seconds “looking” for my fare and I can see big black over here is getting more and more agitated.
“You have fare or not” he says as he opens to the door to let me out.
“I guess not, but come on you got to let me stay for two more stops, I’m really late for work” I plead.
“Sorry” he says and I walk off the bus.
I was crushed once again by the bureaucracy, caught as so many others in this self-perpetuating cycle of mindless, capitalistic idiocy. Needing money to make money; Fucking bullshit thought up by halfwit politicians and other retards in suits. Fucking rich bastards unable to see past the trophy-whore's bouncing up and down on their pathetic little dicks. I wasn't born privileged; Fucked from birth. Everything is everyone else’s fault.
“I don’t even need a fucking job anyways” I say out loud.
"Right on" this bum replies, raising his impressively dirty bottle of god-knows-what in a gesture of approval, apparently cheering me on.
123
RosettaStoned
09-08-2009, 02:14 PM
Well, alright, this definitely needs some work. There's just many parts that make it read like an essay written by some kid fresh out of Junior High (no offense). The reason this is, I believe is because of things like this:
"desperately to make the bus that would get me to work on time. The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all. The bus"
Mentioning 'the bus' three times in three sentences is a big no-no. Just little things like that, another example:
"I try to push these negative thoughts out of my head and head toward the front steps to unlock my single speed bike from the railing."
That just shouts all sorts of, "NO! TURN BACK NOW!" The reason this comes off as weak, and unappealing isn't because of the story, as the plot comes off as something that will be quite interesting, it's the way that you use your words. The structure of your sentences. Look at that last example I put up, "to unlock my single speed bike from the railing." Well what does that add to the story. Alright, "single speed bike", that could show something, that you're alone, or different from other people, but "from the railing"?
The fact that you include many irrelevant things is probably what makes it read like a sloppy, written-the-night-before essay by a kid just figuring out how to play with himself. Now, I'm not telling you how to write, but, trying going from this:
'“Wait! Wait!” I yell while running, trying desperately to make the bus that would get me to work on time.'
to this:
'“Wait! Wait!” I yell, expelling the crumbs of oxygen left in my lungs while trying desperately to catch my last chance of making it to work on time.'
Or something to that effect.
Also, if you have a speed bike, why are you so pissed about not making it to work? Certain things just aren't adding up here. Also, you gotta remember, just like a painter, or a poet, or a musician, every word you write down on a paper needs to be purposeful, you have to know why you used, for example, talked instead of whispered, or yelled instead of hollered. That's what makes great writers, is that every word is intentional.
BlackopsNinja
09-08-2009, 04:12 PM
Actually Cliche Guevara I just read that "novel." Yeah man continue writing that. It was good so far.
In your next draft, make sure you improve on the narrator's voice (Things like "So anyways" and "spooky-looking fuck" in the narration are going to have people rolling their eyes and stopping reading.). Also, this is very important; make sure you use the 1st-person narration to bring the location and the other characters to life.
Let's take this part, for example:
“You in a hurry?” The bus driver says rather harshly.
First things first, you should avoid using adverbs. It's not something that's written in stone, but you can almost always show the adverb through context, which is precisely what brings written scenes to life. So, I am going to rewrite that as:
"The bus driver was slouched back against his chair with this hand curled around the door-lever. “Are you gonna pay, or what?” he says. He is grinding a toothpick between his teeth and his eyes don't leave the windshield as he cocks his head in my direction. I don't respond, and he grunts before swinging his gaze at me."
First, notice that "rather harshly" isn't nearly as specific as showing how the driver is seated, what he's doing, and how he moves.
I also changed the "You in a hurry" line, since it didn't fit with the context I built (though, honestly, I don't think a bus driver would ever ask that anyways), but that should give you an idea of how you can be more descriptive, how you can bring scenes to life, while not sacrificing the 1st person style. You can keep things from the perspective of the main character, but you can still give a full, narrative description of what she sees.
If you aren't discouraged, I think a lot of us would like to see you flesh the bus scene out in a 2nd draft.
I didn't read the other notes. At first glance, you've made use of the word "I" far too often in this piece.
Midnight Sun
09-08-2009, 10:44 PM
I would never read a novel written in that fashion. Even when that type of narration is well-done it can be annoying (ie. Chuck Palahniuk's Survivor), and here, quite honestly, I think it's poorly done.
As for whether you should continue...well, I would delete it, along with your word processor if I were you. :) More precisely: the writing isn't interesting or engaging, nothing interesting happens, and the main character's thought processes sound like the thoughts of a 16 year old, weed-smoking cliche.
$.02
http://i25.tinypic.com/v8pzwz.jpg
Don't let other peoples opinions discourage you from finishing what you have started. Well intentioned criticisms can be very disheartening. Although there have been some very good pointers by some of the other posters here, consider that this work is yours and you need to appreciate your own style. Continue in whatever style fits you and by the end of your novel you will have improved greatly and much of what you have been told here will become obvious to you. Remember, you can always go back and rewrite any part of your book at any time. Few writers are 100% satisfied with the first draft. (Mark Twain actually threw "Tom Sawyer" into the trash, then, having second thoughts retrieved it.)
Again, do not get discouraged and do your best to do your best. Remember all the great writers are great writers because of their individual style and perseverance. Good luck.
RosettaStoned
09-09-2009, 01:06 AM
Don't let other peoples opinions discourage you from finishing what you have started. Well intentioned criticisms can be very disheartening. Although there have been some very good pointers by some of the other posters here, consider that this work is yours and you need to appreciate your own style. Continue in whatever style fits you and by the end of your novel you will have improved greatly and much of what you have been told here will become obvious to you. Remember, you can always go back and rewrite any part of your book at any time. Few writers are 100% satisfied with the first draft. (Mark Twain actually threw "Tom Sawyer" into the trash, then, having second thoughts retrieved it.)
Again, do not get discouraged and do your best to do your best. Remember all the great writers are great writers because of their individual style and perseverance. Good luck.
It's called constructive criticism. I understand what you're saying. None of us said, "This sucks, get rid of it. Burn it!" We all just tried to make it not so repetitive, and remove all the cliches. Sometimes, you can't be objective enough about your own work, so you need others to do it.
And anyways Cliche, post more when you've edited/spiced up this.
It's called constructive criticism. I understand what you're saying. None of us said, "This sucks, get rid of it. Burn it!" We all just tried to make it not so repetitive, and remove all the cliches. Sometimes, you can't be objective enough about your own work, so you need others to do it.
And anyways Cliche, post more when you've edited/spiced up this.
I agree. And, if I read as if I were attacking the other posters for their criticisms, I was not. There was some excellent advice given and if the OP is not too sensitive she will take that advice. My intent was solely to let her know that she should not get discouraged and should continue. As she writes more and more, her ability to produce acceptable work will grow.
RosettaStoned
09-11-2009, 12:19 AM
Haha, alright whip I get what you were saying. I was in a pissy mood as well so that definitely didn't help the situation.
Haha, alright whip I get what you were saying. I was in a pissy mood as well so that definitely didn't help the situation.
No problem Rosetta. I have written two books, (both unpublished) and am working on my third. I am good, and I know I am good. My genre is currently not what is in vogue. I was chastised about my writings, (short stories), when much younger and almost took it to heart. Fortunately, I have always been an avid reader and knew that my "crap" was much better than much of the main stream, acceptable literary works. I did take lessons from what I read, and from what others told me.
In drunkenness, I submitted two short story works and both were published. They were not good enough for myself, but they were very acceptable to the publishers. These are the only works I have ever submitted for publication, (and both flew like kites). I write simply for myself.
I try to encourage anyone with an interest in writing to continue at their own pace. Even if nobody else enjoys it they enjoy the time spent in their own mind, and their grandchildren will hopefully get an insight into whom they are by reading those writings decades from now.
In drunkenness, I submitted two short story works and both were published.
Yeah, but were you drunk when you wrote and revised them? I think not.
http://www.hetemeel.com/archive/haha%20Im%20creating%20dynamic%20IMAGES!!1!.jpg
(Ignore the bottom caption)
PN's rewrite of the bus driver was more interesting than your whole story. Sorry.
Cliche Guevara
09-11-2009, 06:33 AM
nonetheless, I'm still continuing the novel. Sorry.
nonetheless, I'm still continuing the novel. Sorry.
Well, put some life into it. I'm no writer but a good raconteur has plenty to say about things we'd otherwise consider trivial. Open with some action.
“Wait! Wait!” I yell while running, trying desperately to make the bus that would get me to work on time.
The bus slows down and I am ecstatic, maybe I wouldn’t get fired after all. The bus, seemingly anticipating my desperate need to get on board, stops to let me on.
Right off the top of my head:
Set up a cloudy and grey scenery so that we can prepare for the patheticness of the character you're trying to convey. It's a gloomy as fuck character, so put that into everything you're describing.
Sounds a bus makes as it rumbles past(the gear change, the screeching of the brakes)
A guy yelling and flailing his arms.
A guy running and dodging people left and right for 100-200 feet. Maybe a stroller gets in his way.
Contrast the big slow rumbing bus and the way it slowly goes down a block while the protagonist is dodging strollers and schoolkids.
Describe right away WHY he's so desperate to catch that bus so that we can get a millisecond of suspense as to whether the dude catches the bus or not rather than just a sequence of events.
Make the stopping of the bus a brief victory.
If you're going to personify the bus, instead of it anticipating you compare it to a 7 ton brute, maybe have the bus mock your character by shifting gears or something halfway to catching it. Listen to bus sounds: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Bus_Sounds_audio.aspx
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
Insert pizzanazi's bus driver.
The possibilities are endless. With an opening like that, I'd be hooked. You could write shit for the next 3 pages but I'd still be reading on to get a conclusion from that awesome opener.
nshanin
09-11-2009, 06:47 AM
So why the thread title if it was already decided?
Yeah, but were you drunk when you wrote and revised them? I think not.
http://www.hetemeel.com/archive/haha%20Im%20creating%20dynamic%20IMAGES!!1!.jpg
(Ignore the bottom caption)
I wrote both stories the same night - while imbibing. The next morning, while still inebriated, I placed each story in separate envelopes and posted them to separate publishers. Each was accepted by and included in books of short works. All editing, (for grammatical errors, etc.), was handled by the publishers, (as is often the case). I made no revisions. Intoxicated, I was extremely satisfied with my works. I would have not submitted them otherwise. As it is said, "the writer is his own worst critic."
There are times when a writer is, (like an artist of grand paintings), absorbed completely in their works, and the work becomes a part of them, (or they of it), an expression of art in itself (I have been there). Life's mediocrities at that point become non-existent and trivial....All art is a simple giving of the soul to the universe and to oneself. Good writers sell books; Great writer share their hearts and souls with the people.
When we agonize over our pleasures then they becomes work. Pleasure is in that that satisfies us, as individuals.
Well, put some life into it. I'm no writer but a good raconteur has plenty to say about things we'd otherwise consider trivial. Open with some action.
Right off the top of my head:
Set up a cloudy and grey scenery so that we can prepare for the patheticness of the character you're trying to convey. It's a gloomy as fuck character, so put that into everything you're describing.
Sounds a bus makes as it rumbles past(the gear change, the screeching of the brakes)
A guy yelling and flailing his arms.
A guy running and dodging people left and right for 100-200 feet. Maybe a stroller gets in his way.
Contrast the big slow rumbing bus and the way it slowly goes down a block while the protagonist is dodging strollers and schoolkids.
Describe right away WHY he's so desperate to catch that bus so that we can get a millisecond of suspense as to whether the dude catches the bus or not rather than just a sequence of events.
Make the stopping of the bus a brief victory.
If you're going to personify the bus, instead of it anticipating you compare it to a 7 ton brute, maybe have the bus mock your character by shifting gears or something halfway to catching it. Listen to bus sounds: http://www.soundboard.com/sb/Bus_Sounds_audio.aspx
DETAILS DETAILS DETAILS
Insert pizzanazi's bus driver.
The possibilities are endless. With an opening like that, I'd be hooked. You could write shit for the next 3 pages but I'd still be reading on to get a conclusion from that awesome opener.
Stephen King - is that you? Forty-five pages describing the sun rising, (or a bus stopping), is one authors style, but it is not everyones. Here is a challenge to you and everyone else who has negatively critiqued this young persons writing: Rewrite it all in your style. One hundred people can/will write this one hundred ways, but it will still belong to the original writer. This came from her young imagination. Any way you write it, it is all still hers.
So why the thread title if it was already decided?
I suspect that approval and encouragement were wanted in order to make her final decision. And that is what young people should get from all of us. Not negativity or, "I would have done it this way".
nonetheless, I'm still continuing the novel. Sorry.
Please do continue your book/novel/novella/short story or whatever it turns out to be. Art is a pleasure of love; a work of art is nothing less than work. Keep your enthusiasm and write for nobody but yourself. When you start writing for approval, then you have failed the purpose of writing. Keep it confined to what you know, (or are willing to study)....just be true to yourself. The day might come that you become world-renowned because of your writings - but never focus on that: Focus only on what makes your heart happy. That, young lady, separates the writer genius from the published author.
Cliche Guevara
09-11-2009, 09:01 AM
thanks for the advice but I think you mean young lad.
thanks for the advice but I think you mean young lad.
My sincerest apologizes. At some point I became confused about your gender. This might be because I have been assisting in the editing and rewritings of two young females. One with a story very similar to yours.
Please, post some more pages and I will post some of mine.
I wrote both stories the same night - while imbibing. The next morning, while still inebriated, I placed each story in separate envelopes and posted them to separate publishers. Each was accepted by and included in books of short works. All editing, (for grammatical errors, etc.), was handled by the publishers, (as is often the case). I made no revisions. Intoxicated, I was extremely satisfied with my works. I would have not submitted them otherwise. As it is said, "the writer is his own worst critic."
There are times when a writer is, (like an artist of grand paintings), absorbed completely in their works, and the work becomes a part of them, (or they of it), an expression of art in itself (I have been there). Life's mediocrities at that point become non-existent and trivial....All art is a simple giving of the soul to the universe and to oneself. Good writers sell books; Great writer share their hearts and souls with the people.
When we agonize over our pleasures then they becomes work. Pleasure is in that that satisfies us, as individuals.
Where are the stories? What magazine? Whip it out.
Zygo Orbitale
09-12-2009, 05:51 AM
nonetheless, I'm still continuing the novel. Sorry.
Here is some advice. Never show anybody a work in progress, they'll only shit all over it and discourage you from continuing.
There really is no point in trying to judge an unfinished work, it may be good, it may not, you won't know until it's complete. The reason is because all the things that make a story resonate, save pretty prose or bits of clever dialogue, will not be satsifyingly present. Characters and backstory will not be fully developed, settings will not have been fully exploited, the main conflict may not even have begun, and the many revisions that go into a finished work (especially long form) will never have been attempted. The kid's still young, still small, still untrained, let him get a little older, a little bigger, and a little more skilled before you send him out onto a professional defensive line.
As a writer you learn from writing. Writing til the end is a discipline. You'll get better and better by simply doing it. Even if this doesn't come to anything, it will be beneficial, and the next thing you write will be better.
ouishi
09-12-2009, 06:02 AM
Standardize style, light or serious. Use of the proper phrase "marijuana" doesn't match the use of vulgarity afterwards...
Rework your writing a bit. Figure out if it sounds like the way someone would speak in normal conversation.
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