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  #41  
Old 12-21-2009, 02:03 AM
Sentinel owl Sentinel owl is offline
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by SKUV View Post
Oh and I bet that blonde girl would look much better in a bikini.....


blam.
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  #42  
Old 12-21-2009, 04:01 AM
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Thumbs Down Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by Sentinel owl View Post


blam.
lol I meant this girl.....


And more like, BLAM! TOO OLD!!

amirite???




Oh and I meant more like this:



blam.....

Last edited by SKUV; 12-21-2009 at 04:07 AM.
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  #43  
Old 12-22-2009, 01:33 AM
The Better Version The Better Version is offline
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by Cult Leader View Post
Yeah.. okay I got drunk and I didnt really feel too much impulse to talk about pedo shit.

Another thing is that I have a constant urge to talk about Jews and say anti-semitic shit all the time. I have to restrain myself from going into some kind of rant whenever I can make any kind of connection to Jews with whatever subject is talked about.

For example: my friend was talking about Fidel Castro and I kept getting this strong urge to say "you know I heard he has Jew roots" or just in general i get these impulses to go into rages against jews.

I hate constantly feeling these fuckin impulses to rant aout jews. I am constantl holding back this shit. Even speaking to my parents I need to make sure I stay alert and not diverge into some anti semitic speech. I see jewish influences in everything i always feel like pinting it out and deriding it. I feel like I am chained to this obsession because I am not following the figh club philosophy of facing my fears, one being going into some massive anti-jew rant. And then theres the act of jewish blood, always in the back of my mind. I never feel like i fit in or relate to others because of it. feels like I am constantly hiding something.

i feel constantly trapped in a cage of anxiety. i hate feeling like i am being a bitch by not facing these fears and allowing myself to be chained by taboos. I feel like if i dont face this shit then I am a worthless sack of shit and I don't deserve to moveon but I must be punished, until I decide to be a man. Fuck.

It stems from when I used to pretend to people I was jewish. I dont know why exactly. My mom is pure german and llots of ex-nazis on her side and I used to try to pretend I was jewish to kind of "rebel". Later on people started picking up on this and I would get made fun of, called a jew etc. This put me into a depression because when I was young I could never fight back from teasing. I began isolating myself and I would spend hours reading about jews... I turned into a major anti-semite and a racist. Any kind of public figure, etc, I would check if they are jewish. It was amazing how many people in the spotlight of some kind are jewish. My mind truly warped.

Then I made a shocking discovery. I searched my geneology and I found out that my last name is descended from portugese jews who got converted to catholics. This means I have potentially 1/4 Jew blood. I would more realistically think at most 1/8th.. None of my family are jewish, but my last name is descended from "converso" jews. This revelation rocked my world. Imagine going from hating to jews, to discovering that you likely have jew blood.

I don't know what to feel or how to identify myself. I used to identify myself as white and was pretty nationalistic. I had strong sympathys with germany. Now i feel like all i am is some kind of dirty fuckin mutt. I dont know if people make fun of jews or talk bad about them, etc, if I am supposed to feel angry or anything. Or if I have to mention that i may have jew blood.

What if some kind of racial war takes place? What the fuck side am I on. I could pretend to be regular white, but I just do not feel right lying. If I say that I think I have some jewish ancestry then I fear not being trusted, and/or looked at as inferior. The prospect of having jewish blood is like some kind of disgusting taint on me that I am ashamed of. I attribute many of my weaknesses to it. I don't want to be shunned by the white nationalist community. I feel like I am a piece of shit person who should just probably die.

I donno, realistically the amount of jewish blood is probably minimal.

Well all that shit above is going on in my mind, and then whenever I am chilling I got that shit running through my head, and I gotta try carrying on a conversation, and I feel all anxious and shit. I feel like I must bring this out into the open in order to resolve it. But I don't want to seem like a fucking nutcase (as I do realize I do here). And that fucking subconcious fight club shit is playing through my head telling me that I need to "face what I fear, in order to be free", yet I don't follow it and I feel like a fucking bitch ass pussy because of it.

I feel fucking anxiety all the fucking time. Like fight or flight, just set on constant. been going on for fucking years. And I am not seeing a doctor or therapist. I tried all that and its seriously much, much more trouble then it is worth.

I hate jews and am fucking ashamed of having jewish blood.

Okay thanks in ahead for any more helpful feedback.

I know deep down I have positive attributes, but I am just so fucked in the head with all this bullshit.
Ah ha. So there's your problem. You attach yourself waaay too much to the imbedded beliefs of society that have been passed down from generations to generations. For one thing, you need to set your own moral values. The only thing you have to do, is abide by the law. However, your true moral beliefs are your true moral beliefs and that will never change. Secondly, you need to stop obsessing over manhood. Whose keeping the score? Whose paying attention to you? Who actually cares whether or not your a man and furthermore what is a man? This is an ideology that should just be rooted out of your mindset, altogether because its more or less counter productive to your own life and it severely skews every other genuine belief about you.

Secondly, stop picking a fucking side on shit. When you pick sides you're basically telling yourself to stop thinking. Don't strive to be accepted into the White Nationalist movement, not because I think its bad but because its one singular organization with one mindset that's called whatever its manifesto is called. If you believe in every single aspect of any movement then it simply means you haven't really studied the literature because every manmade movement, belief, or ideology is flawed in some way, shape or manner. What you need to do is form your own personal movement or ideology. Study everything and then pick your own side with what you feel has the right answers. I'm sorry but there is no such thing as an organization with the answers. I've been searching for one all my life but I can't possibly find one that I can't contradict or debunk in some way.

What I'm really trying to say is....STOP BEING SO NORMAL! You attach your feelings to such artificial bullshit, its sad. I'd love it if this mindset was only isolated to you but we're all like this, including myself and its fucking disgusting how we can follow each other to hell like this. I hope I live to see the day that all of this bullshit is passed us and we can finally get on to living again.
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  #44  
Old 12-22-2009, 02:29 AM
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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  #45  
Old 12-26-2009, 11:26 PM
OnTheFringe OnTheFringe is offline
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

A self hating Jewish pedophile
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  #46  
Old 12-27-2009, 11:31 PM
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Originally Posted by OnTheFringe View Post
A self hating Jewish pedophile
Meh, he'll get over the self hate eventually
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  #47  
Old 12-28-2009, 12:05 AM
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

As a wise man once said "Of course we want to fuck 14 year old girls, that's why there's a law."
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  #48  
Old 12-28-2009, 12:12 AM
Star Wars Fan Star Wars Fan is offline
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Arrow Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by AtrainV View Post
As long as you don't act upon it or support the industry of child exploitation through the internet, then it's not a problem.
There is no child exploitation industry on the internet
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  #49  
Old 12-28-2009, 12:17 AM
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Actually technically there is lol. "Hackers" exploit the CP addicts to steal credit card info. There are sites out there trust me, i've seen them because my friends showed me.


Ok so that's not exactly the same but you get the point.
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  #50  
Old 12-28-2009, 12:29 AM
Star Wars Fan Star Wars Fan is offline
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Default Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by SKUV View Post
Actually technically there is lol. "Hackers" exploit the CP addicts to steal credit card info. There are sites out there trust me, i've seen them because my friends showed me.


Ok so that's not exactly the same but you get the point.
LOL. I forgot. Some swarmy motherfuckers will blackmail people. Though normally isn't the people who do that LEA (see Operation Ore and whatnot). Yeah I get your point

Oh yeah, lol 'pedo jokes'. I remember in HS placing kawaii/moe images as backgrounds on the comps there. They knew it was me. I got them to admit 'it's cute'

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Originally Posted by George Whitfield Fitting View Post
That's when you become truly sick. Keep your urges under control.
Sure is biased in here

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Originally Posted by Chavinist View Post
you sons of bitches...i hope that chris hansen guy sets u up.
Because fucking your cousin is better

Quote:
Originally Posted by samguy700
OMG LOL, but yeah seriously with little girls its one thing but little boys, seriously what the fuck?
now now, don't be biased if someone is a shotacon instead...

Quote:
yeah just dont let it rule your life, keep in touch with normality.
What is 'normality' again?
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  #51  
Old 12-28-2009, 12:44 AM
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Arrow Re: I feel guilty for my pedo thoughts

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Originally Posted by LSA King View Post
Having Pedo sexual thoughts is NORMAL don't beat yourself up. The media wants to make underage sex consensual and legal. Why else do you think in the past 10 years the media everywhere has blitzing us with pedo images and thoughts. Teaching little girls to dress like sexual dinowhores.
Society is full of shit and contradictory, that's why.

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Originally Posted by samguy700 View Post
and where will i be by then?
You're ~15, so you'll be more likely to survive to lead people to freedom and victory!

I'm 19 and will be part of the second american revolution - then the world socialist revolution XD

Quote:
Originally Posted by samguy700 View Post
it also makes finding erotica hard, (why dont more people write erotica?!?!?!? oh wait i remember....
There are doujin games and galge on the subject. galges = interactive novels where you date people, there are games with dating lolis & shit. look for them.
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