Anger overriding true emotions?

[InToXiCoLoGisT]

[tl/dr are all guys assholes when they don't know how to show true feelings?]

Rant
I've noticed for years that if something really bothers me, like something/one I care about, even love. I will get mad way before I even think showing how I truly feel.

1 of many examples: Met up with the ex (of many years) this weekend after not seeing her for 3-4 months, went to the old place we used to live, saw my old dog, all that nostalgia bullshit. After several drinks, I realize I can't even handle holding a decent convo with her, when before I wouldn't even stutter. I wanted to talk about this with her, but god damn if my ego(if that's the word for it?) will let me. Ended up in a screaming match of the stupidest shit, telling her she has 0 ambition, get the fuck back to University, your job is controlling you *flip bird walk out*.... ramble... ramble...


It's not always related to alcohol, just with her it seems so much worse.

I've got 2 theory's on this matter and would like some input, or see if anyone gets this?

#1 I'm masking my true feelings in fear she may see I really, really care about her still. Scared to show any type of weakness, which I know she can read right through.

#2 It's a typical matter of bottling all my true feelings/opinions about something than just letting it all out at once.


Now I got to apologize for my ridiculous actions, I don't want to make an excuse, I want to figure wtf is up. I'm never like this, I'm very well tempered and secure to a point.

[/rant]

[RestStop]

She's your ex and you still love her. Just that simple.

[Happy]

I think you should stab her.

[calatron]

Lots of people do this. My ex girlfriend would do the same shit to me.

One of the reasons I lost her was because my emotions weren't "vibrant" enough. Women love that emotional roller coaster. I never yelled at her, I just wanted to discuss and fix things. She was too busy yelling at me, calling me names and telling me she hated me.

To sum it up: you can't win. You yell and you're an asshole. You don't yell and you're not exciting enough.