Stealing U.S. Army aircraft

[Louie Carwash]

So, SWIM would like to steal a fuckin' jet and sell it off to the black market somewhere in Israel. SWIM doesn't know how to prevent being shot down by some camel-riding towel head with an RPG, however, he's sure they'd spend big bucks on one if he managed to land it.

How could SWIM go about doing this? Could he simply take off during the training course and engage in dog-fights to melt other SWIM's faces as they pursue him? Afterwards, he'd retreat to Cuba and use the money to purchase a mansion and boatloads of smuggled-in drugs.

[HampTheToker]

Nb4 Homeland Security/NSA/CIA/FBI/etc...

[Louie Carwash]

dude... i'd have a fuckin' jet!

[Tachosomoza]

[Michael Scott]

I bet the feds that are reading this thread are laughing their asses off at your stupidity

[Tachosomoza]

[Louie Carwash]

i'd turn the U.S army into a bunch of these things

US Soldier Who Lost 1/3 of Brain in Iraq - YouTube

US Soldier Who Lost 1/3 of Brain in Iraq - YouTube
Video: click to display

and i'm not worried about the feds reading this, why? they don't give a shit.

[Tachosomoza]

[Louie Carwash]

Originally Posted by Tachosomoza

Have a nice nap, kid.

[TheBlackDalia]

Good luck with that dipshit.

[Larva]

Why just steal one jet when you can steal all the jets?



A boat is a lot easier to drive, anyway.

Go for it!

[The Lady of Pain]

Originally Posted by Larva

Why just steal one jet when you can steal all the jets?

I'll take two.

[MAYOR]

[Spectaculate Ejaculate]

I stole all of the Army's jets. In 1947.

[Tachosomoza]

Why don't you kidnap The Jets?

The Jets - Crush on You - YouTube

The Jets - Crush on You - YouTube
Video: click to display

[Louie Carwash]

this thread full of good idea

[Louie Carwash]

Okay, in all seriousness. Why the fuck is this in the bad ideas section? I thought it was fuckin' grand. Cash money, baby. Cash fuckin' money.

[Louie Carwash]

Guy above me is stupid

[Tachosomoza]

Where do you suggest I move it?

[Louie Carwash]

You could create an "awesome ideas" section and complete it by moving this thread into it.

[turboneger]

OK, out of all the lulz in this thread, OP posted "guy above me is stupid" right after he posted some rambling.

Kinda like wearing a shirt that says I'm with Stupid and the arrow points up.

[Louie Carwash]

Originally Posted by turboneger

OK, out of all the lulz in this thread, OP posted "guy above me is stupid" right after he posted some rambling.

Kinda like wearing a shirt that says I'm with Stupid and the arrow points up.

Shut the fuck up. This is my Internet, my URL, and you're MY bitch.
Anything further can be posted in a thread titled "Fuck you, Scribus" in the PEOO section. I'll gladly e-rupture your carotid by flailing my battleaxe keyboard aimlessly.

[Tachosomoza]

Originally Posted by Scribus

You could create an "awesome ideas" section and complete it by moving this thread into it.

[Louie Carwash]

Originally Posted by Tachosomoza

You're too cute. Do you expect me to be afraid of you, mortal?

Let me tell you lurkers something. Everything that Tachosomazailikedicksenteringandexitingmyrectu
N(eus) has been posting, has really telepathically been sent to him from me. He's nothing more than another puppet, and I'm about to cut his strings.

[Mantikore]

Since this is lulzy bad ideas, i guess we should at least entertain the idea.

In short: youre going to have to remove any form of GPS tracking and do it conditions where satellites cant get a good look at you. You also have to find a place to land it nearby and stash it away because youre not going to have the fuel to fly that far. Youll also have to deal with the other guy on the plane with you

[Homopetteri]

There are those spy planes that can't be seen, would that be sneaky to steal?

[Proots]

This is what BI has sunk to.

This is retarded. Seriously.

[komokazi]

Shitty troll is shitty.

[-SpectraL]

All US military jets have a secret self-destruct mechanism built right into them which can be activated remotely using a military GPS tracking system. They would blow you right out of the sky 15 minutes after you went off course.

[SBTlauien]

My friend use to steal these all the time. Just walk in dressed like a pilot.

[shotse]

USAF has plastic explosives built into every jet for self destruct purposes.

[-SpectraL]

Self-destruct mechanisms in US aircraft and other high-tech military vehicles go back as far as the mid 1950's.

Powers’ U-2, which departed from a military airbase in Peshawar [2] and may have received support from the US Air Station at Badaber, near Peshawar in Pakistan, was shot down by an S-75 Dvina (SA-2 Surface to Air) missile[3] on May 1, 1960, over Sverdlovsk. Soviets had shadowed his plane from a lower altitude, then took him down as he crossed over Sverdlosk, which was deep in Soviet airspace. Powers was unable to activate the plane's self-destruct mechanism, as instructed, before he parachuted to the ground, right into the hands of the KGB.

sauce:
http://en.metapedia.org/wiki/Francis_Gary_Powers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_U-2

[Louie Carwash]

A self-destruction fucking mechanicism in human-piloted aircraft? ARE YOU SHITTIN' ME? That's got to be a potential safety hazardOMG CONSPIRACY

[ThunderDownUnder]

Originally Posted by -SpectraL

Self-destruct mechanisms in US aircraft and other high-tech military vehicles go back as far as the mid 1950's.

Powers’ U-2, which departed from a military airbase in Peshawar [2] and may have received support from the US Air Station at Badaber, near Peshawar in Pakistan, was shot down by an S-75 Dvina (SA-2 Surface to Air) missile[3] on May 1, 1960, over Sverdlovsk. Soviets had shadowed his plane from a lower altitude, then took him down as he crossed over Sverdlosk, which was deep in Soviet airspace. Powers was unable to activate the plane's self-destruct mechanism, as instructed, before he parachuted to the ground, right into the hands of the KGB.

sauce:
http://en.metapedia.org/wiki/Francis_Gary_Powers
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lockheed_U-2

All I get out of that is that the pilot has access to a self destruct to blow the plane up if shit goes sour...Doesn't say you can do it remotely, which is why it was such a big deal that the KBG then got ahold of it.

MASTER PLAN:

K, see what you gotta do is, you gotta dress up like a sea turtle. Then you swim into the ocean looking for an aircraft carrier.

Once you find an aircraft carrier, you start climbing up the side of that stuff (there should be a little ladder, try to find it). If you can't find the little ladder, you should just scale the side of the ship using those suction cup thingies that some building climbers use.

Once you are like half way up, get out of your turtle costume and get into a seagull costume. Climb the other half up, then start strutting around the deck like a seagull. This will fool any guards, you don't try to dress like a pilot or like you are in the Navy/Air Force quite yet because somebody might ask you a question.

Then you strut towards a jet, and hop up onto the wing. Once you are on the wing, change into your pilot costume and hop into the jet.

Once you are in the jet, you get on the radio and say a lot of technical jibber jabber, they won't know what you are saying but you will sound like you know what you are talking about so they will act like they know what you mean.

Then, you will get clearance to take off. Once you have taken off, they will realise quickly that you are a fake. You gotta circle around and bomb the shit out of the aircraft carrier before they can start shooting you with railguns. That shit can blow you out of the sky from a thousand miles away.

Fly to the country of your choice, land, fuck bitches, and get cash.

[Louie Carwash]

Originally Posted by thunderdownunder

once you are like half way up, get out of your turtle costume and get into a seagull costume. Climb the other half up, then start strutting around the deck like a seagull.
Then you strut towards a jet, and hop up onto the wing. Once you are on the wing, change into your pilot costume and hop into the je

once you are in the jet, you get on the radio and say a lot of technical jibber jabber, they won't know what you are saying but you will sound like you know what you are talking about so they will act like they know what you mean.

Then, you will get clearance to take off. Once you have taken off, they will realise quickly that you are a fake. You gotta circle around and bomb the shit out of the aircraft carrier

you fucking delivered. Oh, man. Lol.

[ThunderDownUnder]

Originally Posted by Scribus

you fucking delivered. Oh, man. Lol.

And yet you didn't Like my post. I'm gonna beat you to those air craft carriers now.

[Vox Ducis]

Too bad I didn't notice this thread earlier.

The USS George H.W. Bush arrived in my city 4 days ago and is leaving today. I've met sailors in bars who were so drunk on Beaujolais that they could have given me the keys of the ship.

Better luck next time, OP !

[Irukanji]

You won't have enough fuel to make it. Good luck getting authorisation to cross Spanish/French/Moroccan/Portuguese airspace(and no, you can't fly around, fuel problems you know). So you attempt to go through the straights, except the airspace is still owned by people who don't want scary fighter jets in their sky. You fly through the Mediterranean, setting off early warning radar, you get to Italy, and their anti-aircraft base in Sicily blows you out of the air.

If they don't, then you'll get to Israel, where you'll probably be arrested, have your jet stolen, and then tortured because you are a nigger, and Jews are the mortal enemy of the niggers.

Good luck, you will need it.

[The American Gentleman]

Originally Posted by Larva