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Old 10-14-2010, 08:52 AM
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Default Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

"FASTER YOU BITCH!!!" I screamed at my grandmother as we barreled down the highway at the whopping speed of 45 MPH. Me completely naked, except for a t-shirt, painfully writhing in the back seat of her station wagon.
"GO FASTER!!!" I screamed again as I looked down upon my cock. It was turning to purple before my very eyes, and the outer layer of skin was starting to peel off.
"What did you do Liam? What is happening?" Grandma asked, her eyes full of tears and concern, as she drove me to the hospital.
"JUST DRIVE FASTER!!" I yelled back at her.
Grandma meant well but was driving in that careful slow manner that only old women can, and I could smell fumes of icy-hot blowing off of her skin and into the backseat with me. The pain I felt was unbearable, the flesh around my penis was melting off. I believed in those moments that I needed to get to the hospital faster, before too much damage was done and they would have to amputate my cock. To me every second was precious, like a good guy guying to difuse a villians bomb in a movie, and my heart raced more with each passing second.
I bellowed out, "AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH HELPPPP!" At the top of my lungs and grandma sped up to 48 MPH. Which to her old ass must have seemed close to the speed of light, afraid to go any faster for fear of going backwards in time.
How could this happen...Why me? I asked myself over and over again, as we continued down the road. Then looking back down at my exposed penis, I saw a large peice of skin come off, like a flower loosing a petal. " OH GOD!!! HELP!!!!!," I cried out to the universe, shortly before losing conscienceness.
SO.... You may ask, how exactly did you get in the position of terrifying your sweet old grandmother with your sick dick? First off, It wasn't intentional, it was not planned, nor wanted in any way. And yes to this day I feel embarassed, not only for exposing my blistered red dong to granny, but for also probably disappointing her with it's small size. Im sure she would have wanted me to have some type of big dick gene to pass down to our future family, but the site of my cock that day must have been another let down for granny.
Shortly after my first experience of making fuck, I started to experience itching all over my balls, pubes, taint, and asshole. Eventually my dick even started to itch as well. Being a stupid little shit, I thought it might just be dry skin. Maybe I was still in denial about condomlessly fucking a boot whore with my friends, but I never even considered it might be an STD until I inspected my balls with a magnafying glass, and saw something moving in my pubes.
I called chase and asked him if he had the same problem, to which he confirmed, and found much funnier than I did, saying "At least the crabs ate the gonorrhea." Chase then told me not to sweat because he had some leftover head lice shampoo. He was going to try it, and that after he used it he would call me and tell me if it worked.
It was the longest two hours of my life waiting for him to call back, because the mental aspect of knowing there were bugs living on my balls, and them using my dick as an amusement ride, caused the itching to magnify 10x.
"RINNNNNNNNNNGGGGG... RINNNNNNNNNNNGGGGG," It was the sweetest sound ever, I picked up the phone hoping that it would Chase, telling me how his balls would be sprakling clean and bug-free, and that he would soon be coming to let me use the rest of his lice shampoo.
Instead, "THEY'RE STILL FUCKING THERE, WE HAVE SUPER CRABS!!!!" Chased yelled into the phone, "The shampoo did nothing, NOTHING."
He went on to tell me that he was going to bite the bullet, and tell his dad. This was okay for Chase, his dad was a bachelor, they would probably even be able to laugh about it. Me on the otherhand, I was 15 and the last thing I wanted to do was feel the shame of having crabs fom my family. So I decided to take care of the situation on my own. I spent the next few days washing my balls in any substance laying around the house that I could get my grubby little hands on, hoping one would work. There was no scientific reasoning behind my doings, just wishful thinking and I wasted a lot of time rubbing household goods on my genitalia hoping to kill the little fuckers that had set up camp on my nutsack.
I used vinegar, ketchup, bleach water, my dogs flea shampoo, hot water, rubbing alcohol, ice water, chocolate sauce, peanut butter, I even tried shaving my pubes, and anything else I could find to rub into my balls or do to them. Nothing worked and over days the itching ony grew worse. In fact all the food products I used were probably feeding the little fuckers and making them stronger. It got so bad that I was constantly rubbing my dick on the furniture and scooting across the carpet with my ass, like a dog with worms. At school people avoided me like the plague because I was always fiddling with my dick and lifting my legs up to rub my gooch during class.
No matter how bad it got, I still refused to ask my family for help. I just figured that was the way life was going to be until I turned 18. Better everyone to think I was a dick fiddler, than know that I was infested with fuck bugs. I had given up on a cure, when a glimmer of hope found me in the unlikeliest of places.
One weekend my parents sent me to my grandmothers house, they wanted me to stay with her a few days and do the chores she could no longer complete on her own. They said it would be nice for her to have a "man" (ha ha) around the house, since my grandfather had passed recently. I think they just wanted a weekend alone to watch porn and fuck in the living room, plus they were probably sickened by how much I was scratching on my cock'n'balls lately and wanted some time away from me.
I didn't mind going there much, cause my grandma's neighbor had a daughter who was around my age. Her name was Summer and I had dreamed of banging her since puberty hit. We used to play together as younger children, on the weekends I'd stay with granny. Shortly after my teenage awkward years came, we lost touch, and I settled on admiring her from afar.
But all that was going to change, I told myself. Hearing that I was going to grandma's for the weekend, I made a plan to finally re-establish contact with her, Crabs or not.
Once at grandma's I had the task of going into the basement and stacking boxes my grandmother could no longer lift. This was to make more room for storage (for what I have no fucking idea). I was nearly done with this task when inside one of the boxes I spotted a can of RAID insect killer. I looked at the list of insects it could kill on the back and figured that I should at least try it on my genitals.
After finishing stacking the boxes, I went into the bathroom hopeful the raid might work. I took a shower to get the infested area nice and cleaned off, figuring that a layer of ball sweat might dilute RAID's killing power.
I Believed, "This HAS to work." As I started spraying the insect killer all over my genitals, even placing one leg on the sink and coating my asshole. The stuff reeked awfully, and started to tingle a little as it attached to my skin. I figured the tingling just meant it was working. Slowly though, the tingle turned into a slight sting. Still, I figured if it was hurting me a little, then it must be crabs armageddon happening on my balls. I put my shirt on and laughed a little to myself as I imagined myself the Furor of the crabs holocaust, but the laughter did not last long as that slight sting quickly transformed into a burning sensation.
My balls and ass burned with a growing fury and scrotum started turning red, I could no longer take the pain of the raid that had now become a gel on my skin, and ran to the sink. I turned on the water, and splashed it on my dick and butthole, trying to rub the chemicals off, but the cold water felt like fire as it hit my genitals. The pain led to stomach cramps that became so intense they made me have to shit. I nearly fell over onto the bowl. Sweating profusely I rightened my body up on the toilet and passed turd after turd, but found no relief. Every turd that passed through felt like molten lava on my asshole, and I started to cry with pain and disgust because I knew wiping would be out of the question.
Finished I got up and tried to wash off my genitals again, but the pain was too intense and caused me to fall over. I had to crawl out of the bathroom naked on all fours and down the hall to the kitchen, where my grandmother was cooking dinner. "GRANDMA HELP!!!!" I cried, "CALL THE AMBULANCE!!!!" I begged.
Her eyes widened, and she asked what was wrong. I told her I fell down in the shower, but she had to know I was lying, due to my genitals bright red, and poop smudge stuck in my crack E
Instead of calling the ambulance, she picked me up to my feet. (Yeah Miss I-can't-move-my-own-fucking-boxes, was now suddenly strong enough to lift me.) After picking me up granny started walking me towards the door naked, I tried to fight and get my clothes, but the pain was too great and she was easily able to drag me to the front door.
Grandma then took me out of the house in only my t-shirt with my blood red cock exposed to the neighborhood, and me crying like a little bitch. As she pushed me into the back seat, I could see Summer in her yard staring at the scene, in disbelief and total revulsion. This humiliation was awful, but what made it worse was how the previous cold water splashes, and fear, made my already small dick shrivel up to babylike proportions. Almost as if my outie became an innie.
After the first few minutes of pain and grandma's slow driving I passed out. Waking up shortly before arriving to the hospital. At the hospital I remember clearing the halls as I ran through the emergency department screaming in pain, before they sedated me. Hours passed before I woke up in a recovery room, listening to the doctor explain to my parents the extent of my chemical burns and saying, "bet he won't do that again." with a chuckle, and seeing my parents wry smiles to the statement. NO SHIT, Doctor Dipshit. The pain was still there, but greatly lessened, and I could feel a large bandage resembling a diaper covering my fried scrotum.
Seeing me awake parents came to the bed and talked to me, but avoided looking me in the eyes. I could see their personal humiliation while asking me, "why did you do this?", to which I responded, "I don't know." Not able to add the further humiliation of admitting having crabs to the situation. They went on to tell me they had to admit my grandmother to the hospital as well because she hurt her back, lugging her, "sick fuck grandson." around town naked.
Luckily though, I was released the next day, and with time my cock eventually recovered fully. Plus the crabs were gone, the insect killer had actually worked.
The shittiest part though, was that my extended family outcasted me after hearing what I put granny through (Like she was the fucking victim). Grandma barely spoke to me anymore, and sure-as-fuck never invited me over again. I didn't even receive anymore birthday cards from her either. My uncles and cousins would always look at me and whisper to each other before bursting into laughter at family events, and at my grandmothers funeral I could'nt even look at her corpse without feeling guilt, because deep down I knew that my cock was probably the last one she ever saw. My small, chemical burnt, peeling, crab covered cock, was the memory of dick she took with her to the grave.
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  #2  
Old 10-14-2010, 09:01 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

..dude
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Old 10-14-2010, 09:11 AM
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Old 10-14-2010, 09:25 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Haha that was pretty funny man, no way it's true tho
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  #5  
Old 10-14-2010, 11:02 AM
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Grin Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

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Originally Posted by Dandamano View Post
Haha that was pretty funny man, no way it's true tho
It is bloodydiaperman...

Awesome story regardless.
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  #6  
Old 10-14-2010, 12:28 PM
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Grin Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr.Happy View Post
It is bloodydiaperman...

Awesome story regardless.
As far as my research has found all his stories are true.
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Old 10-14-2010, 05:14 PM
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Mad Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

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Old 10-14-2010, 05:23 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

If it was anyone else I'd say TL;DR, but bloodydiaperman always delivers. Chemically-burnt-cock-diaper might be more appropriate though.

lol anyways.
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:14 PM
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Post Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

For five days straight, i will give "thanks" to anyone that can give me a link to BDM's story, motherfuckers!!!!!
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:21 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

ok here you go

http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showpost.p...49&postcount=1

thanks plz
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:23 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

okay man here
http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showpost.p...49&postcount=1

thanks for 5 days pl0x

*edit, Fuck someone did b4 me
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Old 10-14-2010, 06:45 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

BDM, you brighten everyone's day with your lulzy shenanigans.

You should host your stories here on Zoklet!
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Old 10-14-2010, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sexual Deviant View Post
Fuck you, man. You know, i got so happy that i will reread his story(his long ass story, that was written like 5 years ago) that i almost crapped myself. Well, no thanks for you, or your slow friend Mor!

The offer still stands, 5 straight days, thanks for every post you make, motherfucker
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Old 10-14-2010, 07:40 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

HAHAHA XD respect for you. also hows the area now?
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Old 10-14-2010, 08:32 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

I am proudly in possession of a warm motherly smile after reading that, good on yer. I would have been more lulzy had the doctors alluded to improvised gender reassignment, but I suppose you had been through enough at the time.

People, breath it in, this is why we come here.

This is TOTSE.
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Old 10-14-2010, 08:49 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

welcome to the club.
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Old 10-14-2010, 11:33 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

hmm a boring read is boring.
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Old 10-15-2010, 12:00 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

lol at least they didn't know about the crabs
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Old 10-15-2010, 12:51 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

i guess that hooker didnt kill him?
http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=28934
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  #20  
Old 10-15-2010, 06:28 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

tbh your famly probably would be less embarresed if they knew you were fucking and got crabs, instead on some wierd perverted festish of spraying areosls on your dick
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  #21  
Old 10-15-2010, 06:43 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

I'm glad I took the time to read this.
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  #22  
Old 10-15-2010, 06:53 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Hey BDM what happened to your website?
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Old 10-15-2010, 09:04 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?



Fuck that was some funny shit man. I look forward to hearing more stories.
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  #24  
Old 10-16-2010, 12:44 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Bring back your website, man!

Amputeens was the best thing ever to be on the internet
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  #25  
Old 10-16-2010, 02:49 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Quote:
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Bring back your website, man!

Amputeens was the best thing ever to be on the internet
I concur. That was a great site lol.
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Old 10-16-2010, 02:54 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

tl/dr
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  #27  
Old 10-16-2010, 03:06 AM
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Thumbs Up Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Rumours abound of you being murdered, dieing from cancer. Welcome back, excellent (hilarious) story!

What kind of crazy antics have you been up to lately, good chap?
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  #28  
Old 10-16-2010, 03:42 AM
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Arrow Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Archived.

BDM > Jesus.
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Old 10-16-2010, 05:11 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 09373472 View Post
Rumours abound of you being murdered, dieing from cancer. Welcome back, excellent (hilarious) story!

What kind of crazy antics have you been up to lately, good chap?
I've just been living oversea's and banging Asian women at a breakneck pace. I'm working on a few books at the current time, and will try to post another story from it sometime this weekend.
I was a cop for awhile, the training taught me a lot about being a better fuck-up.
I've also taken a lot of shits since I've last posted on here. Some better than others, one dump was actually blue after eating a whole box of fruity pebbles.

I got on a 40 maybe 50 year old asian chick the other night, and while she was grinding on my dick in a nasty bar, I heard some random chick a few tables over say, "look at granny go."
It kind of turned me on a little.
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  #30  
Old 10-16-2010, 05:35 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

oh my god.
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  #31  
Old 10-19-2010, 12:22 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Bump for the epic return of bloodydiaperman.
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Old 10-19-2010, 01:07 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Bump for the return of the vizier.

Good read.
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  #33  
Old 11-04-2010, 06:51 PM
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Thumbs Up Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Awesome bump.
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Old 07-09-2011, 02:21 AM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

this is zoklet gold, people!
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Old 07-09-2011, 02:21 AM
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lmao.
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Old 03-03-2012, 03:11 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

Bump for greatness.
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Old 03-03-2012, 03:14 PM
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Subscribing to read again later.
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Old 03-03-2012, 03:28 PM
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Default Re: Story of how my grandma saw my dick. Embarassing or arousing?

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Arley, the quote in your signature sucks and is gross....You need to change it. Sorry man, but it's the truth. I'm not dissing you personally either, just the quote. - Infrared
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I just got laid by a girl her mother her grandma and great grandma Exposo1 Bat Country 18 10-26-2012 02:38 PM
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