Weirdest sexual thing you've ever done? (I tried to fuck myself in the ass)

[Malice]

I was inspired to make this thread after trying to fuck myself in the ass, as mentioned in the title.

Before this I was searching various things on Google. First I was looking up weird stuff about pregnancy, such as being turned on by breastfeeding and orgasming during childbirth, out of my own curiosity and possibly so I could take the piss out of Anne at a later date, then "hair line" because I wasn't sure if it was one word or two, haters to the left because I was probably fantasizing about a scenario where I could use that meme, Godel's Incompleteness Theorom because it was mentioned in an article I was reading, and finally, somehow the thought came into my mind of fucking yourself in the ass.

Now, as far as I can recall, this had never really crossed my mind before, probably because it just doesn't seem very possible, but I had seen pictures of people doing it, so I became curious as to what technique they used. It seems like a rather difficult thing to do because most people can't bend their penis much when aroused and if you're flacid your penis is usually shorter, most likely to short to reach your cinnamon swirl.

First I tried searching for "how to fuck yourself", failure, then "how to fuck yourself in the ass", success. I was going to share this site on Porn Sunday, but may as well now: http://www.autoanal.com

Hmm interesting, a mere adjusted of the scrotum to the side and up, your penis bent upside down, push on the base. I could do that.

So I put on some porn (http://www.redtube.com/29323 I really like this video), then first tried to suck my own dick and measure the distance between my tongue and the tip (still need more yoga sessions), after failing at that, I began my attempt. I positioned myself on a bed with my legs over the headboard, then decided that I didn't like looking at the human in the mirror, so I decided to put on my face, as pictured below:



It was difficult to stay aroused and I decided that just lubing my bulbous protrusion wasn't enough, so I acquired a disposable latex glove and used it to lubricate my anus, which I always make sure is clean, but I have a very negative view of poop and it's still full of bacteria. I also filled a tuperwear container with water so I could rehydrate the lube and placed some paper towels within reach. Reaching the door of hell wasn't difficult, but I just couldn't relax enough. I tried inserting a finger or two, but it didn't work. It's just so difficult to get the tip in a position where you can easily penetrate yourself. The condom kept slipping around because I wasn't and couldn't be fully erect, so I had to lube up my hand and jack a bit, then put it back in place. Ultimately I just gave up and jacked off until I finished.

Worth it? If you can get it in there easily and consistently, go for it, otherwise, no. I took a a quick shower afterward to wash all the lube and semen off.

Next I'll tell you guys about the time I tried auto-fellatio and gave myself a facial, on purpose.

[RIPtotse]

dude shut the fuck up


edit: faggot

[Malice]

I'm comfortable with my sexuality. It's my body, I'll do what I want with it!

[Kwinnie Bogan]

Kabana

[Vizier]

I guess you took the term "go fuck yourself" way too seriously

[Mashleshmash]

Lololol you gay?

[Malice]

Auto-fellatio

I was trying to perform auto-fellatio, the position I was in was I was lying on my back(mostly on my upper back and neck) and I had my legs over my head and I was trying to reach, I had thought about giving myself a facial before and it seemed like a hot idea and I was also turned on because I was trying to suck my willy. Anyways, I was also stimulating my prostate with the index or middle finger of my left hand, I had coated my penis and finger in baby oil gel(not mine), so then I started jerking off and, well, I succeeded in covering my face with semen. The prostate stimulation often causes you to release more seminal fluid, and it did, it was more watery than usual, but there was certainly more of it. I thought it was a stupid idea, wiped my face off, and snuck off to take a shower.

It wasn't my first time trying it. I figured that if kept stretching and trying eventually I would be able to do it. I lost the will to keep trying, though, but I am doing yoga now, so being able to blow myself may eventually become a side effect of all that stretching.

[virgil caine]

Originally Posted by Malice

I'm comfortable with my sexuality. It's my body, I'll do what I want with it!

gayness gayness sex in the anus

[DECI4]

I guess I should probably start this off with a story...I will try to make it brief but with the real details on what caused this. It was basically stupidity. After an event I had with an ex-girlfriend, my piss started really stinging. I also could not get it up AT ALL. It was as if blood was having a hard time getting in there, which apparently, it was. I had an examination by a generalist doctor, and he recommended me to a specialist. So I go to the specialist and he takes a tissue sample of my penis, which, btw, does not feel good. So anyways, I tell him whats going on, how the piss burns, how I can't get up at all, how red dots have appeared all around, and how there seems to be a little blood and puss coming out when I piss at times, but that's not as frequent. Three weeks later...and what do you know! My dick is fucking rotting from the inside out, and its slowly spreading directly to my testicles and bladder system.

So what caused this? My ex and I decided to have...what we call...the messiest, most dirty fucking sex you could ever think of. I face fucked her until she threw up, and we loved it. I took some of her vomit and slapped her with it. Then she pissed on me, it was warm. BTW, we are in the shower the whole time. So I start giving it to her in the ass, and then I start pissing in her ass while my dick was in it. Yes, this does feel good. So I lay down, and she squirts my piss out of her ass. Do you think we can't top this? We did. Then feces starting happening. It was basic feces stuff, shit on each other, smear, use it as lube for her ass, a little in the mouth. Its not normal for normal sex but I think if you are going to introduce shit into it, you might as well go all the way. So we did that, and then we got out some tube thing and we put that into my dick. Yes, it hurts, but at the time adrenaline is going and it feels new and stings and it hurts but you just love it and you can't stop. The plan was for her to put shit in it, and then me to push it out or piss it out in her mouth. So, we get the tube in there, ouch, and then she packs some wet shit into it and blows it in my dick. So far so good. Except I can't push things out of my dick. I don't know how. So I panic and try to squeeze it out, some came out, but I know it wasn't all of it. So I turn on the shower and start drinking a fuck ton of water to get the system going, while shes rimming me. I loved that part, btw....but I was still stressed. Finally I feel like I have to pee a bit, so I turn around and actually force the rest out. Well, so I thought. There were still some fragments in my dick I guess, because the doctors certainly found that as a source.

So yea, thats what happened. I'm on antibiotics now. pretty strong ones. I also have to go to the fucking doctor everyday to get some injections in my dick. yay...

So the moral of the story kids is...don't do this.

Progressive pics soon, maybe?
__________________

[Doctor Acts]

Originally Posted by Malice

The condom kept slipping around because I wasn't and couldn't be fully erect, so I had to lube up my hand and jack a bit, then put it back in place.

Wait wait wait, you are using a condom to fuck yourself? What the hell? I mean it's pretty damn sad that you are resorting to fucking yourself but why the hell are you using a condom? Are you afraid you are going to catch a disease? Get pregnant?

[Mashleshmash]

Originally Posted by LouisCypher

I guess I should probably start this off with a story...I will try to make it brief but with the real details on what caused this. It was basically stupidity. After an event I had with an ex-girlfriend, my piss started really stinging. I also could not get it up AT ALL. It was as if blood was having a hard time getting in there, which apparently, it was. I had an examination by a generalist doctor, and he recommended me to a specialist. So I go to the specialist and he takes a tissue sample of my penis, which, btw, does not feel good. So anyways, I tell him whats going on, how the piss burns, how I can't get up at all, how red dots have appeared all around, and how there seems to be a little blood and puss coming out when I piss at times, but that's not as frequent. Three weeks later...and what do you know! My dick is fucking rotting from the inside out, and its slowly spreading directly to my testicles and bladder system.

So what caused this? My ex and I decided to have...what we call...the messiest, most dirty fucking sex you could ever think of. I face fucked her until she threw up, and we loved it. I took some of her vomit and slapped her with it. Then she pissed on me, it was warm. BTW, we are in the shower the whole time. So I start giving it to her in the ass, and then I start pissing in her ass while my dick was in it. Yes, this does feel good. So I lay down, and she squirts my piss out of her ass. Do you think we can't top this? We did. Then feces starting happening. It was basic feces stuff, shit on each other, smear, use it as lube for her ass, a little in the mouth. Its not normal for normal sex but I think if you are going to introduce shit into it, you might as well go all the way. So we did that, and then we got out some tube thing and we put that into my dick. Yes, it hurts, but at the time adrenaline is going and it feels new and stings and it hurts but you just love it and you can't stop. The plan was for her to put shit in it, and then me to push it out or piss it out in her mouth. So, we get the tube in there, ouch, and then she packs some wet shit into it and blows it in my dick. So far so good. Except I can't push things out of my dick. I don't know how. So I panic and try to squeeze it out, some came out, but I know it wasn't all of it. So I turn on the shower and start drinking a fuck ton of water to get the system going, while shes rimming me. I loved that part, btw....but I was still stressed. Finally I feel like I have to pee a bit, so I turn around and actually force the rest out. Well, so I thought. There were still some fragments in my dick I guess, because the doctors certainly found that as a source.

So yea, thats what happened. I'm on antibiotics now. pretty strong ones. I also have to go to the fucking doctor everyday to get some injections in my dick. yay...

So the moral of the story kids is...don't do this.

Progressive pics soon, maybe?
__________________

Fuck yo copypasta.

[47 47 47]

Originally Posted by LouisCypher

A STORY OF SOME REALLY NASTY SHIT
__________________

Dude that was a disgusting fucking story. You are disturbed to have that kind of sex. If its even true.

[sepht]

someone peed in my butt once

[Malice]

Originally Posted by Doctor Acts

Wait wait wait, you are using a condom to fuck yourself? What the hell? I mean it's pretty damn sad that you are resorting to fucking yourself but why the hell are you using a condom? Are you afraid you are going to catch a disease? Get pregnant?

Poop comes out of there. I don't want my penis getting covered in bacteria or worse, getting it in my urethra, which could lead to a horrendous infection.

Safety first.

[sepht]

Originally Posted by Malice

Poop comes out of there. I don't want my penis getting covered in bacteria or worse, getting it in my urethra, which could lead to a horrendous infection.

Safety first.

dude ive been fucking butts for years and never got an infection once

just wash yourself immediately afterward

[Doctor Acts]

Originally Posted by Malice

Poop comes out of there. I don't want my penis getting covered in bacteria or worse, getting it in my urethra, which could lead to a horrendous infection.

Safety first.

May I ask WHY you wanted to fuck yourself in the ass? I am genuinely curious.

[Malice]

Sexual pleasure. I'm celibate and have never done anything with a girl (or boys, I am straight), so I'll probably never get to know what it feels like to fuck something warm and tight that's alive (I don't do rape or necrophilia).

[Michael Scott]

Originally Posted by Malice

I was inspired to make this thread after trying to fuck myself in the ass, as mentioned in the title.

Before this I was searching various things on Google. First I was looking up weird stuff about pregnancy, such as being turned on by breastfeeding and orgasming during childbirth, out of my own curiosity and possibly so I could take the piss out of Anne at a later date, then "hair line" because I wasn't sure if it was one word or two, haters to the left because I was probably fantasizing about a scenario where I could use that meme, Godel's Incompleteness Theorom because it was mentioned in an article I was reading, and finally, somehow the thought came into my mind of fucking yourself in the ass.

Now, as far as I can recall, this had never really crossed my mind before, probably because it just doesn't seem very possible, but I had seen pictures of people doing it, so I became curious as to what technique they used. It seems like a rather difficult thing to do because most people can't bend their penis much when aroused and if you're flacid your penis is usually shorter, most likely to short to reach your cinnamon swirl.

First I tried searching for "how to fuck yourself", failure, then "how to fuck yourself in the ass", success. I was going to share this site on Porn Sunday, but may as well now: http://www.autoanal.com

Hmm interesting, a mere adjusted of the scrotum to the side and up, your penis bent upside down, push on the base. I could do that.

So I put on some porn (http://www.redtube.com/29323 I really like this video), then first tried to suck my own dick and measure the distance between my tongue and the tip (still need more yoga sessions), after failing at that, I began my attempt. I positioned myself on a bed with my legs over the headboard, then decided that I didn't like looking at the human in the mirror, so I decided to put on my face, as pictured below:



It was difficult to stay aroused and I decided that just lubing my bulbous protrusion wasn't enough, so I acquired a disposable latex glove and used it to lubricate my anus, which I always make sure is clean, but I have a very negative view of poop and it's still full of bacteria. I also filled a tuperwear container with water so I could rehydrate the lube and placed some paper towels within reach. Reaching the door of hell wasn't difficult, but I just couldn't relax enough. I tried inserting a finger or two, but it didn't work. It's just so difficult to get the tip in a position where you can easily penetrate yourself. The condom kept slipping around because I wasn't and couldn't be fully erect, so I had to lube up my hand and jack a bit, then put it back in place. Ultimately I just gave up and jacked off until I finished.

Worth it? If you can get it in there easily and consistently, go for it, otherwise, no. I took a a quick shower afterward to wash all the lube and semen off.

Next I'll tell you guys about the time I tried auto-fellatio and gave myself a facial, on purpose.

You should get a job or maybe pick up a hobby, you have wayyyy too much time on your hands...

[Intoxicated Shaman]

Go fuck yourself. Oh wait, you can't even do that. Fag.

[Mashleshmash]

He should go clubbing. That's what the rest of them are doing.

[Mor3BL7]

I guess I should probably start this off with a story...I will try to make it brief but with the real details on what caused this. It was basically stupidity. After an event I had with an ex-girlfriend, my piss started really stinging. I also could not get it up AT ALL. It was as if blood was having a hard time getting in there, which apparently, it was. I had an examination by a generalist doctor, and he recommended me to a specialist. So I go to the specialist and he takes a tissue sample of my penis, which, btw, does not feel good. So anyways, I tell him whats going on, how the piss burns, how I can't get up at all, how red dots have appeared all around, and how there seems to be a little blood and puss coming out when I piss at times, but that's not as frequent. Three weeks later...and what do you know! My dick is fucking rotting from the inside out, and its slowly spreading directly to my testicles and bladder system.

So what caused this? My ex and I decided to have...what we call...the messiest, most dirty fucking sex you could ever think of. I face fucked her until she threw up, and we loved it. I took some of her vomit and slapped her with it. Then she pissed on me, it was warm. BTW, we are in the shower the whole time. So I start giving it to her in the ass, and then I start pissing in her ass while my dick was in it. Yes, this does feel good. So I lay down, and she squirts my piss out of her ass. Do you think we can't top this? We did. Then feces starting happening. It was basic feces stuff, shit on each other, smear, use it as lube for her ass, a little in the mouth. Its not normal for normal sex but I think if you are going to introduce shit into it, you might as well go all the way. So we did that, and then we got out some tube thing and we put that into my dick. Yes, it hurts, but at the time adrenaline is going and it feels new and stings and it hurts but you just love it and you can't stop. The plan was for her to put shit in it, and then me to push it out or piss it out in her mouth. So, we get the tube in there, ouch, and then she packs some wet shit into it and blows it in my dick. So far so good. Except I can't push things out of my dick. I don't know how. So I panic and try to squeeze it out, some came out, but I know it wasn't all of it. So I turn on the shower and start drinking a fuck ton of water to get the system going, while shes rimming me. I loved that part, btw....but I was still stressed. Finally I feel like I have to pee a bit, so I turn around and actually force the rest out. Well, so I thought. There were still some fragments in my dick I guess, because the doctors certainly found that as a source.

So yea, thats what happened. I'm on antibiotics now. pretty strong ones. I also have to go to the fucking doctor everyday to get some injections in my dick. yay...

progressive pics maybe soon

[Hate]

Originally Posted by Mor3BL7

I guess I should probably start this off with a story...I will try to make it brief but with the real details on what caused this. It was basically stupidity. After an event I had with an ex-girlfriend, my piss started really stinging. I also could not get it up AT ALL. It was as if blood was having a hard time getting in there, which apparently, it was. I had an examination by a generalist doctor, and he recommended me to a specialist. So I go to the specialist and he takes a tissue sample of my penis, which, btw, does not feel good. So anyways, I tell him whats going on, how the piss burns, how I can't get up at all, how red dots have appeared all around, and how there seems to be a little blood and puss coming out when I piss at times, but that's not as frequent. Three weeks later...and what do you know! My dick is fucking rotting from the inside out, and its slowly spreading directly to my testicles and bladder system.

So what caused this? My ex and I decided to have...what we call...the messiest, most dirty fucking sex you could ever think of. I face fucked her until she threw up, and we loved it. I took some of her vomit and slapped her with it. Then she pissed on me, it was warm. BTW, we are in the shower the whole time. So I start giving it to her in the ass, and then I start pissing in her ass while my dick was in it. Yes, this does feel good. So I lay down, and she squirts my piss out of her ass. Do you think we can't top this? We did. Then feces starting happening. It was basic feces stuff, shit on each other, smear, use it as lube for her ass, a little in the mouth. Its not normal for normal sex but I think if you are going to introduce shit into it, you might as well go all the way. So we did that, and then we got out some tube thing and we put that into my dick. Yes, it hurts, but at the time adrenaline is going and it feels new and stings and it hurts but you just love it and you can't stop. The plan was for her to put shit in it, and then me to push it out or piss it out in her mouth. So, we get the tube in there, ouch, and then she packs some wet shit into it and blows it in my dick. So far so good. Except I can't push things out of my dick. I don't know how. So I panic and try to squeeze it out, some came out, but I know it wasn't all of it. So I turn on the shower and start drinking a fuck ton of water to get the system going, while shes rimming me. I loved that part, btw....but I was still stressed. Finally I feel like I have to pee a bit, so I turn around and actually force the rest out. Well, so I thought. There were still some fragments in my dick I guess, because the doctors certainly found that as a source.

So yea, thats what happened. I'm on antibiotics now. pretty strong ones. I also have to go to the fucking doctor everyday to get some injections in my dick. yay...

progressive pics maybe soon

wat

[iMagiNation]

The most psychologically weird thing I ever did was let my ex live out her fantasies as a guy raping a chick. I had to be the chick. It was weird.

[constantinople]

all of this shit's pretty tame to me.

[mafiabro]

I guess I should probably start this off with a story...I will try to make it brief but with the real details on what caused this. It was basically stupidity. After an event I had with an ex-girlfriend, my piss started really stinging. I also could not get it up AT ALL. It was as if blood was having a hard time getting in there, which apparently, it was. I had an examination by a generalist doctor, and he recommended me to a specialist. So I go to the specialist and he takes a tissue sample of my penis, which, btw, does not feel good. So anyways, I tell him whats going on, how the piss burns, how I can't get up at all, how red dots have appeared all around, and how there seems to be a little blood and puss coming out when I piss at times, but that's not as frequent. Three weeks later...and what do you know! My dick is fucking rotting from the inside out, and its slowly spreading directly to my testicles and bladder system.

So what caused this? My ex and I decided to have...what we call...the messiest, most dirty fucking sex you could ever think of. I face fucked her until she threw up, and we loved it. I took some of her vomit and slapped her with it. Then she pissed on me, it was warm. BTW, we are in the shower the whole time. So I start giving it to her in the ass, and then I start pissing in her ass while my dick was in it. Yes, this does feel good. So I lay down, and she squirts my piss out of her ass. Do you think we can't top this? We did. Then feces starting happening. It was basic feces stuff, shit on each other, smear, use it as lube for her ass, a little in the mouth. Its not normal for normal sex but I think if you are going to introduce shit into it, you might as well go all the way. So we did that, and then we got out some tube thing and we put that into my dick. Yes, it hurts, but at the time adrenaline is going and it feels new and stings and it hurts but you just love it and you can't stop. The plan was for her to put shit in it, and then me to push it out or piss it out in her mouth. So, we get the tube in there, ouch, and then she packs some wet shit into it and blows it in my dick. So far so good. Except I can't push things out of my dick. I don't know how. So I panic and try to squeeze it out, some came out, but I know it wasn't all of it. So I turn on the shower and start drinking a fuck ton of water to get the system going, while shes rimming me. I loved that part, btw....but I was still stressed. Finally I feel like I have to pee a bit, so I turn around and actually force the rest out. Well, so I thought. There were still some fragments in my dick I guess, because the doctors certainly found that as a source.

So yea, thats what happened. I'm on antibiotics now. pretty strong ones. I also have to go to the fucking doctor everyday to get some injections in my dick. yay...

progressive pics maybe soon

[Pee Vee Proots, M.D.]

Highlighter.

[Dr. Awkward]

My ex and I had great sex, when we would go at it it would easily be 2 hours and 5 orgasms between the two of us before we were done. She liked being tied up and fucked hard, shit like that. So one day on the tail end of her period were fucking, she's kind of nervous about bleeding but said if we don't go too hard it'll be fine. So twenty minutes later she's screaming " oh god yes, harder" and my dick is COVERED in blood, no condom on. Were too horny to stop and we keep going for another half hour until I held her down and jizzed down her throat. Then took a very long hot shower. Shit was weird.

[sexually vulnerable CPR dummy]

2% milk enema

[Infrared]

I've done the bloodsex before....While it was ok, I was glad it was dark, and I was horrified by my bloodcock afterward. And I had just met the chick like 2 months prior, so I was REALLY freaking out about the possibility of getting t3h AIDS. God, that was bad.

Worst part? I witnessed a bloodqueef after doing it doggy with her, and it was so disgusting that I almost turned gay. It was like a Jackson Pollock painting from hell.

[jerome]

one time i was taking a shit and sucked a dude's cock for like 2 seconds for lulz. given a rim job. was asked to bite the shit out of a cock and then it bled. that's about it.

[Louie Carwash]

I rolled around on the floor in different positions for five consecutive minutes trying to figure out how to suck my own cock.

Does that count?

[jerome]

Originally Posted by Louie Carwash

I rolled around on the floor in different positions for five consecutive minutes trying to figure out how to suck my own cock.

Does that count?

[Satyr]

A thread about Malice's weird sexual activities and no one has mentioned a cat after TWO FUCKING YEARS?!

You disappoint me, Zoklet.

[Duke Zion]

Nothing wrong with a little ass play from time to time

[Tokerface]

Originally Posted by jerome

Not cool.

[Anders Hoveland]

tried this also. just like with you, it did not work

[Duke Zion]

LOL @4,844 Views

[SoulButter]

The sad part about this thread is that most of them are serious.

[Malice]

Originally Posted by Anders Hoveland

tried this also. just like with you, it did not work

I thought of a solution: A speculum that you can break in half.

[Delia]

so let me get this straight...A) you enjoy sucking dick-especially the head, & B) you like getting fucked in the poop shoot. I take it this is your way of coming out of the closet. I've always heard men say of they could suck their own dick that they'd never leave home. But anytime a man sucks a dick, being their own or their butt buddies, it makes him a great big fag!