Mind: Enjoying dysfunction

[Thetakishi]

I'm bipolar (95% depressed) and currently my phases are "in remission" and I'm using significantly less benzos than i used to, so I finally feel naturally happy while I'm sober. I'm getting my life 'on track' and everyone around me is happy for me.

Yet behind all this I feel like I prefer to feel miserable/abnormal. I find myself wishing I could run away, live off of the grid and continue being depressed. It's like things need to be in constant fluctuation for me to be comfortable despite hating change.

All of my thoughts seem so contradicting. So, anyone else enjoy dysfunction or just have something puzzling you on your mind?

[Struwwelpeter]

How would you like to come live in my basement as a sex slave? I'll give you some misery you won't believe.

[Mirana]

Originally Posted by Thetakishi

I'm bipolar (95% depressed) and currently my phases are "in remission" and I'm using significantly less benzos than i used to, so I finally feel naturally happy while I'm sober. I'm getting my life 'on track' and everyone around me is happy for me.

Yet behind all this I feel like I prefer to feel miserable/abnormal. I find myself wishing I could run away, live off of the grid and continue being depressed. It's like things need to be in constant fluctuation for me to be comfortable despite hating change.

All of my thoughts seem so contradicting. So, anyone else enjoy dysfunction or just have something puzzling you on your mind?

Yep it sucks. It's like when you finally have some motivation to do something, you take a few baby steps outside your comfort zone, your mind is scared of all the change and instantly your back into step 1, where it's a safe world that you love and hate.

There's no quick-fix man. Nobody can help you with this except yourself, sure people can chip in a bit for you, but not be there for you 24/7 living your life.

eventually you'll grow out of it for one reason or another... just hope you're not to late into the years by then.

There you go that's why nearly 20% of Americans are "depressed" it's their mind creating an excuse to rationalize they're own pathetic laziness.

[Thetakishi]

God damn that sounds hot. Too bad I dont like staying in one place for too long..

Edit: Was replying to jflc.

I dunno. I do feel genuinely happy when i have a plan that involves working AND hopping from place to place (moving) so i don't think its the "american laziness" justification. As a matter of fact I kind of enjoy working.

[Blunderstar]

When I had depression, during my "remission" I thought the exact same things. Being depressed just seemed more interesting and fun.

What you have to realize is that these thoughts are bullshit - kind of. Keep pushing through, and try to become mentally healthy. Once you've done that, endulge yourself in philosophy and "depressing" art. You'll have the same values and ideas as a depressed person, but you won't actually be depressed yourself. I hope that makes sense.

[Struwwelpeter]

Originally Posted by Thetakishi

God damn that sounds hot. Too bad I dont like staying in one place for too long..

I suppose I could take you out in to the backyard on your leash and chain you to the clothesline (at night). The weather is superb -- hot and humid in the summer and frigidly cold in the winter. Just the right environment for me to whip your ass in. It'll fit like a glove around your bi-polar psychology.

[Thetakishi]

Originally Posted by Jim "fuck latinos" Carrey

I suppose I could take you out in to the backyard on your leash and chain you to the clothesline (at night). The weather is superb -- hot and humid in the summer and frigidly cold in the winter. Just the right environment for me to whip your ass in. It'll fit like a glove around your bi-polar psychology.

Well god damn, sounds like all of my problems are solved now. I live in Texas so I'm used to hot and humid, and I do enjoy the freezing cold. Now you're adding in whipping. Thanks Jim. You saved the day.

Originally Posted by Blunderstar

When I had depression, during my "remission" I thought the exact same things. Being depressed just seemed more interesting and fun.

What you have to realize is that these thoughts are bullshit - kind of. Keep pushing through, and try to become mentally healthy. Once you've done that, endulge yourself in philosophy and "depressing" art. You'll have the same values and ideas as a depressed person, but you won't actually be depressed yourself. I hope that makes sense.

It does, and I appreciate the input. You are spot on with how I feel. That's actually pretty much along the lines of what I'm doing right now. The philosophy and art (mostly music) helps me maintain my 'depressive realism' without going overboard and becoming depressed again.

[sepht]

Originally Posted by Thetakishi

I'm bipolar (95% depressed) and currently my phases are "in remission" and I'm using significantly less benzos than i used to, so I finally feel naturally happy while I'm sober. I'm getting my life 'on track' and everyone around me is happy for me.

Yet behind all this I feel like I prefer to feel miserable/abnormal. I find myself wishing I could run away, live off of the grid and continue being depressed. It's like things need to be in constant fluctuation for me to be comfortable despite hating change.

All of my thoughts seem so contradicting. So, anyone else enjoy dysfunction or just have something puzzling you on your mind?

Nirvana - Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle - YouTube

Nirvana - Frances Farmer Will Have Her Revenge On Seattle - YouTube
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[STD]

Congrats, want a fucking medal?

I'm similar.

How I do cope?

Vodka.

Straight vodka. Slam that shit down as many nights as possible.

Can't afford it?

Steal it, bitch.

Don't know how?

Find a way.

You can, trust me, *IF* you desperate enough.

Challenge accepted mate?

[Thetakishi]

Originally Posted by STD

Congrats, want a fucking medal?

I'm similar.

How I do cope?

Vodka.

Straight vodka. Slam that shit down as many nights as possible.

Can't afford it?

Steal it, bitch.

Don't know how?

Find a way.

You can, trust me, *IF* you desperate enough.

Challenge accepted mate?

Nah I don't want a medal. I'll take that challenge though! It's already in progress except it's opiates! How are your escapades coming?

[STD]

Originally Posted by Thetakishi

Nah I don't want a medal. I'll take that challenge though! It's already in progress except it's opiates! How are your escapades coming?

As of right now, half a bottle through