Archived: The Convenience of Hate: A Tale of Sex and Violence

Monkmaster · #1 06-02-2009, 07:07 AM

Alright, so I’ve been hanging on the internet for awhile just posting on forums, listening to music and shit when out of nowhere, the agony of thirst begins tearing away at my throat. Parched as I’ve ever been in my life, I run upstairs to the refrigerator for a desperately needed glass of ice cold milk. I pry open the door to the fridge, grip the jug of milk and frantically twist the cap off. As the cap releases its grip on the mouth of the jug, I drop it from my fingers and even before it hits the floor, the raw fucking stench of spoiled milk ravages my nostrils. “FUCKING FUCK-ROCKETS,” I cry, as I hurl the rotten milk jug back into the refrigerator, splattering milk all over the inside of the fridge. In a fit of rage, I slam the refrigerator door shut.

As I stare at the refrigerator door, fuming with a thirst-driven madness, a little magnet advertising 7-11 convenience stores is staring right back at me. “HOLY FUCK I WANT A GOD DAMN SLURPEE.” Slapping my hands down against my thighs, I jingle my pockets. Left pocket: *jingle jingle* Keys; check. Right pocket: *chingle chingle* Pocket change; check.

I bolt for the front door and with a running drop kick, knock it the fuck down. My elderly neighbor watering his lawn across the street stumbled back and tripped over his hose as I ran towards my vehicle, screaming like a god damn banshee. I jumped in the air and did a front flip into the drivers seat of my convertible and put the keys in the ignition. *VRRRRRRRRRRRRUUUUUMMMMM* I peel out of my drive-way, shooting gravel across the street onto my neighbour’s lawn. In my rear-view mirror I see him shaking his fist at me and shouting something, so I screeched on the brakes, tore my rear-view mirror off the windshield and just fucking fired it out the back of my convertible. It hit him in the throat, shattering the mirror’s glass. Seven years of bad luck my ass. I put the pedal to the metal and high tailed it for 7 fucking 11.

I totally bottom out as I come off the highway and on to the sidewalk, the shocks of my convertible totally fucking exploding and propelling me right onto a parking spot in the 7-11 parking lot. “Holy fuck, that was awesome,” I proclaimed to myself before proceeding to front flip my way out of my vehicle. I pointed my key fob at my car and clicked the lock button. *BEEP BEEP* it sounded as I walked past a fairly attractive female. As I look her in the eyes, she stops dead in her tracks and falls to the pavement and begins to orgasm uncontrollably. “Women,” I said to myself and rolled my eyes.

I punch open the door to the 7-11 and proceed to enter. The pressure of the air conditioning almost knocks me on my ass, but the feeling is totally welcome. Fuck this summer heat. Anyways, I strut over to the Slurpee machine. As I’m perusing the shitty selection of flavours, I notice this fucking wigger hanging out by the fountain drink machine. He’s just standing there, filling up his cup, drinking it, and filling it up again. His girlfriend was just standing beside him texting on her ridiculous fucking cell phone. For some strange reason these two pissed me the fuck off. I mean I was just going absolute bat fuck insane over the sight of these two fucking people. Looking back at the Slurpee machine, I set down my empty cup and walk over to this douchey looking faggot, who must be on his sixth refill by now. I shout “HEY, YOU FUCK,” and he looked at me, the gold sticker on the fucking flat brim of his wigger baseball cap reflecting light into my eyes. “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” He just kept staring at me with his retarded god damn eyes.

...continued...

Monkmaster · #2 06-02-2009, 07:08 AM

...continued...

The girlfriend got up in my face and started bitching at me. I said to her, “Listen. Stand over there for a few seconds,” and I point to where the hot dogs are being cooked. “Just stand over there for a bit, PLEASE.” She just fucking says “Whatever,” and walks over to the hot dogs and proceeds to start texting again. “Now, back to you, you stupid faced fuck,” I exclaim as I rip his ridiculous baseball cap off. In a mad fury I tear the thing in half and toss it behind the check-out counter. Still looking dumbfounded, I punch this stupid cock smoker right in the jugular. He barks in pain before I grab his head and slam it into the fountain drink machine. He falls to the floor writhing with a painful spasm, and I progress to rain down blows upon him. After punching his head into the floor for a solid three minutes, I stand up with a slight gratification.

“Hey!” I yell at the stupid fuck’s girlfriend. I motion for her to come back over to me. She walks all sexy-like towards me, her fucking titties just asking falling out of her spaghetti-strap top. “Like, yeah?” I pluck the cell phone from her hands and demand to know how to switch to the camera function. She places her hands over mine and motions my fingers to the menu screen and selects “Camera”. I take back control of the phone and take a picture of the retard wigger boyfriend, still bleeding pretty god damn profusely all over the floor. I take a look at the picture in the small fucking screen of this stupid looking phone and fling it against the wall, shattering it into several pieces. The girlfriend then looks at me with a scornful eye but before she could do anything I pull a little switchblade from my back pocket and cut the straps of her top revealing her totally sweet titties. They bounced slightly and settled and it was at about that time my boner ripped right through my fucking zipper. The gust of air generated by my swiftly-formed phallus blew the skirt clean off this hoe. No panties. Just how I like it.

I pull her close to me and her totally sweet titties squish up against my totally sweet pecs. I reach down and squeeze her soft and totally sweet ass and shove her up onto the counter right beside the Slurpee machine. I begin to pound the fuck out her pussy, the counter shaking violently by our fucking, causing the Big Gulp cups to fall to the floor. I leap up off the floor and onto the counter right over top of her and begin to just brutally slap my wang all over her totally sweet titties. “Ohhhh, you wanna cum on my titties?” She asks me, with this fucking overtly sexy voice, and that’s when the drone of the Slurpee machine caught my attention. With a glint in my eye, I stood up on the counter and kicked the top off the Slurpee machine. I look down at the hoe and yell, “Bitch! Whack me off!” She reaches up to my throbbing boner and just shlocks the thing back and forth. “Uh, uh, uh, OHHHHHHHHHH!” As I shouted out my orgasmic war-cry, I shot my load into the Slurpee machine. Shaking my dick of excess cum, I look down at this bitch, gazing at her gorgeous titties and say, “Bitch, you know what you have to do.”

So she picks up a Big Gulp cup from the floor, bloody as all hell from that douchey, soda-stealing faggot, and places it underneath the Slurpee nozzle. A brown and white, Pepsi and cum flavoured frozen beverage seeps out of the nozzle until the cup is filled. “GUZZLE THAT SHIT!” And the bitch begins to drink. She chugs it down, the concoction escaping her lips and falling upon her titties, the icy liquid hardening her nipples. At this time, the nerdy fucking employee at the check-out counter starts fondling his wiener through his god damn company-issued pants. In a blind frenzy I hop down from the counter and run around to where this bastard was and grabbed him by the neck and pressed his face down onto the hot dog roaster. He shrieks with pain as his skin begins to boil and meld with the greasy fucking hot dog residue. The smell was worse than that of my fucking rotten milk so I threw the nerdy bastard down to the floor with disgust. I stomp on his head, which crushed a lot easier than I thought it would have. I look back at the hoe I was fucking and see that she had finished my Cuma-Cola Slurpee and was now fingering herself on the counter.

Looking again at the hot dog roaster where I had totally melted that nerd’s face, I pick up a piping hot sausage and run back over to the now masturbating chick. She looks at me all seductively, but I shake my head and push her head back against the wall. I kneel down and begin to insert the warm, pork sausage into her beautiful fucking pussy. She yelped like a lap dog when the hot dog sizzled her little pussy lips but she then started moaning with enjoyment. And this only fueled my raging boner. I got on top of her in the 69 position and had her suck on my dick while I chewed on this tasty hot dog that was sticking out of her cooter. I finish up that delectable hot dog and lick up some residual vaginal fluid. As it trickles down my throat, it hits me again. The intolerable fucking sensation of thirst. “FUCK!” I stand up, smashing the hoe’s head with my knee, knocking her out cold. I look at the Slurpee machine. Cum and Pepsi or Cream Soda. Fuck that.

I run over towards the wall coolers, my flaccid dongler flailing in between my legs. I pull one of the doors right off of its fucking hinges and retrieve and litre-sized bottle of purple Gatorade from the rack. I twist off the cap with the same intensity I had with the milk jug and begin to knock back the revitalizing liquid. Fuck you, thirst. Fuck you in the ass with broken fucking glass. God damn it, today was a good day.

**Mantikore** · #3 06-02-2009, 07:18 AM

ctrl + F "bel-air"

Ed Lister · #4 06-02-2009, 07:21 AM

I must admit, I laughed out loud.

seafoo · #5 06-02-2009, 07:29 AM

That was an awesome story bro. I especially liked the bit where the dudes head crushed easier than you thought it would.

Frankeh · #6 06-02-2009, 08:08 AM

tl;dr

ComradeAsh · #7 06-02-2009, 08:40 AM

I found an error.

Why would you put the spoiled milk back in the fridge?

Monkmaster · #8 06-02-2009, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ComradeAsh

I found an error.

Why would you put the spoiled milk back in the fridge?

Because that's what you do when you are seering with anger and disgust.

ALSO BUMP

Please insert username · #9 06-02-2009, 05:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Monkmaster

As I look her in the eyes, she stops dead in her tracks and falls to the pavement and begins to orgasm uncontrollably. “Women,” I said to myself and rolled my eyes.

fucking LOL

awesome story man