The look from the other end

[Vargus]

A wise Hungarian once said the best place to start is the beginning.

So here goes. I was 23, never had any luck with girls, and only started going to bar to support my boss who sang karaoke. I made a pretty sexual joke about one of the singers to my friend, and he told it to his wife who thought it hilarious. She had talked to the woman some before, who had been going through a bad break-up with a piece of shit. My friend's wife introduced us to each other, and apparently we had both been checking each other out.

We arranged to go out to another bar with one of her friends, one she has known longer than I've been alive. We had a fun night, and she expected a kiss on the lips, something she only reserves for people she really trusts. I kissed her on the cheek.

We went out a few more times, and I started singing as well. One night we were pretty drunk and I lost my virginity to her. She was 43. The first time wasn't the best, but I went longer than anyone else she'd known. Ever since then she'd be waiting for some swinging meat after I got off work. We loved every time we fucked.

She introduced me to drugs, sex, and confidence. I'd spent thousands on wining, dining, and drugs du jour. She's finish off the last of it by accident, and I'd kiss her and tell her it was all right. She'd sneak a sniff, I'd kiss her gently and I'd buy more. She couldn't afford any, but we'd always split it.

We were two peas in a pod. We went everywhere together, wining and dining like the best of lovers. She has a myriad of physical and mental disabilities, and a strong streak of independence to boot. She still barely makes it with disability, her parent's picking up the rest. She'd always get her kicks with me. And I with her. We understood each other so well, intimating our deepest secrets. It was, literally, the only time I've ever been truly happy.

I'd play handyman around the apartment, fixing things she'd get evicted for and all, mostly due to her dog. Speaking of him, he immediately took a liking to me, and he hates almost everyone. That meant a lot to her, as apparently he is a good judge of character seeing as how the aforementioned friend of her's abandoned her after meeting some golddigger. He is a schizophrenic dog, and I could deal with it. I didn't beat him like the other pieces of shit that left her. He's snap in an instant for no reason at all, then try to love on you, and snap again.

I'd come over, dirty and grimy from work. My hands always had cuts. I always provided for her. Her friend was over one night, and saw them. She knew how hard I busted ass, and remarked I had the hands of a working man. My beloved interjected, came around me in embrace, and said I had the hands of a saint.

A saint. She told me I was her guardian angel. I was her significant other. I was the perfect boyfriend. Without me she said she would have killed herself. The greatest person she has ever known.

Towards the end of her brother's life, she became a little colder. I was still there for her, listening to how she was dealing, and offering solace. She would make the venture to see him every day, lingering into the night. After work, I'd go by her place and tidy up. I found some leftovers from drugs, really good stuff. I emptied her trash and found a bombshell. The night before she slept with... well, I'll just say someone who owes me a lot.

I went to her neighbor's apartment, told her what I saw, and cried about it for a while. I wrote my beloved a note before I left. I wished everything was right in her world, after all I'd seen. I was still desperate to hang on to what I had. I stayed at her neighbor's until she got home.

We talked about what happened. She had been thinking about us together. She said she wanted to prove to herself we wouldn't be together, and that's why she slept with him. She cried and said it was so immature of her to do that, because she knew I'd find out and it would hurt me deeply. She said she didn't enjoy it at all, and didn't even want it. Like I said, I was desperate, and she never did shut the door completely between us being together. We are still best friends, and still went out after that. I forgave her. She even remarked she'd be extremely jealous if I were to find someone else. I told her the same, and we both meant it.

Things really cooled off in the months after that, and then shit hit the fan with things I knew, and lies about things I'd say. I knew nothing was going on with her and the other guy. She thought maybe he had changed, but she told me she knew he couldn't stand her and he was so immature. Literally, that she'd die alone, even with me standing right beside her. Lies got spread. He was scared shitless that I would come and murder him. I told my beloved I always knew nothing was going on, and nothing was, and he shouldn't worry about that. I was told I was so gracious.

So here I sit. We both feel eternally indebted to each other. I as a friend who will never leave her, and I as someone who has learned so much about who I am and what I could be. The person who could be anything, and who is everything in the world, who would love someone so fucked up as her, and yet everything feeling so right. We worked so well together. We understood each other, had the patience to deal with each other completely, and mean the world to each other.

And yet, here I am. Perfect in every way, but alone without her. I won't stop being best friends and hanging loose with her for nothing or anybody. I'll never let that deepest friendship go for anyone. Even if it means we are both alone, but with cruelest irony, together.

Funny how well the song I'd been practicing for karaoke feels after all this.

Frank Sinatra - Send in the Clowns - YouTube

Frank Sinatra - Send in the Clowns - YouTube
Video: click to display

[rabbitweed]

My god you are a huge faggot.

[WAN]

Vargus speaks good English.

anyway boi, if you need anything just give me a shout. truthfully i sometimes have trouble understanding what you want///mean in your emails.

[NSFW]

bitches aint shit but hoes and tricks!

dr.dre - bitches aint shit (but hoes and tricks) - YouTube

dr.dre - bitches aint shit (but hoes and tricks) - YouTube
Video: click to display

[Vargus]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

My god you are a huge faggot.

At least I can write about things that hurt. It's part of acknowledging you have a deep-seated problem and are trying to deal with it. Overall, I think it's a whimsical story about desperate love that someone might enjoy. Even after all we've been through I'd still value loyalty to her above all else. I meant it when I told her she was the most inspirational person I have ever known.

And it might all turn out for the better with her. You know, me having to pick up the pieces if this someone she cares about really does end up with inoperable cancer (which knowing his case is highly likely, as well as quite karmic). Doubly so after her brother dying of the same cancer not even half a year ago.

I'll be all to happy to keep her going. If even for my own sanity. It would be delicious irony to get this person out of the way and in so doing end up back together.

It might be quite evil to think of it in those terms, but I think this scare will really drive home the fragility of life. If it turns out that way, I'm her last lifeline to the real world. She's got a lot she wants to see and do before she dies, and I seem to be the only person who can provide that for her. Her friends seem to be going away one by one, and yet here I am. I have the whole world before me, seemingly in her eyes and something she could only dream of. I also have that undying loyalty to her. She may not see it the way I do just yet, but I really do take it seriously. She is the only one who will come between us, and I'll be damned if I put her through the same stupid shit her other friend did when he fell in love. She needs me more than she realizes, and I know it.

All of this is fucked up to be sure, but, then again, we both are.

Originally Posted by WAN

Vargus speaks good English.

anyway boi, if you need anything just give me a shout. truthfully i sometimes have trouble understanding what you want///mean in your emails.

Don't be shy. Just ask. I'm verbose to be certain and come off the wrong way a lot of times.

Anyway, my brother and his wife have been in dispose as of late, her with pregnancy complications. I haven't forgot about posting pics with my sexy guns.

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Vargus

At least I can write about things that hurt. It's part of acknowledging you have a deep-seated problem and are trying to deal with it. Overall, I think it's a whimsical story about desperate love that someone might enjoy. Even after all we've been through I'd still value loyalty to her above all else. I meant it when I told her she was the most inspirational person I have ever known.

And it might all turn out for the better with her. You know, me having to pick up the pieces if this someone she cares about really does end up with inoperable cancer (which knowing his case is highly likely, as well as quite karmic). Doubly so after her brother dying of the same cancer not even half a year ago.

I'll be all to happy to keep her going. If even for my own sanity. It would be delicious irony to get this person out of the way and in so doing end up back together.

It might be quite evil to think of it in those terms, but I think this scare will really drive home the fragility of life. If it turns out that way, I'm her last lifeline to the real world. She's got a lot she wants to see and do before she dies, and I seem to be the only person who can provide that for her. Her friends seem to be going away one by one, and yet here I am. I have the whole world before me, seemingly in her eyes and something she could only dream of. I also have that undying loyalty to her. She may not see it the way I do just yet, but I really do take it seriously. She is the only one who will come between us, and I'll be damned if I put her through the same stupid shit her other friend did when he fell in love. She needs me more than she realizes, and I know it.

All of this is fucked up to be sure, but, then again, we both are.

I guess it was a pretty lame thing of me to write, and it wasn't meant as a troll, but this whole story of yours is very one sided. You did so, so, so much shit for her and she cheated on you.

[The Duke]

This is sad. I am losing complete faith in humanity and especially the female species.

[Figure-8]

I find it interesting. It's kind of flavorful. Kind of dark.

Do you both want to travel?

[WAN]

Originally Posted by Vargus

Don't be shy. Just ask. I'm verbose to be certain and come off the wrong way a lot of times.

Anyway, my brother and his wife have been in dispose as of late, her with pregnancy complications. I haven't forgot about posting pics with my sexy guns.

ooooh, fap

[CountBlah]

[Vargus]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

I guess it was a pretty lame thing of me to write, and it wasn't meant as a troll, but this whole story of yours is very one sided. You did so, so, so much shit for her and she cheated on you.

It's naturally one-sided, but I tried to incorporate what was going on with her as well.

She had no right to cheat, but thought so highly of me she just couldn't find any other way to prove to herself she didn't need me. She is a mule-headed, insecure, and immature person, but she's tried to be better. I feel deep down there is an element that she couldn't handle the thought of having a successful and healthy relationship, and loved me too much and thought too little of herself that I shouldn't be with her instead of someone "better". She's been used and abused all her life, and that's where I guess I come in to show her there are still good people out there.

She told me she just wasn't ready for any sort of relationship with anyone. She said that when we first got together, but we grew to love each other anyway. She also told me I'm not ready either, and looking at everything she's right. We make the best of friends, but we have issues we can only help each other out with so far, but can't solve by being a couple. That and I changed somehow the more we were together.

It's sad and depressing to me, but it's the truth. I'm working on getting myself straightened out. She was attracted to my personality I had about learning and exploring what it was to be a free person with her, and we dragged each other down with our issues along the way. I can still be that person, and even better. I have some work to do on getting my medication issues worked out, and I need to start seeing a therapist to work out how I feel about feeling so alone, needing people so badly, and ultimately figuring out how to be happy for once in my life.

Originally Posted by Figure-8

I find it interesting. It's kind of flavorful. Kind of dark.

Do you both want to travel?

Thanks, I knew someone would like it.

She wants desperately to visit New York City. She had the chance last summer, all expenses paid, but damn near had a nervous breakdown because of the anxiety of dying on the plane. I wanted her to initially go, but I had to be the lone friend assuring her she couldn't do it in the couple weeks before the flight. She just couldn't handle it, and I had to reassure her it was okay, and I'd drive her there someday when I could.

[Shrike]

I don't really think you want to be with (or even be friends with) someone like that who takes so much energy and money from you. She took from you to make herself strong and left you in the trash.

Find someone who cares for you as a person rather than someone who just takes from you. She isn't your goddamn soulmate, she's just some middle-aged woman who fucked you and you imprinted on her like a little duckling to it's mother duck.

[Zok Jr.]

Why do you care so much about some dumb old slut? There are tons of hot young girls out there with no weird mental problems and shit wtf man.

[yawanur]

Originally Posted by Vargus

She cried and said it was so immature of her to do that, because she knew I'd find out and it would hurt me deeply. She said she didn't enjoy it at all, and didn't even want it. I forgave her.

[yawanur]

Originally Posted by Shrike

I don't really think you want to be with (or even be friends with) someone like that who takes so much energy and money from you. She took from you to make herself strong and left you in the trash.

No doubt she's done it before. I've had friends like this before, basically parasites who would never think of something like pitching gas money for a trip, even though they ask me for change every time I'm in their car. Petty example, but that extrapolates to so many other things that I got fed up and fucked off.

As far as relationships go, a quote I found recently really drives this point home-

How beautiful it is to find someone who asks for nothing but your well-being

[Lollygagger]

43?!?! That means shes been doing this shit to guys for like 25-30 years. You been used.

[LavaRed]

Hey man I'm sorry. I didn't know it had ended. If you need any help just left me know ok?

[yawanur]

sorry to be harsh, hope things work out bud

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

[JeffreyH]

Originally Posted by yawanur

Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

I'm starting to think that is not true.

In the end, it's just a trick that evolution plays on us. Our genes attempt to control us like Krang controls his mechanical suit. It's not even that great! It's just that when you don't have it, you tend to idealize it, but when you are, short of the first few weeks, it's just "normal".

TL/DR:

Cowboy Bebop Tiger striped cat story - English version - YouTube

Cowboy Bebop Tiger striped cat story - English version - YouTube
Video: click to display

(spoilers if you never watched it)

[WeaselKit]

fuck bitches.

[Vargus]

Originally Posted by Zok Jr.

Why do you care so much about some dumb old slut? There are tons of hot young girls out there with no weird mental problems and shit wtf man.

You guys think I haven't looked? Seriously?

Originally Posted by yawanur

Would you enjoy sex from a fat, unattractive guy with a 4 inch cock that whines and cries until he can get some from anyone? Nigro please.

In any case I don't have to worry at all about him anymore. Remember about how I talked of karma?

Originally Posted by Shrike

I don't really think you want to be with (or even be friends with) someone like that who takes so much energy and money from you. She took from you to make herself strong and left you in the trash.

Don't make me laugh. Disability doesn't pay that well, certainly not enough to go boozing, let alone buy any drugs.

And I don't get it with energy. It didn't take anything to keep the relationship we had going. She just wanted out. Funny thing was she never wanted in with anyone to begin with. I was just her plaything and good friend. When we were serious, I didn't have to fight to tell her how things were run or going to work. There was no effort involved. We enjoyed all the time we spent together. I knew from the outset she couldn't afford the lifestyle I gave her, but it didn't matter because we both enjoyed it all. She gave me purpose, inspiration, love, companionship. All of that was worth more to us that money.

[Mirana]

Dunno man... keep going with it if that's what you really want. All I'm gonna say is be mentally prepared for a train wreck, cause it sounds like you're to into whatever this relationship is supposed to be.

[takedrugs_killpeople]

I think this would be a better song to sing for karaoke

Rancid - Dope Sick Girl - YouTube

Rancid - Dope Sick Girl - YouTube
Video: click to display

[Shrike]

Originally Posted by Vargus

Don't make me laugh. Disability doesn't pay that well, certainly not enough to go boozing, let alone buy any drugs.

And I don't get it with energy. It didn't take anything to keep the relationship we had going. She just wanted out. Funny thing was she never wanted in with anyone to begin with. I was just her plaything and good friend. When we were serious, I didn't have to fight to tell her how things were run or going to work. There was no effort involved. We enjoyed all the time we spent together. I knew from the outset she couldn't afford the lifestyle I gave her, but it didn't matter because we both enjoyed it all. She gave me purpose, inspiration, love, companionship. All of that was worth more to us that money.

You said you spent thousands on her. But i'm not just talking about money, i'm talking about physical energy, mental energy, emotional energy. Those kind of women are fun to be around for a while, especially if the sex is good. But there's nothing there long-term, it's too draining to put all that work into the relationship and get nothing back in return.

Fuck people that won't be there when you are down and need help. I can't be fucking dealing with people that only want to be around when everything's going great. They're don't give a crap about me, they were only in it for the free stuff and having a shoulder to cry on.

The tone of this post seems very different to the one in the OP. You describe her as a leeching bitch, but yet are still in love with her like a little puppy. We tell you to dump the bitch and move on, and then you come back and defend her? Man, grow up.

[yawanur]

ap2k I know you're a bit husky... developing a better diet and regular exercise pays off really fast, especially when you're still young [youre like mid twenties right?]

if you commit you'll start seeing and feeling the difference fairly quickly; you have the power to make yourself much much more attractive to younger girls, and getting in shape feels great!