HOW TO GET LAID: For all you Zoklet fellows

[STD]

OK, I know, and STD thread where I don't talk about vodka (at least, no yet.)

Anyway, I was always pathetic with women during all my schooling. Actually, until sometime last year. But I'll skip the foreplay and get right to it.

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I went out 4 nights a week for many, many months. Yes, I was intoxicated. Didn't matter, I got a shitload of numbers, at least 100 makeouts, and enough one night stands for me to have no idea how many exactly. That may be partially due to the amnesia...

A year later, something has clicked and I'm fucking potent even sober during the daytime. I am not bullshitting you, I know some faggots on this site call me a poser, but I'm not, I'm not afraid to brag about my patheticness, but I *know* I get laid more than the haters on here so FUCK YOU.

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THE TIPS:

-Go the fuck out. You don't get laid sitting at home. Even statistically, the more you're around women, the more likely you are to get laid. Or at least talk to one.

-Go to clubs and bars. I do not give a flying fuck if you like clubs, they're a gold mine of drunk women, and at that time many are open to fucking.

-Dress better than other people. Stand out (but not in a fucked up creepy way.)

-Get drunk. If you're really shy like I was, you need to get that initial start, and if you can't do that sober, do it intoxicated. Pre-drink with the cheapest vodka you can get and bring a 200mL flask. Benzos are OK, but personally I find that alcohol is better for an immediate anxiolytic effect.

-Not all women will like you. Fact. Get rejected enough and you won't give a shit anymore. Hell, I get rejected by hundreds yet still remain cool with them having awesome chats.

-Text 1: reference something you did when you met in a funny way. Text 2: random comment. Text 3: date. If you call, that's awesome. Getting the number AND arranging a time and place to go out on the spot is even better. A one night stand is even better. Get the number early so if their friends pull them away you've at least got a number.

-Speaking of friends, introduce yourself and be nice.

-Yo don't have to reply to every text.

-*Be* yourself. Most people interpret this wrong, they think it's means not using "game". Even on here I'm a polarising person because what I type is totally unfiltered, you'll love me or hate me (or not be sure which), *that* will get you laid more than trying to fake some smooth James Bond.

-Sex: if you don't like eating out a girl, well, sucks to be you. If you struggle with hardness, get Viagra (or similar.) Can't last long enough? I did kegels for a tear, half an hour a day, they were fucking useless. SSRIs (I'm on 500mg/day) appear to have had a great effect, now I cum when *I* want to.

-Get physical ASAP and as much as you can.

-Girls give you "the look" when you look at them for the first time. Like, eye contact and a big smile. And this is before you actually meet, it's when you first look at each other. That means she's open to talking.

-During the daytime, rejections are much nicer. Girls don't have their shields up. They don't have liquid confidence in them. And they aren't thinking you're just another douche who only came up because he's had enough to drink to get the fake courage to talk to her. Protip: being a little drunk in the daytime can work wonders.

-I've been taking SSRIs for several months now, abusing alcohol for about a year and benzos for half a year or so, and even when I'm sober (save for the SSRIs), I'm a fucking ice cool motherfucker, I can ask out any girl, no matter how hot, if I get rejected then take it and continue chatting like everything is cool.

-Eye contact. Lots of it.

-Dominance. Don't be wishy washy. Don't buy drinks for random chicks you've just met.

Anyway, my left elbow now hurts from the position that I'm typing on my laptop with, so I'll end this here, but the most important point of all, which I've already mentioned:

Go out to clubs and bars as much as you can, as long as you can. If you're too nervous, get drunk before, eventually the confidence transfer over to your sober life.

Good luck.

<3

[Sir Cornwell]

Leave the Basement?

Talk to women?

You're a very strange person!

[Mirana]

Originally Posted by STD

Go out and be confident.

I use this to summarize all that with every "getting laid" guide. Even if they are a million words long I can still condense it like this.

I agree with you about the bit of your drunk confidence transferring over to the sober one.

[Tokerface]

What the fuck is a "woman"? Is that a term for a woeful man or something?

[STD]

Originally Posted by Mirana

I use this to summarize all that with every "getting laid" guide. Even if they are a million words long I can still condense it like this.

I agree with you about the bit of your drunk confidence transferring over to the sober one.

lolz. Yeah, that does really sum it up. Problem is that heaps of guys aren't confident enough. After the path I've taken the past year, I *am* that confident. And it's not just with girls, it's with dudes too. I can talk to peers fine. I can eat alone at a restaurant without thinking it's weird (I like good food.) The final piece of the jigsaw finally clicked into place for me, at what cost, I'm yet to find out...

[STD]

Originally Posted by Tokerface

What the fuck is a "woman"? Is that a term for a woeful man or something?

nah they got these nice warm holes you can put your dick in and it FEELS GOOD MAN

[Erorr]

god you are getting pitiful STD

[Sir Cornwell]

You sayin' STD spreads hisself around too much?

[rabbitweed]

I'll take your advice when I've finally lost all hope of having sex with someone I actually like.

[STD]

Originally Posted by Erorr

god you are getting pitiful STD

that i can get laid every single fucking week with a different chick

[STD]

Also, anybody who disagrees with me get laid less than me. FACT.

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by STD

that i can get laid every single fucking week with a different chick

you posted a thread completely indifferent to drinking or your own medical problems but somehow started to revolve every fucking topic around just that somehow.

Please stop glorifying your destruction now, itll save you about 10 months of repair,remorse, and regret.

[Marty McFly]

OP speaks the truth, but it's something you'd only do as a phase, it's no long term lifestyle, it buys you no happiness. In the last 12 months, all I've done is have promiscuous sex, and it's tiresom and lonely.

OP you forgot one thing: get fit, fitter than other men. It's more important than dressing better than other men. I wear a plain coloured tshirt, a good pair of black denim jeans, neat shoes and one item of jewelry for women to comment on (which they always do). And it works well.

Also go out with a woman if you can. If you're already with a woman, other women see this and are less likely to reject you because of their bitch shields. Women will shut you down sometimes even if they'd gladly fuck you, just because you were cocky and approached her in a group and she feels it's her job to put you in her place. A few girls I've slept with initially rejected me with their friends around just to look big, but later I was balls deep in them.

[Mirana]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

OP speaks the truth, but it's something you'd only do as a phase, it's no long term lifestyle, it buys you no happiness. In the last 12 months, all I've done is have promiscuous sex, and it's tiresom and lonely.

OP you forgot one thing: get fit, fitter than other men. It's more important than dressing better than other men. I wear a plain coloured tshirt, a good pair of black denim jeans, neat shoes and one item of jewelry for women to comment on (which they always do). And it works well.

Also go out with a woman if you can. If you're already with a woman, other women see this and are less likely to reject you because of their bitch shields. Women will shut you down sometimes even if they'd gladly fuck you, just because you were cocky and approached her in a group and she feels it's her job to put you in her place. A few girls I've slept with initially rejected me with their friends around just to look big, but later I was balls deep in them.

Honestly though, the way you dress you come off as a stereotypical clubbing douchebag.

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by Mirana

Honestly though, the way you dress you come off as a stereotypical clubbing douchebag.

Yeah Id rather trade my legitimacy in life then sacrifice it for getting laid and feeling superior.

[rabbitweed]

how the fuck do people dress in australia if wearing a t-shirt is dressing better than other men!?

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

how the fuck do people dress in australia if wearing a t-shirt is dressing better than other men!?

V Necks nigga!

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by Mirana

Honestly though, the way you dress you come off as a stereotypical clubbing douchebag.

That's true. But I go to stereotypical douchbag clubs as well. So trust me, it's better to NOT stand out at them. Your face depends on it.

I occasionally also go to indie bars n shit, and for those I just dress like a pretentious indie douchbag. It's funny, even if you're being ironic and taking the piss, the girls don't usually realize because indie people are just one big fucking joke - but the women are hot as fuck.

Originally Posted by Erorr

Yeah Id rather trade my legitimacy in life then sacrifice it for getting laid and feeling superior.

Yeah, I completely sold out there for a while. Like I said, it didn't make me feel better. I broke up with the woman I loved and wanted to marry because I'd never done the promiscuity thing and she had and figured I'd resent her if I didn't get to experience it. Now I've done it and realized it's pretty fucking shit. Like I said, it's good to do for a phase, to realize it's not that rewarding.

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

how the fuck do people dress in australia if wearing a t-shirt is dressing better than other men!?

You misread. Try again.

*edit*

You know I've spent considerable time in your country. Australians learn how to dress from Europe, like 6-12 months behind in terms of trends. NZers are like 6-12 months behind Australians.

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

Yeah, I completely sold out there for a while. Like I said, it didn't make me feel better. I broke up with the woman I loved and wanted to marry because I'd never done the promiscuity thing and she had and figured I'd resent her if I didn't get to experience it. Now I've done it and realized it's pretty fucking shit. Like I said, it's good to do for a phase, to realize it's not that rewarding.

Yeah man, I didnt overlook your phase statement, I understand completely and iam glad you flipped your switch and saw this. Sexual promiscuity and general hunting for women while pretty fucking crooked is a momentary gain worth pursuing. Still though, it holds no water.

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

You misread. Try again.

*edit*

You know I've spent considerable time in your country. Australians learn how to dress from Europe, like 6-12 months behind in terms of trends. NZers are like 6-12 months behind Australians.

You need to get over this thing you have where you take any vaguely negative generalisation about Australia ultra negatively and personally try and hit back against my patriotic NZ spirit. I don't fucking care about NZ. I also don't care about trends - but I do consider t-shirts to be pretty low on the dressing better scale in general.

[rabbitweed]

Also Marty: surprise me big time by not going apeshit at that post, and casually dropping in some obscure half remembered irrelevant crap I might've admitted to you on msn years ago in an attempt to HuRt My FeElLiNgS. You used to do that shit all the time and I hope to fuck you've grown out of it. If you have grown out of it, then sorry for even bringing it up as that's pretty dickish.

[&Zenith]

Originally Posted by STD

that i can get laid every single fucking week with a different chick

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

Also Marty: surprise me big time by not going apeshit at that post, and casually dropping in some obscure half remembered irrelevant crap I might've admitted to you on msn years ago in an attempt to HuRt My FeElLiNgS. You used to do that shit all the time and I hope to fuck you've grown out of it. If you have grown out of it, then sorry for even bringing it up as that's pretty dickish.

butthurt announced ^

marty mcfly's ego announced v

[STD]

Also, anybody who disagrees with me gets laid less than me... FACT.

There's a reason I'm "STD".

[Erorr]

stfu this thread taint about you no moh'

[moron]

Originally Posted by Mirana

Honestly though, the way you dress you come off as a stereotypical clubbing douchebag.

A plain t shirt, jeans, and a necklace or whatever? That's too trendy for you? You know what, you're right, girls who are into that are probably too high maintenance and bitchy to deal with anyways. Better scale it back to a stained t shirt, sweat pants and some sandals. The babes will be so wet for your "not giving a fuck" attitude.

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

attempt to HuRt My FeElLiNgS. You used to do that shit all the time and I hope to fuck you've grown out of it

Why do you hope he's grown out of it? Are you..... mad?

[Sanzenbacher]

How does this work if you live in a not so nice place? Like, yeah, I get TV and internet, and have modern technology, but I live in a Trailer park...

Do you not mention any personal details until you know you're in the clear, or..?

[ayingerbrau]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

OP you forgot one thing: get fit, fitter than other men. It's more important than dressing better than other men. I wear a plain coloured tshirt, a good pair of black denim jeans, neat shoes and one item of jewelry for women to comment on (which they always do). And it works well.

This is very true. I've got more compliments in a well fitting £3 t shirt than friends who wear £40 designer t shirts. I should add that the majority of the women do not like the 'bodybuilder' look but do appreciate a man who is lean and has a bit of muscle. Think more athletic than aspiring bodybuilder. You could gain all the muscle you need to impress bitches in 1-2 years of gym work and then simply work on cutting down your bf % to the desired level.

Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe - YouTube

Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe - YouTube
Video: click to display

The physique in this video is what girls think they want. That guy in the video is hardly muscular but is lean. You want to realistically be a bit bigger than that so you can spread a t-shirt out. You have to remember that girls are as shallow as men and will like you if you have abs.

If you don't sport such a good physique a good dress shirt can hide physique imbalances quite well.

What item of jewellery do they always point out. I personally wear no jewellery.

[-SpectraL]

Another thing is you'd want to do is inconspicuously pull out a fat wad of 20's and 50's a few times when paying for drinks.

jk

[fuckbiscuit]

Anyone who actually reads shit like this because they can't pick up women should be castrated, well done failing at your genders only purpose, faggots.

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by fuckbiscuit

Anyone who actually reads shit like this because they can't pick up women should be castrated, well done failing at your genders only purpose, faggots.

^ drinks Listerine

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by ayingerbrau

This is very true. I've got more compliments in a well fitting £3 t shirt than friends who wear £40 designer t shirts. I should add that the majority of the women do not like the 'bodybuilder' look but do appreciate a man who is lean and has a bit of muscle. Think more athletic than aspiring bodybuilder. You could gain all the muscle you need to impress bitches in 1-2 years of gym work and then simply work on cutting down your bf % to the desired level.

The physique in this video is what girls think they want. That guy in the video is hardly muscular but is lean. You want to realistically be a bit bigger than that so you can spread a t-shirt out. You have to remember that girls are as shallow as men and will like you if you have abs.

If you don't sport such a good physique a good dress shirt can hide physique imbalances quite well.

What item of jewellery do they always point out. I personally wear no jewellery.

I did a bf% test where you put a bunch of clamps on your body and stand on this metal plate. It said I was at 7%, which WAS wrong because that's pretty amazing. I think it's more around 9-10%. And women will talk to you, be party interested, brush against your abs and suddenly they can't keep your hands off of you. I actually think women are MORE shallow than men. I see more fit, muscular men with ugly women. When hot women are with an ugly man, it's almost ALWAYS because he has money. Which is just another shallow reason.

And the item of jewelry is a long very simple steel chain with a damaged, really old brass key hanging on it. It hangs pretty low, just bellow the pecs. So because it hangs so low women will grab at it with out thinking it's a big deal, but physical contact's been initiated and it's one barrier beaten.

[MAYOR]

V-necks? Steel chains?

wtf is going OOONN HEEERE

[SoulButter]

Originally Posted by MAYOR

V-necks? Steel chains?

wtf is going OOONN HEEERE

We gettin chicks, maaaang.

[constantinople]

If you sleaze around clubs and bars you will contract an STD.

[legendaryninjacutter]

Or call the local party line. They have pretty young girls who get straight business. No flirting or any of that bullshit. Pay to Play is what they call it.

http://www.buttholio.com/chicago/

[Death_Merchant]

I get laid 4-7 times a week. It's no more an accomplishment than 30 minutes of cardio.

[Erorr]

Originally Posted by AudioCentriX

We gettin chicks, maaaang.

hood shit real shit maayn

[jackiesbaby]

Amps are a much better social boost for me than alcohol. Gets rid of social anxiety, gives me more confidence, without making me stupid like drinking tends to.