Do you think

[TheSexyBeast821]

Originally Posted by reject

I think what Shrike really needs is some crack.

Crack makes everything better.

I really hope you aren't trying to draw a comparison between a gift of an eternal and infinite God and smoking crack.

[reject]

Originally Posted by TheSexyBeast821

I really hope you are trying to draw a comparison between a gift of an eternal and infinite God and smoking crack.

Finally, we agree that God = crack.

Maybe even crack > God.

[Pee Vee Proots, M.D.]

Originally Posted by TheSexyBeast821

I really hope you aren't trying to draw a comparison between a gift of an eternal and infinite God and smoking crack.

They're pretty much the same. Crack is just part of God's nature, as are you.

[TheSexyBeast821]

Originally Posted by reject

Finally, we agree that God = crack.

Maybe even crack > God.

Ecstasy from God > euphoria from crack

Plus there is no come-down and you aren't left fiending.

[Shrike]

Originally Posted by HampTheToker

Fuck em. They don't deserve you. If you really want to get back them, then do it by succeeding in life and being happy with what you've done for yourself. They don't deserve the satisfaction of knowing they had such influence on how you feel. Cut them out completely. When they're old and need your help they'll regret every nasty thing they ever said or did. Then, you can choose to forgive or turn a blind eye. I wouldn't blame you either way.

Use this thread to vent. Keeping it all inside wears you down after a while. I sincerely hope you let that shit out and move on with your life. You're not alone, and it does get better if you want it to. It's time to stop fighting and stop giving fucks about them.

Thanks for not being a Zoklet asshole. I've got a counsellor for the next few weeks, going to use her for venting I guess.

The bit about fighting was referring to fighting myself more than anything, fighting to get up every morning and do stuff, not lie in self pity all day. I don't think I can actually cut them out of my life completely, it's not really possible. I just have to carry on and try and care less about them. I guess I have to stop trying to reconcile with them, stop imagining some hollywood moment. I guess we're just going to be one of those horrendous families that never really speaks to each other. What a fucking life, eh.

[reject]

You don't need family.

[Shrike]

Originally Posted by reject

You don't need family.

Well I don't have friends.

[TheSexyBeast821]

God is seriously the answer. I'm not joking around with you.

[reject]

You have zoklet.

[Zanick]

Wallowing in your violent thoughts won't remedy the situation, it's just your ego clinging desperately to the illusion of hospitality in a cold, unforgiving world. I've been here before, wanting so badly for somebody to care that I would consider darker things than I'd dare speak of. It's rough, but remember that your life is worth so much more than that. If you don't think your life isn't worth living because others can't see the treasure in your mind, chances are you need to see it for yourself.

While the spiritual path has liberated me from depression, this is not for everyone. Truthfully the key was developing self-compassion and understanding.

[HampTheToker]

Originally Posted by Shrike

Thanks for not being a Zoklet asshole. I've got a counsellor for the next few weeks, going to use her for venting I guess.

The bit about fighting was referring to fighting myself more than anything, fighting to get up every morning and do stuff, not lie in self pity all day. I don't think I can actually cut them out of my life completely, it's not really possible. I just have to carry on and try and care less about them. I guess I have to stop trying to reconcile with them, stop imagining some hollywood moment. I guess we're just going to be one of those horrendous families that never really speaks to each other. What a fucking life, eh.

I know that feel, bro.

I'm fairly certain that my dad wishes I didn't exist. He never has anything good to say about me. I've tried everything I can think of to make him see how much it bothers me, but he never does.

I guess my way of dealing with it is by taking comfort in knowing that I'm nothing like him. Still, it hurts. I don't think it will ever stop hurting, but I've learned that it does go away a little at a time as long as I have someone that will listen to me and let me get it off my chest. I remember the moment I truly understood the feeling of getting the "weight" off one's chest.

Confide in someone you know personally irl. Someone you trust. Someone you know that will listen to you without judgement. Online friends are cool and all, but it's a whole world of difference.

Seriously, if you ever need someone to talk to PM me. I'm not offering you pity. I'm offering a judgement free conversation, because I know that feel, bro.

Keep your head up.

[Thetakishi]

Originally Posted by TheSexyBeast821

Ecstasy from God > euphoria from crack

Plus there is no come-down and you aren't left fiending.

To quote yourself, Ecstasy (especially the kind from god) is way better than crack. And you're right! I usually don't have a come down in the negative sense, AND I don't fiend after.

Thanks for the advice bud.

Also, I'm about to start seeing a therapist for my depression and anxiety (among a myriad of other problems that no one cares about) and it should help a lot. I've had a therapist before, and just being able to tell someone anything you want, use them for new perspective or bounce ideas off of without bias, or letting them "do their thing", all of it feels so good, and it really gives you relief from negative feelings and some confidence in the long run.

[sepht]

Originally Posted by Shrike

If I killed myself, people around me would feel shit for not listening to me? I kind of like the thought of that. My brother would have to carry around a lifetime of knowing that if he'd talked to me for ten minutes like a human being or gone and seen a movie with me once in while I wouldn't be dead. Oh it would screw his shitty life right up. I'd wreck this whole fucking ruined family once and for all. My uptight uncles would be so goddamn ashamed. My father would probably lose his mind.

Once you die you become a no face. Thoughts that haunt people until they realize you are literally nothing anymore. Memories fade and people move on. Your death will be as worthless as you are now.

[HampTheToker]

Why do all the miserable fucks love company?

I don't like miserable fucks. They can fuck off miserably for all I care.

[Shrike]

Originally Posted by HampTheToker

I know that feel, bro.

I'm fairly certain that my dad wishes I didn't exist. He never has anything good to say about me. I've tried everything I can think of to make him see how much it bothers me, but he never does.

I guess my way of dealing with it is by taking comfort in knowing that I'm nothing like him. Still, it hurts. I don't think it will ever stop hurting, but I've learned that it does go away a little at a time as long as I have someone that will listen to me and let me get it off my chest. I remember the moment I truly understood the feeling of getting the "weight" off one's chest.

Confide in someone you know personally irl. Someone you trust. Someone you know that will listen to you without judgement. Online friends are cool and all, but it's a whole world of difference.

Seriously, if you ever need someone to talk to PM me. I'm not offering you pity. I'm offering a judgement free conversation, because I know that feel, bro.

Keep your head up.

Thanks.

The thing is i'm actually a lot like my dad. I get angry and violent like he does, I find it really hard to talk about my feelings, bottle everything up and blame it on myself. Beat myself up. The only difference is I don't have a business to run, work to throw myself into for 12 hours a day.

Nor do I really want such a thing. I do need to get a job and get under my own steam a bit, stop fucking around with the fucking jobcentre and benefits etc.

Anyway, i'm not going to kill myself, though I can't stop thinking about it. Gotta carry on, keep going. I wish life was like the movies where you have some big epiphany and then you're good, but no. You can stand on a cliff and look down, turn back the other way and say "not today, not ever", and then you're fucking flying down that cliff every night for the next week in your dreams.

[constantinople]

You have an astounding amount of self-pity. Stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself...



And stop believing that every family needs to be the same. Just get the fuck over it. If they don't want to be your friends, that's fine. MOVE. ON. NIGGER.

[broseph]

what a miserable bastard.

it might have been raining for a month straight but cheer up chuck.

[-SpectraL]

If they're not caring about you, then you should start caring about yourself, Shrike. Suicide is not the answer where there is life to be had. You have the world at your fingertips, and you can make your life happy without them, and that's what you should do. Out with the negative and in with the positive, family be damned... and that's the only road you should be traveling right now. Don't dwell on the past either, because for every bad thing that has happened to you in the past, there are 10 more good things waiting for you in the future - if you want it to be that way.

[Pee Vee Proots, M.D.]

Shrike how old are you? I haven't been such a whiny, vindictive little shit since I was like 16.

[Struwwelpeter]

Originally Posted by Pee Vee Proots, M.D.

Shrike how old are you? I haven't been such a whiny, vindictive little shit since I was like 16.

post-adolescence low testosterone
consult a medical doctor immediately about "low t"

[Shrike]

Originally Posted by Pee Vee Proots, M.D.

Shrike how old are you? I haven't been such a whiny, vindictive little shit since I was like 16.

I'm actually eight years old, they tell me i'm very advanced for my age.

[HampTheToker]

[Shrike]

I basically just watched Game of Thrones for like 3 or 4 days straight, and now I need to wash/shave, put out the rubbish, do the washing up, maybe hoover and buy some decent food. And I can't be fucked to do any of it. What is the point in trying if i'm always going to end up in this shitty place? I tell myself not to start this dumb cycle, not to stay up till 4 am, not to buy huge bags of crisps and nuts and eat them while fucking around instead of doing shit, but I just do it anyway even though I know I shouldn't.

Now if I break out of this little phase, I can clean up myself and my flat, clean the floors and it will look vaguely presentable. After a couple of days of doing that, i'll look around and go "great... good job. Now what?" Nobody will still hire me, i'll still be bored out of my skull, so i'll sit back down on the computer and watch some shit and the cycle starts again.

What is the point in trying if I know i'm never going to be happy? I'm not capable of it. Fucking walking around like a wounded animal the past forever, pretending i'm good or i'm getting somewhere when i'm not.

In before "wah wah, stop being such a spoilt crybaby" etc posts. Yeah great, have it, i'm sure it makes you feel great about yourself. Why don't you try waking up every morning feeling like this and then see how much work you get done.

[reject]

Get yourself a Thai bride.

[reject]

http://www.thai-brides.co.uk/

[Shrike]

Unfortunately, i'm not into asian chicks.

[reject]

Russian?

[-SpectraL]

The fuck, "no one will hire me...". That's bullshit, Shrike, and deep down you know it. Everybody... and I mean everybody has their specialty which can be put to good use to the benefit of someone else. Now you're just plain making excuses for yourself and digging your own grave. Sad to see coming from an obviously above-average intelligent person such as yourself.

[CountBlah]

[reject]

Join the army. They always need cannon fodder, if you're guna kill yourself, might as well go out with a bang. In this case, an IED.

[Proots]

Break the cycle that you're in. I get that's easier said than done, though.

Everyone needs friends. Everyone. Why don't you have friends? Surely, you had some friends at least at one time? What happened? Fall out of touch?

If you manage to get a job, you'll at least be able to meet new people. Not only that, you'll make some money and have a chance to feel good about yourself. Get a job. Any job. Even one that you consider "beneath" you. Go to the most ridiculous, shit kicker place you can find and apply. They'll hire you.

Also - it seems like you're caught in this depressive cycle. So, I ask you this - if what you're doing now hasn't been working, why not try something different?

EDIT : Sorry, I sometimes get names and identities mixed up on this site and I just realized who you were. You've been posting and feeling this way for a while and I just wanted to say that I'm glad you have an appointment with a counselor lined up. It's important that you at least try to tackle this problem and like HampTheToker said - don't do it. Suicide is never the answer. It might sound unbelievable as well as extremely corny and gay - but, there's so much to live for, man. There really is. I just hope that in time, you'll be able to see that.

I hope you feel better soon.

[1 2 Jovulovich]

I'm not one to believe that everyone has to love their family unconditionally. Love something though instead of wasting you life on some stupid suicide or depression. Alot of people have more friends than they realize, maybe you're one them, maybe not. What does it even matter? I have lots of friends and everybody still thinks that I'm a creepy-ass loner and a psychopath. Learn to enjoy your own company and let other people's precious little opinions amount to what they really are, which is fuck all. "It is no measure of health to be well-adapted to a profoudly sick society".

[Shrike]

Friends, I had a few friends but they all kind of went off to uni in different cities and I didn't. As for making new ones, i've been depressed and without a job, in this kind of state for like 5 years now. It just kind of hasn't happened, I went to some gaming clubs semi-frequently but I never really managed to turn those guys into proper friends that I would see outside of the comic shop. It doesn't really help that I don't like drinking or clubs/bars etc that most people my age are into.

Yeah, I do need to get a job, it's just... aah. I've had shitty jobs I hated before and I didn't last long at them, i'm kind of wary of coming off benefits and starting some job that I can't handle getting up every morning and going to. It would be pretty hard if not impossible to get back on benefits after I left them, the paperwork etc is a bitch to set up. Also the thing is that i'm probably better off financially on them, what with my rent being paid, also council tax.

But, like you said i'm not going anywhere like this and I need to do something different. It's just that leap of faith and hoping that I don't fuck up completely, or get stuck in some shitty job I hate and not be able to progress. I don't want to be a wage slave.

[ArmsMerchant]

Originally Posted by TheSexyBeast821

God is seriously the answer. I'm not joking around with you.

It might be helpful if you would define "God."

I have observed that many folks here who reject the narrow, petty deity portrayed in the Old Testament are open to the idea of God more along the lines of Leibniz, Spinoza, Easwaran, et alia--that is, not an entity, but rather thaT spark of divinity which resides within us all, and unites and sustains us.

[reject]

Originally Posted by ArmsMerchant

It might be helpful if you would define "God."

I have observed that many folks here who reject the narrow, petty deity portrayed in the Old Testament are open to the idea of God more along the lines of Leibniz, Spinoza, Easwaran, et alia--that is, not an entity, but rather thaT spark of divinity which resides within us all, and unites and sustains us.

That's my idea of God.

There's no chance the Old Testament version of god exists, and if he did I'd rather spit in his face than worship him.

[sploogook]

at least crack exists

[reject]

Or does it.

[TheSexyBeast821]

Originally Posted by ArmsMerchant

It might be helpful if you would define "God."

I have observed that many folks here who reject the narrow, petty deity portrayed in the Old Testament are open to the idea of God more along the lines of Leibniz, Spinoza, Easwaran, et alia--that is, not an entity, but rather thaT spark of divinity which resides within us all, and unites and sustains us.

So you reject the Triune God?