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  #1  
Old 06-27-2012, 06:21 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Default Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

I spoke to my ex in May, it had been 10 months since I'd previously spoken to her. We broke up under bad circumstances and she straight away jumped in to a new relationship with a great guy. He treats her the way I should have. At first, I was spiteful and evil and did HEAPS of shit to try and sabotage their relationship. I got her to cheat, I'd contact him and tell him all about what I'd done to his gf, etc. I was just a plain, nasty, dick. Then I stopped speaking to her and grew up. He forgave her and they're still together. What they have now could only be described as a healthy relationship and they're coming on roughly 2 years.

I was with the ex for 5 years. When I spoke to her in May, it was over skype while I was living at a Muay Thai camp in Thailand. The last time she saw me, I was still an opiate addict. I was still fucking mental. And I wasn't appealing. In May, I was looking healthy and I was very level headed. She confessed she still thought about me daily, and was still in love, but her relationship made it easy to put thoughts about be asside.

She asked me if I loved her. I told her not at all. I told her I was completely over her. I did this because I felt her straying emotionally from her bf who deserves her love and loyalty. It cut so fucking deeply. All I wanted to do was say "Yes, yes I still fucking love you. Yes I still want to marry you, have children with you, grow old and die with you". But I didn't. I told her I didn't love her, and that any love I had for her could be compared to what I'd feel for a friend or sister. Her face dropped, her smile faded. I haven't been able to forget that. I told her that if I ever were to consider her, she'd be my backup. She told me she never wants to be my backup, and can't handle being just my friend, so we have no place in each others' lives, and she cut me out. Haven't spoken to her since. I moved back to Melbourne and am only a short drive away from her.

Thing is....I can't handle living so close to her and not doing anything about it. And it's not just her, I'm in the same situation with two women: I love both, both love me, I can't be with either. So I've decided to move away. I was trapped here till I paid off an $8,000 debt, but got told today that I can "forget about it for now, and pay it back later in life". Which means when I get my $4,000 tax return in around 21 days, I'm gone. Moving over seas.

That's the backstory, now the question: Would you, in my situation, get in contact with the ex girlfriend and tell her how you truly feel? Tell her that you lied and that you do love her? I wouldn't want a second chance. I'd honestly wish her the best with her new man and a life of happiness, but it eats me up inside thinking that something might happen to me on this trip and the last things I told her were that I no longer love her. Leave her alone? Or tell her how it is?
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:24 PM
SteamPunk SteamPunk is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Just leave her alone man.

Trust me, it may seem like they won't but these feelings do fade; IF you let them.

Just move the fuck on.

P.S. What camp were you at? I'm going down to Thailand this November to train/fight.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:27 PM
CarbonBV2 CarbonBV2 is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

You are one giant pussy. What are you hoping to gain by telling her you still love her? Move away for the love of God and ruin other people's lives, preferably African's.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:28 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Originally Posted by SteamPunk View Post
Just leave her alone man.

Trust me, it may seem like they won't but these feelings do fade; IF you let them.

Just move the fuck on.

P.S. What camp were you at? I'm going down to Thailand this November to train/fight.
It's been 2 years since we broke up. I really hope they start to fade soon as they're just as strong as the day we broke up.

I trained at Tiger Muay Thai and Dragon Muay Thai both in Phuket, both on the same road. Phuket Top Team just opened up an MMA/Muay Thai gym not 300m away as well.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:29 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

No disrespect intended, OP, but with your history, you would probably be doing the lass a favor by leaving her alone.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:34 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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I'd have a good cry then put on my sunglasses, mask, and sigil and angrily go shoot young lovers in the park.
Fixed.

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  #7  
Old 06-27-2012, 06:35 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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No disrespect intended, OP, but with your history, you would probably be doing the lass a favor by leaving her alone.
My other question is, should I ask to see her before I leave? We were friends/dated from 16-23. I feel it would be selfish to see her, as it may again put me on her mind, and this only benefits me. She's lovely and deserves this new relationship. Alternatively, she could now be completely over me and it could be innocent and just serve as a way for me to say goodbye to some one I hold very dear.

Last edited by Marty McFly; 06-27-2012 at 06:37 PM.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:37 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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My other question is, should I ask to see her before I leave? We were friends/dated from 16-23. I feel it would be selfish to see her, as it may again put me on her mind, and this only benefits me. She's lovely and deserves this new relationship.
Shut up already you whiny bitch, you keep talking about what she deserves, this and that, what a great guy he is, yeah the one putting his dick in your girl's ass and cumming all up in those imaginary braces because I know the bitch has fucked up teeth but not enough cash to fix 'em. So, stop crying, we already told you what to do, move to fucking Africa and forget about your shit life in Melbourne.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:39 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Shut up already you whiny bitch, you keep talking about what she deserves, this and that, what a great guy he is, yeah the one putting his dick in your girl's ass and cumming all up in those imaginary braces because I know the bitch has fucked up teeth but not enough cash to fix 'em. So, stop crying, we already told you what to do, move to fucking Africa and forget about your shit life in Melbourne.
lol, she has the most perfect teeth I've ever seen. My life in Melbourne is better than the vast majority's, I just don't like being near people I love and unable to act on said love, so I need to leave or I will act on my emotions. You must be thinking of some one else.
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:42 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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lol, she has the most perfect teeth I've ever seen. My life in Melbourne is better than the vast majority's, I just don't like being near people I love and unable to act on said love, so I need to leave or I will act on my emotions. You must be thinking of some one else.
Someone is one word, that great life in Melbourne not come with an education? Pretty clear your depression is making you lie about this girl's physical appearance, she is average at best, and I am guessing your average dick just couldn't keep her on the hook. So, as I said, move to Africa, hone your dick skills and maybe in 5 years you can go back and try to pull her off the successful great husband who has a 9 inch dick and provides for her children, eh?
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:47 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Someone is one word, that great life in Melbourne not come with an education? Pretty clear your depression is making you lie about this girl's physical appearance, she is average at best, and I am guessing your average dick just couldn't keep her on the hook. So, as I said, move to Africa, hone your dick skills and maybe in 5 years you can go back and try to pull her off the successful great husband who has a 9 inch dick and provides for her children, eh?
Good old CarbonB. Great to have you back
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Old 06-27-2012, 06:49 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Originally Posted by Marty McFly View Post
My other question is, should I ask to see her before I leave? We were friends/dated from 16-23. I feel it would be selfish to see her, as it may again put me on her mind, and this only benefits me. She's lovely and deserves this new relationship. Alternatively, she could now be completely over me and it could be innocent and just serve as a way for me to say goodbye to some one I hold very dear.
I think you should tell her you're going, give her a contact number maybe, that's it say goodbye and leave, she's less likely to think of you if you're in another country and if there is any pain in her future she won't go looking for you to only find an old lady and her seventeen cats living where you did.
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Old 06-27-2012, 08:35 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Marty, I always read your posts/thread so I know the back story with you and this girl and my advice would be: Leave it.

For one, you're gonna fuck with her head if you back peddle again on the whole thing. Secondly you're leaving - it'll just make things harder for you both. Thirdly, I think you should just move on and look forward to the prospect of living a new life outside of Australia.
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Old 06-27-2012, 08:44 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Originally Posted by Marty McFly View Post
It's been 2 years since we broke up. I really hope they start to fade soon as they're just as strong as the day we broke up.

I trained at Tiger Muay Thai and Dragon Muay Thai both in Phuket, both on the same road. Phuket Top Team just opened up an MMA/Muay Thai gym not 300m away as well.
Have you been in a relationship since you broke up? Try meeting some other people man. I honestly don't believe in the whole "only one" theory. People change naturally throughout their lives and sometimes that change takes them apart. Fighting that only brings pain. Just think: If you do get back together with her, will it ever be as good as you imagined it was?

The honest answer is, "No". Start a new chapter in your life instead of re-reading these old ones man; I think you'll be surprised at how fun things can be

Nice man! I'm going to be visiting Sityodtong in Pattaya this November and a few other gyms as well. Should be fun.
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Old 06-28-2012, 03:24 AM
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Originally Posted by CarbonBV2 View Post
Someone is one word, that great life in Melbourne not come with an education? Pretty clear your depression is making you lie about this girl's physical appearance, she is average at best, and I am guessing your average dick just couldn't keep her on the hook. So, as I said, move to Africa, hone your dick skills and maybe in 5 years you can go back and try to pull her off the successful great husband who has a 9 inch dick and provides for her children, eh?
lmao Carbon Boobs
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Old 06-28-2012, 03:30 AM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Have you been in a relationship since you broke up? Try meeting some other people man. I honestly don't believe in the whole "only one" theory. People change naturally throughout their lives and sometimes that change takes them apart. Fighting that only brings pain. Just think: If you do get back together with her, will it ever be as good as you imagined it was?

The honest answer is, "No". Start a new chapter in your life instead of re-reading these old ones man; I think you'll be surprised at how fun things can be

Nice man! I'm going to be visiting Sityodtong in Pattaya this November and a few other gyms as well. Should be fun.
Yes, I tried dating. I met women who were on paper, infinitely better than my ex, but there is this thing missing in every relationship. I can't put my finger on it. But there's something about her that gives me that feeling. She is special.

And you're absolutely correct. Getting back with her would be terrible. That's not what I want. I want her happiness and by getting back with her I'd be ruining her life. So I want her as a mate, but even that would harbor feelings of animosity on both sides. It's unrealistic.

And Kite-- you're spot on. I'm nothing but trouble for her and her relationship even though I have the most innocent intentions, because her boyfriend will become paranoid and insecure if I'm brought back in to her life, since I have made her cheat on him like half a dozen times.


Sooo.....I've got one 6 month working visa for a European country, another 18 month visa for another European country that is being processed as we speak, and I've got 3 months of volunteering in the Himalayas - so this break should be long enough. I'll do the right thing, and not even say goodbye then. Let her be. Movies and books tell us to just "do it, go for the love of your life! Go get her, son!!" - but by the time I even consider coming home, I should be over her, and even if I'm not, which I most likely wont be, she will very certainly be over me....ahhhh shit, that's at least two years away, so who the fuck knows what I'll do then.

I guess since I have you guys, I'd ask another question about the other girl. She's in a relationship, with a guy who is far better suited to settling down and starting a family with (fucking story of my life...), but she has said, and it is blatantly obvious to everyone (even he has told her to stop being my friend or they're over), that she loves me more than him. More and more she's making it harder to ignore and putting me in situations that are increasingly difficult for me to behave as a deent guy who respects her relationship, she never actually crosses any boundaries though, how ever we're getting in to more precarious situations that are just asking for trouble. She's also become so much more fun to hang around, and much more attractive over time, and just an over all better person in general....so it's fucking killing me to treat her platonically. But I'm leaving soon, so I was thinking: fuck it. I want to go for it, but even if she responds...it wont change anything as I know regardless of how much she wants me, she knows I'd be a shitty/unreliable husband...so she'd never leave the other dude. So just as my predicament with my ex, it seems like there's no point, I'm just being selfish and potentially sabotaging some one's relationship. The thing is, if I was given a chance by this girl, and I mean like a proper chance, I'd be everything she wanted. I'd settle down. Stop travelling. Be faithful, etc. But I've said this so many times in the past, back when I was on heroin/oxy/meth/etc. So I think I'm on like my 15th chance with her. So I can't expect her to take me seriously, so I know she'd never leave her stable relationship for me. What to do? I know I pretty much answered my own question, but I'm really looking for an objective opinion. And soon, as I'm seeing her tonight.

cheers....

Last edited by Marty McFly; 06-28-2012 at 04:01 AM.
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Old 06-28-2012, 08:42 AM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

I've been in a similar situation. I came out of it, it still stings to see this girl pop up in my memories or God forbid to run into her, but I know that voice in my head that says "marry her! grow old with her! etc." is just a head trip. It's just an irrational mindfuck that is gonna stand between you and happiness/fulfillment if you let it. You might think it's the love that never fails, but it's really just a wound that never heals.

You were an addict (or, are a recovering addict at least, I'm not up on my terminology), you know what it's like to think that things would be better if you could just go back. Those rosy memories where things seemed to be going alright, the temptation to have things be simple again, the way you just want to throw everything away for this one happiness; it's all wrong. It's your brain taking this set of memories and putting them on a pedestal, conflating them with the human condition so that this person is not really a person but the manifestations of some old issues, the pain and anxiety of facing an unfamiliar future.

You need to fight that. For both of your sakes. I know it feels real, but you should treat it like another addiction.

I don't know how to express this, I just learned the hard way and I hope I can convey the lessons I learned. All this is is your mind getting dizzy chasing around the tail of what it needs to leave behind.

The more you think about her, dwell on her memory and build it up, the more she will become more than real, until she's not even a human in your mind. That is a disastrous way to live.
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Old 06-28-2012, 11:59 AM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Leaving the past in the past just makes sense sometimes. The future sounds bright.

---

It's not worth leaving things open with these women. It's done with the one and you'll get used to it eventually, right? Get used to it. You'll never have the same sort of relationship as you had at that time in your life because you've sorted a few things out since that time. I'd let the second one know that you want to go live your life more than you want between her legs and doing both is out of the question. You'd rather wake up in the himalayas than wake up beside her. Addressing it, rather than letting things progress might leave you feeling better. Even if it makes you feel dumb as a post at first.

It's a matter of choices and I'm not arguing with the ones you're making.

Last edited by Euda; 06-28-2012 at 12:18 PM.
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Old 06-28-2012, 12:56 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

leave her alone dude
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Old 06-28-2012, 02:55 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Quote:
but I know that voice in my head that says "marry her! grow old with her! etc."
"Whatever will be, will be, the future's not ours to see, hey saaa raahhhh saaa rahhh"
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Old 06-30-2012, 10:45 PM
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I've been in a similar situation. I came out of it, it still stings to see this girl pop up in my memories or God forbid to run into her, but I know that voice in my head that says "marry her! grow old with her! etc." is just a head trip. It's just an irrational mindfuck that is gonna stand between you and happiness/fulfillment if you let it. You might think it's the love that never fails, but it's really just a wound that never heals.

You were an addict (or, are a recovering addict at least, I'm not up on my terminology), you know what it's like to think that things would be better if you could just go back. Those rosy memories where things seemed to be going alright, the temptation to have things be simple again, the way you just want to throw everything away for this one happiness; it's all wrong. It's your brain taking this set of memories and putting them on a pedestal, conflating them with the human condition so that this person is not really a person but the manifestations of some old issues, the pain and anxiety of facing an unfamiliar future.

You need to fight that. For both of your sakes. I know it feels real, but you should treat it like another addiction.

I don't know how to express this, I just learned the hard way and I hope I can convey the lessons I learned. All this is is your mind getting dizzy chasing around the tail of what it needs to leave behind.

The more you think about her, dwell on her memory and build it up, the more she will become more than real, until she's not even a human in your mind. That is a disastrous way to live.
Best post I have read in a while. Been going through something similar and having similar thoughts to this, great way to put it.
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Old 06-30-2012, 11:02 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Wait for it to rain, bang on her door and tell her how much you love her in the most gay, cliche way ever.


I LOVE YOU WITH EACH BEAT OF MY BROKEN HEART!!!!!




Epic emotional response will follow:






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Old 06-30-2012, 11:20 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

I'm not going to read anything you said. Why? For the very simple reason that it's a question involving an ex. The answer is simple, no matter what it is you're asking - don't do it. She's an ex for a reason.
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Old 07-02-2012, 11:51 PM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Yeah, I agree with the poster above. I have a buddy who is always going back to exs and shit because he loves them. Never works out. If it didn't work the first time around, why would it work the 5th time around?
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Old 07-05-2012, 03:44 AM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

I'd like to make it known that I went for the best friend with the boyfriend, and then broke it off with her like 5 days later because her personality changed over night. She had a mental break down and started blackmailing me with threats of going to the police about my past wrong doings, etc. Shit has now exploded and escalated to such a stupid extent. It's pretty hilarious.

I will not be dating for a few years now. I think it's time to concentrate on bettering my self rather than settling. I'll always love my ex, but it's clear now even to my self that I should leave her alone and allow her to be happy. Either way, I've only got a little bit of time left in this shitty city.

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Old 07-05-2012, 08:36 AM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Hopefully you're not planning on "bettering" yourself only to attempt to have a chance with this woman somewhere down the line? That would be stupid.
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Old 07-07-2012, 08:53 AM
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Get with the program, fucking idiot.

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Originally Posted by Marty McFly View Post
Yes, I tried dating. I met women who were on paper, infinitely better than my ex, but there is this thing missing in every relationship. I can't put my finger on it. But there's something about her that gives me that feeling. She is special.

And you're absolutely correct. Getting back with her would be terrible. That's not what I want. I want her happiness and by getting back with her I'd be ruining her life. So I want her as a mate, but even that would harbor feelings of animosity on both sides. It's unrealistic.

And Kite-- you're spot on. I'm nothing but trouble for her and her relationship even though I have the most innocent intentions, because her boyfriend will become paranoid and insecure if I'm brought back in to her life, since I have made her cheat on him like half a dozen times.


Sooo.....I've got one 6 month working visa for a European country, another 18 month visa for another European country that is being processed as we speak, and I've got 3 months of volunteering in the Himalayas - so this break should be long enough. I'll do the right thing, and not even say goodbye then. Let her be. Movies and books tell us to just "do it, go for the love of your life! Go get her, son!!" - but by the time I even consider coming home, I should be over her, and even if I'm not, which I most likely wont be, she will very certainly be over me....ahhhh shit, that's at least two years away, so who the fuck knows what I'll do then.

I guess since I have you guys, I'd ask another question about the other girl. She's in a relationship, with a guy who is far better suited to settling down and starting a family with (fucking story of my life...), but she has said, and it is blatantly obvious to everyone (even he has told her to stop being my friend or they're over), that she loves me more than him. More and more she's making it harder to ignore and putting me in situations that are increasingly difficult for me to behave as a deent guy who respects her relationship, she never actually crosses any boundaries though, how ever we're getting in to more precarious situations that are just asking for trouble. She's also become so much more fun to hang around, and much more attractive over time, and just an over all better person in general....so it's fucking killing me to treat her platonically. But I'm leaving soon, so I was thinking: fuck it. I want to go for it, but even if she responds...it wont change anything as I know regardless of how much she wants me, she knows I'd be a shitty/unreliable husband...so she'd never leave the other dude. So just as my predicament with my ex, it seems like there's no point, I'm just being selfish and potentially sabotaging some one's relationship. The thing is, if I was given a chance by this girl, and I mean like a proper chance, I'd be everything she wanted. I'd settle down. Stop travelling. Be faithful, etc. But I've said this so many times in the past, back when I was on heroin/oxy/meth/etc. So I think I'm on like my 15th chance with her. So I can't expect her to take me seriously, so I know she'd never leave her stable relationship for me. What to do? I know I pretty much answered my own question, but I'm really looking for an objective opinion. And soon, as I'm seeing her tonight.

cheers....
We get it, you're better suited for marrying an African prostitute, what we should be deciding on is which part of the Republic of Congo you will be living?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Marty McFly View Post
I'd like to make it known that I went for the best friend with the boyfriend, and then broke it off with her like 5 days later because her personality changed over night. She had a mental break down and started blackmailing me with threats of going to the police about my past wrong doings, etc. Shit has now exploded and escalated to such a stupid extent. It's pretty hilarious.

I will not be dating for a few years now. I think it's time to concentrate on bettering my self rather than settling. I'll always love my ex, but it's clear now even to my self that I should leave her alone and allow her to be happy. Either way, I've only got a little bit of time left in this shitty city.
You don't know what love is brotha, fucking falling in love with teeth and shit...
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  #28  
Old 07-10-2012, 07:45 PM
Marty McFly Marty McFly is offline
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Default Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Originally Posted by Sleep Is A Curse View Post
Hopefully you're not planning on "bettering" yourself only to attempt to have a chance with this woman somewhere down the line? That would be stupid.
Why? What if one day she is single and I am single and I'm at a point in my life where I will be nothing but a positive force in her life? Logic says to go for it. If I feel I will have even the smallest negative effect on her life, I will leave her alone. But you never give up on your soulmate. Our timing was just wrong. Maybe one day our timing will be right. I can only hope that one day I'm given the chance to make up for all the wrongs I've done to her.
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Old 07-10-2012, 08:33 PM
JeffreyH JeffreyH is offline
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Mad Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

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Originally Posted by Marty McFly View Post
Why? What if one day she is single and I am single and I'm at a point in my life where I will be nothing but a positive force in her life? Logic says to go for it. If I feel I will have even the smallest negative effect on her life, I will leave her alone. But you never give up on your soulmate. Our timing was just wrong. Maybe one day our timing will be right. I can only hope that one day I'm given the chance to make up for all the wrongs I've done to her.
Yeah, and she will be overweight, single and living with a kid on a council estate.
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  #30  
Old 07-10-2012, 09:05 PM
JeffreyH JeffreyH is offline
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Mad Re: Ex girlfriend, what would you do in my situation?

Also, reply to my message.
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