My Uncle is one of the toughest men in the world.

[IWD]

I come from a family of EXTREME scrappers on my Dad's side. Him and his 3 brothers are all famous around the city of Kitchener for being deadly tough. I have a cool story that I used to tell people, and then get furious when everyone would call me a liar when it wasn't a lie at all. I have tonnes of stories about my uncle, all involving some crazy feat he did that someone in my family told me. Maybe I'll compile them here. I'm not joking around about any of this stuff, it's wild, and I think it's cool as hell that I'm related to someone like this. It's wild that my Dad is who he is, and I feel as if there's a beast inside of me that I haven't tapped into yet just because of my genetics. I'm not huge.. I'm slim, ripped, fairly tall, but I don't have arms the size of a big mans leg like my Dad and uncles do. I have my mom's average sized genes mixed with it.. but it's all good. She's a fucking genius.. so I'm half badass, half good looking pretty boy genius. Carrying on.

So, I was reading that thread by Unwires about how he wants to fight his Dad, and it got me thinking about how neat it is that I can truthfully say the things that I can about my family.. I will NEVER be able to take my Dad until he's on his deathbed or if he ends up in a wheelchair. My Dad and his 3 brothers grew up the toughest brothers in Kitchener Ontario, and my one Uncle was best friends with Lennox Lewis as a kid. No one used to believe me about that.. Until Lennox Lewis put out a book called "Mama's Boy" about 7-8 years ago and included pictures of him and my Dad's little brother in front of my old house in Kitchener. Also, Lewises first time getting knocked out in proffessional boxing, one of 3 EVER, was by my Uncle. They stopped an alice cooper concert at lulu's bar (used to be the longest bar in the WORLD until they tore it down like 12 years ago) and alice stopped playing and yelled "Whoa look at that redhead go!" (My Uncle is a ginger that you don't want to fuck with. So is my Dad. My Dad is INSANELY tough, but my uncle is just inhuman according to my whole family of huge experienced scrappers.

So my uncle goes to Milton at age 19 because him and Lewis stopped that cooper concert, my uncle gets a few months in jail. on his last day, he punched out the guard for grabbing him, then had to go to the pen in Milton. He made a deal with a guy doing life for murder that had a posse I guess, cigarettes my uncle took from someone else for this guys food. The guy didn't pay up, and my 19 year old uncle went and beat the fuck out of this big tough hardened criminal. So in the lunch line a few days later, my uncle gets a 5 inch blade pushed all the way into his back. Shanked. Just missed his spine, and he fucking just looked at the guy apparently (my grandpa was a leutenant there and the other guards told him), left the knife inside him then beat the guy to critical condition before an army of guards came in. The guy also kicked a fucking cinder block through the wall of his jail cell in provincial jail, so he'd have a window to talk to his buddy.. with his socks, over the course of a day. It sucks that lewis went to the olympics while my uncle sat in jail. He saw lewis about 10 years later.. about 13 years ago at Popeye's gym in kitchener ontario, and he said "Hey Junior" and lewis said "It's not junior.. it's Lennox" and my Uncle flipped out because he thought lewis was acting arrogant now that he's all famous and the heavyweight champ, and I guess my uncle CHALLENGED him like an idiot while losing his temper, and now lewis doesn't call him or keep in touch at all. He was nice enough to include his picture and a chapter about growing up with him in kitchener in "Mama's Boy" though.

For those who don't know, Lennox Lewis was the heavyweight champion of the world for boxing until he retired like 8 years ago. He punched out tyson, holyfield. My uncle is up there with those guys. NO ONE fucks with my Dad and everyone is terrified of him, but my Dad says the only person he's afraid of is his little brother.

[IWD]

K here's another one out of probably 30 that I could come up with off of the top of my head if I tried, but this one I was there for.

I'd always heard these crazy stories about my Uncle Andrew from my Dad, my grandparents, and my Dad's other brothers. My Dad is the only brother that gets along with this Uncle now. When he was born, my Dad told me the Dr. fucked up and made my grandma hold her legs shut or something for too long, and it cut off oxygen to his brain during birth, so he was never as smart as the other three. The one thing and only thing he was insanely good at, like one of the best in the world likely, was fighting.

My Dad said when he was in grade 6, my uncle just got into kindergarten and a grade 8 comes bawling from the drinking fountain in a hall with blood pouring out of his nose and his face bashed in. He saw the kid tell the teacher, and she asked who, and my Dad saw his little 5 year old brother standing like 3 feet tall and then he just said "He walked in front of me in line" while this 13 year old has his face busted.

I also heard about parties the brothers would throw. My Dad was the oldest, so he was out in BC by the time my uncle andrew was a teenager but I've heard from the other brothers that when they'd party, and cops would come, my uncle at 13 would open the door, and say "just two of ya's?" and knock out both cops with one hand each in about 1 second and then shut the door and keep partying. They'd get up and knock again, and he'd just keep knocking them out and shutting the door again.. at 13.. now imagine hearing this shit about a family member that you grew up fairly close with when you're like 14. Would you not want to see it? Would you not think it's fucking awesome and want to see the guy in action, after hearing crazy story after story, every one is just insane and it's all from people that you know aren't lying.. like his own mother who was against that behaviour.. I want to see him fight.. just once.. against someone super tough that I know. If I get rich I want to pick the toughest guy I've ever met in grey/bruce, and pay them both 1 million to fight each other. I know who I'd pick, and I'd love to watch this INSANE fighter friend that I have get his ass kicked for the first time in his life. This friend fucks up the guys that fuck people up consistently. He fucks them up badly. He made a kid at a hockey tournament go retarded permanently from a punch to the forehead during a hockey game. I want to see him fight my uncle.

Anyways, the one instance I DID get to see, as an 11 year old that had JUST heard some crazy stories about this uncle and didn't believe it.. i really thought my family was messing with me.. but anyways, we were going to marine land in niagra falls. anyone from ontario has seen the commercials with the stupid marine land song. We're going up there with my uncle andrew, his son who is my cousin that i'm very VERY close with.. like a brother with and grew up with constantly around.. he had his wife, who is very straight edge, hates violence, hates drugs, very religious.. and he had his other 4 year old son.

Some guy cuts us off on the way to niagra falls some time during the 3 hour trip.. my uncle turns out of the path he was taking to follow this guy so the guy will see him giving him the finger. I remember my aunt saying "Andy.. ANDY, please! Let's just let it go" and my uncle saying "Fuck that, no one's cutting me off like that and not getting a beat down" "ANDY You'll do 12 years if you hit someone ever again remember what the judge said, you can't hit anyone" "Did you see that? HE JUST GAVE ME THE FINGER! NO ONE GIVES ME THE FINGER!" So in awe I'm watching my Uncle chase this blue station wagon looking thing for about 20 mins, the guy caught on and kept looking at us and eventually stopped at a stop sign and turned his car off and rolled down his window. I see my uncle get out, walk over, and I hear all of this yelling. Eventually the guy gets out, and he's HUGE, and he finally says to my uncle "what you want one of these fucker?" and goes to throw a punch. My uncle punched him in the SHOULDER because his wife and little son were looking from the car and could see, and the guy instantly hops in his car, locks the door, and starts doing the window up as my uncle goes after him.. right after he felt that punch to the shoulder I guess. As the window went up, I shit you not, I saw my uncles arm extend in the direction of the drivers side window, and I hear one of the loudest smashes I've ever heard and saw an explosion of glass. He PUNCHED THROUGH THE FUCKING DRIVER SIDE WINDOW right through it and then connected with the guys face and knocked him right out. Not in 2 punches, in one. The window AND the guy. I'd never seen anything like it, and THEN, he reaches in the driver side window, and PULLS THIS HUGE GUY OUT BY HIS THROAT WHILE HE WAS STILL OUT, AND THROWS HIM INTO A PASSING VEHICLE. The other vehicle stopped and the guy started yelling something and my uncle runs back into the car and says we gotta get out of here or he'll go to prison.

I then believed the stories. NO ONE fucks with my Dad. He's a guard at a jail around here in the area I grew up befriending all of the criminals in, and all of the guys that go to jail get out and when they call they're afraid my dad will be home, and they all have mad respect for him to. NO ONE has ever said "Fuck you your dad's a copper" or anything to me in the drug scene because he was good to everyone that showed him respect, and all of the inmates have seen him in action when one of the toughest inmates acts up.. they call my Dad in and all of these criminals I know from highschool tell me stories about what they saw my Dad do to some local well known tough guy.. this has happened every few weeks for my whole life, and he just retired. It's cool having this in your blood.. my uncle though.. out of this world. As I said, my uncle has punched out lennox lewis in a boxing match, and one of lewises 3 times ever being knocked out was by him.. and my dad has slapped lennox lewis around as a kid because he was 14 when they were like 9. Fucking cool stories to be told by your grandparents eh. How your Dad and uncle used to beat up someone that most people you know watch fight on tv (did back then) and someone who is the heavyweight boxing champ.. of the world.. that's punched out mike tyson and all of the greats of this era.

I never talked about any of that on zoklet because no one will buy it, but fuck you, I don't care. It's a neat story and I'm bored.

[IWD]

Oh yeah, at the cooper concert, what was happening was my uncle or lewis got in a fight, and it escalated, and the bouncers came in, and they punched out bouncer after bouncer and it was a huge bar, so there would be a good team of them. After that a squad of police came and my uncle got charged with beating 14 police officers unconscious with a punch to the head and lewis got 6-7 charges for each bouncer that he knocked out in the beginning, and 2 cops. My uncle went down a bit harder because he was 19 and lewis was 17 so lewis wasn't going to jail. My uncle watched his friend go from being unknown to the best in the world while spending 3 years from that point incarcerated. He got let out when he got shanked that one time, because they thought it wasn't safe for him. He went back a few times for CRAZY shit, the stories, they're just insane and they're from people that I know aren't lying or exaggerating so it makes it even more wild. It's just so awesome to think about.. this guy is pretty close family. I've always been close with my Dad's brothers and their wives and kids. When I think about how tough he is I just want people to know or I want him to come to my area and fuck up some of the most feared people easily with 1 shot, and take all of their hardest shots and just laugh. That's the other thing my dad said. You could break a bat over my uncles head and he'd just say "I didn't like that! You'd better not do that again~" When my Dad said that (same words) I laughed my ass off. My family is awesome. Some time I'll tell you guys about my Mom's side of the family.

I'm just setting myself up for flames here.. I've got that feeling, but hey, all you guys are is letters. I'm not going to get upset at some stupid pixelated combination of letters. Some inanimate symbols used to represent how we'd sound out some unique idea you thought you had for 5 minutes when you joined. I'd rather get mad at baseball cards, which I usually get.

[slicknickns]

I bet your uncle is a bitch

[Vizier]

The real question is, did your uncle have herpes?

[Savino]

My uncle can benchpress a rhinoceros

[Tokerface]

Originally Posted by Vizier

The real question is, did your uncle have herpes?

He beat me to it.

[broseph]

my uncle spreads your uncle like paté.

[mizled]

My uncle died in Vietnam.

No one is tougher than a bullet.

[Zombie Food]

Read up until the point you started bragging about your genetics.

[A$AP Weed Smoker]

Originally Posted by mizled

My uncle died in Vietnam.

No one is tougher than a bullet.

You a fat chick that just got out of the feds!

[mizled]

Originally Posted by Weed Smoker

You a fat chick that just got out of the feds!

You're a narc that soaps up for his uncle.

[A$AP Weed Smoker]

Originally Posted by mizled

You're a narc that soaps up for his uncle.

You're a fat tweaker bitch who just did like 27 months in prison.

[mizled]

Originally Posted by Weed Smoker

You're a fat tweaker bitch who just did like 27 months in prison.

[jator]

Wtf happened with you then?

[Erorr]

lol this thread is ego announced

[Swineflew]

I'll read this bullshit later.

[slicknickns]

Mizled did time?

[sepht]

did anyone actually read that wall of tldr?

[A$AP Weed Smoker]

Originally Posted by slicknickns

Mizled did time?

yeah. she's fat and lives in a trailer park.

[mizled]

Originally Posted by slicknickns

Mizled did time?

Nope, Towlie is just talking out of his ass as usual. He's got a momcrush on me for some reason.

[takedrugs_killpeople]

Originally Posted by mizled

Nope, Towlie is just talking out of his ass as usual. He's got a momcrush on me for some reason.

Idk dude your name def reminds me of a fat tweaked bitch

[zTi]

my uncles herpes can beat the shit out of your uncles herpes

[mizled]

Originally Posted by takedrugs_killpeople

Idk dude your name def reminds me of a fat tweaked bitch

Then you should reevaluate your perception, you're not as stupid as towlie, are you?

[takedrugs_killpeople]

Originally Posted by mizled

Then you should reevaluate your perception, you're not as stupid as towlie, are you?

so are you a fat tweeker bitch or not?

if not then you have to provide an explanation as to why you chose that name, because the only one i can think of is that your a fat tweeker bitch who wears eyeliner and tries to be gangster by fucking hella meth heads and stuff

[H a r o l d]

That's the stupidest shit i ever heard, did you complete elementaryschool OP?

[mizled]

Originally Posted by takedrugs_killpeople

so are you a fat tweeker bitch or not?

if not then you have to provide an explanation as to why you chose that name, because the only one i can think of is that your a fat tweeker bitch who wears eyeliner and tries to be gangster by fucking hella meth heads and stuff

Try harder not to be stupid - or misled. I've had this handle since you were five years old ..maybe even longer.
You're not as good as your alt, so I'm done with you.

[ChinaCat]

No offense mizled, but i can totally see what he means

[ArmsMerchant]

Mizled was one of the best posters on totse when I modded there, and zoklet is fortunate to have her as a member.

[coolguy420]

looks like iwd is on meth again.

and hey i could kick your faggot uncle's ass, iwd & anyone else in your family too.

[komokazi]

dem meffs

[constantinople]

Originally Posted by coolguy420

looks like iwd is on meth again.

and hey i could kick your faggot uncle's ass, iwd & anyone else in your family too.

i bet i could kick your fucking ass, guy.

[FoodStamps]

Originally Posted by slicknickns

I bet your uncle is a bitch

this

nothing but full of shit story