Do people often cut themselves out of your life?

[rabbitweed]

Once every year or so, maybe a bit less, someone I consider close to me to will just eject themselves out of my life. Ignore me if they see me in public, block from facebook or whatever, and generally won't tell me why.

Does this happen to other people?

Don't get me wrong, I seem to find it easy to find friends to "replace" them but it is rather annoying that I spend all this time getting to know people just for them act like I've murdered a baby and never talk to me again, and never tell me the reason they're so butthurt in the first place.

If possible I'd like to avoid this kind of person. Or at least figure out the warning signs. I think I attract the mentally ill as friends because I'm so non-judgmental.

[fuckbiscuit]

A few times, i attribute this to me being a huge asshole.

[Doki66]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

Once every year or so, maybe a bit less, someone I consider close to me to will just eject themselves out of my life. Ignore me if they see me in public, block from facebook or whatever, and generally won't tell me why.

Does this happen to other people?

Don't get me wrong, I seem to find it easy to find friends to "replace" them but it is rather annoying that I spend all this time getting to know people just for them act like I've murdered a baby and never talk to me again, and never tell me the reason they're so butthurt in the first place.

If possible I'd like to avoid this kind of person. Or at least figure out the warning signs. I think I attract the mentally ill as friends because I'm so non-judgmental.

I cut people out of my life!

[STEROS]

oh shit, he befriended me on facebook... it's on now.

[Mashleshmash]

Hah! It has happened.

[Proots]

This doesn't normally happen to me. Most of the people I'm friends with - I have known since I was a child, or from school. I keep in touch with mostly all of them and any encounters in public are always friendly and welcoming.

I try to see everyone close to me as often as I can.

The fact that you notice this trend proves that it's happening too often. Is there something you're doing? Do you say things about other people that could be construed as not so nice? What do you think the root of the problem is with you, rabbitweed?

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Proots

This doesn't normally happen to me. Most of the people I'm friends with - I have known since I was a child, or from school. I keep in touch with mostly all of them and any encounters in public are always friendly and welcoming.

I try to see everyone close to me as often as I can.

The fact that you notice this trend proves that it's happening too often. Is there something you're doing? Do you say things about other people that could be construed as not so nice? What do you think the root of the problem is with you, rabbitweed?

You'd have to ask them I suppose. To be honest it's not happening enough, or with important enough people that I really feel *that* bad for it - almost none of them having been particularly sane or level headed. I am mainly irritated at me getting close to these people in the first place.

[Proots]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

You'd have to ask them I suppose. To be honest it's not happening enough, or with important enough people that I really feel *that* bad for it - almost none of them having been particularly sane or level headed. I am mainly irritated at me getting close to these people in the first place.

I'm getting mixed signals here, proots. Even if you know someone from a passing glance, seeing them in public is normally cause for at least a wave hello.

If they're out right ignoring you, then what's the deal? I'm not accusing you of anything, or even assuming you are the one that's done something wrong, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this.

What do you think it is? What do you think THEY think it is?

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Proots

I'm getting mixed signals here, proots. Even if you know someone from a passing glance, seeing them in public is normally cause for at least a wave hello.

If they're out right ignoring you, then what's the deal? I'm not accusing you of anything, or even assuming you are the one that's done something wrong, I'm just trying to get to the bottom of this.

What do you think it is? What do you think THEY think it is?

This thread is of course inspired by the latest instance of this happening to me. However, I don't really care why, nor does this particular 'friend' really matter in the long run. Sure I can guess why they stopped but the root issue I feel is that I keep befriending flakey nutjobs. That is what I want to avoid.

[Proots]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

This thread is of course inspired by the latest instance of this happening to me. However, I don't really care why, nor does this particular 'friend' really matter in the long run. Sure I can guess why they stopped but the root issue I feel is that I keep befriending flakey nutjobs. That is what I want to avoid.

If you don't care why something is happening, then how are you ever going to hope to prevent it?

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Proots

If you don't care why something is happening, then how are you ever going to hope to prevent it?

Because as far as I am concerned, the problem is not me interacting with them and subsequently driving them away. The problem is me interacting with them *in the first place*.

[Proots]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

Because as far as I am concerned, the problem is not me interacting with them and subsequently driving them away. The problem is me interacting with them *in the first place*.

Then, we must discuss why you attract such shallow, unstable individuals.

[yawanur]

I generally have too many friends and not enough time to keep up with them, which can be isolating in a way since I currently don't have as many best buds to count on.

I'm working on cutting some people out of my life though, can't be friends with everyone.

[Sleep Is A Curse]

I mean, This has happened once. This girl that I was friends with through some mutual friends flipped out on me a few months ago. I told her not to talk to me anymore, because she was acting like a fucking psycho.

It was weird, She came back from the Phillipines and brought me gifts; A mug, some local candies and a trinket or two. While she was there, she communicated with me all the time via Google, mostly because I was the only person up at 4am in America.

I tried hitting her up at one point and I was just trying to make conversation and she got really weird and mean. I haven't spoken to her sense and I really don't want to.

Some people have WAY MORE going on in their lives than you could possibly comprehend and if they can't have that and friendships happening at the same time, they're probably not worth the effort.

People are nutty.

[Ghost Buster]

Yes, but not to the extent the op is talking about. If I see any of those people in public its all friendly and shit but I know its like yaa pfft after today I'll never see you again unless its a fluke bump into.

['Ed Rush]

It is hard to maintain friendships once you get older. You start working all the time, can't be out partying and hanging out every night. People just sort of drift apart. most of my close friends I rarely see because we live all over the country, doing different things. We still manage to keep in touch and hang out once in a while and when we do it's like nothing ever changed.

Then you have "friends". People you meet that you might hang out with pretty frequently for awhile but something changes to make it less convenient and you begin drifting apart. It's not like you have been best friends for years or anything so it's not a huge deal. You meet new people, so do they, rinse and repeat.

I'm grateful to have any real friends at all really. I'm not the best at maintaining relationships and if it weren't for my core group of close friends that I developed since high school I probably wouldn't have any real friends at all.

This thread reminds me that I need to get out there and meet some new people. I've been way to much of a recluse for the past year or so and I'm sick of hanging out with the same group of co-workers and bar buddies.

And you faggots.

[rabbitweed]

I've just realised it's far worse than I thought.

2 people have done it to me this year
4 people last year, two of those in a very pussy indirect way

[constantinople]

Sometimes, you can be saying something without realizing you're being offensive. This happens to me quite frequently, as I hold no real convictions or beliefs. Do you have a similar mindset?

[13579]

Yes. Several people I was friends with. Most recently my ex-girlfriend whom I'd been seeing for 3 months. Randomly came over and told me that she'd been leading me on for these last months and has no intention of going out again anytime in the next several years...even though she'd been talking about getting back together nearly every time we talked. And said she wanted to marry me several times. But wants to 'stay friends'. And hasn't talked to me since. And people are now telling me they've seen her being all lovey-dovey with one of my best friends. Gah...she even has a history of going after my friends.

...What the fuck? Now that I type it out, I kinda realize how batshit crazy she is.

...Goddamn it internet. You've done me yet another service. I will thank thee with tits:

[reject]

Probably, but chances are I didn't give too much of a shit either to notice.

No one i consider a real friend has. And as matey says ^, as you get older its harder to maintain friends and speak all the time.

There's a few people I haven't spoken to in months now but I still know they're my best friend(s).

We haven't cut each other out, but before you realise it days turn to weeks, weeks turn to fortnight's and fortnight's turn to months etc, and before you know its been months since you spoke.

[Pee Vee Proots, M.D.]

No.

There's nobody in my life to cut out on me.

[Communicate]

I lost a friend recently, bitterly.

Only known them 9 months, got to be pretty close, but the last 2 months have just been gradual destruction stemming from an argument a while back. It's sad shit, and a little awkward because we still live together for 8 days from now.

We'll never speak, or see each other again. When I think about it, it upsets me, because there are some people that you're just natural friends with; only now, we're not...really badly not.

Ultimately though, it's all my fault, I was a fucking massive arsehole. It's a learning experience, and I'm just going to have to move past it even if it's a really unpleasant thing. Bitterness and regret is best left in the past. I'll come from this a better person, able to stop this happening again, it's just a shame I couldn't do this earlier.

[Marty McFly]

Have you considered that you may attract mentally ill people because you your self have at times struggled with mental illness?

I think people eject them selves from your life for a few reasons: You're extremely honest, which a lot of people don't appreciate. It goes so far as to be considered socially awkward. Honesty isn't a large part of every day life. People lie so much, you on the other hand say the truth. This is only acceptible when small children do it: "Look mummy, that mans ugly" etc.

I can use our past friendship as an example. We'd talked for years, and would still occasionally talk on fb. But then you started becoming belligerent towards people I know in real life. Like what happened with you and Misha, I just ignored it because she can defend her self, but it eventually became too much towards the end, if you remember the indicent where I blocked you?

Insulting other people's friends might put them in an awkward situation, and some people would just rather avoid awkward situations alltogether, so even if they enjoy talking to you, they just cut contact because less drama = a more stress free life. That's what I did to you. And I'm sure most of the people who've cut you out don't actually hate you. It's just easier.

[constantinople]

Originally Posted by Communicate

I lost a friend recently, bitterly.

Only known them 9 months, got to be pretty close, but the last 2 months have just been gradual destruction stemming from an argument a while back. It's sad shit, and a little awkward because we still live together for 8 days from now.

We'll never speak, or see each other again. When I think about it, it upsets me, because there are some people that you're just natural friends with; only now, we're not...really badly not.

Ultimately though, it's all my fault, I was a fucking massive arsehole. It's a learning experience, and I'm just going to have to move past it even if it's a really unpleasant thing. Bitterness and regret is best left in the past. I'll come from this a better person, able to stop this happening again, it's just a shame I couldn't do this earlier.

You say that, but it isn't true. I've had some serious drunken, knock-down drag-outs with my best friends only to be smoking blunts and maxing out in his garage a couple months later. Sometimes, all you need is a little space and time to mature and reflect (I include both parties in this).

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by DR.PAPADROPADOCALOPALIS

You say that, but it isn't true. I've had some serious drunken, knock-down drag-outs with my best friends only to be smoking blunts and maxing out in his garage a couple months later. Sometimes, all you need is a little space and time to mature and reflect (I include both parties in this).

Same. But those friendships are probably a lot stronger than the short friendship he's had with this person? Like I've punched on with most of my mates, but we've been friends for like 15 years, so 10 minutes later shit's fine. I don't think people with shorter friendships would get over shit as quickly, if at all.

[constantinople]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

Same. But those friendships are probably a lot stronger than the short friendship he's had with this person? Like I've punched on with most of my mates, but we've been friends for like 15 years, so 10 minutes later shit's fine. I don't think people with shorter friendships would get over shit as quickly, if at all.

Expect your right.

[moron]

marty were you addressing the OP by saying "you"?
so confused...

Originally Posted by Communicate

Only known them 9 months, got to be pretty close, but the last 2 months have just been gradual destruction stemming from an argument a while back. It's sad shit, and a little awkward because we still live together for 8 days from now.

what was teh arguement aboot

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by moron

marty were you addressing the OP by saying "you"?
so confused...

Yes. I knew him, and cut him off, so it seemed kind of relevent as it might help to answer his question and if willing, change his future behaviour.

[Communicate]

Originally Posted by DR.PAPADROPADOCALOPALIS

You say that, but it isn't true. I've had some serious drunken, knock-down drag-outs with my best friends only to be smoking blunts and maxing out in his garage a couple months later. Sometimes, all you need is a little space and time to mature and reflect (I include both parties in this).

No I mean, the situation is such that we never will. It's been established.

Given time, it'd probably slowly sort it itself out, but as of next week we'll be hours apart and having nothing in common in terms of where we go or the people we hang out with. There's just no opportunity for it.

A few years ago, I fell out with one of my best mates. We didn't speak for 4 months, and then one day we were at a party together, both on MDMA. Inevitably, we left the place as friends again. There's no way that's going to happen this time, it's just over. I know this, haven't quite accepted it in my heart, but it's getting there.

Originally Posted by moron

what was teh arguement aboot

literally nothing. it just got blown up.
then, when we were nominally okay again, I was acting like it was before but it wasn't quite the same yet, and that flared up all sorts of tensions so I've just been an enormous arsehole for about 6 weeks now.

It all came to a head when I accidentally set a book on fire and refused to apologise, and that was that.

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

Have you considered that you may attract mentally ill people because you your self have at times struggled with mental illness?

I think people eject them selves from your life for a few reasons: You're extremely honest, which a lot of people don't appreciate. It goes so far as to be considered socially awkward. Honesty isn't a large part of every day life. People lie so much, you on the other hand say the truth. This is only acceptible when small children do it: "Look mummy, that mans ugly" etc.

I can use our past friendship as an example. We'd talked for years, and would still occasionally talk on fb. But then you started becoming belligerent towards people I know in real life. Like what happened with you and Misha, I just ignored it because she can defend her self, but it eventually became too much towards the end, if you remember the indicent where I blocked you?

Insulting other people's friends might put them in an awkward situation, and some people would just rather avoid awkward situations alltogether, so even if they enjoy talking to you, they just cut contact because less drama = a more stress free life. That's what I did to you. And I'm sure most of the people who've cut you out don't actually hate you. It's just easier.

I don't remember talking to you much about misha after she threw a tantrum, I remember you wanting to tell me why she was pissed at me and me thinking it really didn't matter. I mean you can't realy compare the mental issues I've had to the mental issues of the likes of you two.

No offence, but people like you and her are prime candidates for the mentally ill flakey people I shouldn't get close to. I mean you're interesting. sorta cool people in your own way but at the end of the day...yeah.

Anyway, this very interesting but no doubt fucked-in-the-head girl I met at a party this weekend has added me on facebook. Time to practice what I preach and keep her at arms length.

[Edge]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

I think I attract the mentally ill as friends because I'm so non-judgmental.

Hey I'm mentally ill and would never be one to abandon a friend.
Some of us mentally ill are reliably obsessive and loyal.

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

Yes. I knew him, and cut him off, so it seemed kind of relevent as it might help to answer his question and if willing, change his future behaviour.

Wait you cut me off? I don't remember us having a falling out, I thought we'd just drifted apart... huh.

[moron]

Originally Posted by Marty McFly

Yes. I knew him, and cut him off, so it seemed kind of relevent as it might help to answer his question and if willing, change his future behaviour.

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

I mean you can't realy compare the mental issues I've had to the mental issues of the likes of you two.

elaborate

[rabbitweed]

Originally Posted by moron

elaborate

I don't want to get into an argument with marty though, even if we've drifted apart (or I offended him) I have nothing against him. I thank him for his input on this thread even if we don't see eye to eye.

[Marty McFly]

Originally Posted by rabbitweed

I don't remember talking to you much about misha after she threw a tantrum, I remember you wanting to tell me why she was pissed at me and me thinking it really didn't matter. I mean you can't realy compare the mental issues I've had to the mental issues of the likes of you two.

No offence, but people like you and her are prime candidates for the mentally ill flakey people I shouldn't get close to. I mean you're interesting. sorta cool people in your own way but at the end of the day...yeah.

lol...cute.