How to not care what others think?

[kroz]

okay, well this isn't a bitch and moan thread like others ive seen... but I am a decent looking guy, i dont have a perfect body, but hey thats fine, I still get laid, by cute girls, I'm interesting, and a nice guy, and I still manage to go out and fun things I like in public. But still sometimes i feel a little socially akward, always have. But lately it's been getting to me and I want to branch out with out having to be on drugs/alcohol.

I get so nervous sometimes I start acting strange and then people can really tell it's getting tome

A couple of the events that brought this out into the fore front of my mind, was this girl i really like and have been seeing wanting me to meet her family. I agreed to , but due to something coming up I wasn't able to. But the idea of being judged by them when I eventually do meet them scares me.

Also today my baby's mama (different girl) wanted to bring her friends over to my place to meet them and I straight up told her no... She also asked if I wanted to go camping with her and some friends sometime and If im not busy and not stuck in my own head I'd like to socialize more.

She also wants me to meet her family too..

So how can I overcome this mental block? I feel like I could do so much more for my self in general if I could get over this. There has got to be a way. I want to live my life with out fear.

Anyone want to share some experience or words of wisdom?

[RealGangstaAssNigga]

Fuck I wish I knew. I doubt there's anything anyone here could tell you that will actually make a difference. Deep down both of us know exactly what needs to be done. I think what you're hoping is that there's a trick, or mindset, or a shortcut to to freedom from fear of judgement, but you won't find one.

[Daily]

The only thing to save your ass now is philosophical musings.

preferably solipsism

[yawanur]

Originally Posted by kroz

There has got to be a way. I want to live my life with out fear.

A near-death experience did the trick for me! Try making it to the other side of a cross walk while a truck is running a red light. Brain hemorrhages seem quite effective.

[Built To Last]

Stop Trying! Act Natural!

And once you've realized the impossibility of those suggestions, embark on the spiritual path.

[kroz]

serious question.. what would a spiritual path be? how do i find peace? if there is no mindset or mind hack, am i doomed to forever feel like this? can a person not change?

[kroz]

Originally Posted by RealGangstaAssNigga

Fuck I wish I knew. I doubt there's anything anyone here could tell you that will actually make a difference. Deep down both of us know exactly what needs to be done. I think what you're hoping is that there's a trick, or mindset, or a shortcut to to freedom from fear of judgement, but you won't find one.

im not looking for a shortcut, just a way to start heading in a more positive direction and work towards feeling more comfortable in public/social gatherings with out drugs. if i wanted a short cut i would just drink and use..

[crazzyass]

Find a purpose, other than being a laid, and pursue it. People will be attracted to your sense of purpose. On top of that, you'll realize how pointless being attractive at parties is, and will become that much more attractive at said parties.

[Dionysus]

You just like to be judged since it means you don't have to do jack shit. It is a passive activity, much like getting fisted up the asshole 12 times a day in jail. You can't do anything about it, since you are stuck with the nature that almighty nature has deemed to deign you with. I suggest you cultivate a masochism fetish.

[kroz]

you guys suck dick

[Proots]

It's a process that you sort of have to build up to, man. You're not going to stop caring - or care less all in one day.

Take little steps. One would be - maybe trying singing karoake at a bar. If you're not into that, try wearing a ridiculous costume out in public. I know this sounds weird - but, it's exercises like these that will eventually numb you out to what other people "think".

Attend a party. Pretend to be someone else, other than yourself. Create a back story. Talk to people and mingle as this other person.

Things like that. Also - try to remind yourself : "Who CARES?" Really. Who cares? Even if people think you're the worst person in the world, so what? What's that going to do?

[Sleep Is A Curse]

Yeah, Whenever I find myself getting self-conscious I always go back to the old adage: "WHO THE FUCK ARE THEY?" My mother taught me that one and it really works. It makes you almost feel indignant about the fact that they could be making you feel self-conscious thus creating some inner fire to help you push through whatever you're feeling anxiety/nervousness about.

[benny vader]

Just stop doing these things :

[1] showering.
[2] teeth brushing.
[3] combing.
[5] clothing clean.
]7[ shaving.

and keep goung out as usual and pretty soon you'll stop giving a fuck.

[cronic5]

Watch the movie "Casino".
Think of yourself like the character Nicky.

Become invincible.

[sexually vulnerable CPR dummy]

I can at least tell you that the answer is NOT benzos.

[arleybob]

Realize that nobody thinks anything of you.

Not saying this in a negative way, I just mean that nobody really pays attention to anybody else unless you really stand out. Based on what you said about being decently attractive and interesting, everything is already in your favor. Really, the best is to just not think about it.

But how do you stop thinking about something?

[Slayre]

I can vouch for the near death experience situation. Realizing firsthand that life is too fucking short and so very fragile changed a couple of my perspectives on outsider judgment. It really doesn't matter, and you need not let it get to you. People will take you for who you are, some will judge, others will simply perceive and accept. Nonetheless, you really shouldn't give a fuck about judgment. Do things your way and people will realize that that is who you are and what you do as a person.

[ArmsMerchant]

Originally Posted by kroz

serious question.. what would a spiritual path be? how do i find peace? if there is no mindset or mind hack, am i doomed to forever feel like this? can a person not change?

The most effective "mind hack" I have found in the past half-century is the course of lessons in A Course in Miracles.

The most effective way to find peace--for me anyway--is through these teachings, particularly "The only sane response is forgiveness."

Learn also that you are not your body. Your body--which is at most a temporary teaching aid--can be damaged, obviously.

You are also not your ego, nor are you what you think, feel, or do.

What you are is a Son of God--immortal, eternal, invulnerable. The only thing that can hurt you is your own mind.

[RealGangstaAssNigga]

Originally Posted by ArmsMerchant

The most effective "mind hack" I have found in the past half-century is the course of lessons in A Course in Miracles.

The most effective way to find peace--for me anyway--is through these teachings, particularly "The only sane response is forgiveness."

Learn also that you are not your body. Your body--which is at most a temporary teaching aid--can be damaged, obviously.

You are also not your ego, nor are you what you think, feel, or do.

What you are is a Son of God--immortal, eternal, invulnerable. The only thing that can hurt you is your own mind.

Fuck, my mom's been pressing that book on me for months. I've been shrugging it off as one of her stupid self-improvement fads. I'm not particularly spiritual or religious at all, but I'm open-minded and willing to give most things a chance. Do you still recommend the book? I saw it came with a pack of Tarot cards, which tells me that there's a 99% chance it's a complete-bullshit marketing scam.

[Zanick]

Only your thoughts really matter, but sometimes a third-person perspective is valuable. Reflect on yourself, and apply what others think of you to determine whether your behavior should be changed.

Ex 1: Jenny says you're self-centered. Looking at your bank statement, you find that you regularly buy yourself expensive items and spend little on dates. Jenny is correct, you are self-centered. Fortunately, you can modify your behavior.

Ex 2: Jenny says you're self-centered. You just bought her a silver necklace, balanced her checkbook and cooked her a tasty dinner by candlelight because it's your anniversary and you want to spend more time with her. Jenny is a bitch.

If your most objective efforts at introspection reveal no problem, then those people are probably just assholes with personal issues, so fuck them.

[jrez]

I used to be in your same situation until recently. I went on a moderate-heavy shroom trip(4g for my first time on shrooms) and went to an outdoor reggae concert. I used to always be on edge and if I was standing in a group of people and not talking, I would think people all around me were staring and judging. Or if I was SOBER in an area with music, I would tense up and think everyone around me is focusing on the way I move.
I ended up just talking to a friend who was also tripping and more experienced than I was and they just told me "Just stop always being on edge. Just focus on yourself and the people you're with and tell yourself no one else exists." Literally right after they told me that I felt like I was completely changed as a person. The concert ended up turning out fucking amazing and I just let loose, made a fool of myself in the center of the concert with my friends, crowd surfed and all that shit.
The feeling has just carried over since then. I'm not worried about some random people judging me, because chances are I don't know them or want to talk to them if they're judging me harshly in the first place. Just focus on yourself and be open to trying new things.

In short: People who judge you harshly or negatively aren't worth thinking about and they just hold you back. And be open to trying new things, even if you think it may be awkward. Eventually you get used to meeting new people and trying new things and that feeling of awkwardness/insecurity quickly goes away because you know how to handle yourself.

[kroz]

thanks for the real answers guys, I guess I just can't wait until i am free.. but it will take steps and constant exposure. I tried this out in walmart and my dwi classes today. people are dicks and I just tried to let it roll of my back and even though at times I felt insecure, i didnt stew over it for to long

and yes life is to short to live in fear, even if some people don't like me i guess its alright because I know there are a few close people who love me for who i really am.

hell i see people who ''look'' more socially akward in apearance than me and they seem so content and happy, i should be able to do that to, i love you guyz

[DJ Meaty Cheeks]

Oh cry me a fucking river you baby.

[dephdiddy]

Originally Posted by kroz

okay, well this isn't a bitch and moan thread like others ive seen... but I am a decent looking guy, i dont have a perfect body, but hey thats fine, I still get laid, by cute girls, I'm interesting, and a nice guy, and I still manage to go out and fun things I like in public. But still sometimes i feel a little socially akward, always have. But lately it's been getting to me and I want to branch out with out having to be on drugs/alcohol.

I get so nervous sometimes I start acting strange and then people can really tell it's getting tome

A couple of the events that brought this out into the fore front of my mind, was this girl i really like and have been seeing wanting me to meet her family. I agreed to , but due to something coming up I wasn't able to. But the idea of being judged by them when I eventually do meet them scares me.

Also today my baby's mama (different girl) wanted to bring her friends over to my place to meet them and I straight up told her no... She also asked if I wanted to go camping with her and some friends sometime and If im not busy and not stuck in my own head I'd like to socialize more.

She also wants me to meet her family too..

So how can I overcome this mental block? I feel like I could do so much more for my self in general if I could get over this. There has got to be a way. I want to live my life with out fear.

Anyone want to share some experience or words of wisdom?

perhaps you could look at it like this:

everyone knows that its uncomfortable meeting others in the situation you mentioned, for the very reason you mentioned.
but they also know that by avoiding it you show lack of backbone, i only note it because ive been the same way.
when your confident about who you are and what youre doing with their daughter (which you may as well could feel already for all i know) you should have no problem meeting the parents.
Make jokes about yourself, show humility. I used to find it comforting to pick on myself in a witty way, it kinda side-chains the nervousness and allows for immediate tension release. hope that makes sense.
if your not a witty person just be mousy.
rather be a mouse with a backbone than a dead moth right?

[HampTheToker]

The answer is simple.

By not reading this thread.

[is all mememememe with me]

watch meet the parents the night before you go to meet them. unless you are actually an irl version of gaylord focker youll realize its gonna be a breeze compared to what he went thru.

im not trolling btw

[is all mememememe with me]

oh and always remember, her parents house isnt a prison. if at any time it gets too bad, you can just get up without saying another word, walk out the door and keep walking while not looking back. just keep that in mind.

[Struwwelpeter]

"Or is it your reputation that's bothering you? But look at how soon we're all forgotten. The abyss of endless time that swallows it all. The emptiness of those applauding hands." (iv.3)

Marcus Aurelius

[The real slim spud]

this is a reassuring thread. Also count your blessings dude at least you've got the girls

[STD]

Get drunk, hit the clubs/bars 4 nights/week for 6 months. Worked for me. At one point it just clicked and now I'm one icy cool motherfucker. When I'm not blind drunk, that it.

[p6867]

some dudes are just going to be self conscious. It's just a part of your personality. I always find that when something bothers me, i just pretend it doesn't, then i get so used to pretending it becomes a natural part of my personality.

[WAN]

Originally Posted by benny vader

Just stop doing these things :

[1] showering.
[2] teeth brushing.
[3] combing.
[5] clothing clean.
]7[ shaving.

and keep goung out as usual and pretty soon you'll stop giving a fuck.

everything except number 2....because once your tooth rots, its irreversible.

[Metafire]

I think something that actually helped myself a lot, and many other guys is to start with a sort of, self-improvement mindset.

Just envision the kind of person you would like yourself to be, and work towards it in small steps, for me, it was to stop being so scrawny, so I started working out; now I've been going regularly for the past year, and it's done wonders for myself.

It's not solely about appearance, it's about boosting your confidence and self-esteem. When you workout, you feel good about yourself. It gives you this glow, and proves to yourself that you can stick with something. Give it a shot, man.

[whocares]

When you have to get down to business, you don't have the time to care.