So basically I need to integrate this experience and the shortest way to help find out what is wrong with me can be explained as...
I always have to be doing something where I am doing good or people are liking me for doing good. I'm not happy unless I'm working. I'm not happy unless something good happens. I'm not happy in general. But when I'm doing something that makes me feel good, I am happy as fuck and everything is so much better in life. Also, I have very bad social anxiety and when I'm happy I don't have it at all relatively.
I just started doing landscaping as a job and have never done this. It is a very small business owned/operated by two brothers and one's wife. Every single house is a rich persons house, like big money. I've even done the local news ladies and a couple million+ homes that were insane.
I'm trying to get you where I'm at^^^ so you can help me by understanding exactly what I'm going through ATM that seems to be very significant to all my problems. And by the way, this happens all the time, where I feel like all I need to do is blah blah blah and everything will be good because I'll happy.
Basically I'm doing really really good at work compared to a lot of people and yeah some days I'm learning something new and doing good and I'm happy as fuck, other days I do good but I was bored and that makes me very, very fucking shitty. I almost ALWAYS FEEL shitty about life but just take it as it is. I feel old sometimes too, even though I'm just 21.
Why do I always have to be bettering myself or doing something that makes me feel good to be happy?
Everyone feels that way. Boredom sucks. Keeping yourself busy with what seems like "important, honest work" makes you feel happy. Durr.
Something like that. I used to have alot of free time and thoroughly enjoyed. However at times I very bored and felt sluggish and unsatisfied... or sedentary you could say. I had a "work a little, play a little" attitude. Lately I have been very occupied and busy, and I feel much happier because of it. Contemplative thinking has it's benefits, but in high doses it is unhealthy. Over-thinking was a source of unhappiness and lamentation for me. Life gets better when you do it alot, rather than think about it alot.
No woman will ever be fully satisfied on valentines day, because men will never have a penis made of chocolate that ejaculates money.
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