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  #1  
Old 03-21-2012, 01:16 AM
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Facepalm Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original Story

http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/19/showbi...-ew/index.html

Quote:
At the annual Nickeolodeon (lul) upfront presentation last week, uber-producer Michael Bay revealed details for Platinum Dunes' upcoming live-action "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" movie, including a new origin story for the half-shell heroes that is sure to raise the ire of diehard fans. (Comic book dorks to organize 'Occupy Michael Bay's Mansion' protest later this year)

"When you see this movie, kids are going to believe one day these turtles actually do exist when we are done with this movie," said Bay (lolwut?) as he took the stage to discuss his new vision for the reptilian reboot. "These turtles are from an alien race, and they are going to be tough, edgy, funny and completely loveable." (What a mediocre piece of shit)

In the original mythology, four baby turtles fall into the sewer and come into contact with glowing radioactive ooze, which mutates them into four bad-ass warriors trained in ninjutsu by astute rodent Splinter. But could the rewriting of the Turtles' origin story dissuade some fans from embracing the newest incarnation? A comic book-to-movie adaptation's worst nightmare is bad pre-publicity, and Bay may have generated that in about 30 words. (A movie's worst nightmare is letting Michael Bay determine its fate, only to be completely shit on and loaded up with a smorgasbord of reused footage)

On the flip side, it might seem outrageous to non-fans of the series that "Teenage Mutant Ninja" purists are offended by the new mythos of Leonardo, Donatello, Raphael and Michelangelo. (On the flip side, you're a faggot) Truth, we might sound a wee bit ridiculous when we cry out, "I can't believe Bay says they're aliens when they're obviously derived from radioactive slime!" But Bay is essentially erasing almost 30 years of love for transmogrified adolescent reptile ninjas by claiming each turtle is less of a fearsome, fighting toxic anomaly and more of a forest green E.T. with nunchucks. What would Shredder think!?

How does this new origin story make you feel? Are you a purist for the original backstory, or will you embrace Bay's vision? And who would you cast for this live-action TMNT reboot? Personally, I think Splinter's a toss-up between Morgan Freeman and Kate Upton. (Personally, I think you wasted your time and effort in a story that could have been summed up in a paragraph)
Both Michael Bay and this journalist need a thorough beatdown.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:24 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

So you do for making me read this shit.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:26 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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So you do for making me read this shit.
Fail
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:28 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Michael Bay horrfically fucked up Nightmare on Elm street. It was fucking LAME (far more so than the original) - oh and guess what,there was a gratuitous explosion! How predictable.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:32 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Damn I did fuck up. Sorry.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:50 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

I read this the other day and could really care less. while the 'they're aliens' explanation is always a cheap excuse, the 'they were exposed to radioactive waste' one is just fucking stupid. this was HUGE in the 80's and 90's, probably because of TMNT (when did Toxic Avenger come out) and in some effort to raise environmental awareness (Captain Planet especially).

to me, it really doesn't matter WHERE the ninja turtles came from or how and why. they're fucking turtles who are ninjas, for fuck sake. they live in sewers and eat pizza. TURTLES. who are also TEENAGERS, MUTANTS and NINJAS.

so big deal. 'mutant' IS still in the name. they're not changing it to Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles. so the idea is still the same.
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  #7  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:08 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Didn't they already make a live action TMNT movie? It was shitty, and this one will be too, except with several large scoops of cgi jizz on every frame and explosions every 5 seconds. Good lord I hate this cunt, and I hate the people that pay money to see his awful dogshit movies.
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:24 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Teenage MUTANT ninja turtles.

Not teenage ALIEN ninja turtles.

Michael Bay's a fucking mongoloid retard.
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:36 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Just re-release the old movie on blu-ray. Has something changed that kid's nowadays can't appreciate the original live action turtle movie? Do the turtles need to e-ninja?
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  #10  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:58 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

http://www.tmz.com/2012/03/20/michae...ax/?adid=hero1
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  #11  
Old 03-21-2012, 06:57 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

When Michael Bay dies I'll read his obituary with great joy.
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  #12  
Old 03-21-2012, 07:02 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

I have a feeling this is going to be a really great flick.
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Old 03-21-2012, 11:05 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

you people are fucking stupid if you can't see that michael bay is the best director of the past 10 years.
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Old 03-21-2012, 01:06 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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you people are fucking stupid if you can't see that michael bay is the best director of the past 10 years.
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:09 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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you people are fucking stupid if you can't see that michael bay is the best director of the past 10 years.


James Cameron is amused by your delusions...

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  #16  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:29 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Why do you care? The premise was goddamned stupid the first time it came out, and hasn't improved at all since then. The only good part of TMNT was the arcade version, and that's more nostalgia for the actual arcade and quarter-pumping goodness than love of the game itself.
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  #17  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:35 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

I've always have a weird feeling about ninja turtles when I was a kid and I never know how to explain this weird feelings I had ....

till the day I learned the word "gay".
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  #18  
Old 03-21-2012, 05:39 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by benny vader View Post
I've always have a weird feeling about ninja turtles when I was a kid and I never know how to explain this weird feelings I had ....

till the day I learned the word "gay".
You are gay for teenage mutant ninja turtles?
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  #19  
Old 03-21-2012, 06:00 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by benny vader View Post
I've always have a weird feeling about ninja turtles when I was a kid and I never know how to explain this weird feelings I had ....

till the day I learned the word "gay".
Quote:
Originally Posted by BradleyB93 View Post
You are gay for teenage mutant ninja turtles?
A-fuckin-bout, not for. Jesus-x, lrn2fuckin read Got dam mit.
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  #20  
Old 03-21-2012, 06:19 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by Shrike View Post
Didn't they already make a live action TMNT movie? It was shitty, and this one will be too, except with several large scoops of cgi jizz on every frame and explosions every 5 seconds. Good lord I hate this cunt, and I hate the people that pay money to see his awful dogshit movies.
um the first live action tmnt is the greatest movie of all time sir
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  #21  
Old 03-21-2012, 06:19 PM
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Confused Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by benny vader View Post
A-fuckin-bout, not for. Jesus-x, lrn2fuckin read Got dam mit.
you're gay about the ninja turtles?


what are you trying to say? just accept your faggotry imo
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  #22  
Old 03-21-2012, 09:57 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by benny vader View Post
A-fuckin-bout, not for. Jesus-x, lrn2fuckin read Got dam mit.
No, He's right. It still looks like you're gay for the Ninja Turtles. You're the one who needs to learn how to articulate what you mean, Fool.
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  #23  
Old 03-21-2012, 10:04 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by Lucid View Post


James Cameron is amused by your delusions...

LOL

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Old 03-21-2012, 10:11 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Bay should be beaten with a pair of nunchucks just for saying that. Start coming up with new ideas instead of "reinventing" all the old shit.
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  #25  
Old 03-22-2012, 10:16 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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not subtle enough? not subtle enough.
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  #26  
Old 03-22-2012, 02:57 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by ScaryGary View Post
I read this the other day and could really care less. while the 'they're aliens' explanation is always a cheap excuse, the 'they were exposed to radioactive waste' one is just fucking stupid. this was HUGE in the 80's and 90's, probably because of TMNT (when did Toxic Avenger come out) and in some effort to raise environmental awareness (Captain Planet especially).
But that was the joke; the TMNT got their powers from the same "toxic-ooze" that gave Daredevil his powers, which they were directly parodying because it's such a lame/kitschy origin story.

Blind lawyer, trained by Master Stick, fights the evil Hand Ninjas; the teenage mutant turtles, trained by master Splinter, fight the evil Foot Ninjas.

It's so stupid it's funny.

With that said, I haven't really been into the TMNT since I was a kid, so feigning anything more than slight annoyance coupled with a roll-of-the-eyes would be disingenuous .
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Old 03-22-2012, 03:46 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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I read this the other day and could really care less.
O rly?
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Old 03-22-2012, 04:15 PM
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Lightbulb Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by F l y b y ✈ View Post
O rly?
It is possible to care less and its obvious in his post that he does have some care to have less of.
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  #29  
Old 03-22-2012, 05:27 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by neosade View Post
No, He's right. It still looks like you're gay for the Ninja Turtles. You're the one who needs to learn how to articulate what you mean, Fool.
Nope.Any non gay that dont have ghay feelings for ninja turtles'd know what I meant.
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  #30  
Old 03-22-2012, 05:33 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Hahaha this is all related to 2012. Alien movies, alien TV shows, fucking aliens everywhere to get the masses prepared for their arrival at the end of this year.
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Old 03-22-2012, 05:44 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

Michael Bay's aware that people think he's insane? I guess the guy's more sane than I thought.

Any other director would have gotten the okay to go ahead with a remake by fans no questions asked. Michael Bay can't catch a break. lol.
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:26 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by Siu3d View Post
Any other director would have gotten the okay to go ahead with a remake by fans no questions asked. Michael Bay can't catch a break. lol.
It's probably just because he makes terrible films.
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My perspective when I was younger and enlisting could be summed up with a Mike Tyson quote, just as most things in life can, "I just want to conquer people and their souls"

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Old 03-22-2012, 07:32 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by Vizier View Post
The only good thing I read was "Morgan Freeman as Splinter". Otherwise, goddamn, everyone fucking up our childhood heroes and shit, lol.
Good point. Freeman has such a strong and authoritative stage presence, you can almost sense the other actors on-screen glancing at him after they deliver their lines, as if to say "Did I do okay?"
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Old 03-22-2012, 07:39 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

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Originally Posted by Jive Talka View Post
It's probably just because he makes terrible films.
It's not that they're terrible (I've been able to sit down and watch a couple with a certain level of enjoyment), it's just that they all pretty much follow the same formula; over-the-top CGI. He makes decent films to watch if you want to get your heart rate going but not so much if you want to feel any kind of emotion. Good for lazy afternoons when all you want to do is watch a movie and not have to think too hard about it afterwards.
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Old 03-22-2012, 11:58 PM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

The best thing about the turtles was the theme song. That always pissed me off about these hollywood remakes of old comics or cartoons, why did they never put the awesome cartoon theme songs on the credits? The 90's Spiderman or X-Men cartoons had amazing theme songs, but instead you get fucking Chad Kroeger.
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Old 03-23-2012, 12:45 AM
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Default Re: Michael Bay Says 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Are Aliens, Reinvents Original St

I was picking my nose while reading the OP, and I found it to be a better experience than that quote.
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