Disassociation: Viewing my depressed mind from a realistic standpoint: no difference
Disassociation, viewing my past melancholy, the few moments of happiness, sweet nostalgia. A song, a scent, a voice, someone who reminds you of them, an old letter of yours or theres, or a movie or little inside jokes you had.
The signs you showed of tearing up, things going wrong, what could have been said or done, or avoided, what could have been fixed.
Now, what the pain has caused you. A new addiction, a new habit, a new and of course a negative habit. Cutting, starving, binging and purging. Anything to take all the hurt away, even just for a moment.
God damn, why does this stuff hit me so much harder while I'm
I just get so pessimistic, that I don't want to do anything. I did everything right, I get left, or the person I love does something stupid and gets arrested, or to a suicidal clingy reliant g/f who I hate, but am afraid she'll off herself if I leave.
tl;dr, Ineed to stop smoking if I get these weird reactions
Then silence—shuffle of soft slippered feet—
I knock and—the bedlam of the street.