Making weapons at the hospital!

[Infrared]

As you may already know, I am a Respiratory Therapist. I work in a fairly large hospital here in New Mexico. I'll spare you guys a lengthy job description. Suffice it to say, I often have a good deal of downtime at work, and I also often work alone when on the night shift. By that I mean I'm the only RT on duty, not the sole employee in the hospital, obviously, lol. Anyway, our department consists of an older wing of the hospital that has not been used in a hospital capacity for awhile, so basically we have a long hallway that dead-ends in a window, flanked by 10 hospital rooms, each one containing a bathroom, patient bed, windows, all the air/oxygen/vacuum outlets you see in every patient room in every hospital and all that jazz. It's great because the entire Cardiopulmonary (AKA, Respiratory Therapy) department consists of 8 RTs, myself included, and our boss/the department head, so we all have our own private room (though not officially). Anyway, on to the point:

The other night I was bored as hell, the ER and all other floors were quiet and nothing good was on TV, so I decided to rummage around all those rooms I mentioned. One room has all our supplies, one is used to store our equipment (ventilators, BiPAP machines, mechanical percussors, EKG machine, etc), and all the others have various things stored in them: old equipment, tools, tanks, bits and pieces of the stuff we use, boxes containing all manner of stuff ranging from paper to CPR dummies....Just about everything you can imagine short of liquor and cartons of cigs. Anyway, my rummaging produced a gas hose with a connection that hooks to the oxygen wall outlets I mentioned. The middle of the hose had a gas pressure gauge connected to a valve. You depress the button on the valve and this lets loose the 50psi of working gas pressure from the wall, which is quite loud. Anyway, I got a crazy idea.

I walked over to ICU and got myself some nice, long 18ga. Needles - not connected to a syringe, just a 1" needle with a hub and a safety cap - and went back to my department. I found a suitable piece of stiff plastic tubing that was only a tiny bit bigger than the diameter of the hub on the needles, and I connected it to my valve assembly.

I found an old anatomy poster and tacked it to a box, then I opened a sharp, shiny new needle and loaded it into the tube. I took aim, then depressed the valve release......

......FWOOSHHHHHH!! I heard a "POP!" At the same time I heard the gas, and then almost instantly I saw the needle stick the target all the way down the hall (a good 35-40 feet)! Freakin' awesome! I had myself a badass needlegun! Shit, I had fun the rest of the night with the fucking thing.

Anyway, now I've been bitten by the bug: I can't wait to see what other kinds of weapons I can scrounge together! The department is stuffed with raw materials, so all it'll take is a little imagination

I have been pondering ways to make my needle gun a repeater (got a good idea to test that involves adding a "cylinder" made out of endotracheal tubes and some other adaptor thingies that I'm gonna try next shift), and I also am thinking of ways to make the ventilator launch shit. See, when in testing mode or when using a simulated lung, I can make the ventilator inhale or exhale at any flowrate I want, along with controlling EVERY aspect of said inhalation/exhalation, so it should be fun. You'd be surprised just how many aspects there are and just how much stuff there is to a single inhalation/exhalation cycle (aka, a breath, lol). Such is a large part of my job, this ventilator management.

But hell, when there's downtime, I'd rather get paid to fuck off and make weapons!

Just thought I'd try to entertain you guys, heheh. But if you have any ideas or stories, i'd love to hear 'em.

Infrared

[Infrared]

Next episode: Crazy Uncle 'Red cannibalizes one of the old defibrillators and attempts to make some kind of electro-shock-stun gun or baton or something! Tune in next week at 5pm ET!

[mizled]

Two words:

Nuclear Medicine.

[Duelist]

you sound like you live an exciting, fast paced, professional life.

[Infrared]

Lol, I wouldn't say that. The job is 75%-90% (depending on the day) regular stuff: nebulizer breathing treatments, monitoring simple O2 therapy, doing routine EKGs, performing chest physiotherapy on people with congested lungs, etc. But bad shit does happen - preemie babies trying to die, traumas in the ER, respiratory emergencies (like, say, a severe asthma attack), code blues (my role is airway and breathing in a code: I could be simply bagging someone or I could be intubating them and placing them on ventilators, it depends). I'm trained for all of that, but it's not like the job is ALLL THE TIME 100% SUPER LIFESAVING EXCITING!!!1. I won't lie and act like I save lives EVERY day or something. As I said, most of it is routine, scheduled things. There is often downtime between each thing as well, hence my bored weapon-making. Hence this thread. Lol

So don't be a sarcastic fag.

[Infrared]

'Sides, this thread is about the improv workplace weaponry!

I also intend to take a trip down to the Biomedical Engineering Department. While this sounds like some underground lab where they grow cloned soldiers and aliens in liquid vats, it is actually the department responsible for repairing and/or inspecting ALL the medical equipment in the hospital. Not just our ventilators and such - EVERYTHING from IV pumps to baby crib lights to our percussors and everything in between. Very, very vital motherfuckers, those BioMed guys. Some have medical training and some do not, but they ALL have engineering degrees.
Anyway, the point is, they have tons and tons of equipment and tools lying around, so I know I can find some good tinkering stuff down there. I'll let you guys know what I can dig up (and think up!)

[Infrared]

Oh and mizled, good idea, involving the rad guys...Previously, my only recreational and non work-related trip over there was to request X-rays of every part of the body so I could tape them together and make a cool X-ray skeleton for halloween As far as improv weaponry....hmmm....They have a lot of strong magnets down there (spare MRI parts), so that might be a good place to start. Heheheh.

[Zok Jr.]

tape a bunch of tongue depressors together with medical tape then tape a scalpel on the end

medical spear, son

[Infrared]

Heh. I like the way you think my friend, but I've already had a few scalpel-tossing contests with fellow RTs, lol. But hey, scalpel blades....I'll start thinking of ways to weaponize them.

Also to be explored: Various noxious chemicals from the lab! I know they have some corrosive and ugly shit down there.

[Zok Jr.]

Nitrous oxide in a latex glove.

[DJ Meaty Cheeks]

A respiratory therapist gave me a spirometer last time I was in the hospital. Thanks to my weed smoking career I can pull the full 4000mL on that thing every time, even when I had a nasty goddamn pneumonia. The lady said damn I've only seen one other person do that! (I think she was new her job though)

How do I get a job as one of those BioMed eng. guys?

[litefire]

Infrared, that is fucking amazing
Is there anyway you could get a video of that? It sounds like a blast!

I'll try and think of some cool shit for you to make..

[mizled]

Originally Posted by Infrared

Oh and mizled, good idea, involving the rad guys...Previously, my only recreational and non work-related trip over there was to request X-rays of every part of the body so I could tape them together and make a cool X-ray skeleton for halloween As far as improv weaponry....hmmm....They have a lot of strong magnets down there (spare MRI parts), so that might be a good place to start. Heheheh.

MRI rail gun w/ Cobalt-60 tipped stainless projectiles.

It would be the greatest youtube vid EVAH!

[Vargus]

lol, 18 gauge needles are pretty wicked and hurt like a motherfucker. I did an IM injection of testosterone at home with one and that was the last time. 23 gauge are all I use now and it's a bitch to draw in the thick oil, but the pain is so much less.

Lidocane instead of ice would make thing a lot easier.

Originally Posted by Infrared

Oh and mizled, good idea, involving the rad guys...Previously, my only recreational and non work-related trip over there was to request X-rays of every part of the body so I could tape them together and make a cool X-ray skeleton for halloween As far as improv weaponry....hmmm....They have a lot of strong magnets down there (spare MRI parts), so that might be a good place to start. Heheheh.

How big?

The conservative fields of pretty much any permanent magnet will mean no fun stuff like coilguns and the like.

[Painzstake]

Hmm, can you say surgical tubing? Either that or the elastic they use for physio stretching etc. Get a crutch and string 'er up, voila you got yourself a pretty kick ass slingshot

[Savino]

Pretty sure you can make a pretty bad ass sling shot out of the right rubber tubes, set up a giant one on the roof and launch bags of blood into the city.

[FrY]

Make an electro magnetized MRI needle rail-gun.

[HampTheToker]

Tip those needles with heavy sedative and go nurse hunting.

I fucking love hot nurses in scrubs with big ole booties. If you bag one and field dress it, consider this my request for booty sample.

[is all mememememe with me]

when you're at the police station and they're charging you with causing an explosion in a hospital and possible terror related offenses, please please ask them if you can post just one more thread to zoklet before they pack you off to jail, so you can tell us all it happened. i can then proceed to laugh my tits off for the next 3 months.

e: also, tell them 5.56 was in on it with you, lol.

[Piles of Crack]

They don't bitch about you running around the hospital rummaging through supplies and shooting needles down the hallway on camera?

[is all mememememe with me]

Originally Posted by Piles of Crack

They don't bitch about you running around the hospital rummaging through supplies and shooting needles down the hallway on camera?

ssh, just let him get on with it.

[HampTheToker]

Something tells me Crazy Uncle 'Red could talk his way out of getting fired for having fun when the sickeys aren't sicking.

[FrY]

Originally Posted by Piles of Crack

They don't bitch about you running around the hospital rummaging through supplies and shooting needles down the hallway on camera?

You cant stand in the way of a man's muse.

[Sir Cornwell]

Is it considered "morally wrong" for an RT with time on his hands to use improvised weapons on passersby to collapse one of their lungs thus necessitating the use of his services and bringing profit to the hospital?

"I know just where to hit them, causing the least damage and bringing the most profit!", said CEO and founder of Aggressive RT's 'r Us.

[Oct]

LOL badass till someone walks down the hallway and gets one of your flying pricks in the neck! But seriously, not bad, reminded me of this guy: -

[unstableasatable]

visit the totse files and see what chemicals you want away with for those fine explosions

[Bradley]

I hope you dont' lose your job if some guard or doctor happens to be walking in your wing and they hear 'TOOH TOOH TOOH TOOH TOOH" and walk in on you shooting needles into a Trayvon Martin Silhouette with hospital equipment.

Very cool, post pics.

[Tachosomoza]

That hospital is going to have millions of lawyers hanging off its ass in a few months. Watch.

[Bradley]

Originally Posted by Tachosomoza

That hospital is going to have millions of lawyers hanging off its ass in a few months. Watch.

Especially once Tacho tells on you, Infrared.

[1983]

Hey Infrared you still with us bro or did your ass get sent down river?

Also a defibrillator with some scalpels stuck into it then mounted into a wheelchair back would be kinda cool... Ram peoples legs and they fall in and get stabbed and zapped.

Also is this thread for any improvised weapons or just at hospitals?

Al

[unstableasatable]

Assassins Creed Dart Gun Prototype - YouTube

Assassins Creed Dart Gun Prototype - YouTube
Video: click to display

[Pancake]

try and finger bang the sexy nurses

[Infrared]

Lol, I'm not gonna get in trouble, or be unsafe about it. It's all in the name of fun. Hell, it's not just me - a lot of RTs, nurses, docs, etc do weird shit too. I recall a bulletin about some of the OR's nitrous oxide tanks going missing. As I recall, the rumor was that it was a doctor that "resigned" soon after the bulletin appeared. Oh, and tacho, the hospital already has tons of lawyers hanging off its ass, just like most hospitals. And it ain't us, it's always MD malpractice crap, sometimes valid but usually not. We tend to service a lower economic class of people, and its usually they who are looking to sue the docs. I'm not saying docs NEVER fuck up, but a good 3/4 of the time, its just some junkie whos mad that the doc won't prescribe him narcotics, so he brings a suit. It sucks, but thankfully doesn't really affect our department directly.

Also, regarding my use of the supplies: nobody is going to say shit because I only use supplies that our department has uses for anyway. We use those needles and such to draw blood gases and also draw stuff out of vials when doing PFTs or fit tests or whatever. Supplies are not at a premium either, we have TONS. That, and they are just in bins and drawers, the rooms accessible by anyone with a badge, so they have no way of knowing just who came and got the needles when there's like 30 different nurses/RTs/MDs in and out of the room all day. Of course, drugs are a different story.

Anyway, on to the subject: I'm thinking of ways to utilize the hydrofluoric acid that I obtained from the lab. They were just gonna throw it out!

[Pancake]

If I were a nurse or a doctor, I would so abuse the drugs
Try and talk to some anesthesiologists , those guys have some crazy chemicals and equipment

you should also watch the movie 'Dead Ringers', because in that movie, these crazy mofos do nothing but create bizarre gynecological equipment from choice materials.

[adhesive tape]

One of my coworkers/friends used to do this while we worked at a veterinary clinic, only he would do it during surgeries with discarded scalpels and needles. Needless to say he got fired...

[K-9]

Most of the RTs in my hospital that I have met are really awesome. And if I walked in on someone doing that I would so be down with it. Video?