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  #1  
Old 06-11-2010, 09:26 PM
Its steven Its steven is offline
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Frown My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Heres the deal.

The other day I was expirimenting in the shower, and I didn't use enough lube so my ass got all swollen and shit.

When I feel like I have to shit, I sit down, fart a little, then when I get back up I feel like I took a shit but I didn't. and today, I know I have to shit but I can't, and it's like, even after I sit down i can get back up and it feels like i dont ahve to shit anymore but I know it's there.

Ok so now, I went to go try and I got all lightheaded and shit and I noticed I've lost weight and I dont feel any pain or anything but I'm getting thirsty really quickly because I think my bodies trying to turn it into liquid shit.

and my stomach is starting to cramp up, and I feel like I'm high when you're walkin around and everything feels slightly in slow mo, and like, I'm freakin out because I'm feeling dizzy and shit and all the water I'm drinking is making me get the chills so I put on my hoodie...

and I'm getting weird abdominal cramps. not pain, just cramps... and... I've been freaking out because I think I'm gonna pass out and I feel really tired but I dont want to go to sleep cause I think I'm gonna die...

I'll NEVER fucking shove shit up my ass again. It was a lint roller handle. its nice and smooth and I've used it before but this time I didn't do it right so my ass got all swollen. Like, I thought it was a big shit waiting to come out until I was wiping and kinda felt up a bit and its just all swollen.

Has anyone ever had this happen to them before? I mean... I had a little poop come out earlier so I know everything's okay, its not bleeding or anything, my head feels fine I can think straight but I just... I've never felt like this because it's like...

I KNOW I have some shit to poop but... I dont feel like I have to poop. I'm afraid my body has decided to reject my ass and now its getting ready to throw it all up out the front because im a little nauseas but not enough to throw up... my mouth keeps getting dry and I'm drinking a fuck ton of water, I think its just trying to liquid my poop up so it can come out.

But.. I figure gay dudes have to put up with this shit all the time. I'm sure I'm not the first person to shove shit up their ass and swore it up a little but..

Look I'm just freaking out and I need some advice.
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  #2  
Old 06-11-2010, 09:37 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Shut up, Steve....-n
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Old 06-11-2010, 09:38 PM
HTS HTS is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Nice.
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  #4  
Old 06-11-2010, 09:38 PM
Its steven Its steven is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

My predictions were correct. I went to take a shit just now and it was super liquidy, and I feel muuch better.

holy fuck and I even texted this chick I know with this shit.

goddamnit.
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  #5  
Old 06-11-2010, 09:59 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

What the fuck did you put in there, a watermelon?
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  #6  
Old 06-11-2010, 10:01 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTS View Post
Nice.
I never see HTS post anymore except in threads that involve anal penetration come on man we all know you aren't a one trick pony.
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  #7  
Old 06-11-2010, 10:55 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Well, another problem solved.
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  #8  
Old 06-11-2010, 10:57 PM
Slyck Slyck is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Just shell out for a fucking dildoe. Geez.
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  #9  
Old 06-11-2010, 11:23 PM
dog with shifty eyes dog with shifty eyes is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Stop making new accounts everytime you wanker.
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  #10  
Old 06-11-2010, 11:46 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

What did you use, brother?
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  #11  
Old 06-11-2010, 11:55 PM
DrunkOnAluminium DrunkOnAluminium is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTS View Post
Nice.
Looks like


Youve found a friend
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  #12  
Old 06-12-2010, 12:28 AM
Dysgraphia Dysgraphia is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

The "experiment" wasn't worth it, now wasn't it?
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  #13  
Old 06-12-2010, 12:43 AM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
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Nice.

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  #14  
Old 06-12-2010, 12:44 AM
Dumpster Slut Dumpster Slut is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

you need to let the fluids drain out or your going to die really soon

have a friend take a razorblade and make a small 2 cm incision on the swelling area

that should do the trick.
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  #15  
Old 06-12-2010, 01:21 AM
HTS HTS is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Big Baby Jesus View Post
I never see HTS post anymore except in threads that involve anal penetration come on man we all know you aren't a one trick pony.
Are you shitting me? I'm all over the place. Be more observant.
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  #16  
Old 06-12-2010, 01:26 AM
waldaberz waldaberz is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Your shit's obviously invisible.
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  #17  
Old 06-12-2010, 02:05 AM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTS View Post
Are you shitting me? I'm all over the place. Be more observant.
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  #18  
Old 06-12-2010, 02:10 AM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

ORLY?

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  #19  
Old 06-12-2010, 03:19 AM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

hahahahahha
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  #20  
Old 06-12-2010, 04:03 AM
Mantikore Mantikore is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by LSA King View Post
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  #21  
Old 06-12-2010, 04:46 AM
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Unwyred Unwyred is offline
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Arrow Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

You tore yourself a new asshole and shit got in it. Great job, I hope you enjoy having bacterial meningitis.
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  #22  
Old 06-12-2010, 04:58 AM
abusername abusername is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Unwyred View Post
You tore yourself a new asshole and shit got in it. Great job, I hope you enjoy having bacterial meningitis.
^Most likely this, if not, its def. because you cut/tore something and shit got in there getting it infected, almost every single complication from that can be fatal/extremely fucking unpleasant.

Go to the doctors. Now. I'm not joking. Getting shit in a cut = Extremely fucking serious, even if its in your ass. Wait a few days and risk being hospitalized or (though very, very unlikely unless you are unhealthy as fuck and don't get treatment) dieing.
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  #23  
Old 06-12-2010, 06:43 AM
HTS HTS is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

I fucking hate faggots.
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  #24  
Old 06-12-2010, 07:04 AM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Stop doing fag shit.

Problem solved.
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  #25  
Old 06-12-2010, 07:20 AM
mrparks mrparks is offline
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I'm going to give you the same bit of advice that my father once gave me. He obtained this knowledge from his fatger, and his father's fathers before, on throughout the generations until I believe William Wallace told it to our distance ancestor while fucking a English Sheep.

It is as follows: Never trust a fart.
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  #26  
Old 06-12-2010, 10:30 AM
Its steven Its steven is offline
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

So I just had a regular bowel movement without having to strain and goaste it out so I guess I'm good to go.
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  #27  
Old 06-12-2010, 12:12 PM
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General Butt.Naked General Butt.Naked is online now
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

I was gonna give a real answer, but now...

How about stop shoving shit up your ass?
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  #28  
Old 06-12-2010, 03:44 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Should've went DEEEEEEEEEEPA



[youtube]55lUwezX5jo[/youtube]
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  #29  
Old 06-12-2010, 07:36 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by HTS View Post
I fucking hate faggots.
yes this is something i've noticed about both you and superspeedz lolwut
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  #30  
Old 06-12-2010, 08:01 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Its steven View Post
So I just had a regular bowel movement without having to strain and goaste it out so I guess I'm good to go.
FYI - your ass is an exit, not an entrance.

You clearly have shit for brains, so the rest of your body filling up with with shit prolly won't be that noticible.

I wouldn't worry.
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  #31  
Old 06-12-2010, 08:14 PM
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Default Re: My ass is swollen shut, I can't poop and I think I'm dying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by abusername View Post
^Most likely this, if not, its def. because you cut/tore something and shit got in there getting it infected, almost every single complication from that can be fatal/extremely fucking unpleasant.

Go to the doctors. Now. I'm not joking. Getting shit in a cut = Extremely fucking serious, even if its in your ass. Wait a few days and risk being hospitalized or (though very, very unlikely unless you are unhealthy as fuck and don't get treatment) dieing.
shut the fuck up, your reasoning skills are similar to a chimp's.
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