How to ruin my alcoholic roommates life...

[/b/tard]

My one roommate (not by choice) is a holier-than-thou alcohol who likes to take his gay-rage out on me. Im fucking sick of it. How can I fuck with him non-stop, anything from mail to anything. He has no computer, so no web stuff. Already signed him up for free korans, bibles, blind canes, tampons, and the like. What else? This is the shit I have to put up with when hes trashed. Pic related.

I wanna make this asshole an hero if you know what I mean. Fucking gets drunk and stacks all the furniture in fucking areas I need access too... See pic.

[Oink The Pig]

wheres the automatic ban on anyone with this kind of username

[Kwinnie Bogan]

^Hear hear.

Murder/Suicide.

[ilovechronic]

If hes an alcoholic he will take care of it himself.how about you just work on not ruining your life?

[/b/tard]

Look guys, I was on &T long before /b/, so I'm not coming here to troll you or whatever the fuck...My fuckery goes on /b/, legit ?s go here, since &T is no more. Pls dont hate.

Also, I'm well aware of murder/suicide, huff raid, etc etc... I used to be smokabowl on BLTC til it was no more...

[/b/tard]

Originally Posted by ilovechronic

If hes an alcoholic he will take care of it himself.how about you just work on not ruining your life?

He's not doing it fast enough, lol

[/b/tard]

Originally Posted by Oink The Pig

wheres the automatic ban on anyone with this kind of username

Why? Just because I frequent another forum, I deserve an autoban? wtf?

I dont troll here, thats for /b/ only.

[/b/tard]

No srs answers? This place is looking worse than my usual spot

[Dmitri]

Originally Posted by /b/tard

No srs answers?

Punch him in the face. A lot.

[Kwinnie Bogan]

Quadruple posting brings great dishonour, when it isn't obscured by Anonymity.
Spike his alcohol with more alcohol, put him in a small room then barricade the jesus fuck out of it with furniture so that it's impenetrable. Once he's sobering up, set off a few smoke bombs in the adjoining room, out of sight. Or someting similar. Ring the fire alarm to fully wake him up to the realisation and make him shit himself.

[Mor3BL7]

we already know you are a pussy for not confronting him and resorting to gay fuckery.
Why dont you eat a green onion and fuck off... pussy.

[/b/tard]

Originally Posted by KwinnieBogan

Quadruple posting brings great dishonour, when it isn't obscured by Anonymity.
Spike his alcohol with more alcohol, put him in a small room then barricade the jesus fuck out of it with furniture so that it's impenetrable. Once he's sobering up, set off a few smoke bombs in the adjoining room, out of sight. Or someting similar. Ring the fire alarm to fully wake him up to the realisation and make him shit himself.

Thats pretty good. Sorry about the quad-posts, just havent been here much since no more &T. I dont want anything I would get in trouble for, anything else though, I'm totally down. I'm filling a bunch of magazine subscription cards out in his name, the kind they bill you later for. I already raepd all the decent free shit I found online. Any more?

[/b/tard]

Originally Posted by Mor3BL7

we already know you are a pussy for not confronting him and resorting to gay fuckery.
Why dont you eat a green onion and fuck off... pussy.

Already did with a knife, he started crying like a bitch, saying he was calling the cops like a snitch. I just want him to act normal and leave me the fuck ALONE!

Also, not my roommate by choice, someone the renter got in here.

[Fuck "Fuck Fuck" Fuck]

itching powder.

Replace beer with everclear?

[ilovechronic]

Originally Posted by /b/tard

Already did with a knife, he started crying like a bitch, saying he was calling the cops like a snitch. I just want him to act normal and leave me the fuck ALONE!

Also, not my roommate by choice, someone the renter got in here.

I bet if I theoretically pointed my XD-9mm semi automatic handgun at your center of mass right now you would cower and do the same thing. I hope you realize for the next time you give someone the right to defend themselves with lethal force if you were not justified in using that knife(which you wern't). He could have killed you and it would have been justifiable.
No need to try and look like a tough guy here dude, just ignore a post like that next time.

If you want that quit being a pussy AND CONFRONT HIM. Not with lethal force (a knife) confront him and ask him WTF are you acting like this and then use your FISTS if that doesn't work not a fucking knife. You sound like the bitch.
Your lucky your not dead right now.
You are no different than anyone else, you would do the same shit as him.

Also, if you don't like it, no one is forcing you to stay.

[Matt.MotoX]

I would steel some of his stuff when he's drunk and doesn't know your doing it and smash the shit out of it with a hammer or mallet. Then when he confronts you about you can just say that he was completely wasted and did it himself cause he thought it would be funny. Make sure to leave the broken stuff where he would find it and put the hammer or mallet beside his bed.

[Full Frontal]

Originally Posted by Oink The Pig

wheres the automatic ban on anyone with this kind of username

Right here.

[plorntstar]

Originally Posted by /b/tard

Why? Just because I frequent another forum, I deserve an autoban?

YES

[ilovechronic]

Originally Posted by MoneyMadness

Well if it was me, Id have to pay someone to curb stomp him. But since he is your buttbuddy/friend then next time he is drunk and passes out, duc tape him into a cocoon and stick him to the wall. Draw a bullseye target on the wall/spraypaint, and grab a nailgun.

Crack some smelling salt, and shoot a couple nails till he gets the picture.

Fixed.

[Vizier]

[ilovechronic]

I think he doesn't undertand because we are not posting images and memes. the picard x3 definetly helps.

[My Mom Is Dead]

Originally Posted by MoneyMadness

Well if it was me, Id have curb stomped him. But since he is your buttbuddy/friend then next time he is drunk and passes out, duc tape him into a cocoon and stick him to the wall. Draw a bullseye target on the wall/spraypaint, and grab a nailgun.

Crack some smelling salt, and shoot a couple nails till he gets the picture.

+1 for another great idea from our dear MoneyMadness.

[ilovechronic]

Originally Posted by My Mom Is Dead

+1 for another great idea from our dear MoneyMadness.

Meh you forgot to put "pay someone to curb stomp him" because we all know this to be true.

[Mor3BL7]

ur still on about this?
its been at least an hour and a half..
id' expect a rape or decapitation by now...
you fail at life

[Miaow]

Set him on fire.

[Aircow]

You're all fucking idiots.

[Ioabs]

crushed antabuse in his morning oj or beer or whtever he drinks for 5-10 days.

[My Mom Is Dead]

Stick a couple of nicotine patches to him while he's passed out from being drunk.
Not enough to kill, obviously, but enough to make him think he's got the worst hangover EVAR!

[Treefingers.s]

Put a lock on his alcohol container.

[Gary Oak]

One night when he comes home drunk, take out all of the light bulbs and set up tripwires around every corner of the house.

[constantinople]

Originally Posted by Ocular Gyric Crisis

Right here.

Dude...lol, pink? Really? Are the uberfaggot or what dude?

[MidKnightFrost]

Originally Posted by Zokle

One night when he comes home drunk, take out all of the light bulbs and set up tripwires around every corner of the house.

agreed.

[IIIII]

Make a set of his car keys and park it in a tow away zone at night. Never admit to doing this. Do this after you file his keys down so they no longer work.

Save your piss and if he ever passes out from drinking pour it over his crotch.

Get some trailer trash bitch to call Maury Povich and tell Maury that he IS the Father Of Her Child but he will not admit it and has never bought diapers for his son. Should be funnhy when Maury calls him.

Start mixing everclear in with whatever he drinks and watch him as he gets blotto a lot faster. Mix it in the hard liquor bottles like half and half or whatever.

[Greyusurper]

Well if you have no problem with breaking Federal laws, you can always get into his mail when he's not around. Look for stuff that is trying to sell him something, like a new cell phone. Had a friend who's asshole brother was his roommate, and he opened some of his mail and sent in for a new cell phone in my friend's name. Long story short, my friend gets the bill and has to call up the company and figure out what happened. In the end my friend had to pay it, and the bill was expensive, as his brother had made some pricey calls, I guess. I'm more retelling a story here, than telling you what to do.

Type up an open letter in his name, profess his desire to "Find a lifemate" and post it at the nearest gay bar. Or really all gay hangouts in your town or the surrounding area. Be sure to include his phone number (his cell preferably), his "home" address (rather his place of work, also preferably), and things he likes to have done to his anus (like surprise sex! Preferably). Maybe also list the bars he likes to frequent and when, with a "fashionably" matching description of him included in the letter.

Put roofies in his drink, when he passes out pull down his pants and get a dog to lick him. Take pictures of it, then copy the pictures. Show him the copies and threaten to put them on the internet if he doesn't do what you want. At this point, you should be able to get anything done. Especially if you have access to photoshop and can make it look like he's awake and a willing participant.

When he's drunk and passed out, or away from the house and forgets his cell, grab it and mass text fucked up shit to people. If it's a camera phone, take a blurred picture of your balls and mass text it claiming you are him. If his parents get it and view it, it'll be hilarious! If his grandparents get it and can actually figure out how to open it, it'll be priceless!

Does he have a GF? Start spreading rumors to each of them very subtly that one is cheating on the other and vice-versa' to the other. They'll just start fighting all the time, and eventually break up. Incriminating photos are always your friend, especially if they just "happen" to be laying about when the other is not there. All it takes is just a few, "Oh that is his old GF... Oh no, that photo was taken two weeks back I think... Opps! Didn't mean to say that..."

Find out his fear. Most people fear spiders, or snakes, or heights, etc. Find out what it is, odds are you may have witnessed him freaking out about something he jumped back from or wouldn't touch. When he gets drunk, lock him in a room and fill it with said fear. If it's spiders, just collect as many as you can and fill the room from under the crack in the door. That or you can get real elaborate and make a tube that goes into the room through a hole in another room and fill it via that. Though this make take a lot of time to set up, and it may just be easier to seal the room with an open box of spiders or whatever.

Remember Edgar Allen Poe's tale of revenge, it was in itself literary revenge against another author who did the same to Poe first! But you don't have to be a literary genius to copy&paste an embarrassing and fucked up story off the net and edit out the name of main deviant and replace it with his throughout the story. Then make several copies available to, say, his friends and random strangers. Just make sure it's good and fucked up from beginning to end, so as to not lose the reader's attention. If anyone still has it, the story from &T were the dude fucks the hamster would work nicely. At least, it did when I used it back in the day.

Perhaps their is a nonviolent solution to your problems, have you ever thought about finding inner peace? Or just flat out moving? Their are always other options to solve your problem. You don't have to lower yourself to his level to win, even if it is funner to do so.

Regards
-Grey

[Fuck "Fuck Fuck" Fuck]

Inject him with heroin, get him set up for a 'random' drug test?

[Pacino]

Punch him in the teef