Sobriety as a Choice

[Death Snuggle]

Well, I think I'm finally done or at least for the next half decade or so.

I've been smoking a shit ton of weed and drinking like a fish since my 21st on top of smashing DXM and railing any rec pill I can get a hold of. I've just been combining everything I can get my hands on and it's just dull.

Drugs bore me and alcohol bores me even more now. There is no novelty or pleasure anymore. I just slammed the last of my 12 pack and I just feel sick. I'm sick of always feeling burnt out and not being able to think.

There's just no reason to go on with this lifestyle. Its strange. I've committed a huge part and almost all of my life to drugs and new perceptions/experiences from them. I've been searching for myself in the chemicals I use and the hedonistic aspect of life just seems to be gone.

I've given or thrown all my pipes, crackers, and other drug paraphernalia away. It's not a dark day and it's not a bright day. I just don't care to go on this way anymore. Hell, I'm sick of being drunk right now. I'm just going to go to sleep soon.

I wonder why I even started down this path. I wonder if I'll ever make a return. All this knowledge of drugs and the effects they have on the body and mind seem useless.

I've not spent more than 7 months sober since I was 15 and I'm 21 now. It's almost sickening to think that but then I think how many others just stay fucked up all through life. Then again why should I even care?

I just can't help but remember getting sent to Parkview Behavioral Health Center when I was 15 back in like 03 or 04 and this guy (I can't even remember his name now... IIRC, Lucas... but who the fuck knows....) told me about Totse. I became a stupid little tard that lurked in BB and fucked up hard when I first was coming into the drug scene with that AP/meth mix up that fucked me over. Heh, good times I guess.

Anyway, I guess I'll still lurk and post a bit but there's no real reason to stay. It's not like I was a real part of the community anyway so no big loss to you guys, I guess. Yeah, back to that sleep thing. It sounds like a good idea but who knows.

[meta]

Good idea.

[mksnowboarder]

Originally Posted by Death Snuggle

Anyway, I guess I'll still lurk and post a bit but there's no real reason to stay. It's not like I was a real part of the community anyway so no big loss to you guys, I guess.

I recall you. Sorry to see you go, especially now. Hope to see future posts from you. Good luck with sobriety, man.

mike

[Chubigans]

Thanks OP, for helping to give me a reason to stay sober as well. It's been a month. I've come to all those conclusions as well, but trust me, once you get sober for a while, you start to really want it back.

[Jay]

Drug experiences are only fun when you have something (sobriety) to compare them to. The beauty of contrast

[The Creator of Life]

Well said. I've been smoking weed all day everyday for like 2 years now and I've finally reached the point where I don't want to smoke anymore. Of course there will be the occasional toke, hell even a weekend stoner is fine in my eyes. But damn I really overdid it.

No lie, it is great to be sober. As boring as it sounds, it's amazing when you realize what you were missing this whole time.

[DiStOrTiOn]

I hope it works out for you, man

[ArmsMerchant]

Originally Posted by The Creator of Life

No lie, it is great to be sober. As boring as it sounds, it's amazing when you realize what you were missing this whole time.

That is so fucking true--thanks to alcohol, I missed a large part of my adult life, from 1970 to 1980, and 1987 to 2003.

[LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry]

I really want to stay sober from everything but cannabinoids and psychedelics from now on. I guess I want to say excluding nicotine, but I shouldn't.

[bleh]

Originally Posted by Greyfox

That is so fucking true--thanks to alcohol, I missed a large part of my adult life, from 1970 to 1980, and 1987 to 2003.

lol, u relapsed.

[AngryOnion]

I decided that I'm not going too drink tonight, first sober one in about a year.
I know exactly how you feel Death Snuggle.
Good luck.

[Nightshade]

Being sober is not boring. It's amazing what you can miss when you're on drugs. Life doesn't stop when you are on drugs, it just leaves you behind. Then you're like WTF when you get clean.

But good luck man and I know how you feel. I was on meth off and on for a decade before I finally kicked it. Never looked back.

[Unholy Batman]

Originally Posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry

I really want to stay sober from everything but cannabinoids and psychedelics from now on. I guess I want to say excluding nicotine, but I shouldn't.

why not just do all drugs responsibly. And what do you guys mean "miss stuff" because you are high? You can still go out and do stuff when you are high you know. I only miss stuff when I am high on benzos and I cannot remember anything.

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by Chainhit

why not just do all drugs responsibly. And what do you guys mean "miss stuff" because you are high? You can still go out and do stuff when you are high you know. I only miss stuff when I am high on benzos and I cannot remember anything.

What it really comes down to is getting fucked up and just not giving a shit to do anything else or anything at all.

Yeah, I've been a "responsible" drug user for a lot longer than this little rut of constant abuse. It just seems to be that they don't do anything anymore besides alter your perception for a little bit, burn money, and risk jail time.

The risks are no longer worth the reward which is basically nil currently.

I was actually sober for several months before this. It started out with smoking some K2, Kava extract, nitrous, weed, DXM, alcohol, pills, and it just got out of control because they weren't how I remembered them so I kept pushing it to find what I "lost."

Turns out, I didn't lose shit. I gained a life. A life that doesn't require drugs.

I've stripped away my ego. I've shattered my perceptions of reality, gender, death, and even life. I've pushed myself harder than I ever imagined possible. I had a hell of a time and enjoyed even the torment and suffering they brought to my mind and body. I'm still here and the crucible is over.

There isn't anything left to explore. The only reasons you wouldn't come to this conclusion after heavy exploration and years of use is addiction and escapism. I'm not a slave to a chemical and I'm not running.

[wifiguy]

I've been using PST several times weekly for the past 5 years. I have smoked pot nearly every day during this time, though I can't really say that marijuana was harmful at all. I've tripped on shrooms, OD'd on pills and made an ass out of myself one too many times. Death Snuggle, today is my first day of pure sobriety and I want to thank you for inspiring me. I'll still have the occasional joint and maybe psychedelics in the future but as for now I think it's time to re evaluate who I am without drugs and see the world for what it really is. I lurked a ton here, even more on totse and have seen most of your posts. I really wish you all the best.

-WifiGuy

Oh yea, what are some sleep tips during opiate withdrawal??

[Trix Are For Kids]

It's a fucking chemical reaction. Not a life-taking hell. You people are idiots for even stopping, because it doesn't matter anyway. You'll just go back.

[Twin Gats]

Yeah i quit all drugs other than weed and hallucinogens a while ago, because i would just abuse whatever i had and end up worse off in the end. Like i would do benzos to the point that i wasnt the same person anymore, i would say things that made no sense and that sounded completely retarded. I used stimulants until my sinuses got fucked up forever. Spending all your days fucked up/gacked on drugs is a good way to lose touch of reality and forget what life is really about.

Even with weed now, ill buy a sack, and won't have a good time unless i am smoking with my friends. After i smoke alone now life just feels mediocre.

Funny thing is it used to be different. I used to feel totally content when i did drugs all the time. Now its just binge binge until i can't take it anymore or something fucks up

[FON]

Congrats OP. I'm going sober today as well...

[Travis Bickle]

if i didn't have drugs i'd be dead. which would be a good thing.

[LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry]

I want an opiate/benzo right NAOOOOO. >_> Maybe in an hour or so, hopefully.

[Marijuanasaurus]

Originally Posted by Greyfox

That is so fucking true--thanks to alcohol, I missed a large part of my adult life, from 1970 to 1980, and 1987 to 2003.

lol what is that, a 7 year break in between? Arent you due for being an alcoholic again?

[Daran]

Originally Posted by Marijuanasaurus

lol what is that, a 7 year break in between? Arent you due for being an alcoholic again?

Yeah, actually overdue. He started drinking again after taking huge losses in the market in '87, although I suspect this time he didn't have any skin in the game.

[ManSlaughter]

I came to this realization the other day..

you have to stop artificially stimulating you brain with drugs and go out and live a fulfilling life, one that takes the place of drugs.

We are growing / grown up now. I look back and yurn for the younger days when i was free and wreaked havoc without a care in the world.

But you must see that you will always have that experience, the memories and the knowledge, but you can never have it back.. Most people just try, try ,try to get it back, pretend its still the old days, but eventually you will see that these are the NEW old days, these are the days you want to make amazing so in ten years you look back and say this was the best time ever..

sobriety is a interesting thing, and as I have not been in its realm ( i JUST smoke weed, and not to any huge extent ) , I have begun the process of moving forward.

i hope this helps somehow.

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by wifiguy

I've been using PST several times weekly for the past 5 years. I have smoked pot nearly every day during this time, though I can't really say that marijuana was harmful at all. I've tripped on shrooms, OD'd on pills and made an ass out of myself one too many times. Death Snuggle, today is my first day of pure sobriety and I want to thank you for inspiring me. I'll still have the occasional joint and maybe psychedelics in the future but as for now I think it's time to re evaluate who I am without drugs and see the world for what it really is. I lurked a ton here, even more on totse and have seen most of your posts. I really wish you all the best.

-WifiGuy

Oh yea, what are some sleep tips during opiate withdrawal??

Thanks, I wish you the best as well. Opiate withdrawal is not a walk in the park. I'd start with some melatonin and diphenhydramine if you're looking otc. If you don't care, then go score some carisprodol, cyclobenzaprine, or some seroquil. They'll put you down nice and easy.

Originally Posted by Trix Are For Kids

It's a fucking chemical reaction. Not a life-taking hell. You people are idiots for even stopping, because it doesn't matter anyway. You'll just go back.

Yeah, but now I have an opportunity to join the National Guard and get my life in order. I'll get my college paid for and earn a couple hundred a month for keeping in shape at drill.

Originally Posted by MegaKush

Yeah i quit all drugs other than weed and hallucinogens a while ago, because i would just abuse whatever i had and end up worse off in the end. Like i would do benzos to the point that i wasnt the same person anymore, i would say things that made no sense and that sounded completely retarded. I used stimulants until my sinuses got fucked up forever. Spending all your days fucked up/gacked on drugs is a good way to lose touch of reality and forget what life is really about.

Even with weed now, ill buy a sack, and won't have a good time unless i am smoking with my friends. After i smoke alone now life just feels mediocre.

Funny thing is it used to be different. I used to feel totally content when i did drugs all the time. Now its just binge binge until i can't take it anymore or something fucks up

Exactly, everything just feel like a huge waste because it's not even 1/50th as enjoyable as it used to be.

Originally Posted by FON

Congrats OP. I'm going sober today as well...

I wish you luck with that venture. My head is clearing up quite well now. Sobriety has a lot more to offer than I remember.

Originally Posted by Alien Man

if i didn't have drugs i'd be dead. which would be a good thing.

I've been there and stayed there for a long long time, man. I'm honestly surprised I'm still around and I can blame the drugs for that. A truly mixed blessing. I tried to kill myself for the first time when I was 7 y/o during my parent's divorce and at 8, I vowed to not survive my 20th birthday. I'm still here after my 21th and it is a real kick in the face that I actually have to face life instead of keep running from it.

I hope you understand one day before it is truly too late.

Originally Posted by ManSlaughter

I came to this realization the other day..

you have to stop artificially stimulating you brain with drugs and go out and live a fulfilling life, one that takes the place of drugs.

We are growing / grown up now. I look back and yurn for the younger days when i was free and wreaked havoc without a care in the world.

But you must see that you will always have that experience, the memories and the knowledge, but you can never have it back.. Most people just try, try ,try to get it back, pretend its still the old days, but eventually you will see that these are the NEW old days, these are the days you want to make amazing so in ten years you look back and say this was the best time ever..

sobriety is a interesting thing, and as I have not been in its realm ( i JUST smoke weed, and not to any huge extent ) , I have begun the process of moving forward.

i hope this helps somehow.

Yeah, we're on the same page. I caused havoc and I avoided the majority of legal issues but for the brazenly blatant shit I got nailed for, I got a mere slap on the wrist compared to what I've seen others get. Most of the time, everyone just turned a blind eye and now I'm paying for the freedoms I took for myself.

I'm now very worried I may be going to jail for a year for missing my probation registration almost a year ago. It was supposed to be a year of probation but I couldn't find the place and everyone I asked didn't know so I said fuck it.

Now, I lay in wait for the court date that was promised by the judge. I really wonder if I just slipped through the cracks or if I have retribution to pay. Time will soon tell, I have about 2-3 weeks until the year mark. I'm going to try and enlist before they come knocking at my door.

Like I've got anything to lose. lol

[iSocrates]

this post should be bumped.
much wisdoms

[Cloaked Dagger]

Originally Posted by Death Snuggle

Now, I lay in wait for the court date that was promised by the judge. I really wonder if I just slipped through the cracks or if I have retribution to pay. Time will soon tell, I have about 2-3 weeks until the year mark. I'm going to try and enlist before they come knocking at my door.

Pretty sure you can't enlist if you are a fugitive from justice or have outstanding charges(you do) and they mostly likely do a background check to find out. Go ahead and try though, then you can tell the judge you tried/want to enlist and that might even help you out.

[FON]

Ahhh, 3rd day of sobriety and I feel lucid and great

[Intoxicated Shaman]

More power to you man. I'm going on another sober streak in August because I won't be able to afford drinking and smoking weed again. I haven't even put any thought into other drugs lately.

If you're using drugs to tolerate with living as opposed to recreational use then sobriety is good choice.

[jator]

I had a similar thought the other day but the next thing I knew I was in a k-hole holding what appeared to be a bow an arrow and was like damn this shit's fun.


I'm gonna go pop some klonopin before work.

[Headspin]

Originally Posted by LegalizeSpiritualDiscovry

I really want to stay sober from everything but cannabinoids and psychedelics from now on. I guess I want to say excluding nicotine, but I shouldn't.

This is how I feel. Even then, I don't want to have to worry about getting them. If I feel like it I will, but it won't be on my mind 24/7 like it has been.

Over the last few months I've come to develop this method where I will binge use for a day or two and stop for five. Its not constant, but that's pretty much what I've been doing.

I see my friends who can't get enough of more and I just want to tell them to chill out, but they don't, and I understand.

I tell them how I use psyches for personal development and they don't believe me. They say its just a reason to use.

USE?! USE WHAT!?! I could be banging heroin on the streets again if I wanted to, fuckin... what?! I just want to drop some L and think about life, what the fuck is so wrong about that?

These people wonder why I never open up to them, I can't fuckin relate because their so dull.

Ahem, anyway, good luck with the sobriety mate, try not to take yourself so seriously and don't tell yourself its the end forever. Black and white points of views/ideas when it comes to drug use/sobriety doesn't always implement the way you'd like it to.

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by White Rabbit

Ahem, anyway, good luck with the sobriety mate, try not to take yourself so seriously and don't tell yourself its the end forever. Black and white points of views/ideas when it comes to drug use/sobriety doesn't always implement the way you'd like it to.

I know. The way I'm looking at it is I've basically been on a constant binge with a couple solid breaks for tolerance/legal issues.

I'm actually stockpiling a nice little gift for myself if I find myself ever wanting to chill after my major work in life is done or I might just save it and see if my kids turn out like me.

[BungHole]

I came in, expecting to try to say something funny, then I saw who was the OP, and just said "oh."

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by BungHole

I came in, expecting to try to say something funny, then I saw who was the OP, and just said "oh."

Any particular reason for that specific response?

[BungHole]

Originally Posted by Death Snuggle

Any particular reason for that specific response?

Shit ain't no joke.

There's hardcore. Then there's too hardcore.

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by BungHole

Shit ain't no joke.

There's hardcore. Then there's too hardcore.

I am one for major change and risks. I've stopped taking so many risks though and it's paying off more than I ever expected.

Hell if you look hard enough, you might be able to find what I looked like and what I look like now. You should get a chuckle.

[Cytosine]

Originally Posted by Ryan1711

I quit drink at 17, and it was a big change. For years had been an absolute necessity for spending recreational time with others, and then I just kicked it cold-turkey.

It was somewhat of an adjustment, and the first few months were a little uncomfortable because going out/parties just weren't the same. Eventually though, I started being able to have a good time without booze and I'm fucking glad (money wise and other) that I quit anyway.

I also quit Cannabis (though I wasn't much of a smoker), and toned down heavily on everything else. I never planned to go tee-total, and I'm glad; I just wanted more responsible use.

If you give it some time, maybe occasional usage of shit will be good for you again and not consuming the rest of your life. Personally, I'll take something like MDMA or 2C-* every months, and when possible LSD at least once year.

I can still enjoy drugs, but it just isn't a defining part of my life anymore; and the effect it has on my lifestyle and finances is now completely negligible. Try something similar perhaps.

And that's your 200th thanks.

I've sort of been on the same wavelength recently. Cannabis use/drinking has just become... Sort of like a personality flaw. It really gets in the way me doing shit every day.

I remember that when I used to study I used to experience a sort of flow. I felt connected and in tune with myself. I could work for hours at a time. Now I can't focus as well as I used to. I'm slower. Less organized. Less focused.

I think after four years of heavy cannabis use (daily use, 2-3X daily for the majority) and nearly constant work I'm just burned out. I'm in bad shape physically, my diet sucks, I drink too much, and I'm just generally unhappy/unsociable. Even my friends have said that I've just been miserable for the last year or so. Whatever energy I had back when I started smoking pot and doing psychedelics is just gone. Cannabis doesn't prevent me from drinking, it doesn't prevent anxiety, and it more frequently than not interferes with my meditation/exercise routine/social life.

Hell, all my friends are drug users now. At least the ones I really know and have known for years. My school friends generally don't know how often I'm on drugs, and my old non-druggie friends and I have nothing in common anymore.

I could go on, but I think even I get the point: I have a problem. I'm not being who I want to be.

The solution I've come up with is to just disappear. Unbeknownst to my friends, roommates, and drug dealer, I've accepted a job that's literally 500 miles away from the lot of them. It's way up north in a little Canadian logging settlement (srsly), and it should be fairly involving. But I still have my evenings/weekends to try and... Find something. I guess I just want a way to give me the stability and grounding that I want.

I've retyped that last one there a few times. It sounds stupid. They all sound stupid. It's the best I can do.

I haven't done a stint of sobriety since the beginning of 2007. I don't actually know what's going to happen. Might be interesting.

But it'll probably suck.

[Envision]

Hell yeah i'm battling the demon but it seems he's started to become to powerful, That make sense/? But you go for the sobriety think and god bless you.

[BungHole]

Originally Posted by Envision

Hell yeah i'm battling the demon but it seems he's started to become to powerful, That make sense/? But you go for the sobriety think and god bless you.

God bless, God bless.

[Dandamano]

This thread is deep,I wish the best to all of you who are going sober, not time for me to go down that road yet though...

[Death Snuggle]

Originally Posted by Dandamano

This thread is deep,I wish the best to all of you who are going sober, not time for me to go down that road yet though...

Yeah, I'm surprised how well it's really done. I'm glad to know it's helping others go sober and share help going down this once long forgotten path of sobriety.

Who would have thought that the best thread I make in a drug forum is about sobriety?