Some advice brothers, GP failed me

[Ac1dChrist]

Old TOTSE lurker here, don't worry this won't be a bwaaa thread about how everything sucks. I just generally need some sound advice as my local GP is fail.
In advance, thanks.

I'm just turning 21, I'm male, been diagnosed with depression when I was younger(who hasn't) - some basic info.

First off the bat, sometimes, randomly I feel as though I am sinking or falling. Then as I look around, everything looks distant and distorted. I can't tell how far away something is or how close it is. For instance, I'll look at my hand, it seems big, it also seems small. All colours become more vibrant as well. As well as this confusing experience, my thoughts seem heightened, but heavy. I will clench my teeth hard and possibly grind them. After this has happened, I feel several depressed and instantly suicidal.

Secondly, when I stare at patterns, they seem to distort, move and shift slightly. It depends, this doesn't always happen, sometimes.

I'm becomming more and more socially anxious, I can't really bare to go outside or talk to people I don't know anymore. I sit in my room allday, learn code, read code, learn about computers and learn how to make games(C++, C#, XNA, HTML, networking, etc) and research random information on the internet. I'm incredibly focused on these topics, obsessive almost.

I have become incredibly paranoid, if I walk around I have to look over my shoulder every few seconds as I see shadows behind me or if I walk past a traffic cone, it looks like a dead baby and it scares the shit out of me.

Everything needs to be ordered, I count, breathe, walk and sometimes think in a sequence of numbers and thought patterns. I have to complete ritual sequences sometimes to prevent intrusive thoughts from entering my head.


This is pretty much all I've noticed so far, there maybe some more things but if so, I haven't realised them.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read through this.

[Kwinnie Bogan]

M/S.

Go outside and get into it. You'll forget all this.

[Ac1dChrist]

Originally Posted by KwinnieBogan

M/S.

Go outside and get into it. You'll forget all this.

Could you elaborate some please, that wasn't so clear to me.

[rabbitweed]

Sounds like you'd make a great computer scientist

[Kwinnie Bogan]

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

Could you elaborate some please, that wasn't so clear to me.

Go outside and do some stuff where you'll naturally end up dealing with people. I don't mean a confronting situation like a shopping centre of a club at this stage, but how about going and taking some kinda classes on something? Not computer stuff though, fuck that off. Do something a fair bit more social than that. Then you can work up talking to people at lunchtimes and shit. I dunno mang, just be a surly motherfucker but go about your way doing stuff, but if someone talks to you try and continue the conversation, smile, etc.

Whatever the shit, you'll get over it I am sure. We're all losing our lives and the knowledge that we're all going to die one day just by doing what we do anyway.

Sounds to me like all of this stems from having NOTHING to do, and doing NOTHING about it. Just give it up and find something to do, no pressure it's all up to you. I haven't slept for ages mayng so this is bllllasssssssss

[VVeathers]

Originally Posted by KwinnieBogan

Go outside and do some stuff where you'll naturally end up dealing with people. I don't mean a confronting situation like a shopping centre of a club at this stage, but how about going and taking some kinda classes on something? Not computer stuff though, fuck that off. Do something a fair bit more social than that. Then you can work up talking to people at lunchtimes and shit. I dunno mang, just be a surly motherfucker but go about your way doing stuff, but if someone talks to you try and continue the conversation, smile, etc.

Whatever the shit, you'll get over it I am sure. We're all losing our lives and the knowledge that we're all going to die one day just by doing what we do anyway.

Sounds to me like all of this stems from having NOTHING to do, and doing NOTHING about it. Just give it up and find something to do, no pressure it's all up to you. I haven't slept for ages mayng so this is bllllasssssssss

I think this could be the best response I've ever read to a thread like this. As a youth, I too had the whole depression/agoraphobia thing and got over it exactly as Kwinnie said.

+1 imaginery rep to you.

[Kwinnie Bogan]

Duh, I'm a fucking genius even when strung out. It's pretty clear stuff though, so thanks for thinking that it's a good response.

[graphite]

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

I have to complete ritual sequences sometimes to prevent intrusive thoughts from entering my head.

Compulsions

1. Repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in response to an obsession, or according to rules that must be applied rigidly.
2. The behaviors or mental acts are aimed at preventing or reducing distress or preventing some dreaded event or situation; however, these behaviors or mental acts are not actually connected to the issue, or they are excessive.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obsessi...lsive_disorder

[JoePedo]

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

First off the bat, sometimes, randomly I feel as though I am sinking or falling. Then as I look around, everything looks distant and distorted. I can't tell how far away something is or how close it is. For instance, I'll look at my hand, it seems big, it also seems small. All colours become more vibrant as well.

This could be anything...

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

Secondly, when I stare at patterns, they seem to distort, move and shift slightly. It depends, this doesn't always happen, sometimes.

...but this is, without question, 5HT2A activity in a specific brain region. If I felt like googling, I could give you the name, but it's the organ which does the line-detection post-processing after the lateral geniculate nucleus, not the LGN itself.

5HT2A activity (or for the drughax0rs among us, "the hallucinogen receptor" activity) is in fact one of the things which can explain the symptoms above, a large part of "could be anything" - though fucking with noradrenaline, glutamate, or a bunch of other stuff could also do the former. Not the latter, though.

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

I have become incredibly paranoid, if I walk around I have to look over my shoulder every few seconds as I see shadows behind me or if I walk past a traffic cone, it looks like a dead baby and it scares the shit out of me.

Would you say your tendancy to hallucinate causes fear and paranoia, or just that your paranoia and your hallucination tend to mix poorly?

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

After this has happened, I feel several depressed and instantly suicidal.

lol 5HT inhibition of release. Nice that your body's all correcting itself from excess of hallucination. Not nice some of the side effects.

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

I'm becomming more and more socially anxious, I can't really bare to go outside or talk to people I don't know anymore.

Yeah, I really have no idea if this is 5HT1A underperformance or a failure in downstream oxytocin. We could launch a probe to make better guesses to answer that, but since it's metabolic in nature, there'd be a big chance it would jack the fuck out of your symptoms in random directions for a few months. Probably not worth it.

There's another factor, but it involves a USB line.

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

I'm incredibly focused on these topics, obsessive almost.

Lol. Ass-pie programmer. Who'dathunkit?

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

Everything needs to be ordered, I count, breathe, walk and sometimes think in a sequence of numbers and thought patterns. I have to complete ritual sequences sometimes to prevent intrusive thoughts from entering my head.

Congratulations. You just typed out the diagnostic criteria for OCD. As someone else had noted.

The funny thing is, if you walk up to a doc 'n tell them that you're cheerfully hallucinationg, you'll walk away with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, and doubly so if you tell them you have social anxiety, because schizoid personality disorder (wanting to be alone) is a common misdiagnosis for avoidant social anxiety disorder (not wanting to be alone, but having social anxiety enough to convince you to be alone anyway), and they'll just jam it into the box they want it to fit in.

OCD, otoh, is mostly an anxiety disorder with known high involvement of the 5HT2A receptor, which causes persistent intrusive thoughts bordering on delusion, but barely not quite there yet, hallucination, and anxiety. So as wierd as it fucking is, all your symptoms - from a neurological basis, at least - fall under the OCD spectrum.

Unfortunately, most of your problem probably revolves around a faulty 5HT1A receptor. Not only is one of it's functions in the raephe to choke back serotonin transmission to keep you from, well, hallucinating mostly, but one of its functions in the hippocampus is to shut down anxiety. Like, totally. Chances are? It's probably a genetic defect in receptor protiens. If I'm remembering the right agonist, taking a lot of buspar will let you know if it's an underactive receptor conformation, or a completely inactive one. It's prescribed for antianxiety and docs should like it because they don't have to hand out controlled shit like benzos, even though they really like slinging benzos for some reason. Just tell 'em you're worried about addiction, should be easy to shop for because it's the anti-abuse option and they'd be giving you the high-abuse-liability stuff otherwise.

Now, speaking of probes... one thing you can do just to plumb your own brain, mostly for NE involvement, is to use OTC medications in label-reccomended doses for off-label effective usage. Specifically, take the label-reccomended dose of dextromethorphan polystyrex; delysym is one of the brand names, I believe, but there should be others. Avoid everything with pseudoephedrine, but since you're not chugging a bottle/popping a box or anything, just about any other adulterant (tylenol/guafecin/etc) should be fine.

One of two things should happen; either your hallucinations - already present - will radically increase from this small, label-suggested dosage... or your anxiety will radically decrease. This should tell us what is going on across actually a few more neurotransmitter pathways.

As for what you can do about it? Depends on what's going on. Sorry someone dropped a deuce in your gene pool, tough luck kid, and best of luck on fixing it someday. Sadly, with the current state of OCD, the doctors aren't likely going to help you much unless you find one who gives a shit, is wildly learned and creative, and is open to experimenting in the nonunderstood until something fucking works.

By the way, you left the oven on.

[Rainycity]

you can always play in traffic

[never]

Originally Posted by Ac1dChrist

First off the bat, sometimes, randomly I feel as though I am sinking or falling. Then as I look around, everything looks distant and distorted. I can't tell how far away something is or how close it is. For instance, I'll look at my hand, it seems big, it also seems small. All colours become more vibrant as well. As well as this confusing experience, my thoughts seem heightened, but heavy. I will clench my teeth hard and possibly grind them. After this has happened, I feel several depressed and instantly suicidal.

It really sounds like you might be suffering from bi-polar disorder evidenced by you're feelings of heightened thoughts and followed suit by your severe depression. Bring up these symptoms to your doctor, or if he isn't helpful consider seeing a psychiatrist.