I Woke Up This Morning As My Father: Need Help

[Bale]

I am twenty.

I have always believed I would never be like my parents. Of course, how could I be? They both have shorter and let's say plumper builds. I am 1.8 meters and have a lean build. My dad always tells the corniest jokes to the point where you want to just end your existence. It's like throwing everything at a wall and then being amazed when something sticks. Of course, I am more reserved and what I say is usually very funny when I mean it to be. Right? Right??

I could go on. I won't, not because you don't want to read it, but because I don't want to write it. Instead I will offer a horror story that happened this morning:

I wake up after five hours of sleep. My girlfriend is calling and she has a problem. I answer with a familiar yet unfamiliar tone. The intonation of my voice seems different and so does the phrasing. Where have I heard this before? My stomach rumbles something mean. I must be bloated. I am on the phone with an unusual detachment and preoccupation with the sounds of my intestines. I shouldn't have had that cinnamon bread, really, it is not good for the waistline What? I walk over to the mirror and HOLY FUCK IT HAPPENED! I'VE EJACULATED ONE TOO MANY TIMES I am my father. My nose suddenly looks exactly like his, it is no longer my straight and aristocratic nose but oh no it is bulbous and gross. My face is no longer chiseled and defined but instead a mass of playdough modled after a long night's work. My eyes don't shine but instead droop down and say "yes I'm 40 but I'm still with it". Even my clothes aren't lean fitting but instead have a pear shaped contour of a short German man. It's happened. There is no escape and my adventures as an egoless asshole are over. I am done...

...Or am I? How can I not become my father. This is something I am sure every one of you have faced or will face at some point. It may not be a tragic occasion if you are close to your father yet I am very far from that. It's the sense that I am no longer a singular entity built up from my own experiences but a continuation from a circumcised splurt (thanks Dad)...

I am going to overcompensate and workout now. Or is that what he would do? It is. How can I escape this fate? How can we? It's 2012 and we are still nothing more than a minor alteration of our father. We cannot let their wasted energies seep into us and drain our youth any longer. Let's do something about this.

And if you say "this is not a problem" then go look in the mirror. Now think of your father looking directly back at you. Yeah, I knew you'd see it my way.

[Yurpen]

Good thing my father is a good looking man.

[Vox Ducis]

Ok... what did you take and in what quantity ?

[litefire]

What the fuck are you asking exactly?

Also this

Originally Posted by Vox Ducis

Ok... what did you take and in what quantity ?

[L33tz]

You have to now kill your father.

There can only be one.

[Proots]

Dude, relax. You're his son. Of course you're going to end up looking like him a little bit. There's not need to get all freaked. Just relax your ass. Work out a bit, do what you do and enjoy life.

You're not turning into your father.

[Zanick]

The more you dread your fate, the more you guarantee it. Just be yourself.

[Playground Legend]

Originally Posted by L33tz

You have to now kill your father.

There can only be one.

[JeffreyH]

Queen - Princes Of The Universe - YouTube

Queen - Princes Of The Universe - YouTube
Video: click to display

[JeffreyH]

Highlander Opening From Season 4 - YouTube

Highlander Opening From Season 4 - YouTube
Video: click to display

[Shrike]

My hair is thinning and I have anger management issues, i'm definitely turning into my father. A taller, fatter, and less productive version sure, but him all the same.

[ShutMeUp]

my parents have flaws like anybody else but I'm be proud to be even a miniscule amount like them. you should probably have more respect and appreciation, but then again I don't know your father

[ratfrink]

I look so much like my father that I recently saw a photo of him and thought 'I don't remember doing that'.

The funniest thing is that I haven't seen him in well over twenty years, and I have no recollection of him at all.

[sepht]

good thing my father is a fucking badass