The Summer of George or: How to get Laid and be Productive this Summer

[Rykoshet]

Note: My name is not actually George.

It's been an interesting summer. Usually this is the time I'm hitting the beach daily trolling for a girlfriend, or doing something equally retarded, but so far it's been great. I have a girlfriend, she's just 5000km away, though we talk and to the best of my knowledge we plan to be together when she gets back. It's still a little iffy on if we're allowed to bang other people, but it wasn't brought up and I'll leave it at that.

So why is my summer so great? I'm not spending my time searching for a girlfriend. I swear, it's hilarious! Like the episode of Seinfeld where George stop having sex and becomes productive. That's happened to me. I still flirt like a high schooler on Ecstasy, but now it doesn't take up my time, it's merely something to do when I go out, or as a friendly going out with a female friend. And here's the kicker, CHICKS DIG IT!!!

That's right, I'm going out with them, knowing I have a girlfriend, so I'm not out to impress them or buy them drinks, just chilling with one of the boys (with a nice rack and very smackable ass). And it turns them on, because I act inaccessible. At clubs it's absolutely ridiculous, I end up coming off so strange because I'm joking about sex, dancing with everyone, and motorboting nice breasts, but it's all a big lark to me. The girls go get turned on, but to be honest, in a very superficial way. It's all attraction and I doubt any of these girls would be happy about pursuing a relationship. And I have to mention the Asians, I don't know what's up with Asian chicks but lately they've been all over my dick.

So how can this help you? Well, you now have a girlfriend across the country (or if you live in a small country, across the world). That's right, she may be imaginary for you, but pretend like she's not. That means you're not out looking for a girlfriend. Even if Angelina Jolie (with the personality of Wangari Maathai) came up to you singing Avril Lavigne's Girlfriend and telling you that she'd do all these wonderful things for you, you'd say "No thank you, I have a girlfriend I love". Then you'd proceed to bullshit about how awesome your girlfriend is for a bit, and when she's jealous enough, you fuck her.

But it's not merely telling people you have a girlfriend, far away. ACT LIKE IT! This means every time a girl tells you "oh, she's probably not faithful" you reply with a slap on her ass and a simple "that's ok, neither am I". Or every time a girl says "aww, that's so sweet" you butter her up and then spread her bagel (hahaha, ahahaha, ahahahahaha, sorry). Try it out, it's can't be a coincidence. You already know women look differently at you when you have a girlfriend, but most have some sort of respect for the title. Now, you give yourself a nice out, it's much like the "I recently broke up with my girlfriend". It gives the women a lot of feelings and they in turn act on those feelings but blowing you.

Also, on an equally, or more important scale, you're not chasing after girls. This means you're not that creepy guy going to the shoe museum as if you actually care about shoes. You're just a guy doing manly things because you have a lot of spare time, because your girlfriend is away. In order to succeed, you must do these manly things, such as boxing, in my case. It's just another thing you subtly bring into conversation that women react to, but because you're not a dirty scumbag, it's not a lie.

So in conclusion, if you can't get a woman, here's a foolproof way, and not only will you be getting laid, you'll be improving yourself for next year, so when you go back to school you'll have something to show off, like art skills you've worked all summer on, or a toned body, or whatever. Remember, you have a girlfriend, she's far away, and of "what? I'd never cheat on her, but thanks for asking you sly minx".

I hope that this is even the slightest bit comprehensible. If it's not, I apologize. Also, if it comes off as condescending, I'm sorry, I'm merely offering help, you do not have to accept my terms. Also, if you take offense to this because you view me as slimy and you want a girlfriend, you're welcome to go fuck yourself. Take my advice, which will work, and use it to better yourself personally and socially, so when you start next year anew, you'll be experienced at talking to women, having a productive hobby, and if you're really lucky, you might be able to handle a relationship without screwing up your whole life over the girl. Lord knows I can't.

[jackketch]

It's a well known fact, having a girlfriend instantly trebles your sex appeal. Some kind of female jealous gene I guess. The fact one woman wants you means that others-who would have not given you a second glance- get suddenly interested.

[BlackSails]

I don't know if I can fake that. How's about I tell them I have an e-girlfriend?

[negz]

lol

[PointlessForest]

Originally Posted by BlackSails

I don't know if I can fake that. How's about I tell them I have an e-girlfriend?

this will totally work. 100% guaranteed.

[Rykoshet]

The funny thing is, I just got a call from a friend, and needless to say, one of the things he did was remind me of this girl I fell in love with in September, that fucking dick.

I will obsess over how to solve this. My summer is ruined.

[Vizier]

Ah yeah, fucking under a 45 degree heat is the shit

Sweat makes it primitive, dirty, wild and sexy. Clean sweat, that is.

[PuttinOnTheRitz]

Originally Posted by BlackSails

I don't know if I can fake that. How's about I tell them I have an e-girlfriend?

a/s/l

[000]

ITT: Rykoshet continues bragging about his make believe life to strangers on the internet in hopes that their approval will keep the crushing depression at bay one more day so he won't have to try lynching himself with an old extension cord.

[Rykoshet]

Originally Posted by 000

ITT: Rykoshet continues bragging about his make believe life to strangers on the internet in hopes that their approval will keep the crushing depression at bay one more day so he won't have to try lynching himself with an old extension cord.

OH NO, YOU GOT ME!!!

Idiot.

[Moderator]

Problems with this:

The people who don't have a girlfriend will want to actually sleep with the girls they meet. It won't be long before either a.) It becomes apparant that you never had a girlfriend or b.) You get a reputation as a serial cheater.

The 'be productive ' part has only come as you got a girlfriend. Unless the advice for being productive is 'do something productive with your time'.

[Rykoshet]

Originally Posted by Moderator

Problems with this:

The people who don't have a girlfriend will want to actually sleep with the girls they meet. It won't be long before either a.) It becomes apparant that you never had a girlfriend or b.) You get a reputation as a serial cheater.

The 'be productive ' part has only come as you got a girlfriend. Unless the advice for being productive is 'do something productive with your time'.

Yes, but you've got to start somewhere. Jump in, and maybe in a week or two it won't be apparent you're single.

I don't quite understand what you mean by second paragraph. I just mean, with having a girlfriend, you don't have to focus on finding one, which takes up a lot of time. Ie, if you're going out, instead of going out to a bar at 9pm, you go out around 11pm, when all the cool kids are out and everyone wants to get laid instead of socializing.