The only fountain divine,
Bigger than all mystery,
Author of all man kind,
In matter nature all things concealed,
the Father of all wisdom reveals.
Plenty for all, waste for none,
The love of the Sun,
Love beginning before time,
Never, but all ways,
I live beyond infinity,
All stars shine,
Be cause they are mine,
Light is my love everywhere.
Joining all things together,
All things getting better.
Reject poisoned visions in your head,
Come back to me instead,
In joy the journey,
Take your mother's hand back to me.
The horizon of your soul is small compared to the magnitude of my grace,
Light shines down ever more,
Every where so I can caress your face,
Rise by desire,
Blossom in fire,
Fear not the thoughts in your head,
Only ignorance of Love's divine law.
In childrens eyes our spirit is set,
See the promise of life everlasting,
I love each and every last one,
Guide their words to perfect imperfection.
I want all to see,
An imperfect world lacks but one voice,
The song I gave you.
Listen to your heart,
See vision flowing outside in,
Start now, begin,
Man kind my child,
Most perfect of all fusions,
Your heart never lies to you,
The seed of life everlasting,
Grows inside never spoiling,
When you tend my garden.
My children forever loved,
Only blessings I bestow,
Talk to me first in your heart,
Listen to me next,
Act honestly your best,
Rest your poor head,
Joy will fill the darkness of your mind,
For I give all to those who ask truthfully.
Fear not devils in the flesh,
Only evils that do not exist,
Deception happens know where,
Accept the ego is animal.
The law is obvious to those who feel me,
No logic can steal the Truth,
All beauty a gift flowering for those who seed it,
My word lives in hearts like fire,
Sounds like song,
Feels like bliss,
I miss all my children.
Last edited by Nachismo; 07-18-2009 at 03:45 PM.
Well, disregarding the spelling mistakes, to be honest, I didn't like it. A lot of the language you use is very weak and simple, and I just didn't really feel it. The rhythm seemed choppy, and it seemed like you were trying to rhyme certain things but they didn't quite get rhymed (accidental slanted rhyming structure?? I don't know).
However, unfortunately, I don't know how you could make this poem better, I guess you could just take into consideration what I said, and that should DEFINITELY help you whenever you write.
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