The Loss of Childhood [long]

[Manifesto]

So, first of all, inb4 wall of text. I have been thinking about this for a while. Recently, I have essentially just been getting stoned and thinking about this. And it's depressing the fuck out of me. But in any case, here goes.

At some point, I realized that my childhood was definitively over. It could be drugs that caused this, or not. But I feel like shit because everything that I held dear to me, everything that was a part of me is suddenly gone. Everything about the age I grew up in- my parents, my childhood, I miss it all as though it has been stripped from me. I've taken to thinking that society has degraded as I grew by coincidence, but in reality the change is internal. It's so hard to reconcile... I mean, fuck. That shit happened to me. I was there, a small coordinated continent of matter, feeling, sensing the reality of that moment- and it's gone. And the worst part is, I can never have it back. I have to deal with the fact that it's just gone forever. Forever. We're dealing with terms of the infinite here. It's all fucking over.

Everything I miss about growing up in the mid-nineties, it all comes back to me. The fonts of the books, the cheesy post-cold war inclusive political attitude, the technological grace of early computer graphics. The foods I ate, the things I had, the way people looked... It's only going to fucking get worse and die. I remember every little feeling and place. It was more real than today.

We've entered a new millennium. Today, we are run by technology. Cell phones have replaced the effective simplicity of the home phone. Computers are ubiquitous. You don't have to actually do anything to receive information, experience and emotion. Perhaps I'm nothing more than a pathetic nostalgic, but we don't even need humans, it seems. I was in a hospital, yesterday, waiting to be called in from the waiting room. And you know how they told me to come in? They gave me a fucking pager. A pager. A hospital had to fucking spend money to page people in. They need a machine to tell you when to walk through a door. A human just doesn't suffice. I pay at the parking lot to a machine with a credit card. No booth, no greasy kid, nothing. Just a talking machine that eats plastic. Cash is dead, it seems, in favor of computer chips. Nothing's real here.

I hope maybe someday I'll wake up to 8-bit music, sprawled out atop baseball cards, and open my eyes to the innocence that was. Maybe I won't have to deal with the cosmic emptiness and surrealism that is this era, this new millennium. I am, I have realized, the next generation. My children will look upon my outwardness as their history. My struggles, those of all of this, that will be history. History. I've shifted in history now.

What is this all?

[samguy700]

i totaly agree with you, i wish i had grown up in the american pie era and no i dont mean that was an awesome movie i mean i loved the bad clothes the way people acted, it just looks awesome, i know you can look back, its easy, look back to when lolita studios was running, back where the most prison time for nudey pics was half a year.
i guess the best advice i can give you though is enjoy things that wont be there tomorow, a guy in bad ideas post "we are in the goldeen age, hacking, trojans etc. its only going to get harder, take advantage now." he was right, some things will change, enjoy things while you can.

[Irukanji]

Meh. Live life how you want to live it and only let others fuck you around when you absolutely must let them. Otherwise you'll turn into shit. Life isnt and never will be worth living, so might as well make yourself comfortable and prepare for the long haul that is life.

[LiquidIce]

I know what you mean. I'm nostalgic too, I love the 'feeling' of the old times, the old games, the old 'scene' and all. It seemed more exciting while now we get what? Problems and challenges to solve, nothing more. There were times when I couldn't play enough games, now I need to take a break every once in a while. There were times I could read from dawn 'till dusk, now I gotta switch to something else after a few hours.

The world seemed wonderful and mysterious. Now it's all gone, now you face a problem, you gather data, you tackle problem, you face the next problem... It's like trying your best not to sink and you keep on paddling faster and faster but in the end, you know you'll sink.

Meh, dunno, I just try to look forward to things in the future, I try to take care of the present and just treasure the past for all the good times and experience.

[Dionysus]

I have never been nostalgic about my past and while I dislike the changes that take place in the mainstream I try and remove myself from the petty shit as much as I can. No facebook, myspace or twitter. If I want to talk to someone I call instead of text and I dress and talk however the fuck I want. Looking back on my childhood I see that the security was more of a coma than anything else. I may have been happier but at the same time I didn't question things either. People often get less happy as they get more aware.

[Manifesto]

Originally Posted by samguy700

i totaly agree with you, i wish i had grown up in the american pie era and no i dont mean that was an awesome movie i mean i loved the bad clothes the way people acted, it just looks awesome, i know you can look back, its easy, look back to when lolita studios was running, back where the most prison time for nudey pics was half a year.
i guess the best advice i can give you though is enjoy things that wont be there tomorow, a guy in bad ideas post "we are in the goldeen age, hacking, trojans etc. its only going to get harder, take advantage now." he was right, some things will change, enjoy things while you can.

Seriously man, is paedophilia that prevalent in your life? That's fucked.

[Rizzo in a box]

What you miss is Nirvana.

[Nero]

Originally Posted by Rizzo in a box

What you miss is Nirvana.

You mean the band from the era he misses, or spiritual enlightenment?

[Rizzo in a box]

Originally Posted by Chichi

You mean the band from the era he misses, or spiritual enlightenment?

Nirvana isn't spiritual enlightenment, nor is there any such thing as spiritual enlightenment. There is a spirit, and there is enlightenment, but to say the two are one and two together through and through is crazy talk.

Nirvana is the basic state we are born into, it is the state all children are in, of which they slowly are sucked out of by various...conditions...or entities.

[JoePedo]

Originally Posted by Manifesto

At some point, I realized that my childhood was definitively over.

Mine isn't!

In fact, I've learned enough to know that it probably never will be. I'll still be running through the mountains and plains climbing trees and rocks, and weaving daisy chains under the sunny afternoon sky, and asking myself "why is the sky blue" when I'm very very old and very nearly dying. 'n I'm really hella okay with that.

So the question is... why did you, well... completely snuff out your human spirit??

Originally Posted by Manifesto

I was there, a small coordinated continent of matter, feeling, sensing the reality of that moment- and it's gone. And the worst part is, I can never have it back.

Yes you can. And every time someone tries to point out the obvious to you, you turn the subject to babysex for reasons which are a mystery to the rest of us.

But... fuck. It's your life. If you don't wanna live it, you can sit there and cry if it really makes you happy.

Originally Posted by Manifesto

Everything I miss about growing up in the mid-nineties, it all comes back to me. The fonts of the books, the cheesy post-cold war inclusive political attitude, the technological grace of early computer graphics. The foods I ate, the things I had, the way people looked... It's only going to fucking get worse and die. I remember every little feeling and place. It was more real than today.

You totally missed the entire 90s, dude.

Originally Posted by Manifesto

We've entered a new millennium. Today, we are run by technology.

Cyberpunk, for instance, ruled the 90s. 'n it was a good thing, too.

So did a hell of a lot of other shit you do not approve of, like political speech not preapproved by a central administrative body. I seem to recall an antiapartheid website I'd like to get my hands on again at some point...

Originally Posted by Manifesto

They need a machine to tell you when to walk through a door. A human just doesn't suffice. I pay at the parking lot to a machine with a credit card. No booth, no greasy kid, nothing. Just a talking machine that eats plastic. Cash is dead, it seems, in favor of computer chips. Nothing's real here.

Incidentally, it was supposed to be wired into your brain.

Originally Posted by Manifesto

I hope maybe someday I'll wake up to 8-bit music, sprawled out atop baseball cards, and open my eyes to the innocence that was. Maybe I won't have to deal with the cosmic emptiness and surrealism that is this era, this new millennium.

Well, you're in luck. The emptiness is inside you. It begins and ends there.

And again... you're free to destroy all that makes you human or grants you any capacity for happiness all you like. Have fun...

Originally Posted by Manifesto

My children

Heterosexuality is that prevalent in your life?

That's fucked.

Originally Posted by Manifesto

My struggles, those of all of this, that will be history. History. I've shifted in history now.

Ahh, if only you understood history. It is not the present becoming the past; it is the past moving through the present.

Unlike you, I remember the wars in the 90s. I remember the setbacks at the end, brought about largely by the introduction of people like you on mah intarwebz. I remember family acid like mana from heaven, just as I remember that the 8-bit music I was hearing was probably not the shit you think of when you think 8-bit. More along the lines of 2ndreality.

"Turn on. Boot up. Jack in."

- Timothy Leary.

...of course, I also remember what came before. 'n I've recieved belated reports of exactly where the fuck we were during the 2000's.

I'm recruiting for the 2010s. This... is probably one small part of why, unlike you, I'm not exactly sitting around bawwing about how time only flows in one direction. It's not about the past; when present, it was always about the future.

New Families will arise; of course, you'll probably hate the chemist. Tor is the new dial-in BBS; of course, you'll probably hate the noncensorship. The new Goa-Ibiza highway? heh. Not tellin', but you'd probably hate it too, just because people getting back to nature usually don't like the sorts of people who shout at them at random...

Speaking of that 8-bit music you could NOT tell the freaking bitrate on, you little twerp... you're also speaking of the decade in which peer to peer free media entirely fucking buried centralized establishment media, which is more or less the reason it got killed. What's going to replace this?

...well, I would say another relic of mostly-the-90s, "&totse," but Jeff "myspace has your free speech" Hunter is sort of a bitch like that.

So... where's the push for peer-based media liberation going to come through? Can't tell you that, but you'll probably hate it because it wasn't censored by the "authorities." Where's the new highway? Well, can't tell you that, either. You're either hip to what's happening, or you ain't...

But the reason you aren't gleefully grinning with a raw joy at doing the work in the present age is because you were never on the bus to begin with. 'n the only person standing in the way of the happiness you once knew is... you.

You're either part of the problem, or you're part of the solution. 'n if you're part of the solution, your life will start to reflect something pretty chill whether the world around you gets hip to it or not.

Now... go take up the study of bead curtains. These technologies will be needed in the coming times...

In the meantime, I've got a bus to code. Here. Have some Goa. There's a 50/50 chance it's an 8 bit sampling rate...