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Old 09-12-2009, 09:56 AM
ysr2096 ysr2096 is offline
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Default Nigger owner's manual.

http://www.resist.com/ownersmanual.htm

Quote:
NIGGER OWNERS MANUAL

Congratulations on your purchase of a brand new nigger! If handled properly, your apeman will give years of valuable, if reluctant, service.

INSTALLING YOUR NIGGER.
You should install your nigger differently according to whether you have purchased the field or house model. Field niggers work best in a serial configuration, i.e. chained together. Chain your nigger to another nigger immediately after unpacking it, and don't even think about taking that chain off, ever. Many niggers start singing as soon as you put a chain on them. This habit can usually be thrashed out of them if nipped in the bud. House niggers work best as standalone units, but should be hobbled or hamstrung to prevent attempts at escape. At this stage, your nigger can also be given a name. Most owners use the same names over and over, since niggers become confused by too much data. Rufus, Rastus, Remus, Toby, Carslisle, Carlton, Hey-You!-Yes-you!, Yeller, Blackstar, and Sambo are all effective names for your new buck nigger. If your nigger is a ho, it should be called Latrelle, L'Tanya, or Jemima. Some owners call their nigger hoes Latrine for a joke. Pearl, Blossom, and Ivory are also righteous names for nigger hoes. These names go straight over your nigger's head, by the way.

CONFIGURING YOUR NIGGER
Owing to a design error, your nigger comes equipped with a tongue and vocal chords. Most niggers can master only a few basic human phrases with this apparatus - "muh dick" being the most popular. However, others make barking, yelping, yapping noises and appear to be in some pain, so you should probably call a vet and have him remove your nigger's tongue. Once de-tongued your nigger will be a lot happier - at least, you won't hear it complaining anywhere near as much. Niggers have nothing interesting to say, anyway. Many owners also castrate their niggers for health reasons (yours, mine, and that of women, not the nigger's). This is strongly recommended, and frankly, it's a mystery why this is not done on the boat

HOUSING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger can be accommodated in cages with stout iron bars. Make sure, however, that the bars are wide enough to push pieces of nigger food through. The rule of thumb is, four niggers per square yard of cage. So a fifteen foot by thirty foot nigger cage can accommodate two hundred niggers. You can site a nigger cage anywhere, even on soft ground. Don't worry about your nigger fashioning makeshift shovels out of odd pieces of wood and digging an escape tunnel under the bars of the cage. Niggers never invented the shovel before and they're not about to now. In any case, your nigger is certainly too lazy to attempt escape. As long as the free food holds out, your nigger is living better than it did in Africa, so it will stay put. Buck niggers and hoe niggers can be safely accommodated in the same cage, as bucks never attempt sex with black hoes.

FEEDING YOUR NIGGER.
Your Nigger likes fried chicken, corn bread, and watermelon. You should therefore give it none of these things because its lazy ass almost certainly doesn't deserve it. Instead, feed it on porridge with salt, and creek water. Your nigger will supplement its diet with whatever it finds in the fields, other niggers, etc. Experienced nigger owners sometimes push watermelon slices through the bars of the nigger cage at the end of the day as a treat, but only if all niggers have worked well and nothing has been stolen that day. Mike of the Old Ranch Plantation reports that this last one is a killer, since all niggers steal something almost every single day of their lives. He reports he doesn't have to spend much on free watermelon for his niggers as a result. You should never allow your nigger meal breaks while at work, since if it stops work for more than ten minutes it will need to be retrained. You would be surprised how long it takes to teach a nigger to pick cotton. You really would. Coffee beans? Don't ask. You have no idea.

MAKING YOUR NIGGER WORK.
Niggers are very, very averse to work of any kind. The nigger's most prominent anatomical feature, after all, its oversized buttocks, which have evolved to make it more comfortable for your nigger to sit around all day doing nothing for its entire life. Niggers are often good runners, too, to enable them to sprint quickly in the opposite direction if they see work heading their way. The solution to this is to *dupe* your nigger into working. After installation, encourage it towards the cotton field with blows of a wooden club, fence post, baseball bat, etc., and then tell it that all that cotton belongs to a white man, who won't be back until tomorrow. Your nigger will then frantically compete with the other field niggers to steal as much of that cotton as it can before the white man returns. At the end of the day, return your nigger to its cage and laugh at its stupidity, then repeat the same trick every day indefinitely. Your nigger comes equipped with the standard nigger IQ of 75 and a memory to match, so it will forget this trick overnight. Niggers can start work at around 5am. You should then return to bed and come back at around 10am. Your niggers can then work through until around 10pm or whenever the light fades.

ENTERTAINING YOUR NIGGER.
Your nigger enjoys play, like most animals, so you should play with it regularly. A happy smiling nigger works best. Games niggers enjoy include: 1) A good thrashing: every few days, take your nigger's pants down, hang it up by its heels, and have some of your other niggers thrash it with a club or whip. Your nigger will signal its intense enjoyment by shrieking and sobbing. 2) Lynch the nigger: niggers are cheap and there are millions more where yours came from. So every now and then, push the boat out a bit and lynch a nigger.

Lynchings are best done with a rope over the branch of a tree, and niggers just love to be lynched. It makes them feel special. Make your other niggers watch. They'll be so grateful, they'll work harder for a day or two (and then you can lynch another one). 3) Nigger dragging: Tie your nigger by one wrist to the tow bar on the back of suitable vehicle, then drive away at approximately 50mph. Your nigger's shrieks of enjoyment will be heard for miles. It will shriek until it falls apart. To prolong the fun for the nigger, do *NOT* drag him by his feet, as his head comes off too soon. This is painless for the nigger, but spoils the fun. Always wear a seatbelt and never exceed the speed limit. 4) Playing on the PNL: a variation on (2), except you can lynch your nigger out in the fields, thus saving work time. Niggers enjoy this game best if the PNL is operated by a man in a tall white hood. 5) Hunt the nigger: a variation of Hunt the Slipper, but played outdoors, with Dobermans. WARNING: do not let your Dobermans bite a nigger, as they are highly toxic.

DISPOSAL OF DEAD NIGGERS.
Niggers die on average at around 40, which some might say is 40 years too late, but there you go. Most people prefer their niggers dead, in fact. When yours dies, report the license number of the car that did the drive-by shooting of your nigger. The police will collect the nigger and dispose of it for you.

COMMON PROBLEMS WITH NIGGERS - MY NIGGER IS VERY AGGRESIVE
Have it put down, for god's sake. Who needs an uppity nigger? What are we, short of niggers or something?

MY NIGGER KEEPS RAPING WHITE WOMEN
They all do this. Shorten your nigger's chain so it can't reach any white women, and arm heavily any white women who might go near it.

WILL MY NIGGER ATTACK ME?
Not unless it outnumbers you 20 to 1, and even then, it's not likely. If niggers successfully overthrew their owners, they'd have to sort out their own food. This is probably why nigger uprisings were nonexistent (until some fool gave them rights).

MY NIGGER bitches ABOUT ITS "RIGHTS" AND "RACISM".
Yeah, well, it would. Tell it to shut the fuck up.

MY NIGGER'S HIDE IS A FUNNY COLOR. - WHAT IS THE CORRECT SHADE FOR A NIGGER?
A nigger's skin is actually more or less transparent. That brown color you can see is the shit your nigger is full of. This is why some models of nigger are sold as "The Shitskin".

MY NIGGER ACTS LIKE A NIGGER, BUT IS WHITE.
What you have there is a "wigger". Rough crowd. WOW!

IS THAT LIKE AN ALBINO? ARE THEY RARE?
They're as common as dog shit and about as valuable. In fact, one of them was President between 1992 and 2000. Put your wigger in a cage with a few hundred genuine niggers and you'll soon find it stops acting like a nigger. However, leave it in the cage and let the niggers dispose of it. The best thing for any wigger is a dose of TNB.

MY NIGGER SMELLS REALLY BAD
And you were expecting what?

SHOULD I STORE MY DEAD NIGGER?
When you came in here, did you see a sign that said "Dead nigger storage"? .That's because there ain't no goddamn sign.
I lol'd.
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  #2  
Old 09-12-2009, 10:22 AM
Leonidas Leonidas is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Lovin the Housing Your Nigger part, two hundred niggas in 15' by 30' cage.

LOL
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  #3  
Old 09-12-2009, 10:24 AM
Dannny88 Dannny88 is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

lulz
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  #4  
Old 09-12-2009, 10:29 AM
Dfg Dfg is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Pretty OLD.
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  #5  
Old 09-12-2009, 10:40 AM
SHANE14 SHANE14 is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

hahaha, nice
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  #6  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:03 AM
Mantikore Mantikore is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

older than africa
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  #7  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:12 AM
nutsack nutsack is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool d
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  #8  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:26 AM
Dfg Dfg is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dfg View Post
Pretty OLD.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantikore View Post
older than africa
Quote:
Originally Posted by black View Post
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool d
^This pretty much sums up this thread.

Welcome to the Internet OP.

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  #9  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:44 AM
SHANE14 SHANE14 is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

cold
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  #10  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:53 AM
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

I lold
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  #11  
Old 09-12-2009, 11:54 AM
ysr2096 ysr2096 is offline
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Thumbs Down Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dfg View Post
^This pretty much sums up this thread.

Welcome to the Internet OP.

I know it's old, but its age doesn't make it any less funny.

If you've seen it before and you don't care to see it again, just don't view this thread. No one gains anything by you saying it's old you know.
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  #12  
Old 09-12-2009, 01:28 PM
Σnigma Σnigma is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Older than zombie Christ himself.
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  #13  
Old 09-12-2009, 03:34 PM
Baliente Baliente is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ysr2096 View Post
I know it's old, but its age doesn't make it any less funny.

If you've seen it before and you don't care to see it again, just don't view this thread. No one gains anything by you saying it's old you know.
THANK YOU! What is the deal with folks just having to be one of the uber cool people that have seen it before and just have to be the first to let us all know?

Fags.
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  #14  
Old 09-12-2009, 04:40 PM
Dfg Dfg is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baliente View Post
THANK YOU! What is the deal with folks just having to be one of the uber cool people that have seen it before and just have to be the first to let us all know?

Fags.
Well, I normally would support users when they post stuff but in OP case he should have known it. Considering he thinks he is a good poster and mod (shitse). This link has been posted in SG (Totse) and IFIOTW many times. It would be nice if the OP contributed something new rather then some youtube videos of 9 year old girls and this.

Don't get me wrong but its get frustrating when the ones who complain about others don't contribute when required.
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  #15  
Old 09-12-2009, 04:48 PM
ysr2096 ysr2096 is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dfg View Post
This link has been posted in SG (Totse) and IFIOTW many times..
Even if this is the case, Totse is not Zoklet and those posts on Totse are no longer accessible. Therefore it's very much new content as far as Zoklet is concerned.

Quote:
Don't get me wrong but its get frustrating when the ones who complain about others don't contribute when required.
I don't complain about others any more than anyone else; I complain about you, and I have good reasons for doing so.
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  #16  
Old 09-12-2009, 04:59 PM
Dfg Dfg is offline
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Roll Eyes Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ysr2096 View Post
Even if this is the case, Totse is not Zoklet and those posts on Totse are no longer accessible. Therefore it's very much new content as far as Zoklet is concerned.



I don't complain about others any more than anyone else; I complain about you, and I have good reasons for doing so.
It's not new idiot. Even if Totse is not here it's still not new. What is old is old. Stop trying to make it new.

But still I was surprised you got so butt hurt and you replied in this thread :
http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=62655

Face it, if you want to post or lol (HHAHAH) Mod in the near future at least put some effort into your threads. All I am seeing is shit from your side. Even Abbod is better compared to you.

Next time don't post old shit, try finding something new.
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  #17  
Old 09-13-2009, 01:15 AM
Mantikore Mantikore is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Have a look at the "similar threads" box below
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Old 09-13-2009, 01:53 AM
ysr2096 ysr2096 is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dfg View Post
It's not new idiot. Even if Totse is not here it's still not new. What is old is old. Stop trying to make it new.
Read this very carefully: Its old age does not depreciate its humor value. Until you can prove otherwise, your argument is void.

Quote:
But still I was surprised you got so butt hurt and you replied in this thread :
http://www.zoklet.net/bbs/showthread.php?t=62655
Hmm. I guess I was wrong. I said there are a lot of faggots on Zoklet, but judging from the lack of replies in the thread, you're the only one!

My post in that thread parallels your postS (spam, anyone?) in this thread. You see, both serve to inform the OP of shit everyone a) doesn't need to know, b) probably already knows, and c) shit that no one stands to gain from. You have nothing to gain from telling everyone that it's old except an extension to your already oversized E-penis, just as I have nothing to gain by telling you you're a faggot.

Since we know that, as a general rule, repeatedly making unnecessary posts is the backbone of spamming, it's no far stretch to conclude that you're spamming my thread, perhaps in a thus far futile attempt to derail it - I don't know for sure, I'm no expert at reading the minds of idiots. What is apparant though, is that you're engaging in bad moderating practice. I mean, just because the content is old, it doesn't give you license to spam the thread. If I was in breach of your gay little rules, this thread would be locked. But since posting old stuff is not against anyone's rules, you're limited to (attempting to) derail it.

Quote:
Next time don't post old shit, try finding something new.
Answer me this; why the fuck does it matter if it's old or not? The humor is still there and it's not as if everyone has seen it, and even if they have, there's nothing to indicate they won't get a kick out of seeing it again.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mantikore View Post
Have a look at the "similar threads" box below
Lol, good catch. I usually keep that shit closed.
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Old 09-13-2009, 04:01 AM
Metaflux Metaflux is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

wow real funny... This is lame as hell
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  #20  
Old 09-13-2009, 04:02 AM
supperrfreek supperrfreek is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

This is kinda lame.
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  #21  
Old 09-13-2009, 04:35 AM
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Former FBI Agent Former FBI Agent is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ysr2096 View Post
Read this very carefully: Its old age does not depreciate its humor value.
Yes it does.
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  #22  
Old 09-13-2009, 04:37 AM
Mantikore Mantikore is offline
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Black View Post
Yes it does.
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  #23  
Old 09-13-2009, 04:42 AM
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Default Re: Nigger owner's manual.

Oh wow...
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