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  #1  
Old 10-02-2009, 08:04 AM
beergoggles beergoggles is offline
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Mad I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

I'm really sick of this shit. It took years of being a fuck-up, but I'm finally sick of it.

Now instead of sitting on HB, I'm going to go read a book and try to sleep naturally for the first time in years.

I'll give you all an update in the morning.

As a side note, I want to say I envy those of you who can use drugs in moderation, because I am severely lacking that ability. At the rate I was going I wouldn't have lived very much longer. The combinations I was taking were just a recipe for disaster.

For those of you who knew the kind of dosages I was taking, I lied. I was taking much, much more. I know a few of you have become victims of my late-night jibberish typing. I was blacking out every single night.

I wrote a to-do list for tomorrow, but I have a feeling I won't sleep anyways:
  • Call some people and tell them I love them, and good-bye. Thank them for all the good times
  • Proceed to delete numbers
  • Get rid of things I've become to associate with drugs
  • Call my doctor and tell him what I'm doing in case I have a fucking seizure again
  • Give away my bong and pipe
  • Get a complete physical planned so I know which organs I'll have to start the bidding on.

Hopefully this marks the beginning of a new journey through this shithole of a life.
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  #2  
Old 10-02-2009, 08:06 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

You should have mailed me the drugs. And is zoklet not something that makes you want drugs?
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:08 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

better stay with it- what were your drugs of choice?
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:11 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

That's great, you can do it. Take control of your life.
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:14 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Quitters never win .
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:18 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by Angry Blue Bird of Death View Post
That's great, you can do it. Take control of your life.
How about admitting to the katie bullshit

something you seem incapable of
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  #7  
Old 10-02-2009, 08:22 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Well... you didnt have to throw away the bong and pipe. Thats just weed man.
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:25 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Well... you didnt have to throw away the bong and pipe. Thats just weed man.
Only if the bong and piep are clean
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  #9  
Old 10-02-2009, 08:34 AM
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:46 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Best of luck, I lack the necessary fortitude to face the cesspool of life without some means of enhancing it, sometimes in my more introspective moments, I wonder if those that can are better off...
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:48 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Nice post (assuming you're serious)

I made a decision like that awhile ago, Well sort of. I just never pay for drugs anymore, but I'll have the odd rip off a joint if it's offered to me. People don't share a whole lot though, so it basically works out to the same as quitting (which is fine by me.) I've found that after being a drughead for soo many years, sobriety feels just like "wow"...almost an altered state in itself after all that...
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:52 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by Winston_Smith View Post
Best of luck, I lack the necessary fortitude to face the cesspool of life without some means of enhancing it, sometimes in my more introspective moments, I wonder if those that can are better off...
Don't be silly. You know drugs and alcohol make life great .
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Old 10-02-2009, 08:53 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by Follow the White Rabbit View Post
Nice post (assuming you're serious)

I made a decision like that awhile ago, Well sort of. I just never pay for drugs anymore, but I'll have the odd rip off a joint if it's offered to me. People don't share a whole lot though, so it basically works out to the same as quitting (which is fine by me.) I've found that after being a drughead for soo many years, sobriety feels just like "wow"...almost an altered state in itself after all that...
I find the state of sobriety repugnant these days, it's a damn chore.
Which does sadden me, to be honest.

Granted, I don't feel any loss of faculties or intellect, but it would be nice getting through the day without: "When am I having my first drink, spliff and benzo of the day" running through my head like a mantra.

On the plus side, that first drink of the day is fucking brilliant, almost worth incipient alcoholism in itself.
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  #14  
Old 10-02-2009, 09:39 AM
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Thumbs Up Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

This is probably a feat most would consider impossible. I was an IV opioid (oxycodone, dilaudid, heroin) user, and was also known to shoot cocaine and speed for a while there, then I quit that and turned mostly to just sniffing suboxone, chewing OxyContin once in a while, and taking handfuls of Somas, and now I'm taking one last step.

I'm slowly going to wean myself off the Suboxone. I have just enough, and I don't want to quit opioids again cold turkey. I'm prone to seizures, and last time I cold turkeyed I hit the floor spazzing in my kitchen right in front of my brother. No, there were no other drugs involved, I have a family history of this kind of problem.

I'm going to try and have someone to look over me to make sure I'm safe.

Oh yeah, no more weed. I especially hate that shit nowadays. More for you guys.

I kinda want to sleep This is going to really suck for the first couple weeks.

Last edited by beergoggles; 10-02-2009 at 09:45 AM.
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  #15  
Old 10-02-2009, 09:56 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Sobriety

Not sure what to say, It's really great to see you take action.
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  #16  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:12 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
This is probably a feat most would consider impossible. I was an IV opioid (oxycodone, dilaudid, heroin) user, and was also known to shoot cocaine and speed for a while there, then I quit that and turned mostly to just sniffing suboxone, chewing OxyContin once in a while, and taking handfuls of Somas, and now I'm taking one last step.

I'm slowly going to wean myself off the Suboxone. I have just enough, and I don't want to quit opioids again cold turkey. I'm prone to seizures, and last time I cold turkeyed I hit the floor spazzing in my kitchen right in front of my brother. No, there were no other drugs involved, I have a family history of this kind of problem.

I'm going to try and have someone to look over me to make sure I'm safe.

Oh yeah, no more weed. I especially hate that shit nowadays. More for you guys.

I kinda want to sleep This is going to really suck for the first couple weeks.
goodluck mang.
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  #17  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:22 AM
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Thumbs Up Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by J.P.W View Post
goodluck mang.
It's day 1 and the lack of sleep is killer, but I'll probably get a power nap in this afternoon if I'm lucky.

Everything just seems kinda of surreal. I hope I don't do anything stupid today.

I'm thinking of trying to get fired from my job. I live with my parents, and if I want to be successful with this I need to get as far away from that place as possible. Every relapse I've ever had is because of these shitty jobs I'm stuck doing during college. There's always some fucking dishwasher who has to have OxyContin.

As soon as I see that shit, all these cogs in my head start creaking, and I can't help myself. I need a break, at least during this detox and recovery phase. I haven't had more than a week off in the past 3 years, and I got that week off because I was locked in a detox facility.
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  #18  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:34 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
It's day 1 and the lack of sleep is killer, but I'll probably get a power nap in this afternoon if I'm lucky.

Everything just seems kinda of surreal. I hope I don't do anything stupid today.

I'm thinking of trying to get fired from my job. I live with my parents, and if I want to be successful with this I need to get as far away from that place as possible. Every relapse I've ever had is because of these shitty jobs I'm stuck doing during college. There's always some fucking dishwasher who has to have OxyContin.

As soon as I see that shit, all these cogs in my head start creaking, and I can't help myself. I need a break, at least during this detox and recovery phase. I haven't had more than a week off in the past 3 years, and I got that week off because I was locked in a detox facility.
Just dont go to work?
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  #19  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:40 AM
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Just dont go to work?
I wanted to do something a little more creative. I really despise being there, plus I need to look into if I could possibly qualify for unemployment at all, and what I'd have to do to get it. I can't have zero income unfortunately
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  #20  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:45 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Make sure that you got a back up plan before you quit yer job
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Old 10-02-2009, 10:48 AM
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Thumbs Down Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by Angry Blue Bird of Death View Post
Make sure that you got a back up plan before you quit yer job
Meh, I've really been looking for an excuse to be a bum for a little bit. Work is the last thing I want on my mind right now.
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  #22  
Old 10-02-2009, 10:51 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Meh, I've really been looking for an excuse to be a bum for a little bit. Work is the last thing I want on my mind right now.
Yeah, going to a job you dread isn't probably the best thing right now.

May I ask, do you rent an apartment or suite or something?
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  #23  
Old 10-02-2009, 11:02 AM
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Yeah, going to a job you dread isn't probably the best thing right now.

May I ask, do you rent an apartment or suite or something?
I'm a general fuck-up. I live with my folks and pay enough to not to be a huge burden, and just kind of slide along.

I plan on calling in sick today.
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  #24  
Old 10-02-2009, 11:12 AM
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Thumbs Up Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
I'm a general fuck-up. I live with my folks and pay enough to not to be a huge burden, and just kind of slide along.

I plan on calling in sick today.
Good idea. That way you can think things through.

If you're a fuck-up than just about everyone else is



Some days I wish I had a job, others I'm like I don't wanna do that!

Either way the $$$ keep coming in
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Old 10-02-2009, 11:13 AM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Either way the $$$ keep coming in
how?
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  #26  
Old 10-02-2009, 11:19 AM
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how?
If he ain't bullshitting then he's a lucky motherfucker. I think I get it, but that's ABBoD's business.
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  #27  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:13 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Good luck. I suggest going to some NA classes. Do you already have a sponsor?
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  #28  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:17 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Don't sleep or you'll die.
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  #29  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:22 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Reality sucks, don't stop doing drugs.
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  #30  
Old 10-02-2009, 12:38 PM
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Thumbs Up Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
I'm really sick of this shit. It took years of being a fuck-up, but I'm finally sick of it.

Now instead of sitting on HB, I'm going to go read a book and try to sleep naturally for the first time in years.

I'll give you all an update in the morning.

As a side note, I want to say I envy those of you who can use drugs in moderation, because I am severely lacking that ability. At the rate I was going I wouldn't have lived very much longer. The combinations I was taking were just a recipe for disaster.

For those of you who knew the kind of dosages I was taking, I lied. I was taking much, much more. I know a few of you have become victims of my late-night jibberish typing. I was blacking out every single night.

I wrote a to-do list for tomorrow, but I have a feeling I won't sleep anyways:
  • Call some people and tell them I love them, and good-bye. Thank them for all the good times
  • Proceed to delete numbers
  • Get rid of things I've become to associate with drugs
  • Call my doctor and tell him what I'm doing in case I have a fucking seizure again
  • Give away my bong and pipe
  • Get a complete physical planned so I know which organs I'll have to start the bidding on.

Hopefully this marks the beginning of a new journey through this shithole of a life.
I'm glad to hear about your lifestyle change, I hope it sticks
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  #31  
Old 10-02-2009, 01:41 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
I need to look into if I could possibly qualify for unemployment at all,
Are you in the US? If you quit your job, then I am pretty sure that you can not collect unemployment.

Good luck!!
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  #32  
Old 10-02-2009, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

I know what you're going through brother. I was a daily cocaine user for about a year. Was able to quit pretty easily but only because I found a new love.... oxycodone and xanax.... which later became heroin and xanax. Weened of the H by increasing my benzo dose. Then finally kicked that (hardest IMO). Thankfully I'm not prone to seizures (prob b/c I wasn't a IV/IM user). Anyway I don't know where I'm going with this but trust me when I say things get better. You really need to keep yourself busy until your urges are gone (1... 2 years....), not just your wd's. Get a job, go to school, and EXERCISE. Any recovering addict will tell you that exercise is the key. Endorphins are Endogenous opioids, remember that.
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  #33  
Old 10-02-2009, 03:16 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Lots of masturbation I see in your future. You will be rubing that shit until the skin turns beet red.

That or you will start drinking the toilet water if you haven't already trying to suck your drugs back up the whole.
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  #34  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:05 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

The most drugs I take is a couple of Nytol every now and then, and my life is still shit. Getting off drugs won't magically make your life better.
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Old 10-02-2009, 04:11 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

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Getting off drugs won't magically make your life better.
True that. But it's a good start for someone who's an addict.
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  #36  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:12 PM
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True that. But it's a good start for someone who's an addict.
Yeah, I agree it's gonna be better to be off them.
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  #37  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:14 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Hmm.

I wish you luck, and will be praying for you.

I think you should not quit your job, though. Maybe tell them you need a few weeks off to detox, but then go back when you feel a bit better. If someone there has oxy, tell them not to talk about it and make sure they don't give you any somehow.

A job helps a LOT with this sort of thing. You can't expect to be a bum, sit around at home all day and not relapse. Find more hobbies (not bodybuilding, maybe you should quit that unhealthy shit) too, and work way hard at school.

distractions

I beat an addiction, you can do it too.
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  #38  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:15 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by beergoggles View Post
This is probably a feat most would consider impossible. I was an IV opioid (oxycodone, dilaudid, heroin) user, and was also known to shoot cocaine and speed for a while there, then I quit that and turned mostly to just sniffing suboxone, chewing OxyContin once in a while, and taking handfuls of Somas, and now I'm taking one last step.

I'm slowly going to wean myself off the Suboxone. I have just enough, and I don't want to quit opioids again cold turkey. I'm prone to seizures, and last time I cold turkeyed I hit the floor spazzing in my kitchen right in front of my brother. No, there were no other drugs involved, I have a family history of this kind of problem.

I'm going to try and have someone to look over me to make sure I'm safe.

Oh yeah, no more weed. I especially hate that shit nowadays. More for you guys.

I kinda want to sleep This is going to really suck for the first couple weeks.
Abrupt withdraw of soma can be nasty especially combined with the other withdraws. I think you already know to keep an eye on your BP. And, maybe ask a detox place if there is any type of supplements that can help. Doctors used to have that knowledge, but now they are largely idiots. I think at least with stimulants and maybe others, the amino acids L-Tyrosine and L-Tryptophane could help, and a good set of vitamins are B-complex, and Magnesium (magnesium acts as a mild muscle relaxer and heart tonic)

Try one thing at a time and also look deep into what drove you to use in the first place.


Also DO NOT ABRUPTLY STOP BENZOS!!
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  #39  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:35 PM
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Default Re: I just flushed all my drugs down the toilet...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shrike View Post
The most drugs I take is a couple of Nytol every now and then, and my life is still shit. Getting off drugs won't magically make your life better.
... coming from the person who has never taken any drugs! Go fucking kill yourself if your life is so shitty.

There is NOTHING better than kicking an addiction. You'll feel like a king when your life is back to where it was before you became weak. I agree with Prince Ashley, don't become a narcissistic bodybuilder. Go for a jog, play some basketball or football, pick up skiing. You can do all sorts of healthy activities without destroying your body while becoming a disproportionate freak. Getting of drugs may not make you rich and ecstatic and completely content, but it's most definitely the first step. In conclusion: Go fuck yourself Shrike if I ever met you in person you'd be missing some teeth
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  #40  
Old 10-02-2009, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by slowdown View Post
Abrupt withdraw of soma can be nasty especially combined with the other withdraws. I think you already know to keep an eye on your BP. And, maybe ask a detox place if there is any type of supplements that can help. Doctors used to have that knowledge, but now they are largely idiots. I think at least with stimulants and maybe others, the amino acids L-Tyrosine and L-Tryptophane could help, and a good set of vitamins are B-complex, and Magnesium (magnesium acts as a mild muscle relaxer and heart tonic)

Try one thing at a time and also look deep into what drove you to use in the first place.


Also DO NOT ABRUPTLY STOP BENZOS!!
Yeah, I'm having crazy fucking side-effects from quitting the Somas. I'm having muscle spasms, and I still haven't managed to get any REM sleep. There was a couple hours where I kinda drifted off a little, but no dreams. I'm hallucinating too, very real, and somewhat scary shit.

I'm just starting my Suboxone fast-taper. I don't want to withdraw from both drugs at once if I can avoid it.

Oh yeah, I called in sick and apparently I'm getting fired, lol. I talked to my dad, and he says I shouldn't be working there with how shitty they treat me. I've never been late or called in sick in the entire 4 months I've worked there, and I want to get fired. I'll just go on unemployment for now.

I'm so glad to be out of that place. I really hope he isn't bullshitting me.

Last edited by beergoggles; 10-02-2009 at 04:52 PM.
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