Archived: Fuck my Life.com

[Cliche Guevara]

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

haha i could read this site for hours

[Actor]

I hate that saying but yeah those are good reads. Also it doesn't seem to have alot of troll stories on it.

[Fool's Gold Mouthpiece]

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

hahaha good site guevara

[Cir]

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

Heh.

[Korivan i'Alagmarae]

Today, I got an email from the local D&D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad... that the group is meeting on valentines day or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

its like the site has been watching my life...

/wrists

[BlackopsNinja]

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

[ILTST9]

LAWL

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

[:MAD:ijuana]

Today, I found out when I Masturbate at night while watching Internet porn I cast a huge shadow on my curtain and the entire sreet is able to see it FML

LOL

[Mister B]

Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML

Haha, nice.

[Cegstar]

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML


This one doesn't surprise me, sadly.

[Bender]

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

Today, I went to the gynecologist and the doctor told me that I look like my mom from this angle. FML

[yxnhpbjac]

Today, I went to the gynecologist and the doctor told me that I look like my mom from this angle. FML

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML

[jimdil4st]

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML

Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML

lulz

[bornkiller]

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

Sites full of win!

[illuminatikiller]

Fucking hilarious. +1 rep for finding that.

[Jo0]

I haven't lol'd on one page in ages!

[k4aic]

good site! funny as shit on there.

[Kweef]

Win, dude.. Fucking win.

[Cliche Guevara]

its like the new bash.org

[thoughtDOTexecute]

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

ahahahahhaha wut an asshole father

[Atlas]

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

that sounds like a shit situation

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML

Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML

[BreadAndButter]

I tried to stay away from posting but goddam....



book marked.






I wanna know how you found this by the way. My guess it was sent to you.

[Traceur]

Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML :rollseyes:

[Haiti's Space Agency]

I've been saying fuck my life for over 10 years now.

[Cliche Guevara]

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

LOL

[Intoxicated Shaman]

Holy shit, this site is fucking hilarious.

Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and £10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML

That guy's life sucks the worst out of what I've seen so far.

[bornkiller]

Originally Posted by VinMetal666

Holy shit, this site is fucking hilarious.



That guy's life sucks the worst out of what I've seen so far.

Heh! sounds kinda like a "my dog ate my homework" excuse to me.

[xilikeeggs0]

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room....my electric tothbrush in her hand. FML

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML

Today, my husband found the box my morning after pill came in. He had a vasectomy 10 years ago. FML

Lulz.

[graphite]

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

[xilikeeggs0]

[quote]Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML[/QUOTE

Today, I gave my girlfriend non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech she tells me I have the body of a monk seal. She then takes my keys, staggers to my car, and drives away. She crashed into a tree 2 blocks later. She's fine. FML

Today, I went to my boyfriend’s work to surprise him. When I got there, I called him on his phone to tell him to turn around. I saw him look at his phone. His co-worker next to him asked who that was. He replied, “Just this fat chick I know”. FML

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I had never met this girl. FML

123

[slm33d]

Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
rofl

[Cliche Guevara]

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

[xilikeeggs0]

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML

[cheech]

Today, a FML story that i created made its way onto zoklet. When I read it, I actually lol'd. FML

[Gunlock]

Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML

Honesty really is the best policy

[Cliche Guevara]

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

[40oz.sauce]

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Ahaha- this site is great!

[I Remember Michelle]

Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML

Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML

Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML

+1 for the lulz

[NuclearWinter]

Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves. I waited 5, in the card it said "it's not working out, but here's 20$". FML

LOL!

[BlackopsNinja]

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML


WaHaHaHaHaAahaHA!!