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  #1  
Old 02-12-2009, 03:26 AM
Cliche Guevara Cliche Guevara is offline
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Default Fuck my Life.com

http://www.fmylife.com/

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. When she asked me to pick up her thong from behind my bed I realized there were two. I didn't pick up hers. FML

Today, I drove my girlfriend home around 11 to her garage where we start to have sex. When she comes to climax she slips and hits her head. Her parents heard the crash and came down, we were both still naked and she was unconscious. FML

Today, my boss fired me via text message. I don't have a text messaging plan. I paid $0.25 to get fired. FML

haha i could read this site for hours

Last edited by Dfg; 08-06-2009 at 06:17 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02-12-2009, 03:36 AM
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Actor Actor is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

I hate that saying but yeah those are good reads. Also it doesn't seem to have alot of troll stories on it.
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Last edited by Actor; 02-12-2009 at 05:00 AM.
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  #3  
Old 02-12-2009, 03:41 AM
Fool's Gold Mouthpiece Fool's Gold Mouthpiece is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 days with no visitors, I got my first phone call. It was my best friend asking if he could date my ex girlfriend. FML

hahaha good site guevara
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  #4  
Old 02-12-2009, 11:33 AM
Cir Cir is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, at lunch I ordered a coke. The waiter replied "diet coke?" and I corrected him saying, "No, regular coke." He shook his head and said again, "diet coke." FML

Heh.
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  #5  
Old 02-12-2009, 03:02 PM
Korivan i'Alagmarae Korivan i'Alagmarae is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I got an email from the local D&D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad... that the group is meeting on valentines day or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

its like the site has been watching my life...

/wrists
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  #6  
Old 02-12-2009, 05:28 PM
BlackopsNinja BlackopsNinja is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML
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  #7  
Old 02-12-2009, 05:33 PM
ILTST9 ILTST9 is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

LAWL

Quote:
Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML
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  #8  
Old 02-12-2009, 05:36 PM
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:MAD:ijuana :MAD:ijuana is offline
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Thumbs Up Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I found out when I Masturbate at night while watching Internet porn I cast a huge shadow on my curtain and the entire sreet is able to see it FML

LOL
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  #9  
Old 02-12-2009, 11:58 PM
Mister B Mister B is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I'm in Spain, and told the kids with whom I will be working that I was excited to be working with them. Only the form of excitement I used apparently refers to sexual excitement. Basically, I told the kids I was sexually aroused to be working with them. FML
Haha, nice.
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  #10  
Old 02-13-2009, 12:13 AM
Cegstar Cegstar is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML


This one doesn't surprise me, sadly.
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  #11  
Old 02-13-2009, 12:21 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

Today, I went to the gynecologist and the doctor told me that I look like my mom from this angle. FML
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  #12  
Old 02-13-2009, 02:46 AM
yxnhpbjac yxnhpbjac is offline
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Talking Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I went to the gynecologist and the doctor told me that I look like my mom from this angle. FML
Quote:
Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home and I was calling bingo numbers. And one woman stood up and started making noises, I asusmed she had won and I started clapping. She then fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I essentially applauded her death. FML
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  #13  
Old 02-13-2009, 04:15 AM
jimdil4st jimdil4st is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I texted my boyfriend saying hi. His response, "I got your best friend pregnant". FML
Quote:
Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying "You definitely take after your mom". FML
Quote:
Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: ďAlex, last night was amazing. You took me to places Iíve never been to before. I canít wait to see you tonight after work.Ē My name is Rob. We havenít had sex in two years. FML
lulz
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  #14  
Old 02-13-2009, 06:02 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML
Sites full of win!
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  #15  
Old 02-13-2009, 06:13 AM
illuminatikiller illuminatikiller is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Fucking hilarious. +1 rep for finding that.
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  #16  
Old 02-13-2009, 10:37 PM
Jo0 Jo0 is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

I haven't lol'd on one page in ages!
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  #17  
Old 02-13-2009, 10:53 PM
k4aic k4aic is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

good site! funny as shit on there.
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  #18  
Old 02-14-2009, 04:27 AM
Kweef Kweef is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Win, dude.. Fucking win.
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  #19  
Old 02-14-2009, 04:29 AM
Cliche Guevara Cliche Guevara is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

its like the new bash.org
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  #20  
Old 02-14-2009, 12:24 PM
thoughtDOTexecute thoughtDOTexecute is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad proceeded to warn me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

ahahahahhaha wut an asshole father
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  #21  
Old 02-15-2009, 07:35 AM
Atlas Atlas is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML
that sounds like a shit situation

Quote:
Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML
Quote:
Today, I was on the internet with my Dad looking up information about allergies. I began to type 'allergies' into the Google Search Box and as I typed 'a', the phrase 'amazing sex positions' popped up as a search I had already looked up. My Dad asked me if any of the positions worked out. FML
Quote:
Today, my tennis coach showed up to practice in an all white outfit. I exclaimed, "You're looking very white today!" He's African American. FML
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Last edited by Atlas; 02-15-2009 at 07:56 AM.
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  #22  
Old 02-15-2009, 07:50 AM
BreadAndButter BreadAndButter is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

I tried to stay away from posting but goddam....



book marked.






I wanna know how you found this by the way. My guess it was sent to you.
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  #23  
Old 02-15-2009, 09:54 AM
Traceur Traceur is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, when my boyfriend and I were lying in bed, he grabbed my double chin and goes "gobble, gobble". FML

Today, My boyfriend dumped me because he said the relationship was too tough for him. When I asked for an example he responded "Like, I don't have enough time to play World of WarCraft." FML :rollseyes:
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  #24  
Old 02-15-2009, 04:04 PM
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Haiti's Space Agency Haiti's Space Agency is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

I've been saying fuck my life for over 10 years now.
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  #25  
Old 02-15-2009, 09:36 PM
Cliche Guevara Cliche Guevara is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I started a fight at a lesbian bar and lost. I'm a man. FML

LOL
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  #26  
Old 02-16-2009, 12:12 AM
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Intoxicated Shaman Intoxicated Shaman is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Holy shit, this site is fucking hilarious.

Quote:
Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and £10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML
That guy's life sucks the worst out of what I've seen so far.
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  #27  
Old 02-16-2009, 12:24 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Originally Posted by VinMetal666 View Post
Holy shit, this site is fucking hilarious.



That guy's life sucks the worst out of what I've seen so far.
Heh! sounds kinda like a "my dog ate my homework" excuse to me.
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  #28  
Old 02-17-2009, 01:56 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a shit. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML
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  #29  
Old 02-17-2009, 05:28 AM
slm33d slm33d is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, my religious girlfriend of 8 months finally lets me have sex with her. She invites me over, and just when we are about to do it, her dad comes home from work 3 hours early. She said it is a sign from God that we have to wait. FML
rofl
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  #30  
Old 02-17-2009, 06:39 AM
Cliche Guevara Cliche Guevara is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML
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  #31  
Old 02-18-2009, 02:25 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, a FML story that i created made its way onto zoklet. When I read it, I actually lol'd. FML
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  #32  
Old 02-18-2009, 07:06 AM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I finally hooked up with a boy I really liked. We were lying in bed and my panties were already off when he asked me : "Would you also have sex with me if you weren't drunk?". I responded "Yes!" and asked him the same question, at which he responded : "No, probably not." FML
Honesty really is the best policy
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  #33  
Old 02-19-2009, 03:40 AM
Cliche Guevara Cliche Guevara is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML
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  #34  
Old 02-19-2009, 03:53 AM
40oz.sauce 40oz.sauce is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, I had to call my mom and tell her about the insurance claim that is going to be coming through in the next couple weeks. I spent the night in the hospital. I'm allergic to lube. FML
Ahaha- this site is great!
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  #35  
Old 02-19-2009, 04:20 AM
I Remember Michelle I Remember Michelle is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, I was walking my son to school. After yelling at him for not looking where he's walking, I grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to me. Not paying attention, I walked him right into a light pole. FML
Quote:
Today, on the crowded train, a cute guy called me over and told me to stand next to him because there were less people there. We started talking, but he left before I could get his number. Just when I was about to tell my friends about it, I find out that he stole my phone. FML
Quote:
Today, I told my mom I loved her and she asked if I was going to kill myself. FML
+1 for the lulz
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  #36  
Old 02-19-2009, 06:43 AM
NuclearWinter NuclearWinter is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Quote:
Today, my boyfriend gave me a card for my birthday and told me to open it 10 minutes after he leaves. I waited 5, in the card it said "it's not working out, but here's 20$". FML
LOL!
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  #37  
Old 02-19-2009, 04:43 PM
BlackopsNinja BlackopsNinja is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML


WaHaHaHaHaAahaHA!!
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  #38  
Old 02-19-2009, 05:30 PM
TokenFakeGuy TokenFakeGuy is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

There's an overwhelming amount of fake / troll post on there.
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  #39  
Old 02-19-2009, 08:55 PM
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

It's funny that people are just now discovering this site.
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  #40  
Old 02-19-2009, 11:41 PM
Sark Sark is offline
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Default Re: Fuck my Life.com

OLD!!

?
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