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  #1  
Old 02-02-2010, 10:53 AM
Pathfinder Pathfinder is offline
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Default List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Im sure plenty of people on zoklet have done their fare share of time in the clink or are headed there.

What skills did you learn in prison/jail that made things a little easier?

Share your jail house tricks and tips.....Weapons...Commerce in jail....trade.... ingenuity....shanks.....ya know....the shit that helped you live a bit more comfortably on the block.

This could end up being a zoklet classic
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  #2  
Old 02-02-2010, 11:03 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

I only spent 3 days in jail but the entire time we:
1. Talked about girls we fucked
2. Played spades (4 cell mates to a room)
3. Ate rainbow bologna sandwiches

I told stories all night and made friends with everyone in my cell and we all laughed. Since it was weekend lockdown we didn't get any kind of recess except for lunch in the main hall.

I think the best think you can do in jail is be funny and have everyone like you. That's what I did and I had a weight on my shoulder because my cousin was in and out of county and state. If they knew we had any kind of family ties I might've been killed.
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Old 02-02-2010, 11:03 AM
A$AP Weed Smoker A$AP Weed Smoker is offline
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

I learned that you instantly have to join a race gang and be made someone's bitch. You can't get weed or heroin in the pen, you've just gotta suffer through as a regular guy!


Source: MY Name is Earl.

naw but I'll start off with this little tidbit: You can turn one cigarette into 20$ in jail! Hint: Reroll them into skinnies, and be in jail

I've never actually served a sentence but from the time I've spent in jail (just about a week total) all I know is that You've gotta have some balls. Chill but dont be too chill. I was making a huge group of niggers laugh telling them how I got arrested.

Later on I told the same group to "Shut the fuck up!" because I was on the shitty jail phone and they instantly did. There's a little bit of implied brotherhood when you be in jail because, it, like, sucks you know.

Then some mexican hardasses were basically telling me "CRIME DONT PAY!" as if I didn't know from a cell. Then some white faggots were staring at me in their sweaters, and some white rednecks told me their amazing story of getting pulled over with TWO PERCOCETS IN THE GLOVEBOX. It's a sweet ass life.

Last edited by A$AP Weed Smoker; 02-02-2010 at 11:09 AM.
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Old 02-02-2010, 12:12 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Bumpppp
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Old 02-03-2010, 12:19 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Learned how to hussle niggas in spades. Learned how to make prison burritos. Learned that shitting is NEVER safe in the pokey. Learned there are a lot of VERY weird fuckers in this world. (already knew, but it gets worse than I thought.)
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Old 02-09-2010, 07:53 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

If you can get some Bugler loose rolling tobacco smuggled in, you can turn a nice profit.
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Old 02-09-2010, 08:27 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Fuck yeah, I sat in jail on text based mafia game for 4 years while scripting the game on and off. I even spent a time on their fucking /jail irc channel. Some crazy inmates.
For such jail-wise person I can only say, if you are stupid enough to get caught, you fucking do the time and shut the fuck up. Don't try to get your self-esteem by boasting on forums and being a hardass with big e-penis..
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  #8  
Old 02-09-2010, 04:06 PM
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Grin Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Paperclip, outlet, dryer lint, FIRE
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Old 02-10-2010, 08:09 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

I was talking to this guy a few days ago and he told me about melting thongs into a bowl and mixing the ash or whatever's left over with baby oil wich gives to black ink to do tattoos with.
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Old 02-10-2010, 03:36 PM
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Grin Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Walrus View Post
I was talking to this guy a few days ago and he told me about melting thongs into a bowl and mixing the ash or whatever's left over with baby oil wich gives to black ink to do tattoos with.
Yar, charred rubber is a common ink in Russian prisons. Gives a kinda bluish color.
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Old 02-10-2010, 03:44 PM
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Arrow Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

You can make dice by wetting toilet paper and sticking it in the angle iron of your bunk.
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  #12  
Old 02-10-2010, 03:54 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Don't talk shit to the guards if you want to eat.
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Old 02-10-2010, 04:00 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Taking a crap in high noon can make your cell mates flinch from the smell
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  #14  
Old 02-10-2010, 04:10 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Basically, learn as many card games as you can. It will help you pass the time, and if you get good, you can win a lot of shit from the other inmates (coffee, envelopes with stamps, smokes, extra food off their trays, etc).

Don't come off as either an ass or a weak person. Either way, people will fuck with you. Think of it as social engineering. What can you do to make these people respect you? For me, it was smacking around some child molester who got sent to our dorms. My dorm mates joined in, and we got that fucker outta there within an hour.

Don't have any kind of addictions (tobacco, drugs, gambling), and don't borrow/lend. These things lead almost universally to you getting the shit beat out of you or worse.

Have something you can show/teach/amuse others with. When the television broke, we all started making makeshift instruments and jamming. It sure sounded horrifying, but it was fun.

mike
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  #15  
Old 02-10-2010, 05:46 PM
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Arrow Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Learn how to talk.

Nothing like sitting in a cell with someone who is in there for fucking someone up really bad and ignoring him or sitting there like you want nothing to do with them. If you're sociable the time really goes by from story telling and laughing.
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Old 02-10-2010, 08:06 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Above all, just don't be too worried about the fact that you're going to jail. Everyone is the first time. Most of the rumors you hear about it are bullshit, mostly derrived from movies. I've never seen anyone raped (though I did hear a story about how one guy jammed a toothbrush up another man's ass while he was sleeping a few months before I arrived) or too severely beaten (saw a couple people get smacked around). What they say about the food is absolutely true, although there were a few dishes I honestly did find enjoyable.

I can't speak for prison, as I've never been, but I've spent a lot of time in jail. The main fact of it is that you'll be bored, and that will definitely outweigh any other aspect of the negative experience. Practice meditation, have books sent to you, exercise, and talk with your new family and friends. Anything you can do to kill even a little time is gonna help you.

Other than that, its not bad. If you're not gonna be receiving more than a year or so, quit bitching.

mike
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Old 02-17-2010, 08:55 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

1. Don't snitch I don't care if your celly told you where there's 50 white womenz buried don't fucking do it because A.sure you may get time off your sentence but you may also get a toothbrush shoved in your neck or your kidney B.If you get time off and you do manage to keep yourself unperforated you'll still always be known as the snitch and thats about the worst thing next to child molester you can be labeled in prison and friends will be few and far between if you even have any

2. try to keep to yourself and don't EVER EVER owe anything to anyone especially anyone that's affiliated. you'll either end up someones bitch or get the shit kicked outta ya AB's especially like the kicking the shit outta ya option they do whats called 3 minutes on the wall basically they get the biggest roid rage motherfucker they got known as an "enforcer" and you get up on a cell wall and he beats the fuck outta ya for 3 minutes

3, if your in there for an extended time learn to do something you can make cash out of I don't care what it is my buddy was inside for 8 years and he made his money off of making sewing needles

4. Don't get in fights I mean don't be a pussy either but the ones you can avoid do because fights in prison are never fair I don't care if your the biggest motherfucker in the yard all that's gonna happen is there gonna get 6 of the other biggest motherfuckers and they'll fuck your shit up
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Old 03-01-2010, 07:55 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

1. Don't piss in the holding cell, I was interrogated by a detective, and had to piss really badI told the guard I needed to piss..... but he didn't let me so I pissed in the corner. I got the shit beaten out of me by the deputy

2. If you have to fight, fight. even if you lose you still get props.

3. get numbers.

4. dont talk about your case with ANYONE.
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  #19  
Old 03-12-2010, 12:15 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

The socket idea only works if there is a live socket available. Some cell blocks don't have electrical sockets and some have ones that only the guards can turn on.

Another idea for making fire, is this:

Get the batteries from the TV remote, use a paper clip or a staple from a magazine, turn the batteries around so that you have + and - then put the clip or staple on top along with some toilet paper. It will eventually heat up enough to ignite the toilet paper, just be careful, you can burn yourself by direct contact to the metal.

If you know you're going away for a while, a year or less, you might want to smuggle some tobacco and papers in with you most likely through your anus. Haven't tried this but most county jails I have gone to don't require you to do the bend 'em and spread 'em.

Don't gamble with anything you can't afford to lose, I've seen people gamble away multiple weeks of lunch trays over a simple card game.

If you have somebody on the outside that loves or cares about you, always be really nice to them while inside and write them letters. These people can give you money on the books that you can use to buy t-shirts, coffee, paper, pencils, stamps, snacks and most importantly: RAMEN FUCKING NOODLES!
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  #20  
Old 03-16-2010, 06:43 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Sock lint, those really fine fibers that are almost whispy, from cotton socks on the end of a tissue/piece of toilet paper will start a fire if you can get a spark to ignite the sock lint. Also note that you should make the tissue into a cone and place the lint on the small end.

I'm pretty sure you can find an old lighter or at least the flint out of it. Strike the flint on a steel screw if you can't get the whole striker assembly intact.
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Old 03-16-2010, 07:00 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

1. Bob Barker and Aramark are the devil.
2. Fat bitches+mail-borne sweet talking=MONEY
3. ALWAYS HAVE FRIENDS!
4. Listen to what the Mexicans and old-school cats have to say. They know what's up.
5. Respect is everything.

Also, pomeade ash makes the best tattoo ink.
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  #22  
Old 03-17-2010, 05:54 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by titoman View Post
1. Bob Barker and Aramark are the devil.
Spoken like a true soldier!
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Old 03-17-2010, 06:25 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Did you meet bubba?
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Old 03-25-2010, 04:56 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

my apologies I am forced to remove all my posts,
you are now watched by authorities

Last edited by 123123123; 04-09-2010 at 10:16 AM.
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:42 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Don't drop the soap.
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:52 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Calisthenics.

Observations.

Reading.

Graphite.
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Old 03-26-2010, 12:55 AM
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stand tall, put your chin up
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:06 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Start a revolution.
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Old 03-26-2010, 01:46 AM
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Quote:
Share your jail house tricks and tips.....Weapons...Commerce in jail....trade.... ingenuity....shanks.....ya know....the shit that helped you live a bit more comfortably on the block.
Weapons - batteries in a sock / soap in a sock / rocks from the yard in a sock. Tie the bottom into a tight knot and then swing that bitch at a head.

Commerce - I got to be a trusty once working in the kitchen. I would make and steal peanut butter sandwiches and trade for commissary. Sounds crazy now but PB sandwiches were a prized commodity if you had been in for a long time and couldn’t get PB.

Trade - breakfast trays, if you were any good at spades then you should have extras. Your cell mates ass if you punked him out.

Ingenuity - toothpaste as wall glue for those Maxim Pin Ups - thread from your sheet as floss. Cookies made from cocoa powder / crackers / sugar packets. Hooch made from fruit punch / sugar packets / bread.

Shanks - those stupid gulf pencils. Put 2 back to back then wrap in toilet paper with a toothpaste / water coating so that it will harden. Board game boards broken down to use as a handle / 2 sporks with half of the spoon part broke put together with toothpaste between. Add the boards to the handle and wrap with strips of your bed sheet. File edge of spoon on the concrete floor.

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  #30  
Old 03-26-2010, 02:08 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

Take your laptop.
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Old 03-26-2010, 02:21 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

1. Shank building
2. Pruno brewing
3. DIY immersion heaters.
4. DIY miniature lathe made from a cassette motor.
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Old 03-26-2010, 03:54 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rizzo in a box View Post
Start a revolution.
This.

It was done.
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Old 03-26-2010, 04:00 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

the most i lerned frum jale is not to let ne1 take ur yogert
if u do they will cut thru u like pigs on buter LOL
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Old 03-26-2010, 05:28 PM
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Dude climbed the balcony.

Got shot up with pepper balls.

Smartest guy in there.

ERT's a bunch of bitches and CO's are whores.
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Old 03-31-2010, 02:42 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Iamgod View Post
1. Don't snitch I don't care if your celly told you where there's 50 white womenz buried don't fucking do it because A.sure you may get time off your sentence but you may also get a toothbrush shoved in your neck or your kidney B.If you get time off and you do manage to keep yourself unperforated you'll still always be known as the snitch and thats about the worst thing next to child molester you can be labeled in prison and friends will be few and far between if you even have any

2. try to keep to yourself and don't EVER EVER owe anything to anyone especially anyone that's affiliated. you'll either end up someones bitch or get the shit kicked outta ya AB's especially like the kicking the shit outta ya option they do whats called 3 minutes on the wall basically they get the biggest roid rage motherfucker they got known as an "enforcer" and you get up on a cell wall and he beats the fuck outta ya for 3 minutes

3, if your in there for an extended time learn to do something you can make cash out of I don't care what it is my buddy was inside for 8 years and he made his money off of making sewing needles

4. Don't get in fights I mean don't be a pussy either but the ones you can avoid do because fights in prison are never fair I don't care if your the biggest motherfucker in the yard all that's gonna happen is there gonna get 6 of the other biggest motherfuckers and they'll fuck your shit up
We have 2 minutes up here.
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Old 03-31-2010, 03:01 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

dunno. i was in solitary the whole time. just 2 days in county tho.
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Old 03-31-2010, 03:12 AM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

If somebody offers you a honey bun, don't take it. When I was in juvenile detention somebody was given a honey bun, and then afterwards the guy who gave him it wanted some chocolate in return. When he couldn't deliver he made him his bitch.
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  #38  
Old 03-31-2010, 03:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ILTST View Post
If somebody offers you a honey bun, don't take it. When I was in juvenile detention somebody was given a honey bun, and then afterwards the guy who gave him it wanted some chocolate in return. When he couldn't deliver he made him his bitch.
This is true, I saw it on mythbusters.
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Old 04-02-2010, 02:06 PM
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lol@ county jail tricks. If in NY prison, keep a can of tobacco even if you don't smoke. Commissary will eventually run out of tobacco and dudes will pay anything. I had just gotten 2 cans in package room, comm ran out, and I started selling 5 "rollies" for a stamp (you can get 35-40 rollies out of a pouch, 300-400 out of a can).

I was making 10 stamps a day, or equivalent (locker full of food I didn't buy). 8 stamps for a joint (barely enough for 1 person to get high) so I would smoke lovely on weekends
Manage your resources, always pay debts, take care of the right people and they'll look out for you.

edit: resist the pressure to sell pouches, you'll get 7 stamps per pouch if you roll them and sell them separately, 3 or 4 if you sell the whole pouch. prices have gone way up since I was in. also don't let anybody know how much you have. "all i got is half a pouch"

Last edited by Slapshot; 04-02-2010 at 02:18 PM.
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Old 04-02-2010, 03:02 PM
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Default Re: List your jailhouse tricks and skills.

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