Clete & Don's Excellent Adventure
by Clete & Don
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Okay, this is the first in a series of text files that we are
writing about our excellent adventures while on various drugs.
Some of the names may have been changed to protect the innocent,
but probably not.
Well, since I'm (Don) typing this file, it'll all be from my
point of view, I'm about 20 years old, and not much more than a bum
I run Post World War III BBS and I play bass in a metal band Clete
is about 20 years old also and he delivers pizzas for Round Table,
and he talks a lot when he on drugs.
ABOUT OUR PIPES-
Well, we both have our respectable pipes, but what's really
neat is our bongs. First we got The Cannon, which was purchased at
Anna Purna's in Berkeley, it got its name because it kinda looks
like an art deco cannon, that and its good at blowing you away,
but the bong has had a lot of miles put on it and is about to be
retired now. So we got a new bong, The Destroyer, aptly named
also, this one has a huge chamber that just ruins you. And our
best bong, The DeathStar, this is a bong made out of an old party
ball, good party bong, once you fill up the chamber it'll last you
Now, on with our first adventure. I'm actually going to put
two adventures into one since the first one is small and somewhat
We had this friend of ours at one point who had a pound of
good humboldt green bud. We were over at his house for a party one
night, and he drags all the people into the bathroom who smoke
pot. He whips out this freezer bag just packed with buds.
"Anyone wanna get stoned?"
Well, we had no choice but to pack a bowl or five and get
high. There were about ten of us in this teeny little bathroom.
When we got done we all pile out of the bathroom laughing and
coughing just reeking of pot, the rest of the people at the party
found this highly (no pun intended) amusing.
So Clete, Paul and I go out to the back yard and start going
wild on the trampoline. Being as baked as we were, this was not an
easy task. We kept running into each other and falling off the
trampoline. Clete gave it up after about half an hour, while Paul
and I went back smoked 2 more bowls and kept it up for another 2
By this time the party pretty much was dying, and the guy with
the pound had passed out and let the bag on the bathroom counter.Well, spread the wealth as i alwaySo Paul and I
liberated about an ounce between us, it was a good night.
About a week later Clete went to a dead concert and got more
drugs than he knew what to do with, he came back with 6 hits of
GreenPeace. About a week after the concert we decide to drop acid
and smoke a lot of pot one night, and just go nuts. So he picks me
up at my house and, of course, we instantly pack a bowl and get
stoned, since i had about a 1/4oz. with me, we weren't too worried
about conservation, we decided to stop by our friend John Yo's
house that night to see if he cared to join us.
"Hey John, wanna come hang with us tonight?"
"Uhh, I dunno, what you guys gunna do?"
"Uhmm, drop acid and smoke a lot of pot, hahahaha"
"Ahh, no thanks, you guys go ahead and have fun"
So we take off, smoke another bowl, and Clete decides we
should go niche to drop acid. I agree and we crank up the music
and find a spot. On the way there I start thinking about why were
going to niche to drop. Well, I decide to ask him why were doing
this, and since the music is up REALLY loud, i puff up a big
breath and get ready to yell. Of course, just as I start yelling,
Clete pops the tape out and turns the sound off cause he wants a
new tape, and you thought that only happened at parties where your
about penile warts or something.
So anyway, we go and drop our acid and decide we need to waste
some more time before we go back to his house so that we can be
sure his mom had gone to bed. So we go to the Danville Luckys to
purchase some munchies. When we get to the store, i throw the pot
into the glove compartment not wanting to take it into the store.
We go in and buy chocolate milk and chiclets. As were leaving we
notice two rollings sitting in the parking lot bullshitting, they
left as we did. So we pull out of the place real nice and easy,
not going to fast or anything. We make a left turn onto Sycamore,
and the cruiser behind us flips on those menacing lights.
The cop comes up to the drivers side and tells Clete he has a
headlight out (Which I think was broken while we were running over
cones on 680 late one night). And of course the cop asks for
registration and all that bullshit Clete opens the glove
compartment, and boom, the pot falls out, right into the beam of
light from the cops flashlight. Clete quickly dumps most of the
stuff out of the glove box between my legs, which I then close.
Were both scared to death now. The cop takes the stuff and goes
back to the car to write a fix-it. While he gone I grab the pot
and stick it under my seat cover, and pray. The cop comes back on
MY side of the car, and start lecturing us on the headlight, all
the while he had his light between my legs looking for something.
Since he didn't find anything he figured he had to say something.
"You boys just purchase a 12 pack there?"
"Nope, chocolate milk and chiclets!"
"Oh, well, drive safe."
Hmm, heart attack city, so, we had to smoke more pot to calm
down. Now the adrenaline rush got the acid straight to our head,
so we decided wed better get home quick before we cant drive.
We get to cletes house and his mom is in bed an we are happy.
Now, we spend next two hours doing nothing but smoking pot,
watching TV and playing Crystal Quest on the Mac. Scary thing is
we smoked enough pot to smog his living room, we found this out
after I took a big ole choker hit and puked in the sink, not a
lot, but a little, well, we look around and decide some fresh air
is a good idea, so we pack a bowl and head out the back door. In
back of Cletes house is this big field, we hopped the fence and
started running around in the field shouting.
"I'm alive, I'm alive! Look at all the stars, they're all
spinning in funky ways."
"Well, quit running in circles, I'll bet they stop."
"Oh yeah, your right, oops.
So we start walking around in this park, piss on a tree or two
and hallucinate heavily, Clete keeps walking around, and I get
bored and decide to go across the street to the elementary school
that's there. We're tripping pretty hard by this time, so i was
walking pretty slow, not sure if the ground will still be there on
the next step. I walked around to the back of the school and find
this really stoney playground, its make out of plastic and metal,
and there are no sharp corners on it, and everything is pretty
geometrical. It was a very precise looking playground, we played
on this thing for quite a while. After that we found a way onto
the roof. Which wasn't very easy, since you had to prop yourself
between a wall and a brick pillar and try to walk your way up.
It's hard to do when your sober, much worse on acid, I suspect it
took us about 10 minutes to get up there. We found this little
hole like thing and sat in it and looked at the stars. For me they
started dancing, it was weird watching stars waltz.
We started getting cold so we went back to Cletes and decided
we should drive somewhere. So we gather up the rest of the pot,
pile in the Pot Mobile (Cletes '79 Blue Toyota Corolla) and start
driving. Were flying down Tassahara Rd. and I decide that I want
to drive. Ok, fine, but, I haven had a license for about a year,
I'm on acid, I have almost 1/4 oz. of pot in my pocket, but I do it
anyway. We head out Bollinger Canyon road (it looked nifty). We
were flying along, doing about 50, and decide to smoke another
bowl. So Clete packs it passes it to me, I start taking a hit as
we come over this little hill, and I just happen to notice this
opossum in the middle of the road! Clete screams I swerve and
barely miss the damn thing. Ugh, what else could almost go wrong
on this night?
Going along Bollinger Canyon and before we got to 580, we took
a left turn somewhere, and got really fucking lost. We just kept
driving and driving along this long twisty road having no idea
where we were. It took us about an hour to get out of that one,
After that we decided we had enough travelling for the night,
and rightfully so, and head back to his place.
That was pretty much the end of that adventure, not our
greatest, but our first major one in a long string to follow.
Part 2 - Fry Fest
Okay, This story is about a little party we had called a Fry Fest.
What usually happens at a fry fest is that we get a bunch of people together
and drop acid. Now, dorpping acid by yourself, or with someone else is
usually quite a hoot in its self, but when you get a sizable number of
people together all frying really hard, its such a fucking scream, you wouldnt
This particular time, we were at Pauls house, his toads were gone for the
week, so we saw this as an oportune time for this. There were 5 of us there
we were going to have a sixth person, but it turned out to be his birthday
so he couldnt come, poor guy. Me, Clete, Joe and Lee all dropped 2 hits
spaced an hour apart, and Paul only took one hit. Now the guy we got it
from said to be careful with this stuff, cuz it was really powerful, and damn
was he right.
Shortly after we dropped the second hit, we got the total speed trip
and decided to go on a walk. Up some big hill, not a bright idea, so we did
that for a while till someone finally figured out just how stupid of an idea
it was, and we went back to Pauls.
When we got to Pauls we were just starting to peak, I was off walking through
the ivy in his front yard while everyone called me idiot, personally, i thought
it was pretty trippy. At any rate we managed to make it to the top of the hill
behind Pauls house, cause it wasent that big. There are eucalyptus trees up
there and they had dropped all those funky looking berries. I think it was
Joe who was the first to throw one, and i beleive he threw it at me. As soon
as he did this, everyone caught a massive trail off his arm, which thus led
into 2 hours of everyone thorwing thse things at each other and alternatly
watching the clouds, the dialogue at this point was rather amusing.
"Whoooooaaa, NICE trail."
"Hey! Cloud time!"
(Everyone lays down on there back)
"Sun HOT! OW!"
This went on for quite a while. Eventually I went into the house to get a coke
and never made it back outside. I ended up sitting against the door in the
kitchen that led outside wondering waht happend to my 3-D perspective. I
evidentally left it on the hill, bummer. I watched the cupboard doors swim and
contort in small circles, while all the items in the cupboards danced. The
cupboard doors had glass in the middle so this wasent a problem. The floor also
reminded me of the ocean with big rolling waves.
After some amount of time, Clete and Paul came into the house looking for me
and got lost in their own hallucinations. Clete was sitting on the couch
looking at the wood ceiling and saying something about faces. Paul was lying
down in the middle of hall doing nothing, I think he logged on POPnet a couple
of times too, but im not sure. As for Lee and Joe, they were still on the hill
watching the tree and climbing into their heads. They eventually made it back
to the house, and i played them a song a composed on the Adlib. Well, this was
quite trippy and blew everyone away.
After that i dont remeber a whole lot, the next hour or so was quite fuzzy
I do remeber opening the fridge and watching the back of it fall away, and it
didn't stop doing that all day.
At one point Clete walked into Pauls room and saw Joe sitting at the computer
with something similar to this on the screen...
Clete exclaims "Oh No, Joe dropped carrier"
Which was pretty much the gist of it, then joe limped of to the bathroom and
we didnt see him for another half an hour, meanwhile, Lee tears out the door.
Why we dont know, but we found her walkin in circles in the fornt yard, she
had yanked her sweatshirt off and tossed it on the ground, and she was being
pretty incoherent, so Paul and I decided to calm her down, which lead to a
very funny converstaion about green things and how they are good, we managed
to somehow relate everything to green.
"Look, that lady over at the next house, she's watering the ivy"
"Well, she's keeping it green, and that's good, so she must be good
therefore she must be green"
"Green is good"
Lee also claimed that the cement walkway tried to eat Pauls dog, kinda wish
I could have seen that. As to what happend to Joe, i dont know, he just kinda
spun of in a weird trip in the bathroom and forgot to leave.
After we all clamed down we decided we could use a walk and some fresh air.
We left Pauls and started walking towards Acalanes since it was really close
by. We walked through the nearly deserted halls, tripping off the echos. We
walked around to the back of the school and Joe and Lee decided they had a lot
of speed in their system they needed to work off, so they ran around the back
field, they got about halfway across the field and decided they had had enough
running now, and wanted to go back, but were to tired. Oddness.
We also managed to find one of those stupid filmstrips you used to love in the
5th grade, but this one was on child abuse, since all we had were the pictures
and tape to go with it, and a good amount of LSD in our systems still, we made
some intresting observations as to what the film was about, we came up with
something like, you spank your kids and they send you and the children to the
SPCA, but this didnt make any sense to we threw it away.
On the way down to Acalanes we passed this cal-trans orange truck that had
some oxidation, I observed that it left a bad taste in my mouth. (those colors
just do that) Joe acused me of tasting cars.
Well, after about an hour we decided we had had enough of Acalanes and went
back to Pauls to listen to some nifty music and mellow out.
Us walking along the street must have been intresting, 5 kids, all with shades
on, at dusk, walking fast, and laughing. ah well.
So we get to Pauls and watch Dazzle again, but it wasent quite as fun as it
was while we were peaking, wed watch the thing, and the patterns would extend
beyond the screen, but this didnt happen the second time, so Joe and Clete
started playing racing games, while Lee, Paul and I went to Pauls room and
listend to music. We listend to Animals, by Pink Floyd, and hallucinated to
in the dark, while were coming down, damn good album. After we got done
listening to it, we put it away as naturlay we would, but in the back ground
we heard some dogs barking, well, Lee and I figured they had escaped of the CD
so we had to put the CD back in the player and get those dogs back in the music.
Luckily it only took us 5 mintues to figure out what was really going on.
Damn neighbors and their dogs. So the we put in the wall, smoked some shake and
felt nifty, when we got done with that, we decided to leave, since Pauls
sister might come home soon, and we didnt want her to find 5 people frying there
I dont think she would have understood. So we all piled in cars and headed to
Lees aprtment, Paul did leave a not for his sister though, went something like
We went to Lees
Have too many cars
See ya tomarrow
I wonder what his siter thought of that. On the way to lees we stopped by
Safeway and picked up tons of food, a 12-pack of coke, a chocolate cream pie
a fat box of milkduds (which just about killed us, those things are a bitch
to chew) and a bunch of chips and things. We ate it all in about 20 minutes,
kinda frightening. Watching really great cartoons and laughing, that was about
the end of that trip.
The whole time, we bitched and moaned about not having pot, and not being
able to get any, we also had the problem of wondering where the sixth person
was, which, of course, was right behind you.
All in all it was a succesful Fry Fest. Fry Fest II didnt go over so well as
I heard, i had something else to do and couldnt make it, but Fry Fest III is
soon, and that should be the most fun, Ill write about that as soon as it
Until next time, Fry with impunity, and don't do it without pot.
Part 3 - Redondo Beach
Okay Boys and Girls, its that time again, time for another one of
Clete'N'Dons adventures (Bill'N'Ted, eat your heart out). This time
we went to Redondo Beach, some people have heard me tell this story
many times, but I'll relive forever in this electronic memoir. But first
before i get started, I have some updating to do, its been a while and
some things have changed for Clete and myself.
Okay, I (Don) have gotten a job, okay, you can all stop saying
Bullshit and whatnot now. Yes, I am employed, I currently work for a
small press called AE Printing, I run a press and stuff, but we have the
best small press prices youll ever find, so if you have any need for a
small press, contact me, Ill hook you up with one of the owners, I am also
going to school again (shit, he got a fucking life), yeah yeah, right
I got to DVC, big whoop. As for Clete, he moved out of his moms place
and moved in with his dad in San Carlos (just south of San Francisco)
I still live in Pleasant Hill (East of Oakland near Walnut Creek), which
as you can undersatnd makes things a little awkward since i still dont
drive, so Clete moved in with his dad and was supposed to get a job with
Apple being a beta-tester, but they flaked, so now i think hes applying to
NCR to be a beta-tester or some such bullshit, what it boils down to is that
hes being what i was, and getting away with it much better than I did.
His dads house is pretty plus, has a very nice stereo system, but not as
awesome as mine (heh heh heh, I have Klipsch speakers, his dads only has
Infinitys, I get MUCH better bass out of mine). Its a pretty Yuppie place
but they have this deck that is so out of hand, I'll go into that in another
adventure. Now, on with this one
This was a most heinous night in the history of Clete & Don, for on this
We were not aware of the journey that awaited us, it was most cool.
It all started out in Martinez at Joe's house, he still had 2 doses left
over from Fry Fest I, so we got them and dropped them instantly, we then went
on out to his sisters house in Brentwood, where we hung out played some
horseshoes (dont ask me, they are your typical suburban fruitcakes, but
they are cool people none the less), and drank a couple beers, we could
feel the acid starting to kick in and we decided it was time to leave, they
kept asking us to stay for dinner, but there was no way we could do that
especially when his sister had some lady over that was one of her superiors
at wherever it is that she works, so that would not have been good, so we
got out fo there with the quickness. I think we may have gotten some pot
from her, but im not sure, i know we had some dirty 30 left, so we weren't
in total dire straights. So after we bail out there we keep on heading towards
Sacramento on highway 4, somewhere out there in Butt Fuck Egypt we got lost
and depressed, everything was so dead, and lifeless. Therefore we had the
bright idea to go the beach. About two weeks earlier, some of us, Joe, Jenn
Rob, Me, Clete, Rich went to this beach in halfmoon bay, had a bonfire, slept
there and stuff, with no hassle, so we decided to go back since that would be
mucho trippy, so we go along some road that connects Brentwood and Liverbore
and get on 580 and start heading west. We get to the San Mateo bridge, had
some problmes handing the guy the one, but managed it. We then cranked up
Boston (Playing Foreplay) and smoked a bowl while going about 90 right at
sunset, I tell you, it was a really wonderful expirence, if you ever get the
chance, make sure you try that, its great.
So, we manage to get to Half Moon Bay and stop in a 7-11, we need big
gulps, moral impreative. But, there was so many people in there, i mean
the place was packed, and they were all STARING at me! I swear they were, thats
why i left clete to deal with it, i couldnt hang, i was getting freaked, so we
get done with that little episode, and head on out to REDONDO BEACH (lotsa
reverb here). We get there, and start going down the cliff, no, this cliff
isnt too bad, not very steep, buts its pretty dangerous in the dark, and of
course, we didnt use a flashlight, so after almost getting ourselves killed
we get to the beach, about 200 yards away from where we were, some kids were
having a bonfire, cool we thought, we can hang with this. So we go down the
beach a ways from them and start hallucinating. But i just happen to notice
these odd lights just offshore, seem to be coming our way, looks kinda like
a boat, but im not really sure. I look down the beach about 300 yeards and
theres this big light sweeping donw the beach, I instantly hit the dirt,
Clete was a couple feet in front of me with his back to the ocean looking
at me, wondering what the hell i was doing, he doesnt see the light sweeping
the beach. Im yeliing at him, theres a spotlight, get down ect. and he
notices it at the last second, right as it sweeps over us he drops. I figure
they saw us since the beam stopped right where we were and looked like
it was being focused on us, so Clete was shitting bricks, thinking they
are going to land and arrest us and hes looking for the pot so he can ditch
it if nessecary, and hes just havin a cow, and i was just laying there
laughing my head off, hes freaking out, were on this beach in the middle of
the night, were on a lot fo drugs, and they have a big spotlight on us
and i have a head full of acid, it was too much, so of course i did the
only things i could do, laugh, it was pretty hairy though. Anyways
the light finally goes away and we feel a little better, but not much
since clete thinks he lost the pot, so we spend the next 5 or 10 minutes
looking for it with no luck. but while were looking, we hear a helicopter
and its getting closer and louder, just to be safe we move back up the beach
a bit and were sitting there on some rocks, and it starts getting really loud
then, we see it, this hbuge Huey not more than 200 feet off the ground with
on of those HUGE spotlights you see in movies sweeping the beach, so of course
we start screaming and shitting bricks. The light passes by us not more than
10 feet from out feet, I was trying to crawl out of my skin, and i was so damn
scared, i thought i was going to die, i could see the beam, it seemed to move in
10 foot chunks, almost animated. Well, the chopper went away and we just sat
there on some rocks with our brains scrambled, our pulses doubled and totally
scared, we had given up the pot as a loss, and decided to smoke the rest of the
bowl we had with us (we had some in the bowl and the chamber, so we werent
totally SOL), i reasoned that they were just trying to scare us and wouldnt
come back, so we should smoke a bowl to calm down and start hallucianting like
we should be. So we smoked a bowl and started tripping again and basically
calmed down, which was nice, but after about 15 minutes, the fucking chopper
came back, it was a little farther out the beach, but there it was, and ya
know, it scared us just as much the second time, after it left again i noticed
that patrol boat was sweeping up the beach again, it was unanimously decided
that this was a good time to get the hell out, we were pushing our luck.
So we made a mad dash up that hill and into the car, about halfway up the hill
we ran onto some problems, we were hallucinating lights all over the place
we were afraid the parking lot was crawling with cops, so it took us about
15 minutes to get up that last stretch, of course there were no cops up there
so we sat in the car and stuck in the second disk of The Wall, we had listend
to the first disk sitting there in the parking lot before we went down.
after we got in the car we left, with much haste, and headed back north on
highway 1, about half a mile down the road, Clete found the pot!
(HAPPY HAPPY, JOY JOY) He had put it in a pocket he forgot to check while
we were at the beach, so we tootled on up 1 through Pacifica and into SF
and kept on going across the Golden Gate, got onto 101, went to the Richmond
bridge, went across, got on 80, took 80 on up to 24 and headed back out to
Cletes moms house, and pretty much sat there for the rest of the night going
shiiiit, what a trip, we were all over 3 countys, it was brutal, so that
about wraps that one up.
Until Next time: Bunk Doses really suck!