Throwing a REAL Party
by The Gremlin & Chronos
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OK, I just went to my last lame party ever. This is going to teach you all
how to throw a real party, so that I don't have to waste my drinking money on
cab fares home instead of wandering around too drunk to throw out a complete,
intelligent sentence... that's the way a party should end!
Who to invite
First of all, don't invite ANYONE with a GPA of above 3.5. Too smart, and
besides, they would probably rather study.
Don't invite anyone who doesn't drink/smoke (grass).
INVITE ANYONE who's parents work in a liquor store, it doesn't matter how
much of a nerd they are.
Lots of girls... make an even mix of 'nice' and 'bad' girls.
Invite anyone you hang out with at school, otherwise when they hear about it
on Monday morning in school, they're going to be PISSED
Don't invite people you don't want to hang out with... otherwise they think
that they're popular, and you'll NEVER lose them.
What you need
lots of lighters and matches.
lots of glasses.
lots of rooms with doors that lock from the inside.
lots of toilets.
lots of bushes outside.
lots of paper.
LOTS of BOOZE.
lots of ice.
big friends to get rid of the losers while you're in the closet with MaryAnn.
bigger friends to get rid of the people who've drunk more than 3 times their
body weight while you're in the bedroom with Suzy.
lots of grass.
AWESOME stereo or even better a BAND
people who know how to party!!!
more friends to get rid of the untouchables you decided not to invite while
you're in the bathroom with Jessica.
If you can't figure out what everything is there for, then don't bother
throwing a party at all because you're a total loser and nobody would show up
how to end it
OK, now that everyone has drunk the five kegs and 10 pony kegs and eight cases
of JD and 14 of Myers Rum with the 7 cases of Coke, you're ready to throw the
fucking leeches out.
Pick them up by one foot and drag them out to the gutter.
Leave any girls behind, so you and you're good friends can make a 'gathering'
Throw all there shit into a pile in the middle of the street.
Make sure you check all your rooms and bushes.
Put one last six out in the street, they'll all run for it.
LOCK the doors.
This is the best part of the night... you don't gotta worry about your
mothers best China or Dads favorite gold platters, cause everyone left is
exceptionally cool, otherwise you should have sent them home. There should be
about 8 people, 3 guys and five girls. Sit in a circle, and smoke that bag of
Hawaiian you've been saving.
The Gremlin & Chronos