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Funny one- liners

S_1: This is no ordinary person you are dealing with.
S_2: Hire a teenager, while they still know everything.
S_3: Reality is for people who can't handle drugs.
S_4: If you like sex and travel, take a FUCKIN' HIKE!
S_5: Heaven doesn't want me and Hell is afraid I'll take over!
S_6: The moral majority is full of shit!
S_7: If you think you feel good wait till you feel me!
S_8: I don't like your negative attitude, ASSHOLE!!!
S_9: If I wanted to hear from an asshole I would have farted!
S_10: When I die I hope they bury me upside-down so the whole world can kiss my
ASS!!!
S_11: I repeat myself when I'm Horny, I repeat myself when I'm Horny, I repeat
myself when I'm Horny!
S_12: Stupid people shouldn't BREED!!!
S_13: Petite but powerful.
S_14: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your
friends nose.
S_15: The Problem with todays men are they are so slow you wanna scream or so
fast you have to!
S_16: Oral Sex is a dark and lonely job, but someone's got to do it.
S_17: Women are expected to do twice as much as men; fortunately that's not
difficult!
S_18: What are you staring at DICKHEAD!
S_19: SHIT HAPPENS - and you're living proof.
S_20: Beyond bitch!!!
S_21: Think, and surprise us all.
S_22: It's not the size of the wand, its the magic that's in it.
S_23: Sometimes you just gotta say, "What the fuck!".
S_24: If you wanna complain about my attitude dial: 1-800-EAT-SHIT!
S_25: I'm not good with names, mind if I call you shithead?
S_26: If you fuck like you park, you'll never get in!
S_27: I'm in no shape to exercise.
S_28: Slightly burned out, but still smokin'!!!
S_29: Do me or don't do me.
S_30: Doobie or not doobie!
S_31: I'm about to develop an attitude problem, ASSHOLE!!!
S_32: Don't tease me just please me!
S_33: I used to jog, but the ice kept poppin' out of my glass.
S_34: We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm GOD!!!
S_35: Thanks for holding your breath while I smoke.
S_36: I'm not deaf, I'm ignoring you.
S_37: The surgeon general says always wear your rubber.
S_38: Some do, some don't, some will, some won't, I might!
S_39: I must be a mushroom; they keep me in the dark and feed me lots of
bullshit!
S_40: I don't give any shit, I don't take any shit, I'm not in the shit
business!
S_41: A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.
S_42: My favorite sport is sex, you don't need a suit.
S_43: A husband is living proof a wife can take a joke!
S_44: A clean house is a sign of a sick man!
S_45: P.B. Possible Bullshit
S_46: You interest me, vaguely.
S_47: Alright, you've seen California, now go home!!
S_48: Life's a bitch, then you marry one.
S_49: Are you stoned, or just stupid?
S_50: When I woke up this morning all I had left was one nerve, and now you're
getting on it!
S_51: ADIDAS - All Day I Dream About Sex
S_52: It's not the length, it's not the size, it's how many time you can make it
rise!
S_53: Sit on a happy face.
S_54: It's not how you pick your nose, it's where you put the boogers!
S_55: Don't touch because you can't afford me.
S_56: If you wanna get laid crawl up a chicken's ass and wait awhile!!!
S_57: Life is like a shit sandwich, the more bread you have the less shit you
have to take!
S_58: Sex is like snow, you never know how deep or how many inches you'll get!!!
S_59: I need more money and more power and less shit from you people.
S_60: I know jackshit!
S_61: I knew you in another life, you were a dipshit then too!!!!!
S_62: "A spike by any other name penetrates the same!"
S_63: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't roll your
friends into little green balls.
S_64: If you want to smoke let me help, I'll go get the flamethrower.
S_65: You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, but you can't wipe your
friends on the bottom of your shoe.





 
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