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Old 02-10-2013, 08:45 AM
kmk.mmxii
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Default My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

The following is an excerpt of a novel I am working on that details the trials of the protagonist, an Asian-American university student. This excerpt is from a chapter in which the protagonist has been offered a job but must pass a hair follicle drug test. Portions of this book (including this excerpt) are written in the first-person perspective.
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Summary:
I have been smoking marijuana for three years and have smoked every single day for the past year. I will sometimes go through an ounce a week of high grade bud. I also dab and eat edibles very frequently so my marijuana consumption history is as extreme as it gets. Beyond marijuana, within the past 360 or so days, I have partaken in the consumption of (in order of frequency) adderall, vyvanse, xanax, cocaine, codeine, ecstasy, vicodin, and possibly other goodies.

Landed a great job, fat salary, great benefits, fortune 100, blah, blah, blah... Offered the position but contingency based on completion of a hair follicle drug screen and background check.

Because of my extremely high marijuana consumption and unlikely chance to find a better job, I have attempted to treat my hair with every method that is found in this 200+ page thread. Because of the significant variations between the methods of treatment, I will not be using any of the names that appear largely throughout this thread but will instead outline my treatment.

Bio:
20 years of age, Chinese, black hair, 5’8”, 155lbs, fast metabolism.

Consumption History & Timeline:
Consistent consumption of high grade marijuana for the past three years in form of plant matter combustion & vaporization, concentrate inhalation, and edible ingestion. Estimated consumption of three grams per day for the past year.

Intermittent use of amphetamines, estimated 1,200mg per year for the past two years.

Rare use of cocaine, ecstasy, barbiturates, and other opiates.

Last instance of drug consumption, 5:00 AM, December 21st, 2012.

Products:
Great Value Apple Cider Vinegar (5% acidity)
Clean & Clear Essentials Deep Cleaning Astringent
Arm & Hammer Pure Baking Soda
Neutrogena T/Sal Therapeutic Shampoo
Neutrogena T/Gel Therapeutic Shampoo Extra Strength
Safeway 99% Isopropyl Alcohol
Safeway Added Strength Pain Reliever (250mg Aspirin)
Africa’s Best Maximum Strength Super Gro Hair & Scalp Conditioner
Tide Advanced Power (Plus Bleach Alternative) Detergent
Clairol Professional Soy 4Plex Pure White Creme Developer
Clairol BW 2 Dedusted Extra Strength Powder Lightener
L’Oreal Excellence Gray Coverage Creme
Olive Oil Organic Root Stimulator Relaxer

Treatment Timeline:
January 15, 2013:
Saturated and soaked hair in apple cider vinegar soak - 20 minutes
Washed with Tide Detergent & T/Sal Shampoo
Saturated and soaked hair in baking soda paste - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Clean & Clear Astringent - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair with Tide Detergent - 30 minutes
Washed hair out with warm water and T/Sal shampoo

January 16, 2013:
Massaged Africa’s Best Maximum Strength Super Gro into scalp and worked into hair - 60 minutes

January 18, 2013:
Bleached hair using Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Pure White Creme Devleoper and Clairol BW 2 Dedusted Extra Strength Powder Lightener - 50 minutes

January 19 2013:
Bleached hair using Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Pure White Creme Devleoper and Clairol BW 2 Dedusted Extra Strength Powder Lightener - 30 minutes

January 21, 2013:
Saturated hair with apple cider vnegar - 30 mintes
Saturated hair with Clean& Clear Astringent - 30 minutes
Saturated hair with Tide Detergent and soaked - 20 minutes
Rinse hair with warm water
Saturated hair with baking soda paste - 30 minutes
Washout out with Tsal Shampoo and TGel shampoo
Saturated hair with Africa’s Best Super Gro - 90 minutes
Washed out with TSal Shampoo and TGel shampoo

January 25, 2013:
Dyed hair black with Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Developer and L’Oreal Excellence Grey Coverage Creme - 35 minutes

January 27, 2013:
Bleached hair using Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Pure White Creme Devleoper and Clairol BW 2 Dedusted Extra Strength Powder Lightener - 60 minutes
Washed out with T/Sal Shampoo & T/Gel Shamppoo
Saturated and soaked hair in baking soda + 99% isopropyl alcohol - 20 min
Saturated and soaked hair in Clean & Clear Astringent - 30 min
Saturated and soaked hair in Tide Detergent - 20 min
Rinsed and washed hair with T/Sal Shampoo and T/Gel Shampoo

January 28, 2013:
Dyed hair black with Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Developer and L’Oreal Excellence Grey Coverage Creme - 35 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in apple cider vinegar - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Clean & Clear Astringent - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Tide Detergent - 30 minutes
Rinsed and washed hair with hot water
Saturated and soaked hair in baking soda mixed and 99% isopropyl alcohol - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair with 50 pills 250mg aspirin and warm water - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Clean & Clear Astringent - 30 minutes
Washed out with T/Sal Shampoo and T/Gel Shampoo

February 01, 2013:
Bleached hair using Clairol 40 vol. Soy 4Plex Pure White Creme Devleoper and Clairol BW 2 Dedusted Extra Strength Powder Lightener - 60 minutes
Heated hair with blow dryer while in shower cap - 10 minutes
Washed hair with hot water and Tide detergent - 3x
Washed hair with T/Gel shampoo - 3x
Soaked hair in T/Sal Shampoo - 10 minutes
Rinsed hair with hot water

February 03, 2013:
Saturated and soaked in baking soda paste - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in 50 pills 250mg aspirin and warm water - 20 minutes
Rinsed hair with hot water
Saturated and soaked hair in 50 pills 250mg aspirin and warm water - 10 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Clean & Clear Astringent - 30 minutes
Saturated and soaked hair in Tide Detergent - 30 minutes
Washed hair with T/Sal Shampoo and T/Gel Shampoo

February 05, 2013:
Relaxed hair with Olive Oil Organic Root Stimulator - 10 minutes
(Hair chemically destroyed at this point. Hair is elastic and breaks on minor stress. Lots of hair loss)

I stopped the THC-removal treatments after this point and focused on revitalizing my hair to ensure testability for the drug test.

Saturated hair in mayonnaise, egg, olive oil, and Afro Gro mixture - 5 hours
Washed hair with K-Pak Reconstruct Shampoo - x2
Saturated hair in K-Pak Reconstruct Deep-Penetrating Reconstructor - 15 minutes
Rinsed with warm water
Saturated hair in Carol’s Daughter Monoi Repairing Hair Mask shower cap and applied heat - 15 minutes
Rinsed hair with warm water

February 06, 2013
Washed hair with K-Pak Reconstruct Shampoo - x2
Saturated hair with K-Pak Reconstruct Conditioner - 15 minutes
Went to ULTA for a Deep Condition Treatment - 60 minutes
Washed hair with K-Pak Reconstruct Shampoo - x1
Saturated hair with K-Pak Reconstruct Conditioner - 15 minutes

Hair is still chemically destroyed, extremely rough and brittle, breaks when stressed.

I continue to use K-Pak Reconstruct Shampoo and Conditioner until the test on February 8th.

February 08, 2013
Went to local medical institution for the hair test.The administrator took a fair amount of hair from around the crown of my head. Unfortunately, she did not cut very close to my scalp so less of my clean hair will be in the samples. My hair will be tested by Psychemedics and was told that I would hear back in about a week.

I would have liked to treat my hair more than I did but the damage that relaxing it did was too much and my hair would not have been able to hold up against any more chemicals. I hope what I have done in the past 50 days is enough to pass this nightmare of a test. All there is to do now is wait.

I have not decided how I would like this chapter to progress just yet. I am still contemplating whether or not to have the protagonist pass his test. I will write back with the conclusion to this excerpt when I have decided, probably in about a week.
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  #2  
Old 02-10-2013, 09:33 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

What do you want us to say?
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:36 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

It's easier to wax your whole body.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by reject View Post
It's easier to wax your whole body.
Not necessarily true...

When I played baseball in college we got random hair tests and they usually sample from at least 3 spots (2 head, 1 body). I'm pretty sure they would pull hair out of your asshole if they had to.

Plus, if you show up to a drug test without a single hair they would fail you for deceptive/evasive tactics (same thing if you show up to a piss test and dont piss)
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Good luck, hope the protagonist passes especially after all that work.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:44 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by roasted View Post
I'm pretty sure they would pull hair out of your asshole if they had to.
Do you know what your whole body means?

That includes your ass.

Just say you're a competitive swimmer/your gf has a baby fetish.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:45 PM
Retard Synrdome Retard Synrdome is offline
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

fart
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:49 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Good Thread, can't wait to read the end.

Unfortunately I don't think this will end well for your protagonist.

But I hope it does.
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Old 02-10-2013, 09:49 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Shave your head.
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Old 02-10-2013, 11:37 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Would be hilarious if after all this they ask for pubes.
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  #11  
Old 02-11-2013, 12:45 AM
kmk.mmxii
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

The beginning of the chapter set in place the realities of a hair-follicle drug test and established the grounds for the treatment that the protagonist subjected himself to. I left out this section because I thought it would be a bit dry, but it will give the OP some more context.

Here are some findings:

-HFDTs require 1"-1.5" of hair, regardless of origin. Patients are informed of the type of test and the length of hair they need prior to the administration. Showing up on the day of the test with a shaved head or hair too short to test raises red flags and many times the employer are asked that they be informed if such a case occurs.

-If your hair is too short for the test, the administrators will take from your armpits, legs, arms, facial, and pubic areas. They do allow you a private room to trim your pubic hair yourself. Some testing centers do not ask for pubic hair. This is a very poor alternative to getting hair taken from your head. Because of the slower growth rate of hair in other regions, the 1" - 1.5" of hair they take will represent substance use far more extensively than the 90 days when taken from the head.

-If you are completely hairless, they will take either a blood test or urine test. However like mentioned prior, this will raise red flags and your employer may be informed.
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:50 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

judging by your log, which is pretty creepy, you seem proud of your extensive drug abuse. maybe you should be honest and not try to deceive this test, see if you can stay clean for a few months, then try again?
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Old 02-11-2013, 07:57 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by hampton View Post
judging by your log, which is pretty creepy, you seem proud of your extensive drug abuse. maybe you should be honest and not try to deceive this test, see if you can stay clean for a few months, then try again?
If it was excessive use of opiates or barbituates, I'd completely agree

However for the cannabis part, fuck going clean. Being exempt from taking certain jobs for smoking bud is a load of bollocks, some ceo's and executives of big companies are alcoholics, yet there doesn't seem to be a problem with that.

Hope everything goes well OP.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:09 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by Resistance View Post
Being exempt from taking certain jobs for smoking bud is a load of bollocks
No, being drug tested for any job is a load of bollocks.

Ok, I can see why they'd drug test if you're in the forces or the police or if you're in care of people or whatever, but the way America seems to drug test for the most basic of jobs..... that shit wouldn't fly in Nazi Germany.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:26 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by reject View Post
No, being drug tested for any job is a load of bollocks.

Ok, I can see why they'd drug test if you're in the forces or the police or if you're in care of people or whatever, but the way America seems to drug test for the most basic of jobs..... that shit wouldn't fly in Nazi Germany.
Drug test and back ground check to work at a gas station o.0.

It's because they know it's not a livable wage, so you are going to have to steal from them just to eat. If you are on drugs you are going to have to steal alot more.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:29 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Wow, man. That's a pretty rigorous and thorough regimen in an effort to dupe the test. I hope you pass, I really do. Let us know either way, I'm curious to see how this all turns out.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:48 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Quote:
Originally Posted by hampton View Post
judging by your log, which is pretty creepy, you seem proud of your extensive drug abuse. maybe you should be honest and not try to deceive this test, see if you can stay clean for a few months, then try again?
The protagonist's comprehensive documentation is purposed towards helping others facing similar circumstances pass a HFDT. Also the character's consumption can hardly be considered as extensive drug abuse. The primary drugs taken are marijuana and Adderall, very typical drugs for university students.

If you read the character's bio closely, you would see that he has smoked for nearly 3 years straight and quit cold turkey. He has also been clean since December 21st of 2012, which by now, is a few months of sobriety.

The impetus behind all of this is not to dupe the test, or to be dishonest. The character abstained from any drug consumption the moment he was notified of a potential HFDT. The impetus is purely to pass the test in order to prevent any chances of losing a great job opportunity.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Resistance View Post
If it was excessive use of opiates or barbituates, I'd completely agree

However for the cannabis part, fuck going clean. Being exempt from taking certain jobs for smoking bud is a load of bollocks, some ceo's and executives of big companies are alcoholics, yet there doesn't seem to be a problem with that.

Hope everything goes well OP.
The character in this book documents his regiment thoroughly in hopes of helping those who many be barred from potential employment due to something as silly as smoking pot.
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Old 03-01-2013, 03:02 PM
kmk.mmxii
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Hi BI,

After much contemplation and stress regarding the matter, I have decided that the protagonist will indeed pass his drug test! The character in my book will successfully beat the "unbeatable" drug test, satisfy his employment contingency, and be moving to a major city in Massachusetts to work over the summer.

If you have any questions regarding passing a hair follicle drug test, please feel free to send me a PM.
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Old 03-07-2013, 09:43 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

congrats..u sure as hell put in a lot of time and money..
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Old 03-07-2013, 10:13 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Piss testing to work at a fucking gas station lol fucking hurtin you should to say fuck it and rob the place
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Old 03-08-2013, 03:00 AM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

Congrats my nigga. Start smokin to celebrate.
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Old 03-11-2013, 04:30 PM
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Default Re: My Attempt to Passing a Hair Follicle Drug Test

I know a guy who worked at the courthouse in my city for 20+ years. He was close to retirement and decided to smoke a little herb here and there.

One day he came up for a follicle test.

He shaved every inch of his body.

They found a tiny hair in his nose and one on his taint.







He failed for evasive reasons and came up dirty as well.
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